I'm a bedwetter and am super embarrassed about it. My boyfriend knows and I know he doesn't mean to hurt me but he makes jokes about it. He even once saw me wet myself and made a joke. I know I should say something but I'm afraid too.

Wanting Emotional Tenderness

There are only two reasons why your boyfriend would be making jokes about your bedwetting problem: he is trying to be nice (he mistakenly believes these jokes put you at ease; he’s trying to make you feel less self-conscious, not more; he wants to make the bedwetting seem like no big deal, i.e. something you two can laugh off together) or your boyfriend is a giant asshole (he knows you’re sensitive about it and makes these jokes anyway because HE’S AN ASSHOLE; he makes jokes expressly to demean you because HE’S AN ASSHOLE; he is intentionally shredding your self-esteem so that 1. you'll think that no one else would ever want you and 2. you'll settle for this guy even thought HE'S AN ASSHOLE).

There’s just one way to figure out whether he’s a nice doofus who's accidentally hurting you or an giant asshole who actually does mean to hurt you: USE YOUR WORDS. Tell him the jokes hurt your feelings—no smile, no ambiguity, no gloss—and then see what happens. If he knocks it off, WET, he was a nice doofus and the relationship may be salvageable. If he keeps it up, if the jokes don’t stop, he’s a giant asshole and he actually does mean to hurt you and the relationship isn’t worth salvaging. (Please bear this in mind: an asshole might claim to be a nice doofus—he’ll tell you he was just trying to make you feel better about the bedwetting thing with humor—but if the jokes don’t stop… he’s not a nice doofus. He’s an giant asshole.)

The reason you’re afraid to say something is that don’t want to lose him. But you need to flip that on its head: If your boyfriend is a giant asshole—even if he's just medium asshole—you should be in a big fucking hurry to lose him. Say something.