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Friday, May 30, 2014

Today's Most Terrible Person in the World

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, May 30, 2014 at 9:59 AM

When divorce attorney Marilyn D. York says in this commercial that she "loves women," I think what she really means is that SHE DESPERATELY HATES WOMEN. Or at least despises them enough to throw her entire gender under a bus, in order to profit from her betrayal. Why? Because Attorney Marilyn D. York is a female "men's rights" lawyer (didn't see that coming!) who vows to protect those pitiful "blindsided" men who are being heartlessly deceived by their scheming shrewish wives.

This is what Attorney Marilyn D. York means when she says #YesAllWomen.

And oh boy, here's another one! POOR, POOR MEN!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

More Disgusting Nonsense from Donald Sterling

Posted by Eli Sanders on Tue, May 13, 2014 at 9:44 AM

As he was trying to apologize on CNN last night, Donald Sterling veered away from contrition and began talking to Anderson Cooper about Magic Johnson:

"Big, Magic Johnson, what has he done?" Sterling asked Cooper. "He's got AIDS."

Cooper clarified that Johnson was diagnosed with HIV, not AIDS. Sterling went on, "What kind of a guy has sex with every girl, then he catches HIV? Is that someone we want to respect and tell our kids about? I think he should be ashamed of himself. I think he should go into the background. What does he do for the black people?"

Um. Here's something Magic Johnson has done for all kinds of people. Here's something else. And here's what NBA commissioner Adam Silver said in response to Sterling's latest:

While Magic Johnson doesn't need me to, I feel compelled on behalf of the NBA family to apologize to him that he continues to be dragged into this situation and be degraded by such a malicious and personal attack... The NBA Board of Governors is continuing with its process to remove Mr. Sterling as expeditiously as possible.

As for Johnson himself:


Thursday, March 6, 2014

Conservative Writer Upset That 12 Years a Slave Didn't Show Any Happy Slaves

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Mar 6, 2014 at 9:44 AM

12 Years a Slave: Note that none of these people are smiling. Whats up with that?
  • 12 Years a Slave: Note that none of these people are smiling. What's up with that?

I try not to hate-read conservative racist comments anymore, because they just take up room in my brain and they don't do anyone any good. But Mary Noble at Politix linked to this astounding review of 12 Years a Slave by James Bowman in the conservative American Spectator, and it's forced me to break my self-imposed ban on hate-reading:

If ever in slavery's 250-year history in North America there were a kind master or a contented slave, as in the nature of things there must have been, here and there, we may be sure that Mr McQueen does not want us to hear about it...Yes, there was much cruelty and hardship in the slave-owning South, as there has been in most of the rest of the world most of the time, and Mr. McQueen's camera is all over that. But it strains ordinary credulity to suppose that there was nothing else.

Sometimes, it's worth reading idiotic pieces like this to understand how the other side thinks. The modern Republican Party is so excited by its own contrarianism—the globe is not warming, health care does not need reform—that it's basically become a giant no-producing machine. To the conservative mindset, if a liberal institution like Hollywood comes out with a statement about slavery, then that statement must be inherently wrong. This is what has become of William F. Buckley's famous statement about conservatism:

A conservative is someone who stands athwart history, yelling Stop, at a time when no one is inclined to do so, or to have much patience with those who so urge it.

Buckley's statement has never been so true than with Bowman's piece. He's trying to rewrite history, because history embarrasses people like him.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Well, Spotify, Now That You Mention It...

Posted by Alison Hallett on Mon, Feb 3, 2014 at 2:29 PM

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:|

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Thursday, January 2, 2014

Shia LaBeouf Is an Insufferable Prick

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Jan 2, 2014 at 1:29 PM

So yesterday, in response to the plagiarism scandal that's been surrounding him for the past month, Shia LaBeouf hired a skywriter to write an apology to Dan Clowes in the sky over Hollywood:


It's important to note that Clowes doesn't live in Hollywood. He lives in the Bay Area.

And last night, LaBeouf apparently engaged in an impromptu e-mail interview with Rich Johnston, founder of comics and pop culture site Bleeding Cool. LaBeouf responded in what seems to be a mix of original sentences and plagiarism, but his point was that the twenty-first century is about remixing and editing, not about creation. The exchange also includes this beauty:

Authorship is censorship
Should God sue me if I paint a river?
Should we give people the death sentence for parking violations-
You’ll not only have less parking violations but less DRIVERS.

On the other hand, I now know how to type the name "Shia LaBeouf" without checking the New York Times for the appropriate spelling, so I guess the joke's on me.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Duck Dynasty Star Suspended; Conservative Cry Fowl (GET IT?!?)

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Dec 19, 2013 at 10:29 AM

As you may have heard, A&E has suspended Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson for spouting some not-very-surprising hillbilly homophobia in an interview, including that tired old saw of comparing homosexuality to bestiality. HEE-HAW! HEE-HAW! (This is what happens when networks base much of their schedule around reality shows about undereducated country folk. It's funny! Until it's not.) Anyway, after hearing about Hillbilly Phil's suspension, the Tea Baggies leapt at the chance to be outraged... because they always do.


Time's TV critic James Poniewozic sighs deeply and explains to this idiot why he's an idiot.

Losing your job for saying something that embarrasses your private employer–even if that is a media outlet–is not a free speech issue. It is not a First Amendment issue. It may be dumb, it may be justified, but it is not a constitutional violation.

So is now a good time to start screaming at Fred Meyer and Walgreens to get those Duck Dynasty coffee mugs, T-shirts, birthday cards, and mouse pads off their shelves?

Thursday, December 12, 2013

"For All You Kids at Home, Santa Just Is White."

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Dec 12, 2013 at 1:29 PM

Is this discussion about Santa's race the dumbest three minutes of television news to air this week? If it isn't, I don't think I want to watch the dumbest three minutes of television news to air this week. The climax of this clip sums up Fox News's advice to minorities everywhere: "Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change." And she follows that up with this beauty: "I mean, Jesus was a white man, too."

I know some people who claim that Megyn Kelly is really smart, and that she considers her role at Fox News to be performance art. I just can't buy that.

Glenn Beck Names His Man of the Year

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Dec 12, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Glenn Beck points out that Time magazine once made Hitler man of the year. So why, he asks, don't they make Ted Cruz man of the year? Because Time is a bunch of fascists, that's why! That logic totally checks out.

Incidentally, Time did choose Ted Cruz as a runner-up to Pope Francis for Man of the Year, and they ran a fairly positive profile of Cruz, too. But they didn't place him on the same pedestal as Hitler, so Glenny is upset. Poor, poor Glenny.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Politician Decides to Solve the Homeless Problem By Smashing Shopping Carts with a Sledgehammer

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Nov 20, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Scott Keyes at ThinkProgress says:

Noting that he’s “disgusted” with homeless people, [Hawaii state Representative Tom] Brower told the Honolulu Star-Advertiser about his own personal brand of “justice”: “If I see shopping carts that I can’t identify, I will destroy them so they can’t be pushed on the streets.” Brower has waged this campaign for two weeks, estimating that he’s smashed about 30 shopping carts in the process.

It should be noted that Brower is a Democrat. Here's video of his crusade:

This is way flashier than, say, investing money in mental health programs, or making sure that Hawaii has plenty of low-cost housing. Maybe next Brower will address teen pregnancy by lighting fire to a big pile of tube tops.

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Thursday, November 14, 2013

This Toaster is a Metaphor for EVERYTHING

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Nov 14, 2013 at 3:14 PM

This toaster is a metaphor for the following:

U.S. Congress
Internet commenters
McDonalds
The Oregonian's website
Tyler Perry
Surly baristas
The I, Anonymous Blog
God
Fox and Friends
This blog post
EVERYTHING.


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Koch Brothers Are Reportedly Funding "A Network of Think Tanks Across the Country"

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Nov 13, 2013 at 1:29 PM

Tal Kopan at Politico reports:

A network of think tanks across the country is quietly pushing the agenda of right-wing groups with funding from Koch brothers-affiliated organizations, a new report alleges.

The study, by the liberal Center for Media and Democracy, is aimed at the State Policy Network, which describes itself as “dedicated solely to improving the practical effectiveness of independent, nonprofit, market-oriented, state-focused think tanks,” which are operating in all 50 states. The tax-exempt group seeks to “enable these organizations to better educate local citizens, policy makers and opinion leaders about market-oriented alternatives to state and local policy challenges.”

But that’s not the full story, according to the Center for Media and Democracy, which bills itself as a nonprofit watchdog group. CMD alleges that rather than a loose coalition of locally focused think tanks, SPN’s organizations are using “dark money” — a term for money donated for elections without disclosing its source — from conservative and corporate donors like the Koch brothers to push a cookie-cutter conservative agenda at the state level...

You should go read the whole thing. The Koch brothers hate taxes so much that they're willing to spend a ridiculous amount of money to fight taxes. Could you imagine what could've been achieved, had they decided to donate that money to charity, instead? Or if, heaven forbid, they actually paid a reasonable tax rate?

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Sexy, Sexy Sock Puppets

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Nov 12, 2013 at 10:59 AM

Remember Ashley Madison, the social networking site that promises to bring married people together for secret affairs? Seems like it may not be as full of sexy un-singles as advertised:

A Toronto woman named Doriana Silva says she was hired to help launch the Brazilian version of the adultery-themed dating service, but soon realized her duties were to seed the new platform with fake female profiles. "The purpose of these profiles is to entice paying heterosexual male members to join and spend money on the website," the lawsuit alleges. All told, she created over a thousand profiles, which she now claims left her with debilitating repetitive stress injuries.

If you're looking to have a secret affair, you might have to do it the old-fashioned way: Take off your wedding ring and spend way too much money a nightclub that's demographically way too young for you.

Friday, November 8, 2013

An Ender's Game TV Show?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Nov 8, 2013 at 2:29 PM

Yes, I know that card-carrying homophobe Orson Scott Card won't make a ton of money off his movie, and I know that Enders Game didn't have a spectacular opening... but I'm still giving Card and his movie a BOOOOOOOO! because of this from Variety:

Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer said Friday during a conference call with analysts that the studio will “wait another week or two” before it decides whether to make another film based on the Orson Scott Card series of 13 novels.

He also said that an “Ender’s Game” TV spinoff was under consideration.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Unless of course it stars a shirtless Tom Welling... and no, I don't care that he's 84 years old now!!!)

George W. Bush to Cause the Apocalypse (Yes, Again)

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Nov 8, 2013 at 1:29 PM

Sarah Posner at Mother Jones explains:

Next week, former President George W. Bush is scheduled to keynote a fundraiser in Irving, Texas, for the Messianic Jewish Bible Institute, a group that trains people in the United States, Israel, and around the world to convince Jews to accept Jesus as the Messiah. The organization's goal: to "restore" Israel and the Jews and bring about about the second coming of Christ.

George W. Bush's post-presidency is just as terrible as his presidency was. Everything he does makes me hate him a little more. He's just the worst thing to happen to America. Check that. He's just the worst, period.

(Via Christian Nightmares.)

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Monday, October 21, 2013

Now That the Spotlight's Off Him, Republican Outrage Queen Apologizes for His Behavior

Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Oct 21, 2013 at 1:59 PM

Remember Republican outrage queen Randy Neugebauer's insane rant at a park ranger during the shutdown?

Two days after voting for the shutdown, Texas congressman Randy Neugebauer tried to lead a group of teabaggy veterans into the World War II Memorial in Washington, DC, but it was closed, because the WWII Memorial is a federal park. When a Park Service employee tried to stop Congressman Neugebauer, whose American flag on a dowel stuck into his breast pocket gave him the appearance of a burger served in a TGI Fridays on the Fourth of July, he lost his shit on her: "How do you look at them... and deny them access?" Neugebauer said, indicating the veterans. High on the fumes of his own hypocritical outrage, he added, "The Park Service should be ashamed of themselves."

The employee responded, "I'm not ashamed."

Neugebauer replied, "You should be."

Over the weekend, Neugebauer quietly issued an apology to the Park Service:

In the letter, Neugebauer admitted that he put the park ranger in an "uncomfortable position" with a tone that was "inappropriate."

"I regret how I handled that situation, and I would like to offer you my apologies," he added, according to CNN.

Now that nobody's paying attention, it's time to try to act like a human being again. Christ, what an asshole.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Tea Party Leader Asshole to President Obama: Put Down the Quran and Come Out With Your Hands Up

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Oct 14, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Andrew Sullivan wants you to watch this asshole's speech:

This is a fascinating speech from today’s rally at the World War II veterans’ memorial. It’s fascinating because it’s a riveting, candid insight into the forces that are behind the government shut-down and the debt-ceiling blackmail of the country and the world. They do not believe this president is a legitimate president. It is beyond their understanding that he was re-elected handily, or that he commands, even during this assault on our system of government, far more support than the Tea Party. Let’s not be mealy-mouthed. This speaker, Larry Klayman of Freedom Watch, accuses the president of treason in this speech, of deliberately pursuing policies to kill members of the armed services, because he is an Islamist, and allegedly “bows to Allah”. What he is saying is the president is a deliberate mole of foreign agents determined to destroy the American way of life. And there is no pushback from the crowd and no pushback from GOP leaders.

This is what we’re dealing with.

Go read the whole thing.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Michele Bachmann Wants to Impeach President Obama for Being a "Dictator"

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Oct 11, 2013 at 1:59 PM

The only thing that could sink Congressional Republican approval ratings even lower would be if they moved to impeach President Obama. So, naturally:

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) said Tuesday that President Obama has “committed impeachable offenses” and that the House could hold a hearing to impeach.

“We can have an impeachment hearing in the House, and in my mind the president has committed impeachable offenses,” Bachmann told conservative talk show host Rusty Humphries in an interview first detailed by Right Wing Watch.

Say what you want about Michele Bachmann, but I think "in my mind the president has committed impeachable offenses" is maybe the most honest thing she's ever said. In her mind, the president has done a whole bunch of things.

Arizona Republican Who Called Obama "De Fuhrer" Says She Obviously Wasn't Calling Him Hitler

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Oct 11, 2013 at 10:14 AM

ThinkProgress says that Republican Arizona State Representative Brenda Barton stuck her foot in it on a Facebook post complaining about parks being closed during the shutdown:

Barton minced no words, calling Obama “De Fuhrer [sic]” and urging local sheriffs to arrest park rangers who enforce rules keeping people out of National Parks that are closed due to the federal government shutdown...Asked about it by the Arizona Capitol Times later that day, Barton stood by her Adolf Hitler analogy. “He’s dictating beyond his authority,” she explained.

Yesterday, Barton denied the whole thing, releasing a statement that indicated she wasn't calling Obama Hitler, she simply "used the German phrase for emphasis, Der Fuhrer." Uh huh.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Are They Going to Hit the Pause Button on the Shutdown?

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Oct 10, 2013 at 1:43 PM

Politico is saying that in addition to lifting the debt ceiling for six weeks, John Boehner might be trying to delay the shutdown for six weeks, too:

If Thursday night’s meeting with Obama goes well, senior Republican sources say that Boehner could have enough internal political capital to move a bill next week to reopen government until Nov. 22 — the end of the negotiating period.

The temporary relief would be much appreciated, but it doesn't resolve the greater problem. Until Republicans are willing to show some willingness to shift their goals to something that reflects reality, we're going to keep dancing on the edge of disaster.

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Monday, October 7, 2013

If John Boehner Says Totally Contradictory Things Three Days Apart, What Does It Mean?

Posted by Eli Sanders on Mon, Oct 7, 2013 at 9:44 AM

October 3, 2013:

Speaker John A. Boehner has privately told Republican lawmakers anxious about fallout from the government shutdown that he would not allow a potentially more crippling federal default as the atmosphere on Capitol Hill turned increasingly tense on Thursday.

October 6, 2013:

Speaker John A. Boehner stood his ground on Sunday alongside the most conservative Republicans in Congress, insisting that the House would not vote to finance and reopen the government or raise the nation’s borrowing limit without concessions from President Obama on the health care law.

Which is it?

Is Boehner willing to default on the nation's debts if he doesn't get the "concessions" he wants on Obamacare? Or is he going to end this concession obsession before October 17, when the debt limit has to be raised or else?

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Jon Stewart On What Just Happened

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Oct 1, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Welcome to the Teapocalypse!

Posted by Goldy on Tue, Oct 1, 2013 at 9:44 AM

The federal government officially shut down at midnight Eastern time, you know, just because. Previous government shutdowns have tended to be expensive and painful, but brief. This time though, I'm not so sure about the brief part.

A couple weeks ago somebody asked me if I thought House Republicans would follow through on their threat to force a shutdown, and I responded with a question of my own: "In what world do you live?" Of course we were headed for a shut down. The whole goal of the Tea Party is to dismantle government. How could a shut down be anything but a win-win for them?

Even scarier is the looming debt ceiling crisis, just two and a half weeks away. Not that they understand it or anything, but Teabaggers hate the national debt. And what better way to rein in the debt than by defaulting on it? Nobody would lend us money then, right? Of course, global financial markets would collapse in the process, but who needs global financial markets?

These people aren't just incredibly stupid. They're fucking crazy. And they're driving the Republican Party.

So this only ends one of two ways. Either President Obama caves on what even he now calls Obamacare—which I'm guessing (hoping?) is not going to happen. Or House Republicans defy the Tea Party and risk the wrath of the their idiot base. Don't hold your breath.

Monday, September 30, 2013

What Happens to the Economy If the Government Shuts Down?

Posted by Eli Sanders on Mon, Sep 30, 2013 at 9:47 AM

Bad things at first, and then worse things down the road:

A prolonged government shutdown — followed by a potential default on the federal debt — would have economic ripple effects far beyond Washington, upending financial markets, sending the unemployment rate higher and slowing already tepid growth, according to a wide range of economists.

A shutdown of a few days might do little damage, but economists, lawmakers and analysts are increasingly bracing for a shutdown that could last a week or more, given the distance between Republicans and Democrats. Such an outcome would suck money out of the economy and spread anxiety among consumers and businesses in a way that is likely to hold back economic activity.

Which is why even Republican-leaning business groups don't want this to happen. But, as things currently stand, the shutdown begins tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Is Ted Cruz Still Talking?

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Sep 25, 2013 at 1:19 PM

Nope.

John McCain, according to the Huffington Post, was especially not amused by one of Cruz's crazier moments:

"If you go to the 1940s, Nazi Germany," Cruz said. "Look, we saw in Britain, Neville Chamberlain, who told the British people, 'Accept the Nazis. Yes, they'll dominate the continent of Europe but that's not our problem. Let's appease them. Why? Because it can't be done. We can't possibly stand against them.'"

"I resoundingly reject that allegation," McCain said. "That allegation, in my view, does a great disservice. A great disservice to those brave Americans and those who stood up and said, 'what's happening in Europe cannot stand.'"

The Huffington Post also quotes McCain as saying that the fight on Obamacare was over, that Republicans "fought [Obamacare] as hard as we could in a fair and honest manner and we lost."

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Meet Your Average, Everyday Sadists

Posted by Cienna Madrid on Tue, Sep 17, 2013 at 2:44 PM

In a study published in the journal Psychological Science, Dr. Delroy L. Paulhus explains the results of experiments designed to identify people predisposed to revel in others’ suffering—like those who cheer at sports games when people get injured. People he calls "everyday sadists." The experiments involve crushing bugs and white noise:

In the study’s first experiment, to learn if everyday sadism correlated with the questionnaire, researchers recruited 71 psychology students, ostensibly to understand “personality and tolerance for challenging jobs.”

The students chose among tasks that stood for jobs: killing bugs (exterminator); helping the exterminator (exterminator’s assistant); cleaning toilets (sanitation worker); or enduring pain from ice water (a worker in cold environments). Among the participants, nearly 53 percent chose to be bug assassins or assistants, 34 percent chose toilet-cleaning and 13 percent pain tolerance. Gender was evenly distributed among those choosing various tasks.

Students who chose to be bug-killers were presented with three cups, each holding a live pill bug. To anthropomorphize the bugs, each was given a name: Muffin, Ike, or Tootsie. Bug-killers had to drop a bug into a modified coffee grinder, force the top down, and grind the bug up.

... During the execution of the assignment, some bug-killers quit after one or two. But some asked for more bugs.

In other news, every five-year-old I know is an everyday sadist.

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