Let's say two people entered a marriage under the agreement there would be no children resulting from this union. A few years into the marriage one person decides he/she wants children. The other has not changed his/her mind, and wants to remain child-free. What advice would you give to each of these people?

Short And To The Point

Short and to the point: I would advise these people to divorce.

And if the "she" half of this he/she union is the half whose mind has changed, SATTP, I would advise the "he" half not to engage in vaginal intercourse until after this conflict is resolved and/or the divorce is finalized.

One other thought...

If the person who suddenly wants a child is okay with being the non-custodial/part-time parent of a child who lives full time with one or more other parents, being a known sperm donor and the spare dad for an oppo-sex couple's kid or the only dad for a same-sex couple's kid (if it's the "he" half of this he/she union whose mind has changed*) or being a known egg donor and/or gestational/surrogate and the spare mom for an oppo-sex couple's kid or the only mom for a same-sex couple's kid (if it's the "she" half of this he/she union whose mind has changed**) is option these days.

It's a highly complicated option, of course, and one that would require trust and trail blazing and lawyering up. (The lawyers would be there to hammer out agreements in advance of conflict, SATTP, thereby making conflicts easier to resolve if or when they arise.) It's a uniquely modern path to parenthood that would allow the person whose mind has changed to have a kid and hold on to the still-child-free person they married. All he/she would have to do is find a couple, same-sex or oppo-sex, who were open to triad parenting as a concept and whose values and ideas about parenting closely aligned with his/her own.

Divorce would be way easier.

* Assuming the "he" half of this he/she union is a cisgendered man.

** Assuming the "she" half of this he/she union is a cisgendered man.

UPDATE: A message from a reader for the he/she/him/her whose mind hasn't changed...

@fakedansavage I chose to have a child because my husband wanted one and I am so glad I did. Seeing him as a dad makes my heart happy.

— Jacqueline (@_Cuddlefish_)