I am getting married to my partner next month. I'm super pumped. Her family is awesome and supportive. I've had a long back-and-forth with my family about the wedding. I'm trying to do the "right" thing/be the bigger person even though they have never been supportive of me as a queer person. This including inviting them and trying to be positive about the wedding and writing about how much it would mean to me if they would be a part of this important day/chapter of my life. I suspect some of them are not coming, as I got a pretty intense email from my sister-in-law about how my family can't support my engagement blah blah blah Catholic blah blah holier-than-thou bullshit bullshit. But that was over a year ago and most of my family has just been avoiding the topic of the wedding when I try to talk on the phone with them about it. But no one has told me outright that they won't be attending. Yesterday was the RSVP due date for our wedding and none of them have responded. So it now to the point where I'm going to have to call and outright ask if they're coming and potentially absorb all their rejection personally.

Now here's the kicker: I found out through Facebook ten minutes ago that my brother, who i used to think was my ally (he said in December that he and his GF were going to try and make it to my wedding), is getting married SEVEN DAYS after we are in a different state! IN A MONTH! And he... forgot to tell me??? Forgot to invite me??? Everyone in my entire extended family knew about his wedding, including second cousins and stuff, but I did not.

So with this knowledge what am I supposed to say when I call asking for RSVPs? I have no idea.

Please Please Please Help

P.S. I also wanted to say thanks. I grew up in a super conservative Catholic family/community in the rural midwest. I was introduced to you about ten years ago by a college friend from Seattle, and because of you I have turned into a sex positive and proudly out queer adult. And my life is so so so so so much better than I ever envisioned it could be!

First things first: Congrats on your upcoming wedding! That's wonderful. And to know my column helped you pleases me more than I can say, PPPH, but for the record: That out-and-proud, sex-positive, loved-and-capable-loving person you are today? You built her.

Now about your shitty family...

You are not going to absorb your shitty family's rejection personally, PPPH, because you are not going to call each and every shitty member of your shitty family to personally ask each individual shit in your shitty family if they're coming to your wedding. The shits aren't coming—adjust your seating charts accordingly—and you know what? You don't want these shits at your wedding. You don't want to see your shitty sister-in-law's sour face when you look out at your guests. You don't want to see your shitty brother's face—the shitty relative who throws you non-committal shitty scraps and then fails to invite you to his own wedding—when you cut the cake. You don't want any of these shits at your wedding. You want people at your wedding who love and support you, who love and support your relationship, and your shitty family has made it abundantly clear that they are incapable of loving and supporting you.

It's worse than that: Your shitty family had made it clear that they will seize any opportunity to wound you. Stop creating those opportunities. Don't send any more invitations, don't make any more phone calls, unfollow the fuckers on Facebook. Devote a week to grieving your loss—this kind of rejection is painful—and then resolve to focus on your wife-to-be, your education, your friends, and your career.

Focus on the life you and your fiancée are embarking on together. She's your family now.