GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! They something like a hater, man. Talking bad about a playa as if I'm not gonna see ya later, man. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Portland Police Chief O'Dea is under fire from the rank and file cops (in particular the eternally complaining police union, who fight change at every turn), claiming he and the city are not doing enough to hire new officers.

Longtime housing advocate Chloe Eudaly (also known as the owner of Reading Frenzy) is considering throwing her hat into the ring for city council.

In Salem, the Oregon legislature are considering two hot button topics for their upcoming short session: housing relief and raising the state's minimum wage.

Give Us This Day, a longtime foster care provider in Oregon, has been accused of money mismanagement, as well as the rape and sexual assault of children in their care.

It's day 12 of the Y'all Qaeda standoff at Maheur Refuge, and local residents are reporting being harassed by the gun-toting yahoos, who in their attempts to receive snacks and supplies from supporters across the nation are also receiving a poop ton of hate mail.

Last night President Obama used his last State of the Union address to calm people's fears about the economy and terrorism, and lay into the obstructionist Republicans who have caused many of those fears.


Shockingly, Republicans did not like that speech very much, and went "WEEEE, WEEE, WEEE" all the way home.

Iran's Revolutionary Guards have released 10 American sailors after an apology from the US government for accidentally entering into their territorial waters.

POWERBALL! POWERBALL! POWERBALL! Today's PowerBall jackpot drawing is up to $1.5 billion, and I'M GOING TO WIN IT ALLLLLL! HAAHAAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA!!! (Sucks to be you.)

Oh, and if you do win? (And you won't, because I will.) TAKE THE ANNUITY. Here's why.

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence has drawn a line in the ethical sand. When it comes to who will receive his support—civil rights or religious rights—he's picking the LOSING SIDE. Brave choice, idiot.

Oh, and speaking of dumbass governors who work against their constituencies, Gov. Sam Brownback of Kansas announced that the state will not be giving any of their Medicaid money to Planned Parenthood.

A suicide bombing in Instanbul kills 10 people—all of them Germans.

Steven Avery, the main subject of the popular Netflix series Making a Murderer, has asked to be released from prison while the Wisconsin Court of Appeals considers his case.

In "Football" news, after a 20 year absence the Rams are returning to Los Angeles. In a related story, YAWN.

And now, let's talk WEATHER: Showers, showers, more showers. High in the mid-40s.

And finally, who wants to hear Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" played on an old-timey barrel organ? You guessed right—it sounds AMAZING.