Jeb Bush: Secret Zoroastrian?
Jeb Bush: secret Zoroastrian? Andrew Cline / Shutterstock.com

Jeb Bush is ready to "stand with France," except for that annoying poem the French had the nerve to chisel on our Statue of Liberty. Give us your tired, poor, huddled masses? Mais non, says Jeb, and au revoir, muslims!

To be honest, I don't know what to think of this Jeb fellow. At first, he was saying nice (ish) things like "the answer to this is not to ban people from coming ... I don't think we should eliminate our support for refugees. It's been a noble tradition in our country for many years."

But then he turns around and presents the American people with this platter of shit: "At a minimum we ought to be bringing in people that have — orphans or people that clearly aren’t going to be terrorists. Or Christians ... I mean you can prove you’re a Christian."

Can you? Can you really? Because I'd like to see your Christianity papers, please, Jeb.

"There are no Christian terrorists in the Middle East," Jeb says. I don't know if that's true, but it wouldn't surprise me — all the Christian terrorists seem to be in America.

Alleged "Christian" Jeb Bush may not be aware of this, but real Christians often consult a book they call "a Bible" for advice. In it, they'll find such helpful tips as:

And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt. (Deuteronomy 10:18-19)

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ (Matthew 25:25-36)

For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself." (Galatians 5:14)

Good advice in that there Bible thing! Of course, it also features this advice, so who knows: "When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy."

There's plenty of evidence that Jeb is not the faith that he claims, and should therefore be made to live indefinitely in a Turkish refugee camp. For example, "he doesn’t heed Catholic teaching on one matter of life and death" in that "he supports the death penalty."

And here's another fun fact: Jeb previously claimed to be an Episcopalian, but says he converted to Roman Catholic in 1995 at his wife's urging. How do we know he won't change again if another woman comes along? If he's elected president, we could end up with a satanist in the White House!

Personally, I think it's too risky to allow Jeb to stay in the country. If he can't prove that he's a Christian, then we have no way of knowing whether or not he's a terrorist. We need to deport Jeb back to the country he came from—Florida.