Remember how I said yesterday's was the last blog post about Hecklevision: Commando?
Okay, this is the last Blogtown post about Hecklevision: Commando, I promise. But it's happening tomorrow night, and if you still haven't bought your tickets, you probably should... because the critics can't stop gushing about it!
In Commando, the fetching surprise is the glancing humor between the quixotic and larky Rae Dawn Chong and the straight-faced killing machine of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chong lights up the film like a firefly, Schwarzenegger delivers a certain light touch of his own, the result is palatable action comics. —Variety
Lots of machine-gunfire, explosions and disposable khaki-clad extras, as you'd expect. Occasional suggestions that the tongue might be slightly in cheek include the risible bonding-with-small-daughter fishing trip under the opening credits and pronounced homo-erotic badinage with his final-reel adversary. 'Think of sticking your knife into my flesh—and twisting it,' Arnie hisses at Vernon Wells, the leather-clad, handlebar-moustached heavy, who might just have come from a Village People lookalike contest. —Time Out London
Matrix's demolition of the army barracks on the island is spectacular, but he has obviously not had time to plant all those explosives. In his assault on the dictator's house, his decapitation of flowers as he mows down scores of soldiers is a nice touch, but some of the dying soldiers are simply funny. The whole scene looks choreographed, suspiciously balletic. But not always well timed. Three men leap into the air stunned even before they are shot, and why a man who has just taken three slugs in his chest should scream at the prospect of falling off a roof is not imaginable. Finally, all the killing, and it seems endless, is too graphic for this kind of highly stylized film; after a while it looks as unreal as it is and becomes merely disgusting. —The New York Times
He blows 'em up real good! —Roger Ebert
See that—and so, so, so much more—on the big screen this Saturday, February 25, at Hecklevision: Commando, where your texts will pop up onscreen even as Retired Special Forces Operative Colonel John Matrix carves his bloody swath of vengeance! There will also be beer and cookies.
Get your tickets here. DO IT.
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We're mere days away from from Hecklevision: Commando. This Saturday! 7:30 pm! Hollywood Theatre! Your texts popping up onscreen! Beer! Alyssa Milano milanos! And, most importantly: Retired Special Forces Operative Colonel John Matrix teaching you how to solve any and all of your personal and/or professional problems. Get your tickets here.
The eagerly awaited second installment of Hecklevision—featuring Commando!—is coming up this Saturday, February 25, at 7:30 pm at the Hollywood Theatre, and I've got a pair of tickets to give away. That means somewhere... somehow... someone isn't going to pay!
(To get into Hecklevision, I mean. The dudes who kidnapped Alyssa Milano, the light of Schwarzenegger's life? Those dudes are totally going to pay. With their lives.)
Here's how to try to win those tickets: Email me no later than 4 pm PST today (Tuesday, February 21), and make sure your subject line is "I lied." You then have 50 words to convince me that your texts during Hecklevision will be funny. If your 50 words are the ones that win me over, I'll email you back around 4 or 4:30 and tell you how to get your tickets. So yeah, that's it. GO.
We're a mere five days away from Hecklevision: Commando, brought to you by the Mercury, the Hollywood Theatre, and Arnold Schwarzenegger's travel tips. Motherfucker taught Rick Steves everything he knows.
Hecklevision: Commando—watch Commando, text from your seat, and behold the sight of your texts as they magically appear on screen! Also, drink beer! And eat milano cookies! Alyssa Milano milanos!
Hecklevision: Commando. Sat Feb 25, 7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy), $7. Tickets here.
Hecklevsion was a total blast when we did it a few weeks ago, so guess what? WE'RE DOING IT AGAIN.
Hecklevision: Commando. Saturday February 25, 2012. 7:30 pm. The Hollywood Theater (4122 NE Sandy). Admission $7. It's going to be fucking magical.
IMPORTANT ADDENDUM: By
popular my demand, the Hollywood, for this one night only, has agreed to sell milano cookies—or, as they will be referred to that evening, "Alyssa Milano Milanos."
As you should be aware of, tonight kicks off the Mercury's new Hecklevision series, where you are invited to do two things that typically annoying the living shit out of me: 1) Comment on a movie while it is playing, and 2) Text your ass off throughout its running time.
Tonight at the Hollywood, see the 1984 classic Red Dawn on the big screen, where the audience and Mercury writers' texts will also appear, so that everyone can bask in your clever/funny/insightful commentary without your having to do that horrible loud whispering thing. How do they do that? No idea. MAGIC.
What you need to worry about is having the best, most amusing comments in the crowd, and like everything in life, practicing helps! Below you'll find several clips from the movie so you can start trying out your material. The format's a bit different, but maybe you could bounce a few zingers off the Blogtown audience just to get a sense of the crowd. Then we'll see you at the Hollywood at 7:30—admission is $7, unless you're feeling lucky.
TONIGHT! It's Hecklevision: Red Dawn—the latest event in the Mercury's Winter of Fun™ series, and the first event to take place in the Hollywood Theatre's newly renovated main theater! New seats! New sound! New screen! Dead commies! Nice.
Tonight's gonna be fun, and tickets are a mere $7—but if you want to go for free, I've got a pair to give away. To enter to win 'em, email me no later than 2 pm PST today, and make sure your subject line is "AVENGE ME." Around 2, I'll pick a winner at random and email them back. Deal? Deal. WOLVERINES.
Hecklevision: Red Dawn, Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $7
When I'm excited about something I won't shut the hell up about it, which means this week I'm going to be going on and on and on about Hecklevision. So, you know, apologies, but also, Hecklevision's going to be awesome, so I guess I'm actually not really that sorry about going on and on about it. I hereby retract my half-hearted apology from the previous sentence.
It all goes down this Friday at the Hollywood Theatre—full details (and tickets) are here, but the basics are that we're gonna show John Millius' amazing red-state epic Red Dawn, and—thanks to science!—people in the audience will be able to send text messages that instantly pop up onscreen. We've got a great lineup of Mercury writers, bloggers, and other funny/smart people who're gonna participate, and if you attend, you can totally send pop-up texts too, though be aware that I have little tolerance for people who're annoying and I will happily block your number should I need to, or should you turn out to be a Commie, or if I just drunkenly decide it would be a fun thing to do. Speaking of which, there will also be beer. Shit. I should have mentioned the part about beer earlier.
Anyway, you should get your tickets now. And then I'll see you Friday. I'll let you buy me a beer, even.
So here's something the Mercury and the Hollywood Theatre have been working on for a while. You should come to it!
Usually people who text in movie theaters deserve to be taken out back and shot, but with Hecklevision—yet another event in the "The Mercury's Winter of Fun™" series!—we're gonna try something different: Everyone sitting in the theater will be able to text a certain number, and as soon as they hit "send," their text will instantly pop up on the bottom of the movie screen. This means two things:
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