In this afternoon's Hecklevision: Point Break ticket giveaway, I informed participants that they could, if they so wished, "write a single sentence or a beautiful haiku about why Angelo Pappas is the best character in the history of cinema." And then this landed in my inbox. This person won the tickets, obviously. The words below are a fable for our troubled times; reading them will change your life. Swear to god.

Three Simple Reasons Why Angelo “Meatball Razor Blade” Pappas Is the Point Break
by Dwayne Jetsky

1. Angelo was raised without a father. But like a real man, he doesn’t talk about insecurities/shortcomings. He talks truth and bullshit. But did you know Angelo had to work himself through college? No, he didn’t have a football scholarship. No, he didn’t rob banks. He worked, like a fucking American. Where, you ask? At the zoo. What did he do? He disciplined unruly lions and fed the baby giraffes.

2. Angelo Pappas is of Greek decent. But you wouldn’t know it. Not only does he refuse to be lazy, he also refuses to identify with anything other than the land of liberty. Here’s a conversation that never made the film. “Hey Angelo, you want a gyro?” “Hey Utah, you want a punch in the dick? Do you want to piss blood out of your ass for the next three months? I want the meatballs. And I want them in a sandwich, two of them!”

3. Angelo was once touched by an angel. His mother was out late, again. And left to fend for himself and 12 siblings, Angelo went to fetch ingredients for grits. On the way, he was struck by a car. It was a hit and run. He was left to die, cold and bleeding in the unforgiving January street. Angelo later told his third girlfriend, Deb, “Next thing I know, there’s this fucking angel touching me. She’s all healing me and shit.” What he didn’t tell Deb was after the healing, the angel graced him with a handjob. Angelo, the eternal handjob pessimist, would later recall, “It was decent.”

You did alright today, Dwayne Jetsky. You did real good.

Gary Busey is the unsung hero of Point Break. All too frequently, when compared to the lethal charms of Bodhi and the pretty boy stylings of Johnny Utah, Busey's character—one Angelo Pappas, old, grumpy, probably insane—gets short shrift. AND YET. It's Pappas who has many of the best lines in the film; it's Pappas who helps Johnny Utah when no one else will; it's Pappas who reminds everyone how delicious meatball sandwiches can be; hell, it's Pappas who FIGURED OUT THE EX-PRESIDENTS WERE SURFERS. God bless you, Angelo Pappas.

Point Break, starring Gary Busey as Angelo Pappas, is playing this Friday in Hecklevision at the Hollywood Theatre, presented by the Mercury and featuring your text-message commentary popping up on the bottom of the screen! It's going to be great. AND I've got another pair of tickets to the show to give away! If you want 'em, email me before 4 pm today (Wednesday, May 23) and make sure the subject line of your email is "SEX WAX." If you like, you can write a single sentence or a beautiful haiku about why Angelo Pappas is the best character in the history of cinema! (Doing so may or may not help your chances of winning.) I'll pick a winner at 4 and email them to let them know they've won. Have at.

Hecklevision: Point Break! Fri May 25, 7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy). Tickets available here.

P.S. BONUS INSPIRATIONAL POSTER:

Long before she became the first woman to win the Academy Award for Best Director, The Hurt Locker mastermind Kathryn Bigelow made an equally powerful epic: 1991's Point Break. Bearing the 100 percent accurate tagline "100 PERCENT PURE ADRENALINE," Point Break electrified audiences with surfing, shootouts, explosions, slow motion, sex, skydiving, two meatball sandwiches, and a cast that has never been and shall never be equaled:

• Keanu Reeves as "FBI Special Agent Johnny Utah"—an FBI special agent
• Patrick Swayze as "Bodhi"—surfer, Buddhist, bank robber
• Gary Busey as "Angelo Pappas"—a scholar of Calvin and Hobbes
• Lori Petty as "Tyler"—an unbelievably obnoxious human being
• Anthony Kiedis as "Tone"—a territorial surfer

"You're tryin' to tell me the FBI is gonna pay me to learn to surf?" asks an incredulous Johnny Utah early in Point Break—and yes, that's exactly what the FBI pays him to do when they assign the "young, dumb, [and] full of come" agent to take down a gang of surfing bankrobbers. But as Utah soon discovers, this assignment won't be that simple. For when he finds himself under the seductive sway of the trickster thieves' charismatic leader, Bodhi, all that Utah knows—all that he holds dear—becomes as fluid and tempestuous as the ocean herself.

Not only is Point Break one of my favorite movies ever, it's the number-one movie people have asked us to do for Hecklevision. Like past Hecklevisions, Point Break will play on the top of the movie screen, while just below—IN REAL TIME—your hilarious, adrenaline-packed text messages will pop up. In the past we've filled the Hollywood Theatre with heckle-enhanced screenings of Red Dawn and Commando... but you know what? Point Break is gonna kick those movies' asses. It's Point Break. It's Hecklevision. It's 100 percent pure adrenaline... now with an extra 15 percent of heckle.

WHAT: Hecklevision: Point Break
WHEN: Friday May 25, 7:30 pm
WHERE: Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy
HOW MUCH: If you want the ultimate, you gotta be willin' to pay the ultimate price. Only $7!

See you there.