Thanks to everybody who came out to Hecklevision on Saturday night—but thanks most of all to the brave men and woman who dressed up as Cameron Poe. Cameron Poe might have saved the day (and destroyed much of Las Vegas in the process), but was you who symbolized all that is great about Hecklevision, and, indeed, all that is great about the world.
1. IT'S TOMORROW. Sat Feb 23, 7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy.
2. BOBBY ROBERTS WILL WELCOME YOU ONBOARD. I WILL BE YOUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT, BY WHICH I MEAN I WILL BE BANNING TROLLS. We're like the Crockett and Tubbs of Mercury events? If they were on a plane? I am not sure what that means! Or who is who! Bobby and I will happily organize your wedding.
3. GET TICKETS EARLY. THIS WILL BE A BIG ONE. Here.
4. OR TAKE YOUR CHANCES... by trying to win some free tickets! I've got three pairs of tickets to give away today. To enter to win a pair, email me before 3 pm today (Fri Feb 22) and make sure the subject line of your email is "Cyrus the Virus." I'll pick three winners and email 'em back around 3:30 let them know that they are winners, not losers like everybody else. How can you improve your chances to win? That is up to you. Bribery? Flattery? A Con Air haiku? NSFW pics? Your call.
5. OH, RIGHT! You can also save a few bucks on your ticket if you show up dressed like Cameron Poe.
6. CON AIR FEATURES DANNY TREJO.
7. IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING.
Hecklevision: Con Air is a mere three days away. Holy shit! Tickets for the greatest night of your life are on sale now for the cheap, cheap, cheap price of eight dollars... but if that's too spendy for you? Well, Tightwad O'Stingy, you can get in for a mere five bucks—provided you dress up like former U.S. Army Ranger Cameron Poe! Yes, this discount was my idea, and you're welcome, and it was not at all related to the fact that I'm hoping to see at least one beautiful woman dressed up as a "Sexy Former U.S. Army Ranger Cameron Poe." From today's Mercury:
Again: You're welcome. See you Saturday, sexy former U.S. Army Ranger Cameron Poes!
This Saturday night. I predict this will be a big one. Tickets here.
Only two words can describe the next Mercury-approved Hecklevision: FUCK and YES.
FUCK YES. It's Nicolas Cage's 1997 aerial action epic Con Air, screened as it's never been screened before—with your smartass texts beamed directly from your phone right onto the giant-ass movie screen. A night to end all nights? You bet your goddamn ass!
Put it in your calendar: Hecklevision: Con Air. Saturday, February 23. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy. 7:30 pm. $8. It's gonna feel so good. So good.
When people think of Ghost, they think of Patrick Swayze. They think of Demi Moore. And, perhaps most importantly, they think of Whoopi Goldberg, who won a well-deserved Oscar for playing Ghost Swayze's BFF! Just as with Guinan on Star Trek: The Next Generation, Celie in The Color Purple, and Katie Coltrane in Theodore Rex, Whoopi's presence in Ghost is nothing short of magical.
Tonight, we'll experience all that Whoopi, Patrick, Demi, and a wet phallic chunk of clay have to offer... and it'll all be accompanied by your hilarious texts, popping up onscreen. Before the film, Wm. Steven Humphrey will offer a stirring introduction to Ghost and what it means to him; after the film, we shall walk into the dark night, singing "Unchained Melody" and glad for the time that is given to us in this world... and the next. It will be Hecklevision: Ghost, and it will be a night unlike any other.
There's also a chance it's gonna sell right the hell out (past Hecklevisions, particularly ones with Swayze, certainly have), so get advance tickets here, or—quick!—send me an email before noon today and make sure your subject line is "Ditto." Tell me why you deserve a pair of free tickets to Hecklevision: Ghost more than any of the other jerks who'll be entering the contest, and maybe I'll give them to you. (If you win, I'll email you back by 12:10 to let you know.) See you tonight.
AAAAAHH! The latest Mercury-approved Hecklevision is tomorrow! It's all about Patrick Swayze... AS A GHOST! And Demi Moore... who wants to bone a ghost! And Whoopi Goldberg... who won an Oscar for playing the lady who can talk to the ghost! Ghost!
YES. Hecklevision: Ghost: Friday, 9:30 pm, the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy). It'll be a frightfully good time!
I'm gonna give away a pair of tickets today and a pair of tickets tomorrow—tickets are $8 each, so you're welcome. These things are usually packed, so if you don't win this pair or tomorrow's pair, get your tickets in advance here.
To enter to win, email me no later than 5 pm today, and make sure the subject line of your email is "GET OFF!" (At this point I'm just testing how capable my spam filter is, really.) Tomorrow morning I'll pick a winner (at random? because they promise to write me a song? because they're a cuuuute girl? WHO KNOWS!) and I'll email them back to let them know they've won. I think that's it? Yep, that's it. I think*. Okay. Go!
*Hahaha I'm writing this post on NyQuil :D
The next Mercury-approved Hecklevision—this Friday! 9:30 pm! Hollywood Theatre!—is going to be excellent. Seriously. Look at how fantastic that Ghost trailer is. Plus, Wm. Steven Humphrey will be introducing the film, speaking at length about Ghost's cinematic and spiritual relevance. Either that or he will talk about how he would still bone Ghost Patrick Swayze. I haven't really asked him what he's going to be talking about.
Tickets are $8, and you can get 'em here. Or stay tuned to Blogtown—I'll give away a few pairs of tickets later this week.
HOWEVER. With Batman & Robin now behind us, we can now look to the future... and to what film we'll show for the next Mercury Hecklevision! Our past films have been Commando, Red Dawn, and Point Break, and ones I've got on a list for consideration for future installments include, but are not limited to....
• The Lost Boys
• Road House
• Trapped in the Closet
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Waterworld: The Double Feature
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Waterworld: Both Films, Playing on the Same Screen, at the Same Time, Both at Maximum Volume
• Kindergarten Cop
• Purple Rain
• an episode or two of Grimm
• an episode or two of Portlandia
• Over the Top
• Maximum Overdrive
• The Happening
Those, however, are just the tip of the iceberg (which reminds me that I'd love to do Titanic, except it's 43 hours long), and I'm guessing you guys have some suggestions, too. Hit me with 'em in the comments, or throw in a vote for any of the ones I listed above. I will either carefully consider your comments or totally ignore them and show whatever I want.
Thanks again to everybody for coming out! See you next time.
*Clearly, I have infinite patience for shitty movies—but I have next to zero patience for shitty comments that are neither funny nor smart. I've never had to ban anyone at any of the previous Hecklevisions, but during Batman & Robin, I got immense satisfaction from blocking a few dicks who were steadfastly, obnoxiously intent on being dicks. Protip for future Hecklevisions: Don't be a dick.
Hecklevision's TONIGHT, which means, okay, cool. Hecklevision: Batman & Robin! Weird. The fact this is actually happening is either amazing or terrible. Or both! I can't wait.
I'm also giving away one last pair of tickets for the show. Here's how it works: Email me no later than 1 pm today and make sure the subject line of your email is "UMA." I'll pick the winner at random* and email 'em back around 1 to let 'em know they're on the list with a plus one. Have at!
See you guys tonight! Advance tickets are here, for those of you who won't win this afternoon. And get there early—last time we sold out. And, most importantly, keep the words of director Joel Schumacher close to your heart. Always close to your heart.
*The winner will be whoever's email I like best. Yesterday it was a dude who wrote in with a picture of his cat. He said the cat's name was "Pawson Ivy." Hooray!
Charge up your phones and start finger flexin' for textin', Portland... because tomorrow night, Batman & Robin will make a long, long delayed return to the big screen! Hecklevision: Batman & Robin will enable you—yes, you—to text your smartass commentary throughout the film, then have your texts instantly pop up onscreen! There has never been a night like this before, nor will there ever be one like it again. It will be glorious.
It will also probably be crowded as hell—the last three Hecklevisions we've done have been insanely popular. So you should probably get your tickets now. But if you, like Aerosmith, like living on the edge, then have I got a deal for you:
Email me no later than 4:30 pm today, and make sure the subject line of your email is "CHRIS O'DONNELL'S CODPIECE." I'll pick a winner at random and email 'em back sometime before 5 to let them know they're on the list with a plus one.
THINGS THAT MIGHT IMPROVE YOUR CHANCES OF BEING "RANDOMLY" SELECTED:
• presenting a convincing argument why you deserve to go for free instead of anyone else
• a heartwarming and/or horrifying Batman & Robin memory
• your favorite pun said by Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin
• your favorite pun that wasn't said but should have been said by Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin
• being Joel Schumacher
• sexy pics
Have at! Also, apologies for writing "finger flexin' for textin'" up there. Gross.
I'm not going to pretend to know even half of whatever the fuck Hollywood Subliminals is all about, other than: Hey! It's the internet! Crazy people have computers too!
As far as I can tell, somebody went a little bit crazy with PhotoShop and started drawing giant letter "A"s all over everything that Hollywood has ever created. Okay, fine—drawing giant versions of The Eye of Horus all over everything that Hollywood has ever created. Why is this relevant, you ask? Oh, just because the Mercury and the Hollywood Theatre's eagerly awaited Hecklevision: Batman & Robin is this Friday, and OH GOD NO. WHAT CAN THIS MEAN?!?!*
I urge you to check out the rest of the Batman & Robin-related Eyes of Horus(es). I'm sure it all means... something.** Probably something about how graphic designers tend to center things? I don't know. THE EYE OF HORUS!
Also, if you've managed to slog through this post and make it this far, congrats—because now you've been indoctrinated into the small, secretive, Illuminati-like group that holds the rare knowledge that I'm giving away another pair of tickets for Hecklevision: Batman & Robin! To enter to win 'em, email me no later than 3 pm today, and make sure your subject line is "OH GOD NO IT'S THE EYE OF HORUS." I'll pick a winner at random and email 'em back by the end of the day to let them know they're on the list. Have at, you conspiracy theorists you.
*It means absolutely nothing.
**No. It does not.
As previously announced, this Friday night we're teaming up with the Hollywood for another Hecklevision—and this time, we're showing Joel Schumacher's execrable Batman & Robin! Good god. Watching this film... reading people's texts onscreen.... This will be beautiful and terrible, a sight to behold.
These things are ridiculously popular—our last Hecklevision, Point Break, sold out well before showtime, meaning we had to turn away a whole line full of people. Because I am kind, and because I am powerful, and because I do not want this to happen to you, I'll be giving away a pair of tickets to Hecklevision: Batman and Robin every day this week on Blogtown! (You can also pick up advance tickets here, which is probably the better course of action, really, as in addition to being kind and powerful, I am capricious and petty, so maybe relying on me to give you free stuff isn't the best idea.)
Want to win today's pair of tickets? Then email me before 4:30 pm today and make sure your subject line is "DE ICE AHGE!" I'll pick a winner at random* and email 'em around 4:30 or 5 to let them know that they're on the list. That's it! Go for it. Go for it now!**
Hecklevision: Batman & Robin. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy. Friday, August 24 at 7:30 pm. $8.
**These instructions are extraordinarily simple and clear, right? They always are, yet someone always screws them up. Don't be that person. Those people make me sad.
By popular demand, the Mercury's once again teaming up with the Hollywood Theatre to present a very special installment of Hecklevison. So charge up your phones, ready your clever and biting text messages, and prepare to see your jokes and comments pop up onscreen as we all enjoy...
Batman & Robin: One of the worst motion pictures ever made.
Batman & Robin: Alicia Silverstone never acted again. (THIS MIGHT AS WELL BE TRUE.)
Batman & Robin: In which Bane was portrayed not by acclaimed actor Tom Hardy but by Jeep Swenson.
Batman & Robin: are gay.
Batman & Robin: In which Arnold Schwarzenegger was paid $25 million to do this:
"If there's anybody watching this, that... let's say, loved Batman Forever, and went into Batman & Robin with great anticipation, if I've disappointed them in any way, then I really want to apologize. Because it wasn't my intention. My intention was just to entertain them."
“With hindsight, it’s easy to look back at this and go, 'Whoa. That was really shit, and I was really bad in it.’"
Hecklevision: Batman & Robin. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy. Friday, August 24 at 7:30 pm. $8.
Huge thanks to the four billion people who showed up for Hecklevision: Point Break on Friday night—not only did we sell out the Hollywood and have to turn 100+ people away, but the screening itself was just as excellent and funny as I'd hoped it'd be. Sharing the beauty of Point Break with so many others was an experience I shall cherish until the end of my days.
Also! Just as he said he would, my new favorite Blogtown commenter cat & beard made me a PHENOMENAL Point Break t-shirt—and he made an extra, too, and he said it'd be okay if we gave it away on Blogtown! Mine's gray with black lettering, ladies, but the one up for grabs today is a stunning little black number with tasteful—yet eye-catching—gold lettering. Here, allow Mercury male model Bobby Roberts to show it off for you:
Would you like to wear this amazing shirt? Of course you would, provided your t-shirt size is a men's small! Printed on a luxurious Hanes ComfortSoft tee made of nothing less than 100 percent pure cotton, this shirt is guaranteed to get you laid—possibly by Bobby Roberts! Take my word for it.
Anyway: If you want to win this
one two-of-a-kind shirt (we could be twinsies!), email me no later than 2 pm today (Tuesday, May 29) and make sure the subject line of your email is "SRSLY." If you like, you can include a sentence or two about where you plan to wear this shirt and how you intend to behave while wearing it; based on the quality of said sentences, this may either help or hurt your chances. Have at.
Tonight's the night, ladies and gentlemen. At 7:30 pm at the Hollywood Theatre, Hecklevision: Point Break will change your life. PICTURE IT: You, silently texting from your seat; your text commentary, popping up onscreen; above, larger than life and twice as beautiful, Johnny Utah and Bodhi acting out their timeless, exhilarating saga of surfing, bank robbing, football, skydiving, and meatball sandwiches. Also, there will be beer. What a night it shall be.
Just as she did in Blue Steel, the director Kathryn Bigelow observes the peculiar complicity that develops between a law officer and a seductive criminal. And once again Ms. Bigelow moves so fast and so far with this idea that her film (with a screenplay by W. Peter Iliff) eventually spins out of control. But Point Break, though it's anything but watertight where plotting is concerned, again reveals Ms. Bigelow's real talents as a director of fast-paced, high-adrenaline action. Whenever the flakiness of Point Break threatens to become lulling, Ms. Bigelow wakes up her audience with a formidable jolt. —Janet Maslin, The New York Times
Bigelow and her crew are also gifted filmmakers. There's a footchase through the streets, yards, alleys and living rooms of Santa Monica; two skydiving sequences with virtuoso photography, powerful chemistry between the good and evil characters, and an ominous, brooding score by Mark Isham that underlines the mood. The plot of Point Blank, summarized, invites parody (rookie agent goes undercover as surfer to catch bank robbers). The result is surprisingly effective. —Roger Ebert, The Chicago Sun-Times
Hi! I'm giving away two tickets to one of my favorite movies ever Point Break and you can even text through it and your texts will show up on the movie screen! Wheeeeeee! —Erik Henriksen, The Portland Mercury
The rumors are true—I have a final pair of tickets to give away to tonight's once-in-a-lifetime experience. To win 'em, email me no later than 1 pm today (Friday, May 25). Make sure the subject line of your email is "bodhisattva." At 1, I'll pick a winner and email 'em back to let them know they've won. The rest of you, if you haven't already, get your tickets here. See you tonight.
I'm so excited about Hecklevision: Point Break that I can't even be bothered to write a coherent blog post. Sorry! So here's an inspirational poster of Johnny Utah, above, and now, here's a scene from the film about Bodhi!
EXT. BEACH. DAY—Brassy surfer girl TYLER (Lori Petty) and eager FBI agent JOHNNY UTAH (Keanu Reeves) are observing the charismatic BODHI (Patrick Swayze), a surfer.
TYLER: That's Bodhi. They call him "Bodhisattva." He's a modern savage. He's a real searcher.
JOHNNY UTAH (confused): What's he searching for?
TYLER (sad): The ride. The ultimate ride. Guy's even crazier than you, Johnny.
After decades of anticipation, Hecklevision: Point Break is finally happening tomorrow at 7:30 pm at the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy)! More info and tickets here.
In this afternoon's Hecklevision: Point Break ticket giveaway, I informed participants that they could, if they so wished, "write a single sentence or a beautiful haiku about why Angelo Pappas is the best character in the history of cinema." And then this landed in my inbox. This person won the tickets, obviously. The words below are a fable for our troubled times; reading them will change your life. Swear to god.
Three Simple Reasons Why Angelo “Meatball Razor Blade” Pappas Is the Point Break
by Dwayne Jetsky
1. Angelo was raised without a father. But like a real man, he doesn’t talk about insecurities/shortcomings. He talks truth and bullshit. But did you know Angelo had to work himself through college? No, he didn’t have a football scholarship. No, he didn’t rob banks. He worked, like a fucking American. Where, you ask? At the zoo. What did he do? He disciplined unruly lions and fed the baby giraffes.
2. Angelo Pappas is of Greek decent. But you wouldn’t know it. Not only does he refuse to be lazy, he also refuses to identify with anything other than the land of liberty. Here’s a conversation that never made the film. “Hey Angelo, you want a gyro?” “Hey Utah, you want a punch in the dick? Do you want to piss blood out of your ass for the next three months? I want the meatballs. And I want them in a sandwich, two of them!”
3. Angelo was once touched by an angel. His mother was out late, again. And left to fend for himself and 12 siblings, Angelo went to fetch ingredients for grits. On the way, he was struck by a car. It was a hit and run. He was left to die, cold and bleeding in the unforgiving January street. Angelo later told his third girlfriend, Deb, “Next thing I know, there’s this fucking angel touching me. She’s all healing me and shit.” What he didn’t tell Deb was after the healing, the angel graced him with a handjob. Angelo, the eternal handjob pessimist, would later recall, “It was decent.”
You did alright today, Dwayne Jetsky. You did real good.
Gary Busey is the unsung hero of Point Break. All too frequently, when compared to the lethal charms of Bodhi and the pretty boy stylings of Johnny Utah, Busey's character—one Angelo Pappas, old, grumpy, probably insane—gets short shrift. AND YET. It's Pappas who has many of the best lines in the film; it's Pappas who helps Johnny Utah when no one else will; it's Pappas who reminds everyone how delicious meatball sandwiches can be; hell, it's Pappas who FIGURED OUT THE EX-PRESIDENTS WERE SURFERS. God bless you, Angelo Pappas.
Point Break, starring Gary Busey as Angelo Pappas, is playing this Friday in Hecklevision at the Hollywood Theatre, presented by the Mercury and featuring your text-message commentary popping up on the bottom of the screen! It's going to be great. AND I've got another pair of tickets to the show to give away! If you want 'em, email me before 4 pm today (Wednesday, May 23) and make sure the subject line of your email is "SEX WAX." If you like, you can write a single sentence or a beautiful haiku about why Angelo Pappas is the best character in the history of cinema! (Doing so may or may not help your chances of winning.) I'll pick a winner at 4 and email them to let them know they've won. Have at.
Hecklevision: Point Break! Fri May 25, 7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy). Tickets available here.
P.S. BONUS INSPIRATIONAL POSTER:
Today's inspirational quote from Point Break, placed here, on Blogtown, as a reminder to set aside your Friday night/get your tickets for Hecklevision: Point Break, which was on NPR and shit:
INT. DAY. SOCAL SURF SHOP—FBI AGENT JOHNNY UTAH (Keanu Reeves) is purchasing a garish, first-timer surfboard from a snotty but well-meaning SURF SHOP KID who appears to be seven years old.
Surf Shop Kid: Hey man, a lot of guys your age are learning to surf. It's cool. There's nothing wrong with it.
FBI Agent Johnny Utah: I'm 25!
Surf Shop Kid: That's what I'm saying. It's never too late. Hope you stick with it. Surfing's the source, man. Can change your life. Swear to god.
Okay, fine, ANOTHER!
EXT. DAY. BEACHSIDE ROAD—FBI AGENT JOHNNY UTAH (UNDERCOVER) is walking with a SHIRTLESS BODHI (Patrick Swayze) after the two have beat the hell out of some dickhead surfers who tried to start some shit.
Bodhi (dejectedly): They only live to get radical. They don't understand the sea, so they'll never get the spiritual side of it.
This Friday, at 7:30 pm at the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy), Point Break will be screened in world-famous Hecklevision, in which you'll be able to silently text your best heckles and commentary from your seat, then watch them pop up instantly on the very same screen upon which FBI Agent Johnny Utah will undertake a long and violent—but very beautiful—quest toward enlightenment. It will change your life. Swear to god.
Johnny Utah: Bodhi! This is your wake up call! I... AM... AN... EFF... BEE... EYE... AGENT!
Bodhi: I know! Isn't it wild!
HOT DAMN! Hecklevision: Point Break—when we screen the 1991 surfing/bankrobbing/skydiving classic, during which your texts will pop up on screen—is this Friday. I'm gonna give out a few pairs of tickets throughout the week—a pair today, and then, I don't know, a few more pairs later in the week. Whenever I feel like it. It'll be a surprise!
Here's how to win today's: Email me before 3 pm today (Monday, May 21) and make sure the subject line of your email is "Wake-up call." I'll pick a winner at 3 and email them back to let them know they've won. PLOT TWIST! Please note that subject line of your email will refer not to the wake-up call Johnny Utah thinks he's placing to Bodhi... but rather to the infinitely more meaningful wake-up call Bodhi has already placed to Johnny Utah:
If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price.
Point Break is profound and amazing and has surfing and skydiving and Gary Busey in it. Hecklevision is going to make it even better. Fri May 25, 7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy). Tickets available here.
"This was never about the money. This was about us against the system. That system that kills the human spirit. We stand for something. We're here to show those guys that're inching their way on the freeways in their metal coffins that the human sprit is still alive." —Bodhi
So Hecklevision: Point Break? THE GREATEST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE? You can now buy advance tickets! You should, because I have a hunch this one is going to be just slightly popular. Tickets are a pittance (a mere seven bucks! five bucks if you're a senior!) and you can buy them right here.
Long before she became the first woman to win the Academy Award for Best Director, The Hurt Locker mastermind Kathryn Bigelow made an equally powerful epic: 1991's Point Break. Bearing the 100 percent accurate tagline "100 PERCENT PURE ADRENALINE," Point Break electrified audiences with surfing, shootouts, explosions, slow motion, sex, skydiving, two meatball sandwiches, and a cast that has never been and shall never be equaled:
• Keanu Reeves as "FBI Special Agent Johnny Utah"—an FBI special agent
• Patrick Swayze as "Bodhi"—surfer, Buddhist, bank robber
• Gary Busey as "Angelo Pappas"—a scholar of Calvin and Hobbes
• Lori Petty as "Tyler"—an unbelievably obnoxious human being
• Anthony Kiedis as "Tone"—a territorial surfer
"You're tryin' to tell me the FBI is gonna pay me to learn to surf?" asks an incredulous Johnny Utah early in Point Break—and yes, that's exactly what the FBI pays him to do when they assign the "young, dumb, [and] full of come" agent to take down a gang of surfing bankrobbers. But as Utah soon discovers, this assignment won't be that simple. For when he finds himself under the seductive sway of the trickster thieves' charismatic leader, Bodhi, all that Utah knows—all that he holds dear—becomes as fluid and tempestuous as the ocean herself.
Not only is Point Break one of my favorite movies ever, it's the number-one movie people have asked us to do for Hecklevision. Like past Hecklevisions, Point Break will play on the top of the movie screen, while just below—IN REAL TIME—your hilarious, adrenaline-packed text messages will pop up. In the past we've filled the Hollywood Theatre with heckle-enhanced screenings of Red Dawn and Commando... but you know what? Point Break is gonna kick those movies' asses. It's Point Break. It's Hecklevision. It's 100 percent pure adrenaline... now with an extra 15 percent of heckle.
WHAT: Hecklevision: Point Break
WHEN: Friday May 25, 7:30 pm
WHERE: Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy
If you want the ultimate, you gotta be willin' to pay the ultimate price. Only $7!
See you there.
First, an exceedingly rare display of public gratitude from yours truly: Thanks to the tons of people who came out to Hecklevision at the Hollywood Theatre on Saturday night. The Hollywood folks did a great job, we all watched Commando and it was magical, and the nearly sold-out crowd made quick work of the Alyssa Milano milanos—meaning that all was, however briefly, right in the world.
Second: Along with someone suggesting we should do Mannequin for the next Hecklevision—a suggestion I REJECTED TO THEIR FACE—a lot of people came up to me afterward with ideas for the next Hecklevision movie, from Starship Troopers to The Rock to a bunch of movies I had never heard of but that sounded really dumb. However! I had also been drinking beer, and had a bunch of sugar in my system from the aforementioned Alyssa Milano milanos (and like a pound of M&Ms), and I was on my way to go drink even more beer, so to be honest, once Power Station's beautiful Commando theme song started playing, I didn't pay much attention to what any of you were saying.
So, third: Comment below with your suggestions for what we should do for the next Hecklevision! Keep in mind a couple of things: The shorter the better (Commando, at about 90 minutes, is a good length for this sort of thing), the more heckle-able the better, and, just because something is easy to make fun of (i.e., The Artist) doesn't necessarily mean a lot of people will actually want to devote an evening to watching it (i.e., The Artist). The tricky thing is finding a movie that's both heckle-able and legitimately entertaining. That's the Hecklevision secret.
Fourth: Please know that I will probably ignore all of your suggestions and just show Point Break next time anyway. But don't let that stop you from suggesting stuff, 'cause the more Hecklevsion candidates we have to pull from, the better. Go.
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