And yet, as it turns out, the mob has its downsides. Not only do they want their borrowed money back (!!), but their interest rates are higher than Chase Bank! (Why wasn't Occupy Wall Street protesting these guys?) Oh, and here's something I just found out: When you don't pay the mob back in a timely manner, they kidnap your cousin Stan, and keep him tied up in a deserted, rat-filled warehouse until you fork over the dough! (Confidential to cousin Stan: Sorry to leave you there, but remember when we were kids, and you stole my favorite Hot Wheels car? You don't remember? Well, now you'll have plenty of time to think about it, butthole.)
Mobsters also dress like they fell face-first into a Goodwill drop-off bin. (No offense to mobsters or Goodwill.)
Oh! And sometimes the mob would rather have you kill someone instead of paying them back—which is a pretty good business model, actually. I'd imagine that in most cases, the person they'd want you to kill probably deserves it. (That's why I've decided NOT to pay, just in case they want me to kill my cousin Stan. I hate that Hot Wheels-stealing butthole.)
ANYHOO. Apparently I'm not the only person who has mob probs (short for mob problems), because Colin Farrell's got 'em big time in this week's season two premiere of True Detective (HBO, Sun June 21, 9 pm).
As you remember, last season's True Detective was TV's belle of the ball, starring the fantastic Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson in a smart, dark, and twisty story by Nic Pizzolatto. And in season two, Pizzolatto is flipping the script with an entirely new story starring Farrell, Vince Vaughn, and Rachel McAdams.
