WAKE UP!

Oh, good. You're awake. Here's some news:

Singletrack riders haven't been allowed in the River View Natural Area since March 2 and they're not happy about it. The Portland Tribune's Jennifer Anderson makes a great case for why that's not cool.

Speaking of uncool, this guy apparently got a rental car that had bedbugs (EEWW, WHAT?). So he killed them with fire, which seems reasonable. But he also blew up the car. Toooooootally worth it.

Come on, now, weirdo teachers of the world. Don't inappropriately text your students. It never ends well.

Actual real scientists did a study to find out what makes knuckles crack—a legit wonder—and they called it the "Pull My Finger Study." YESSSSS.

Sudan, a male northern white rhino, is the very last boy of his species IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. He's old and possibly sterile. Which means humans may have wiped out yet another species. Well done, humans.

This is for all you heavy snorers out there keeping all us light sleepers awake: snoring may cause Alzheimer's. Fix that!

Wouldn't it be cool if the White House had a moat? Maybe it could have crocodiles. Instead, the National Parks Service is considering installing metal spikes on the property's fence to combat a recent rash of fence jumping. Borrrrrring. To be fair, the option of a moat was discussed, as was an electrified fence (ZAP!) and the addition of barbed wire.

Cheryl is THIS OLD. Now, please, Interwebz, stop talking about it.

More bad news for California: Scientists are saying that this extended dry period may be the beginning of a megadrought.

Here is a video of a gigantic rocket landing on a ship and then exploding: