The trailer for We Are Your Friends promised something that I dubbed Entourage Babies. You know—Muppet Babies, but with muscley white dudes. It looked like they were gonna just roll up into clurbs, kiss up on honeys, and get rich off apps. I'd been looking forward to this movie for weeks, practically salivating over the easy zingers I'd make about neck veins and fist pumps and Zac Efron in general. The advance screening reeked of Axe Body Spray and squandered potential. A dude sitting near me actually offered to bench-press a girl. I was in for a really mockable treat!

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