For those who have been using this nice, hot, sunny weather to make your HUMP! 2013 films—the "extra credit" categories have been announced! And they are...

Bowling Pins
Butt Plugs
Hillary Clinton

Naturally, you don't have to use these things in your HUMP films—but if you do, you get extra credit! (I personally think if Hillary Clinton herself is in your film, you should flat-out win.) HERE ARE THE REST OF THE DEETS:

More info here!

In case you didn't check out the print edition of the Mercury this week, we announced the winners of HUMP 2012! (A special congrats to our first ever winner in TWO categories, the grand prize winning and Portland-made "Magic Love." Yay Portland! Yay Stop motion animated sex!)

Thanks to everybody who participated in HUMP! 2012 this past weekend! There's a couple more screenings in Seattle this weekend, after which we will tally up all the votes, and announce who won "Best Humor," "Best Sex," "Best Kink," and the $5000-winning "Best in Show"! Stay tuned!

Also publisher Rob Crocker just emailed some the stats for this past weekend, which I thought I'd share with you—the best HUMP! audience in the world!

HUMP! highlights!
- We sold over 6500 tickets!
- We drained over 25 kegs of beer!
- A guy proposed to his girlfriend he met at last year's HUMP!
- 5 cell phones confiscated!
- 2 projectile vomits!
- 1 shit bag left in the theater (don't even ask...)!

That sounds like a pretty good year to me! Thanks again for HUMPing along with us—and start thinking of your idea for a five-minute filthy flick to submit to HUMP! 2013!

Due to insane demand, we decided to add a brand new Friday, 4:30 screening to the sold out HUMP! amateur porn film fest, as well as 25 seats each for every one of the Sunday shows. But I bet you dollars to doughnuts (what does that even mean?) that those are gonna sell out too. Sooooo...

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! Get your tickets for the Friday 4:30 screening (tomorrow) of HUMP, and limited Sunday screening seats here! (Your nethers will be glad you did.)

For those panicky people who thought that HUMP! was sold out—well, they were partially right. We were sold out... until yesterday when we added a BRAND NEW HUMP SCREENING! It's this Friday at 4:30 pm (knock off work early to watch some hilarious/hot porn), but I bet ya big dope money that this one will sell out too!

GET YOUR TICKETS NOW FOR THE JUST ADDED FRIDAY, 4:30 PM HUMP SHOW—OR YOU KNOW, BE VERY DISAPPOINTED.

As I clearly warned you a number or times, HUMP! sold the fuck out. Which obviously prompted the following real Craigslist posting...

While HUMP! tickets are clearly worth at least one blowjob, you don't have to go down on someone just yet for tickets, because WE'VE JUST ADDED ANOTHER HUMP! 2012 SCREENING!

Due to overwhelming response, we now have a Friday 4:30 screening of HUMP! and tickets are on sale now! And you can bet your BJ that this one will sell out too—SO GET THOSE TICKETS QUICK!

The names of the films that made it into HUMP! after the JUMP! Tickets for HUMP! on sale now!

Thanks to everyone who made a film for HUMP! We had more submissions this year than ever before and everyone on the HUMP! jury wishes we could've included more films in the festival. But we trust that everyone had fun making their HUMP! videos—it sure looks like everyone was having fun—and we hope that everyone will be inspired to submit again next year.

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Hey! You want to go to HUMP! You want to go for free! That's why I'm offering TWO FREE TICKETS to the friendliest l'il amateur porn film fest in the nation! Simply send me an email HERE by Monday at noon, and put "HUMPALCIOUS" in the subject line—and if you win, you'll get two tickets to the HUMP! Sunday Nov 11 4:30 screening. (Hey, that one's 18 and over! Knock yourselves out, kids.)

If you are too scared to let luck decide your fate, GET YOUR TICKETS HERE AND FAST. Two shows on Friday and Saturday are already sold out, and Thursday's well on its way! STILL CAN'T DECIDE (even though everyone who's ever been to one thinks it's the funnest thing ever)? Check out this commercial for HUMP!* (Wait... a COMMERCIAL FOR HUMP??!!!???)

*No animals were harmed during the making of this commercial, and yes, I know HUMP! has a "no animals" policy... though that doesn't apply to our commercials! Psych.

"Lovely kitchen—but white back-splashes are so hard to keep clean."

"No, it's really easy! It's the worst thing about jumping on a trampoline."

"Luckily the female body has ways of shutting bunny rape down."

[Get your tickets here.]

I'm one of the judges for our annual amateur porn festival, Hump! Which means that I spent Sunday in a small room with all the other judges, watching every single one of the 90 under-five-minute porns submitted. You have to see what the final selections are when the festival hits Portland in November—get your tickets here! And get them soon, because it's a hilarious time and showings always all sell out.

Anyway, people have asked me what it's like to watch strangers' porn tapes from 10am to 7pm. Here's my hour-by-hour rundown:

In hour zero, you’re nervous. Ninety short amateur porn films. You’re giddy, a little on edge. You have no idea how you will scale this porn mountain. What will the view be from the top? Likely, you will be staring into the dark, scarred valley of Never Having Sex Again.

In hour one, you’re critical. After the anxious expectation of having your eyes burned out by staring directly into someone’s bleached sphincter, the reality of other-people-fucking is a let down. You laugh as the first naked breasts flop onto screen, stare intensely at the first unveiled vagina, and roll your eyes at the stranger melodramatically stroking his dick. Talk and jerk. Is this all there is?

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Here's another thoughtful reminder to get your tickets like NOW for HUMP!—the Northwest's sweetest li'l amateur porn fest. Two screenings are already sold out, one is extremely close, and rest assured by the time the fest rolls around (Nov 8-11 at Cinema 21) every last ticket will be gone.

Don't miss the fun! GET THOSE TICKETS RIGHT HERE... or if you're feeling extremely lucky, I'm giving away two free tickets to the HUMP! 4:30 pm Sunday, Nov 11 show (which happens to be the only 18 + screening... the rest are 21 and over)! Email me here by noon on Monday and put "HUMP ME HUMPADEUS!" in the subject line, and include your real name! If you win, I'll contact you!

This year we received the most submissions ever, so that surely means you're in for a HUMP-alicious good time! More info HERE!

UPDATE: Contest closed! Thanks for playing!

It's official! We have the most submissions *EVER* which means (probably!) the best program ever. Thanks (and good luck!) to all the horny-porny filmmakers! To everyone else who wants to go and see HUMP!—here's where you get your tickets. (NOTE! The Friday 9:30 pm show is already sold out, and the Saturday 9:30 show only has five seats left! Yipes! HURRY!)

We gave you guys another week to get your HUMP! submissions together, because we are nice, and you are horny. HOWEVER! If you really want to win that $5000 grand prize (or $1000 runner up cash awards), shoot or complete your five-minute HUMP! amateur porn movie, and get it to the Mercury office no later than 5 pm on next Friday, October 12!

Think it's too late to get started? WRONG AGAIN! A recent HUMP! winner shot and entered their movie ONE DAY BEFORE DEADLINE. If they can, you can. The biggest journey starts with one small step. “No. Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.“ Yoda said that in some porn film, I think. Oh, and GET YOUR TICKETS NOW, AND HERE. This puppy will absolutely, positively sell out, because it always does!

GET ALL THE INFO YOU COULD EVER NEED RIGHT HERE, AND ENTER HUMP!

• Disclaimer: I didn't do the photoshop on this, so don't blame me.

Look. You're having sex this weekend anyway, right? Then why not throw on some funny costumes, think up an unlikely plot, film yourself having sex, and submit it to the HUMP! Amateur Porn Film Fest? SUBMISSIONS ARE DUE ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!

Why should you? Here's why should you.

• Grand Prize of $5000. (Plus multiple $1000 and $250 prizes!)
• Non-Fame! (Your submission is guarded with our lives, and will never, ever, never get on the internet. Unless you put it there. We destroy the copy after the last screening!)
• You're sexy and you know it. Why not share your sexy sex-positiveness with a small portion of the world that can cram into the Cinema 21 Theater on Nov 8-11! (Tickets go on sale October 2!)

But you can't win if you don't enter, so get all the info you need here, and as I said, SUBMISSIONS ARE DUE ONE WEEK FROM...

WAIT! UPDATE! I swear to god I just got the following email notification while writing this: The HUMP! submission deadline has been EXTENDED to 5 pm FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12! Yay! You know what that means? That means you have a whole extra week to shoot and edit your film, and if you can't get that done in TWO weeks, then I don't know what to say. Maybe get out of the amateur porn business?

C'MON! GET HUMPING!

Now that I've got your attention... Did you know there's only 18 days left to make your film for HUMP! 2012? It's true. I hope you've started your entry?

Don't forget, extra credit points this year go to:

Sweater Vests
Lesbian Sex
and... Packing Peanuts!

All the info you need is right here. It's time to get HUMP-ing! Remember too, that every film submission receives two free tickets to the festival. And it's totally free to enter. Get busy, now!

• Kelly O

You've got about six weeks until all submissions for HUMP! 2012 are due! So if you're into sex, filmmaking, and winning $5000, you better get HUMPin'! AND GET ALL THOSE DETAILS HERE.

It's the freakin' weekend, and since you're going to have sex anyway—might as well film it, and enter it in the HUMP! 2012 amateur porn competition! As you know, HUMP! is our annual contest that allows you to be a porn star for the weekend, by making your own five minute hot, hilarious, and horny homemade XXX movie. And if it makes the cut, it'll be screened at the HUMP! festival at Cinema 21 with a bunch of other finalists—after which all copies will be DESTROYED in order to protect your precious reputation.

Best of all? YOU COULD WIN THE GRAND PRIZE OF $5000! Here are the deets:

The Stranger and the Portland Mercury once again invite amateur filmmakers, porn stars, porn-star wannabes, hotties, kinksters, regular folks, and all other creative types to make short porn films—five minutes max—for HUMP!™ 2012. Films selected for HUMP!™ 2012 will be screened over three weekends in November at theaters in Seattle, Portland, and Olympia. HUMP!™ 2012 films can be hardcore, softcore, live action, animated, kinky, vanilla, straight, gay, lez, bi, trans, genderqueer — anything goes at HUMP!™ (Well, almost anything: No poop, no animals, no minors.) Deadline for HUMP!™ submissions is October 5, 2012.

Wanna find out more, including how to win thousands in prize money? Visit the HUMP site, grab your camera, and do what comes naturally! (And by that, we mean SEX.)

Don't let this sunshine/rain/sunshine/rain stuff dissuade you from planning and completing your funnest project of the summer: Your filthy submission for HUMP! 2012!

The northwest's premiere (okay, only) amateur porn contest, HUMP! gives you a chance to make a filthy 'n' fun five minute dirty movie, and compete for HUGE amounts of money! The best entries will be chosen by a jury of your horny peers, and the top picks will be screened all together at Cinema 21 this October.

BUT DON'T WORRY! Your sexy entry will be kept under lock and key, and then destroyed after the last HUMP! screening. We want you to be a porn star for a weekend... not a lifetime.

Oh, and about those prizes...

WOW! What are you waiting for? You're young, hot and hor-nay, so grab a camera, jot down a ridiculous plot, and get to HUMPin'! All the details, rules, and entry forms you could ever need are right here.

According to the weather elves who know, the shitty days of cold rain will be a thing of the past—starting next week! So it's the perfect weekend to devise your master plan for what you're going to do for HUMP! 2012!

The northwest's premiere (okay, only) amateur porn contest, HUMP! gives you a chance to make a filthy 'n' fun five minute dirty movie, and compete for HUGE amounts of money! The best entries will be chosen by a jury of your horny peers, and the top picks will be screened all together at Cinema 21 this October.

BUT DON'T WORRY! Your sexy entry will be kept under lock and key, and then destroyed after the last HUMP! screening. We want you to be a porn star for a weekend... not a lifetime.

Oh, and about those prizes...

WOW! What are you waiting for? You're young, hot and hor-nay, so grab a camera, jot down a ridiculous plot, and get to HUMPin'! All the details, rules, and entry forms you could ever need are right here.