GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Hello, yeah it's been awhile. Not much, how 'bout you? I'm not sure why I called, guess I really just wanted to talk to you. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Oracle America—the software firm who is thought to have completely effed up our Cover Oregon health insurance plan, and then hung us out to dry—is doing everything they can to get the state to settle a fraud and racketeering lawsuit against the company, and stop the PR nightmare which they so richly deserve.

A gay man testifies in front of the Oregon House to encourage them to ban conversion therapy on kids younger than 18—because he's had some (terrible) experience with it.

A man fleeing the cops in Southeast Portland shoots at police, and later, when surrounded, takes his own life.

An "unstable man" attacked bicyclists with a car antenna and his body on the Eastbank Esplanade.

The Republican Congress is once again playing a ridiculous game of chicken with the White House and Senate, doing nothing to stop a partial shut down of the Department of Home Security, in a stupid ploy to stop immigration reform. (Can you guess how I feel about this?)

In even more hilarious Republican news, GOP members are proposing that Idaho become "formally and specifically a Christian state." HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! (Sorry, Idaho... it was nice knowing ya!)

A Texas jury refuses to accept an insanity plea from the man who killed "American Sniper" Chris Kyle, and he has been sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Chicago police have been accused of having a CIA-style "black site" warehouse which they allegedly used to interrogate suspects.

After three years of investigation, the US Justice Department has decided not to file charges against George Zimmerman, the man who fatally shot unarmed black teenager Trayvon Martin, citing "insufficient evidence" that the murderer had violated the teen's civil rights.

Georgia is set tonight to execute their first woman prisoner in 70 years.

Get ready to squeal, nerds! Disney is bringing back a new version of... DUCKTALES! (SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cooling down and some sprinkles through Friday... but another glorious weekend is ahead.

And finally, it's time to stop shit-talking your dad, folks. Because this guy is, hands-down, the CREEPIEST FREAKING DAD in the universe! You're freaking me out, Creepy Dad!!