Like any good English major, I've always coveted a compact Oxford English Dictionary (classic navy blue! accompanying magnifying glass!) to call my own, but I guess I'll save my pennies, because turns out? The OED, hallowed bible of the word-nerds, is cousins with the Oxford Dictionary of English, which, guess what, has a woman problem. Behold, Michael Oman-Reagan doing the lord's work at Medium:

Why does the Oxford Dictionary of English portray women as “rabid feminists” with mysterious “psyches” speaking in “shrill voices” who can’t do reseach or hold a PhD but can do “all the housework”?

To its credit (I guess?), this doesn't include definitions like this one I just made up, channeling the voice of a wronged r/MensRights lurker on a frothy-mouthed power trip:

Bitch: n. My crazy ex-girlfriend, Jenny. Fuck her. Actually just all women. They're oppressing me.

So it COULD be worse.

But it's STILL pretty bad. Behold:

Holy shit, Oxford Dictionaries, are you subtweeting me? Also, how embarrassing for an outfit whose motto is "Language matters"!

Now, there's a cryptic difference between the Oxford Dictionaries of English and the beloved Oxford English Dictionary, but I'm loath to support anyone in this dreadful family of flagrant sexism. Farewell, OED dreams! And help me out, Blogtown. What nerdy tome do we put on our "If Suddenly Rich" lists instead? The most recent edition of the Chicago Manual of Style? Maira Kalman's illustrated Strunk and White (this is cheating; I own that book)? Illuminated manuscripts? Clay tablets? A goddamn codex?

Because let's be real, Oxford's subtle sexism is just as antiquated as a codex or wax tablet, with none of the charm, and like those artifacts, it belongs in a museum—not on our modern-day bookshelves. And as for the OED, why does anyone even want a book that unwieldy anyway? It requires an ACTUAL magnifying glass. It has a DRAWER. It takes a pretty weird status symbol to say, "I have disposable income, but also live in 2016 and still use a dictionary!"

I go to bat for books, like, professionally. But not when they're being assholes. And you, Oxford Dictionaries of English, are being QUITE a handful right now. Go home and think about what you've done. And pro-tip to anyone who finds themselves dictionary-less in this trying time: The Mercury uses American Heritage. Boom.