There’s a pretty good roundup of Halloween events in this week’s issue, but here’s an additional listing, for those ill-fated happenings that didn’t make it in.

Of course, you don't really need this list, because you're coming to the Doug Fir, right? For the Mercury's FREE Best Little Horror House In Portland event? Right? Oh, good. Still...here's some other events, for those of you that like spending money. And just in case the line at the DF is more than four blocks. Five. More than five blocks.

Howl: Benefiting The City Repair Project, the deal here is four different stages with live music. Supposedly, it's a mighty fine time, but only if you're willing to shell out. Costumes required for entry. 320 SE 2nd, 9 pm-6 am, $28

Bollywood Horror VII: DJ Anjali & The Incredible Kid host this costume dance party. Win cash and/or prizes and rock out to Bollywood and Bhangra. Fez Ballroom, 316 SW 11th Ave, 9 pm-3 am, $10 with costume

Disjecta Dance Party: Featuring E*Rock, Copy, Atole, Guidance Counselor, and DJ Automaton. They’ve turned the place into a labyrinth, too. If only there were a tight-panted and bulging David Bowie to go along with it. Plus, kid-friendly activities during the day. 8371 N Interstate Avenue, 9 pm-dawn, $10

Nightmare on Burnside: The Rose City Rollers are hosting this fundraiser, which includes dancing, karaoke, a costume contest, a silent auction, a not so talented talent show ($100 grand prize), and rollergirls aplenty. Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside, 9 pm-2:30 am, $20 (includes 2 drinks and 1 raffle ticket)

Green Dragon Halloween Costume Contest: Another benefit, this one for Monika's House Shelter. A good cause and no cover? I like it. Green Dragon Brewpub, 928 SE 9th St, 10 pm, no cover but donation suggested to enter costume contest

Heaven and Hell Halloween: $3 Jim Beams all night at East Burn, plus $500 to the winning costume, Church of Surf playing upstairs and DJ Sesqui vs DJ Standing8 downstairs. East Burn, 1800 E Burnside, $5 (includes free PBR with costume)

Roots Halloween Party: First prize for the costume contest is a night at Haystack Inn at Cannon Beach, second prize is dinner for two at Roots. Music by Liquid. Roots Organic Brewery, 1520 SE 7th, music at 9 pm, costume judging at 10 pm

And, of course, there's a costume contest with cash prizes going on at just about every bar in town.

And, of course, this is all moot, because you're going to join the Mercury for Halloween anyway. Right?

Method #1: Email this man. Now.

Method #2: Email Steve Humphrey today before 3PM with "HUMP ME!" in the subject header. Include your name and which show you'd like to attend. There's only giveaway tickets left for two shows, tonight and Saturday's 7PM screenings, so pick one of those two shows.

If you don't have tickets, you can try showing up at Cinema 21 tonight. If there's no-shows by the time the movies start, you can snag their seats. But, come on, toothless man needs "me date"!

UPDATE!: The final two HUMP! golden tickets have been given away to ARYA! Congrats to all our winners! Remember, desperate people should show up at the Cinema 21 box office to see if you can get any last minute seats. It's possible!

The East Portland Eagles Lodge #3256 at 4904 SE Hawthorne is advertising an event called the "Sip and Shop Social Club" next Wednesday, October 21st. I can't find anything on the internet about it so I called the Lodge to ask the basic questions. A very old woman read to me from the same handout I already had. So let me pass what she told me that I already knew.

The Sip and Shop Social Club is coming. This is the first of what is promised to be an "every other Wednesday event."
It is all ages and admission is free. It goes from 6-9pm.
There will be a full bar and DJ.
For sale will be: handmade items, vintage fashions, records, Stumptown coffee, and homemade desserts.
Vendors who want to sell items can call the old lady at the Eagles Lodge (232-7505) to purchase a table space.

In the interest of full disclosure, the flier has a picture of a man saying "Sip and Shop Social Club" to an '80s hair model while a record floats over her shoulder like the Great Gazoo. Over his shoulder a flapper looks worriedly out of the corner of her eye. Hope that clarifies things!

BONUS: The old lady also turned me on to the straight-up record sale at the lodge this Saturday from 5-9 pm. Admission is $2 and early admission is $15. It might just be good marketing, but the steep early admission fee has me thinking there might be some good vintage finds there. Who knows?

If you've paid your dues in downtown Portland you know damn well who I'm talking about. The enigmatic, controversial John "Elvis" Shroder:

Portland’s Really Really Free Market (that’s really really the name) is teaming up with the Portland Free Store for a community event called the Free Box Bizarre this Saturday, September 26th, where everything is—you guessed it—free. The event will take place from 11am-6pm and is essentially a flea market/block party/opening for the Free Store’s new location at SE 11th and Clay. The idea is to bring something you don’t want and take something you do; people are encouraged to bring not only items like clothes and kitchenware but also materials for a day of workshops, music making, and community building.

• We'll pretend this says "Bazaar."

The official opening of the Portland Free Store isn’t until October 17th, but owner Ben Aubin, who runs his store out of a converted school bus (in which he lived until realizing it was illegal), is excited for the event. His “store” is really a second hand shop where everything is free; the Really Really Free Market, meanwhile, works to create community events like the one tomorrow.

• Thursday: Eating holes for feminism.

1) Bitch magazine, Portland's own locally-made, nationally-read, super-smart feminist media outlet.
2) A donut eating contest.

At 7PM Thursday, Bitch is celebrating the release of their Fall issue "Consumed" at obesity epicenter VooDoo Doughnuts Two. Anyone who gets there early enough and has a hunger for winning can compete in the challenge to consume an cranium-sized Texass Donut in under 90 seconds.

I spoke with Bitch web editor Kelsey Wallace this weekend about donut-consumption strategy. I think, since I'm planning to enter the contest and I am also planning to win, it's only fair to share the tips Wallace gave me off-the-cuff:

Halloween is just a little over a month away! Imagine if this year you were actually on it for once instead of scrambling at the last minute making a damn robot out of cardboard and tinfoil again. The Oregon Children's Theatre is offering a pretty stellar opportunity to score a costume that's actually good (especially if you are aiming for an animal or elf kind of thing... not so much if you are among the many who use this holiday just as an excuse to dress like a ho, a strategy that frankly usually backfires in pretty ugly ways). But you could have a beautiful, professional-grade costume that also keeps you warm, and hey, that sort of things turns certain people on too. The sale goes down this Saturday at the former Made in Oregon spot in the Galleria (600 SW 10th) from 10 am-6 pm, but serious shoppers will want to fork over a $10 admission to Friday evening's preview event from 5-7:30 pm, where there will be a hosted bar, food, live music, and the first crack at all the best stuff. They've take the liberty of making a few preview videos of what you can expect. Me, I like the looks of those bird heads:

Hit the jump for two more, including one that showcases their stash of wigs...

I didn't repost this article on BikePortland because I thought it might be a hoax. But, I realized, if it is a hoax it will the most hilarious practical joke to be played on Portland cyclists in Stumptown history and therefore worth noting.

Apparently BikePortland's Elly Blue talked to Flaming Lips singer Wayne Coyne and he wants as many Portlanders as possible to show up (clothed) next week on Mt. Tabor, then strip to ride bikes nude in the bands' new video. From the post:

He said he got the idea from the scene at the end of the musical Hair: “You know how it’s a bunch of freaked out naked people climbing some mountain with blood and fire and finding some new civilization there — so I thought of Portland, right?”

Last Thursday The Woods hosted Entertainment for People, a variety show produced by Melissa Lion and Frayn Masters, the ladies behind Back Fence PDX. It was their first effort at such a show, and a worthy one indeed.

First on the docket was Beth Lisick, a San Francisan who co-founded the Bay City's version of The Moth. Pretty and petite, she assumed the microphone with confidence and told the audience that, throughout the night, she would relate anecdotes of her most horrifying and shameful life moments. Which she did. And she was hilarious, matter-of-factly describing her threesome with a creepy old dude in Japan and the time she was a house guest and used the dog towel instead of the fancy, people towels. Many of her readings were set to ambient music, which only increased the effectiveness of her deadpan delivery. She pretty much made the show, appearing on stage four or five times to regale us with her stories. Cheers to you, Beth!

After Beth came auGi, a local comedian who very excitedly delivered an account of his horny adolescent that was, quite frankly, a bit of an overshare and at times kind of awkward. He nonetheless received some positive responses from the audience, and he was certainly enthusiastic, so let's give him props for that... Following his monologue was a sketch by Eastland Academy, a sketch comedy duo comprising Masters herself and her partner in comedy, Shelley McLendon. They delivered a funny and well-received scene about unicorns at a high school graduation party. As far as I can tell, if you look wistfully into space and have a unicorn horn on your head, you will probably be funny.

And then came Fogatron. Have you heard Fogatron? He is an out of control beatboxer and can make all kinds of weird sounds with his throat. Sounds which, if you tried to make them yourself, would make you look and sound like an idiot. In short, he was totally awesome.

That was Act I. Act II featured more of the delightful Lisick, another sketch from Eastland Academy, some more vocal stylings from Fogatron, and Dan Kennedy. Yes, the same Dan Kennedy who sometimes hosts your podcast of The Moth! He was long-winded but very funny, explaining his drive to Portland from San Francisco in a jeep (he thought pdx was like three hours away-ha!), his attempt to startle his roommate by climbing out the window and ultimately falling into a patch of brambles, and his most recent writing assignment for GQ, which involved living at home with his parents for a month. We like you, Dan. We like you.

All in all, it was an fun night in Sellwood. Congrats to the ladies at Back Fence for some good entertainment. For people. Word has it, this was only the first in what will be a series of similar shows, so stay tuned. Speaking of Back Fence, their September show is next Wednesday. Come to the Mission Theater on September 23rd for a night of true stories told by local people on the theme of temporary insanity. This particular intern may or may not be passing out free cupcakes after the show (if that doesn't sell you, I don't know what will). $12 at the door, $10 in advance. Doors at 6 pm, show at 7:30. Be there!

I’m used to the Jersey shore: tens of thousands of people crammed onto a coastline about the size of a tapeworm (which may be the New Jersey state parasite).

I don’t want to have a similar experience this weekend when I head to the Oregon coast for Labor Day weekend. Stay in town. Better yet, head east. I hear Montana is beautiful this time of year.

Or at the very least, give me ideas of fun stuff to do that doesn’t involve tripping over tourists (you know, people just like me). I hear surfing is fun.

The first line of the most recent Oregon State Fair press release proclaims:

"Make Way for the Queens!"

• Darcelle XV

oh. But then it continues: "Thursday is Day 1 of the NPRA Rodeo Queen Pageant. The pageant begins with the finalists demonstrating their horse riding skills in the Pavilion. The day’s competition includes the following categories: Horsemanship (Pattern, Flag Run, Arena Run, Calf/Steer Push), a Horsemanship Interview, and a written Rodeo Knowledge Test."

Nevermind. A written Rodeo Knowledge Test is the opposite of a drag queen parade. Crushing disappointment. If it wasn't for the cake decorating contest in alarming proximity to videos of live horse birth, the state fair wouldn't be exciting at all.

Fingers crossed, we're going to be running a live web feed of tonight's Brewhaha on economic development at Backspace here on Blogtown, for those of you who can't show up in person. Check back on here at 6:30, to tune in. Still, if you're out of work, we'll have resume expert Dawn Rasmussen on hand form from Pathfinder Career Services to help you turn that thing into a golden ticket. Not to mention career folks from idealist.org who can help you get connected with ethical job opportunities. You can't live stream that.

We're proud of the panel of speakers lined up for tonight's forum, in which panelists will be attending a "job interview," where the audience will ultimately award just one panelist the job of "Oregon's Job Czar." High stakes, for big players:

-Steve Novick, Our Oregon
-Bruce Studer, would-be casino builder from Lake Oswego
-Lindsay Mico, small business owner with Demeter Design, an environmental consultancy
-Sam Adams, Mayor of Portland
-Midge Purcell, Urban League of Portland
-Brad Avakian, Oregon Labor Commissioner

We'll be asking our panelists what's wrong with Oregon's economy? And what would they do to fix it? As well as the standard interview questions, and word association. The evening will be introduced by Christian Kaylor, workforce analyst for the Oregon Employment Department. The man has so many terrifying statistics, he'll terrify you straight to terror-ville:

Once again: BREWHAHA. Democracy and drinks. Backspace, NW 5th & Couch, 7pm sharp.

Or right here on Blogtown, live. From 6:45!

"Breaking News!!" announces the press release from the Portland Pirate Festival. "The 4th Annual Portland Pirate Festival has been sanctioned by Guinness World Records™ to challenge the record for 'Most Pirates Gathered In One Location.'"

Since September of last year, I have been planning a rant against the Pirate Festival which is centered on an anecdote about planning to attend a pirate festival in high school but arriving to find it was more like a really crappy Renaissance Faire and not even making it inside because while I was at the gate contemplating the $15 entry fee, a man in pirate garb rode by on a motorcycle eating a chicken leg and talking on his cell phone at the same time while driving the motorcycle and that scared me away BUT I've decided that I shouldn't judge the Portland Pirate Festival by my own grody experiences at different pirate festival years ago so INSTEAD I'm just going to copy-paste these paragraphs from their press release and let you judge it on its own merits:

“Pirates in Polynesia” will be a new festival theme this year! On Saturday evening Kukui Productions promises Tahitian drums, ancient chants and thrilling Samoan sword fire dance followed by an exotic “shake it” contest. Sunday features the swaying hips and haunting melodies of Kukui Production’s dancers and musicians as they invite patrons to join in the Hukilau and possibly some traditional MOKU (Maori face painting).

Saturday night’s Polynesian Review opens with a compilation fire show by Flamebuoyant, Fire Juan and the Mud Bay Jugglers, and finishes with Kukui Production’s Polynesian Paradise! Throughout the weekend enjoy the Caribbean sounds of Sam Bam Boo, the raw natural Didjeridoo vibes of Jake Duncan, the lively Mexican trio, and many more. The entire weekend will be filled with multi-ethnic musical fun.