GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I need your love, and I won't bring no pain. A little birdie told me that you feel the same game. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Beloved traitor Denis Theriault has this interesting (and necessary!) story in the O, reminding you that if you make less than $16.61 an hour, you can't afford a two bedroom apartment in Oregon. (In Portland, it's $18.50.) I guess $15 per hour is starting to look a lot less unreasonable now, huh?

Critics say Uber is not living up to its promise to provide wheelchair-accessible rides.

Here are the numbers from last night's election in Multnomah County, focusing on school board and measure results.

Adidas is planning to release a Damian Lillard shoe that looks like the PDX Airport Carpet. (All together now... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!)

Again... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

In a bid for transparency, the US government releases documents seized during the 2011 raid of Osama bin Laden's residence. (Turns out he liked to read Noam Chomsky.)

Hillary Clinton has apparently changed her tune in a big way, now telling the State Department to hurry the fuck up and release all of her personal emails.

Four big banks (including Citigroup and Chase) are busted for trying to rig the global currency market, and will be fined $2.5 billion for their crimes... aaaaand probably pass those fines right on to us.

Surprise! No charges are going to be leveled at the off-duty St. Louis cop who shot and killed black 18-year-old VonDerrit Myers Jr.

David Letterman retires tonight, and a nation of comedy lovers mourn.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A mix of clouds and sun today with possible sprinkles, and a high of 75.

And finally, here's your fave person in the world (Bill Murray) saying goodbye to your second favorite person (David Letterman) by jumping out of a cake.