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Friday, February 10, 2012

Kirk Cameron Makes Doc About America's "Growing Pains" (GET IT?!?!?)

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Feb 10, 2012 at 10:14 AM

You know, I think it's unfair that us devil worshippers have all the awesome celebrities on our side (Louis CK, Emma Stone, Ernest Borgnine) while Christians barely have anybody. But the "anybody" they DO have is pretty awesome, and that "anybody" is KIRK MOTHER-BONING CAMERON—best known as Mike Seaver from Growing Pains, and star of the hilariously amazing X-tian films Left Behind and Fireproof.

So what's Kirk up to now? He's taking a break from histrionic fiction to direct and star in a new documentary ("documentary" means it's REAL, yo) about how America is a land of shit, and what we can do to fix it. It's called Monumental, it's set to debut in late March, and according to Kirk, it will totally freaking blow... your... mind.

As he says in the trailer below, "Something is sick in the soul of our nation, and history tells me [and by "history" he means "Jesus Christ"] if we don't change our course now," adding that "History hasn't been just forgotten... it's been rewritten." WHAAAAT THAAAA FAAAAAAACK??? Watch this quick, because you don't want to spend another second blinded by false prophet history teachers, or missing Kirk's scenes where he soulfully and sadly stares at the sky. What are you seeing up there, Kirk? Jesus re-writing our fake history on a celestial blackboard? Ask him if I can go to the bathroom.

Monday, January 30, 2012

The American Dream, Revisited

Posted by Alex Zielinski on Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 12:29 PM

Limitless opportunities, professional success, material wealth. Lately, the key words epitomizing the idea of the "American Dream" are just that — a dream. But, while it's definition may have morphed over the years, the idea of a tangible, liberty-fueled future is far from dead. Just...different. So what's the current status of the "American Dream" for us recession kids?

Heres a snippet of the multi-faceted fact sheet. Check out the whole shabang here.
  • Good, Metlife
  • Here's a snippet of the multi-faceted fact sheet. Check out the whole shabang here.

Thanks to the infographic-happy folks at GOOD we have a visual answer.

Apparently, more Gen Y-ers are interested in having family and friends nearby than having a roof over their head. And 75 percent of those surveyed said that being wealthy is not necessary in obtaining the quintessential American Dream.

I now deem thee Generation Can't Buy Me Love.

Monday, January 16, 2012

I Have a Joke

Posted by David Schmader on Mon, Jan 16, 2012 at 11:59 AM

Here's Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on a 1968 broadcast of either Mike Douglas' show or The Tonight Show (there's some disagreement). Either way, delightful and fascinating to see.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Dioramas! History! Awesome!

Posted by Courtney Ferguson on Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 4:14 PM

Oregon History Diorama
  • Oregon History Diorama

There are very few opportunities in your life (aside from elementary school) when you will be praised and rewarded for your awesome diorama skills. Those tiny little shoebox scenarios were the stuff of many agonized late nights with rubber cement and construction paper, badgering your parents to help you with popsicle sticks and intricate scissor-work. If you were really lucky you wowed your classmates with an end product that looked like Lisa Simpson's rival's Tell-Tale Heart diorama. Most times it just looked like a wad of soggy cotton balls. But without the hindrance of rounded scissors maybe it's time to dust off the shoebox-decorating skills with the Kick Ass Oregon History Diorama Contest from the great local podcast Kick Ass Oregon History! Take it away press release:

It goes like this: Make a diorama depicting a Kick Ass Oregon Historical event. Take some pictures. Email them to us by Saturday, January 15. We will announce the winner at our January 17 Stumptown Stories show at the Jack London Bar (529 SW 4th). Bask in fame and glory and gain a whole gang of 26-year-old stripper girlfriends as a result ('cause strippers dig dioramas!).
Dioramas will be judged on:
1) Kick Ass-ness
2) Oregon Historical Significance
3) Originality
4) Ass Kicken-ness!

The prize? A Kick Ass Oregon History T-shirt, an awesome "It's your funeral" Diorama Kit prize donated by www.Criminalcrafts.com, internet fame, AND the panache to tell Suzie Snotgrass at the 15th reunion, "Oh shut your trap, bitch!"

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A Short North Williams Story

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 1:00 PM

The big news yesterday: New Seasons is opening shop on North Williams! Woohoo! Cue excitement over a grocery store opening in the North Portland food desert and 150 new jobs right in inner Portland!

The New Seasons seems to me like a pinnacle of change in the neighborhood—over the past 15 years or so, many long-time residents of the neighborhood have moved to the outskirts of Portland, crime has decreased in the area, property values have increased, and tons of new businesses have opened. In some ways, the history of the site New Seasons will take over on North Williams and Fremont tells the story of change in the neighborhood.

For most of its lifetime, the lot was an industrial center. According to articles in the Oregonian archives, a bakery set up shop at 103 North Ivy Street in 1915. It became a Wonder Bread factory, employing 75 people in the middle of what became—during the first half of the 20th century—a busy street lined with black-owned businesses. Here's a photo of the factory in 1936:

wonder_bread.jpg
  • city archives

The Wonder Bread factory remained standing while the construction of I-5, Memorial Coliseum, and the failed Emanuel Hospital expansion tore down a total 1,550 homes and businesses in the Albina and Boise-Eliot neighborhoods. The factory that once baked bread the middle of a bustling neighborhood was now surrounded by an unfortunate number of vacant lots.

In 2000, Wonder Bread closed up shop, too, consolidating its operations and shutting down the whole factory. In 2007, according to the Oregonian, developer Ben Kaiser purchased the site at a bankruptcy auction and planned to turn the "bakery blocks" into BackBridge Station, a mixed-use development with 41 residential and commercial units. At the time, Boise neighborhood land use chair Chris Sahli told the O that the neighborhood could really use a market. "One thing we could all really agree on is a grocery to talk to," said Sahli.

The developers demolished the Wonder Bread factory but the big development plans fell through. Since then, the site has been sitting empty—a giant eyesore on the street. But while it's lain fallow, the neighborhood around it has continued to change. The market value for the site was $2.85 million, including the land and factory. In 2011, it's worth $5.52 million—nearly double.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Join The Dill Pickle Club: Peripheries

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Wed, Dec 7, 2011 at 12:14 PM

Most likely, you are familiar with Portland's Dill Pickle Club, which is dedicated to "broadening knowledge of Portland’s past, present and future." If you've always wanted to get involved, now may be your chance: Through this Friday (Dec 10) they're soliciting ideas for their winter series of thematic tours, titled "Peripheries." If enjoy vague, open-ended challenges as a starting point for your creative projects, this could be for you: "DPC currently seeks proposals for tours exploring our “PERIPHERIES” theme, with the overall goal of broadening our collective understanding about aspects of the city that may otherwise go unrecognized. While we do not have a definitive definition of “PERIPHERIES,” one can interpret it in multiple ways: physical places located on the outskirts of the city or metaphorically as in people, places and ideas on the margins."

This could be the perfect opportunity to guide your fellow townspeople through the hidden gems of outer East Portland, our city's social services programs, non-English speaking citizens, right wingers in liberal Portland—the possibilities are endless, really. Go here to submit your idea.

21-1024x703.jpg
  • The Dill Pickle Club

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Photo Timeline of Portland's Historic Buildings

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Tue, Oct 4, 2011 at 3:14 PM

OoooOOOooo! Check out this fancy history nerd feature from the local Architecture Heritage Center.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Ken Burns' Prohibition, Or Why You Should Be Watching TV at 2 AM

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Mon, Oct 3, 2011 at 11:29 AM

Last night documentary filmmaker Ken Burns' (probably most famous for The Civil War) three-part Prohibition kicked off at 9 pm, a thorough, journalistic look at the story of America's "noble experiment" with alcohol. If you missed the first installment, "A Nation of Drunkards," all is not lost: OPB is airing it again at 2 am! (Convenient, guys. Alternatively, you can just buy a copy of the whole thing—it releases tomorrow. You're probably going to be doing that for holiday gifts anyhow.)

Tonight's installment will get into some of the more thrilling chapters of the era (speakeasies!), but "Drunkards" should not be skipped, especially if your impression of the political movement leading up to the ban of alcohol is little more than a sketchy idea that people back then were puritanical prudes. Burns unpacks a vision of early 19th Century America in which it was ordinary to the point of compulsory that men literally drank morning, noon, and night. Further exacerbated by the introduction of whiskey, constant drunkenness led to huge societal problems, the most heartbreaking of which included the widespread abuse, rape, an abandonment of women and children. I like my wine and vodka sodas, but I'm not sure anymore which team I would be on were I alive at the time.

Burns is upfront in interviews about his films not being political, and I don't expect Prohibition to go into any discussion of the contemporary parallels, but it's impossible not to infer the relevance of this history lesson to the current war on drugs. Especially when Burns rolls out the numbers regarding the proportion of the federal budget that once was funded by alcohol. Gee, I wonder what would happen to the economy if there was a prohibition on marijuana? Etc.

Point being, this should be required viewing for feminists and proponents of legalizing weed as well as history buffs. Don't sleep.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Happy Labor Day!

Posted by Goldy on Mon, Sep 5, 2011 at 10:14 AM

Today is Labor Day, the day the federal government and all 50 states reserve to ostensibly celebrate the contribution of workers. Although we don't call it Worker Day or Employee Day, or even Manager-Worker Mutual Appreciation Day, but rather Labor Day, as a deliberate recognition of the contribution of organized labor. You know... unions.

So if the union-busting Scott Walker wing of the Republican Party were honest about their politics they wouldn't celebrate the day, or at the very least, would call to change the name to Business Day or Capital Day or Plutonomist Day or White Male Christian Labor Day or something else that better reflected their beliefs about who truly contributes to our economy.

Bonus Labor Day Trivia:
Oregon was the first state to officially celebrate Labor Day, on the first Saturday in June of 1887; several other states followed later that year, choosing the first Monday in September. The immediate impetus was the infamous Haymarket Riot and Massacre of 1886. President Grover Cleveland declared Labor Day a national holiday in 1894 in an effort to appease organized labor after the brutal suppression of the Pullman Strike.

Which just goes to show you: The rights and privileges so many working Americans take for granted (the weekend, the 40 hour work week, basic workplace safety, etc.) were not a gift of benevolent capitalists, but were rather won through the spilling of workers' blood, and the threat/fear of even greater economic and social disruption.

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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Doctor Who Saves Hitler?!? SCREW YOU, WHO!!!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jul 26, 2011 at 11:59 AM

Me? I'm not a big Doctor Who fan. However, I know many of you are... which means you've all got a lot of 'splainin' to do! WHAT'S UP WITH DOCTOR WHO REFUSING TO KILL HITLER?? In the trailer for the upcoming episode entitled, "Let's Kill Hitler," it appears as if the Who team is doing the absolute OPPOSITE of killing Hitler... and actually SAVING Hitler! WTFISUWT?!?? (What the fuck is up with that?) Check it out.


I think this deserves a poll.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Twenty Years Ago Today...

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Jul 5, 2011 at 3:14 PM

1309891262-picture_4.png

....what is perhaps the greatest action movie ever made was released in the United States.

But let's be certain:

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Inside (and Outside) the Star Theater

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Wed, Jun 1, 2011 at 12:02 PM

The Stars marquee in 1954. The hope is to rebuild it to its former glory.
  • photo from William Joseph Gallery
  • The Star's marquee in 1954. The hope is to rebuild it to its former glory.

I stopped into the Star Theater last night for a quick glimpse of the new venue. It is indeed across the street from Roseland, in a building that you've probably overlooked but are no doubt familiar with. The Star is an appealing venue with some quirks, with a good stage and fine sight-lines from everywhere in the building. The sound was plenty loud, and clarity-wise it was probably not better than okay; the room is long and thin, and it's always a challenge to send a warm, full sound to an entire room of that shape. There's a large balcony, which is where you'll be going to schmooze and ignore the show. If that doesn't suffice, there's a large patio through an unmarked door—you probably won't notice it at first. But on the other side is a generous patio with a bar, lots of seating, and a glimpse of NW 6th's streetlife through the fence.

Back inside, there's lots of room up front to get close to the band, but in order to get there you have to navigate some narrow stairs and ramps and railings—kind of like that ramp that runs down one side of the Doug Fir. I bet the back of the room gets clogged during big shows. There's also a terrifying row of tiny closets in the basement that house the venue's toilets, which seem leftover from the venue's previous incarnation as a porn theater. The room has charm to spare and loads of potential. Right now the Star's schedule is pretty minimal; there's nothing scheduled there until June 17. If they're able to continually book solid shows, there's no reason for the venue to be anything other than a raging success.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Improving One's Telephone Manners as Told Through the Medium of "Rap"

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, May 24, 2011 at 3:14 PM

White people invented the telephone, as well as "telephone manners." This truth we hold to be self-evident. However, white people ruined rap. Here is a video that depicts all of these things.

Thank you, Everything is Terrible.

Monday, May 16, 2011

A Brief History of Our Awesome New Office

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Mon, May 16, 2011 at 12:14 PM

It's our first day in the new office, guys! For some reason, the Oregonian wrote about it.

Our office is now in the New Market Theater Building, which has an exciting past. The building was originally the home of Captain Ankeny, a shipping magnate who won the title "Captain" during the Indian Wars. The old timey, native-routing capitalist settled in Portland and built his home here on SW 2nd and Ash in 1857. He built the New Market Theater building, which takes up almost the whole block and was designed by architect William W. Piper, in 1872. I believe the section of the building our office is actually in Built in 1889 as a warehouse, forge, and annex to theater. This is back when theaters needed forges, I guess.

The property had a well which, 150 years later, inspired the name of a bar up the street. The bar is actually a rather apt memorial because when the property was renovated in 1983 (based on a design from SERA architects), they found a bunch of historic alcohol bottles on the premises, including brandy, wine, and Schnapps. Classy guy, the Captain.

The Captain and his alcohol!
  • The Captain and his alcohol!

Thanks to the tasteful renovation and no one tearing it down to build a parking lot, the building remains a prime example of a cast iron architecture in the city. The vaulted fifth-floor windows also offer a prime example of a place to watch the firemen across the street hose off their trucks. Just sayin'.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Dads: The Original Hipsters

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Tue, Apr 26, 2011 at 3:39 PM

Does anyone in Portland still own this shirt?
  • Does anyone in Portland still own this shirt?

Here's a Tumblr blog for fun: Dads Are the Original Hipsters. A collection of (sometimes amazing) photos of people's dads looking like hipsters, acting like hipsters, doing hipster things.

... whatever a "hipster" is.

Enjoy.

ht

Thursday, March 24, 2011

And Now: A Tour of Portland's Historic Brothels.

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Mar 24, 2011 at 12:57 PM

Always excellent local history blogger Dan Haneckow just put up a post about a small guide, circa the 1890s, of Portland's brothels.

The funny little handbook seems to have been mostly written, of course, in bawdy poems. It details various addresses of whorehouses around downtown and Old Town Portland. On what is now one block of the transit mall, for instance, there used to be a whopping four brothels.

Here's the section on Miss Minnie Reynolds of 89 Fifth Street:

In handsome parlors, skilled to please,
Fair Minnie waits in silken ease,
And at each guest's desire supplies
Dear pleasures, hid from prying eyes.
With such a haven ever nigh
Who could pass her parlors by?

And the then-and-now photo. This is Fifth Street and Miss Minnie's house is circled:

Monday, March 14, 2011

Japan in 1923

Posted by Eli Sanders on Mon, Mar 14, 2011 at 12:59 PM

The earthquake hit in the early afternoon off the coast of Honshu, Japan’s most populous island, triggering unprecedented destruction. Ninety percent of the houses in a score of seaside towns collapsed in seconds. Passenger trains fell off railway bridges and plunged into the sea. A few minutes later, a 35-foot-high tsunami rolled in, sweeping away cars, houses and thousands of people, and burying entire towns in mud. Then came fires, fanned by winds and fueled by flimsy wooden houses, reducing much of what remained to ashes.

The date was Sept. 1, 1923.

The rest—including 145,000 deaths, the burning of more than half of Tokyo, and a "dragon twist (that is, "a freak tornado of fire")—right here.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Old Things Don't Look All That Old in Color

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 4:36 PM

Earlier this month, we got some color snaps of Shackleton's 1915 Antarctic trip. Pretty nifty. But they're not quite as captivating as what the Smithsonian put out this week: Full color photos of a San Francisco freshly wrecked by the 1906 earthquake.

article-1364812-0D8CBA24000005DC-29_964x458.jpg

Click here to see more. Is it me, or is it a little jarring to see that a city, 100 years ago, really did have bright colors and sunshine, and not just the sad, Dickensian, child-labor-filled grays that fill black-and-white photos? Take away the old-timey billboard, and my brain has no trouble thinking these images are from no older than a smoggy, barren 1965.

Eva Braun in Blackface

Posted by David Schmader on Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 9:59 AM

"What's more loathsome than being Hitler's girlfriend?" asks James St. James at the Wow Report. "Answer: Being Hitler's girlfriend in blackface and drag!"

From LIFE magazine's newly published collection of Eva Braun's Private Photos:

1299715967-picture_2.png

Dear God.

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Monday, February 28, 2011

A List of Brilliant Movie Ideas

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 3:29 PM

kingsspeech.jpg

Having just won the Academy Award for Best Picture and earning over $100 million at the US box office, The King’s Speech is a decided success. And knowing that Hollywood likes to repeat its successes to the point of bleeding them dry, we can expect a forthcoming glut of historical bio-pictures about famous leaders overcoming minor handicaps. So, for the benefit of those in Hollywood, I’ve prepped the list of movie ideas that follows. Attention, Tinseltown: Here is your award-winning ticket to box office gold.

Continue reading »

Monday, February 21, 2011

Vote for the Most So-So President!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 21, 2011 at 10:58 AM

HAPPY PRESIDENTS DAY, DUDES! It's the day we reflect on possibly the hardest job in the country—if you don't count the jizz mopper over at Mr. Peeps. While the most popular presidents are on the tips of our tongues today, what about the more mediocre ones? It's time to tip our hats to this fairly sizable group of so-so leaders by holding our own election. So get ready to exercise your most precious right as an American by voting for which mediocre president you'd prefer if you were forced at gunpoint to vote for one!

A GUN IS TO YOUR HEAD. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SO-SO AMERICAN PRESIDENTS WOULD YOU VOTE FOR TODAY?

As always, the result of all Blogtown polls are scientifically and legally binding. Defend your answer in the comments, American!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Flossie

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Feb 10, 2011 at 1:59 PM

If you're looking for someone interesting to talk to about weird Portland histories, that person is Tim Hills, McMenamin's in-house historian. Hills surprised me this week when I called him to talk about whether McMenamin's is going to incorporate the history of infamous gay bathhouse Club Portland into its new boutique hotel that took over the building on SW Stark. Hills exclaimed: Of course! McMenamin's even saved the Army Jeep and dungeon gates that occupied the bathhouse basement AND went to the trouble of digging up old photos of its owner during the 1980s, a "big-hearted gay man named Flossie."

Here's Flossie:

Flossie at Flossies
  • Flossie at Flossie's

Read the whole story this week.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Portland's Vanished Black Neighborhoods

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Feb 3, 2011 at 5:29 PM

Two cool events coming up next week about the history of Portland's black communities.

One! Monday, February 7th, at noon, PSU prof Felicia Williams is giving a talk on the 10th floor of the Portland Building called, "Deliberate Destruction: A Look at Emanuel Hospital, The Portland Development Commission and Portland's Black Community." Sounds good and punchy, telling the story of how Emanuel Hospital and the Portland Development Commission demolished an entire black neighborhood around North Williams to make way for an expansion that never happened.

Two! Wednesday, February 9th, is the first day of an exhibit the black neighborhoods that vanished thanks to a flood, a freeway, and urban renewal. A former resident of Vanport, the mostly African-American city located where Portland International Raceway is now, will speak at the opening.

Vanport! Oh no!
  • Vanport! Oh no!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Bad-Ass Dog Mocked Nazis, Got Away With It

Posted by Charmaine Pritchett on Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 5:13 PM

Recent news indicates that dogs can be offensive and get away with it.

Adolf Hitler, one of the most ruthless men in history, has recently been found to have had difficulty in dealing with the smack of a Finnish dog and the dog's mockery of their regime, in documents that have recently been released.

In 1933, a man named Tor Borg and his wife Josefine were called out due to the accusations from someone that the dog was seen raising his paw when hearing the chant of "Heil Hitler." The Nazis were said to have been "obsessing" over the case two months before they invaded the Soviet Union. They were attempting to bring Borg to trial and to destroy his pharmacieutical company. Due to finding no witnesses willing to speak on the stand, the case was dropped when the Nazis deemed the case unsolvable.

hitler_mocking_dog.jpg
  • courtesy of oddstuff

via

Friday, December 10, 2010

So I Guess Someone Stole The Satyricon Marquee?

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Fri, Dec 10, 2010 at 11:26 AM

That's what I'm getting from this I, Anonymous submission. It does sounds like, at least, that the historic monument has found a loving home with someone who appreciates its long and debaucherous history, and you know, was there, man:

I was here during the rise and the fall of the club Satyricon. I saw bullshit bands get fame while talent was passed by. I watched as local papers told us Courtney Love was a regular (she definitely was NOT!). And that if we were lucky we could get in to see Portland bands like Everclear and Sleeter-Kinney (NOT PORTLAND BANDS!). Who could I trust in this town? Who wouldn't lie to me? The goddamn marquee sign on the front of the building!! That's who! When it said "90 Proof" or "Sweaty Nipples" or "Poison Idea" or "Jolly Mon" or one of my all time favorite postings, "Speed Weenie w/Shit Finger," or "M99," "Flap Jacks," The Creeps," "Cryptic Slaughter," "Spaztic Blurr," "Big Daddy Meat Straw" I knew it was going to be an evening of pure PORTLAND debauchery. What? You don't know who these bands are? The sign on the front of the Satyricon does! That's why I drove downtown in my official looking truck, with an official ladder. Put on an official orange vest and an official hard hat, and in broad daylight officialy STOLE THE SIGN off the front of the building. It Is in my posession and will never be in the hands of the likes of Art Alexookiedooke (that Everclear guy) or Britney Spears or whoever the hell the local media wants to tell me rocked this town inside out!! Could you imagine Justin Beeber owning the awning from out front of C.B.G.B.? Not in my lifetime!! NOT IN MY TOWN!!

It's BIEBER, dude.

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