My boyfriend of almost three years broke up with me before Thanksgiving. But now we are trying to work things out. He is my first and only, I love him dearly, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He is a Gemini, he has been with countless women before me, and he recently opened up to me about his need for two women. He says that he loves me and wants to be with me, but he gets bored easily and needs the extra excitement of a third joining us in the bedroom if he is to be monogamous. He also had younger twin sisters which he says explains the reason he needs to women at once. We're looking at spending the rest of our lives together, but its extremely important for him that I be OK with occasionally bringing another woman into the bedroom.

Before I met him, I was planning to wait until marriage and had extreme anxiety around sex. He has slowly pulled me out of my shell in the bedroom and now I have a sex drive almost as great as his and enjoy experimenting and variety just as much as he does. However, I am a Leo and get extremely jealous. I'm even jealous when it comes to his friends who are girls. The thought of him looking at another woman, much less the idea of watching him screw one in front of me, makes me physically sick. I'm not sure if I can go through with it and I can't predict I'll be able to handle what would happen if we did go through with it. I want to cater to his desires and make him the happiest man in the world, but I have no idea where to even begin getting over my fears. It's also really hard to talk to anyone even my closest friends about because they all just tell me to leave him and that I deserve better. He doesn't judge me for my kinks and I don't want to judge him for his. I just want to be able to please him without hurting myself. HELP.

Threesome Qualms

My response... after the jump.

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I think astrology is annoying bullshit—which is so Libra of me—and astrological bullshittery is never more annoying than when people point to signs in an effort to excuse character flaws. Irrational jealousy is not a fault in your stars, TQ, it's a fault in your character. I'm not suggesting that there's something wrong with a woman who doesn't want to watch her boyfriend screw other girls in front of her—see the next few paragraphs—but there's definitely something wrong with a woman threatened by her SO's platonic female friends. Perhaps you have more cause to be threatened by female friends than the average girlfriend, TQ, but that brand of jealousy is something you need get over if you ever want to have a healthy, lasting relationship.

Moving on...

I'm in partial agreement with your friends, TQ, in that I think you should leave your boyfriend. But I don't think your boyfriend is a bad guy for wanting to have the occasional threesome. (I enjoy the occasional threesome and I don't think I'm a bad guy.) Your boyfriend knows himself, he knows what he wants, and he's putting it out there. The world would be a far happier place, and divorce court wold be a far less crowded place, if more people did the same before making a lifetime commitment. (But pointing to your twin sisters to justify a desire to occasionally have sex with two women at the same time? That is some deeply creepy shit—that's head-for-the-hills degree of creepiness—and here's hoping it was an ill-advised, poorly-thought-out, stomach-churning rationalization on his part and not, you know, indicative of something far more sinister.)

Here's the bottom line: You guys aren't sexually compatible. He wants something you don't think you can give him. The world has plenty of people in it who've traveled from "mildly jealous at the thought" of their partners fucking someone else to okay with it—or even into it—but I haven't met many people who managed to get from "physically sick" at the thought to happily participating. So don't draw this out: break up with your boyfriend now.

Again, your boyfriend deserves credit for being upfront about what he wants. He could just as easily have waited to tell you until after you had gotten married and had a couple of kids, TQ, and then you might've found yourself having threesomes under duress to keep your family together. That shit happens and it's awful. But that isn't going to happen to you because your boyfriend knows what he wants and was honest enough to tell you. He did the right thing. And now you need to do the right thing—for him, for yourself—and end this relationship.