Hey, did you watch last night's episode of The Walking Dead? Looks like everything in Alexandria is fantastic, and... WAIT. Now everything's terrible. (That was quick!) Check out my spoiler-filled recap of last night's episode after the jump, and let's chitty-chat about it!

Dont worry, former SNL castmember and funny lady Kristen Wiig! IVE GOT YOU!
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "Don't worry, former SNL castmember and funny lady Kristen Wiig! I'VE GOT YOU!"

MORE AFTER THE JUMP!

Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Spend."

1) VRRROOOM! VRROOOM! Daryl's got a brand new motorbike, y'all! And he's leading the way to find new recruits in the outside world! And even better? Reverend McChickenshit is ripping pages out of his bible and throwing them on the ground in disgust. BEST... DAY... EVER!

2) Meanwhile, Everybody Hates Chris meets with Prime Minister Deanna's architect hubby—we'll call him Alan Alda—and says, "Hey, I want to learn to be an architect, too! Because I want to build things, and have a life here, and because I HAVE HOPE IN THE FUTURE!" Oh dear... doesn't he know what happens to black people on this show that say things like that?

3) G.I. Ginger is helping get supplies from the outside to reinforce the wall—but when a zombie attack breaks out, the construction boss freaks and tells the crew to leave a dead-ringer for Kristen Wiig behind. Ginger works out his PTSD issues by working a crowbar on those zombies' HEADS, and becomes the new boss of construction. That's how to get ahead in post-apocalyptic business, my friend.

4) Glenn, Tara, Fat Elvis, Everybody Hates Chris and those two Alexandria douchies travel to a warehouse for some computer stuff to fix the town's power grid. Once again the Alexandria douchies prove they don't know SHIT about zombie hunting, and cause an explosion that severely injures Tara, impales Douchie #1, and sends Douchie #2 running for the hills. After Douchie #1 (P.M. Deanna's son!!) gets munched on, Everybody Hates Chris and Glenn get stuck in a revolving door with Douchie #2—who completely fucks them over AGAIN and causes Everybody Hates Chris to be gruesomely eaten alive. (Farewell, sweet Everybody Hates Chris... that's what you get for having hope.)

5) Meanwhile back at Alexandria, Hottie McHairdresser's drunk hubby pays Rick a visit—but Rick restrains himself and doesn't murder him on the spot. He apparently needs just one more reason.... and HE GETS IT when Carol informs him that she suspects Drunk Hubby has been beating on McHairdresser and her son. Oh-oh! Here comes the beat down!

6) Over at Prime Minister Deanna's place, Maggie is trying to convince her that allowing Rick's Rangers to take over important roles in Alexandria is a good idea... but later she gets cock blocked by Rev. McChickenshit who tells Deanna, "I just took a break from ripping up my bible to tell you that Rick's Rangers are DEVILS! They are mean, awful devils who have sex, and smoke Beelzebub's tobacco, and they will murder everyone in their sleep and feast on their entrails in the fiery lakes of HELL, hallelujah!!" Deanna responds, "Hm. Okay, I'll think about that."

7) Meanwhile, back at the revolving door, Fat Elvis has overcome his admitted cowardice to rescue Tara, Glenn and even Douchie #2—who barely escapes a world-class ass-beating from Glenn... because Glenn is the anti-Rick. Actually Glenn is the anti-Carol as well, who's pushing Rick to murder the wife-beating Drunky McHubby.

8) OH MY GOD THE SHIT IS GONNA GO DOWN NEXT WEEK. When the slightly paranoid Deanna realizes her son is dead, and finds out that Rick kills Drunky, and that Rev. McChickenshit might be right? It's gonna be ON like Donkey KONG. I love this season so far, btw. What are your thoughts? Leave 'em in the comments, and I'll see you next week in our post-apocalyptic fiery lake of hell, HALLELUJAH!

Oh heavenly father, if you are real, tell me not to rip my bible in a billion pieces. HA! I KNEW IT!
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "Oh heavenly father, if you are real, tell me not to rip my bible in a billion pieces. HA! I KNEW IT!"