In 2013, Burger Week’s infant debut was earth-shattering, blinding this little hamlet with shrill screams of delight. Its toddler year was even bigger, with 20 different burgers to trample our fair city with its adorable chubby burger feet and kick Portland right in the jewels.
This year, from August 10-16, we have an astounding 34 participating restaurants! Your liver will be fatter than a foie gras duck’s by the end of it, and I, for one, am up for the challenge! That’s why I’ve dubbed this year’s Burger Week: THE GOUTENING.
Check out this year’s list:
Alameda Brewing Co.
All-Way
Bar Bar
Burnside Brewing Co.
Church
Club 21
Davis Street Tavern
Dig A Pony
Double Barrel
Doug Fir Lounge
East Glisan Pizza Lounge
Elephants in the Park/Elephants NW 22nd
Foster Burger
Iconic
Kells Brew Pub
Knuckle Sandwich
Slow Bar
Slowburger
Smallwares
Spirit of 77
Star Bar
The Hop & Vine
North Light
Pause
Portland Penny Diner
Rialto
Rockyn Robyn's Sassy Burger
The Knock Back
Triple Nickel Pub
White Owl Social Club
Widmer Brothers Pub
Ya Hala RestaurantOnce again, the Portland Mercury would like to thank our generous partners, world-class meat provider Nicky USA, Widmer Brothers Brewing, and Jim Beam!
Important reminder: THESE BURGERS WILL SELL OUT. Last year’s restaurants had one main issue with the event last year, and that was people getting angry and rude when they found out that they are part of a reality where restaurants that are getting slammed run out of food. We have better forecasting numbers this year, but please: go early, be kind, get a drink, and, most importantly, a $5 burger is a privilege, not a right. Don’t ruin it for everyone! Please be kind and respectful, exercise the golden rule and treat our restaurants the way you want to be treated (unless you’re a masochist).
Over the coming weeks, we’ll be tempting and teasing you with sneak previews of what lies in store for you, dear reader. What such a temptation, you ask? Well how does pimento cheese, green chiles, kimchi and kool-aid pickles sound, friend? YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT DOES.
LET THE GOUTENING BEGIN.
Here are the Five Commandments of Burger Week:
1. Thou shalt not be an entitled dick when they run out. They will run out. For many of the participating restaurants, this is the busiest week of the entire year. For some of them, they have never been busier EVER. But take heart: you can try again the next day—just get there earlier.
2. Thou shalt be patient. There will be waits. But hey, that’s what Portland is all about. (I’m looking at YOU, ice cream and brunch fans.) Instead of harrumphing and being a general pain in the ass about it, why not do some jumping jacks or light stretching to prepare yourself?
3. Thou shalt tip generously. Don’t be stingy. Most places are ponying up crazy amount of product in a glorious game of one-upmanship with their fellow industry folks, and you’re very likely getting a $10-15 burger for a wee fraction. The wait staff will be slammed just to bring you a plate of happiness. Pass the vibe and tip correctly and honestly.
4. Thou shalt order a drink and such. It’s not required, but Christ on a cracker, why would you not get fries or a salad? And what better to wash down all this goodness than a frosty pint of Widmer and a bracing shot of Beam? You’ll quickly forget that you had to wait for this.
5. Thou shalt consult the social medias. Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are the tools of the trade for participating businesses to clue us all in on wait times, remaining numbers of burgers, and obligatory money shots of gooey cheese and condiments. Also check portlandburgerweek.com, and be sure and tag your own tweets and photos with #portlandburgerweek so we can all join in the party vicariously.
