This Week in the Mercury

The Once Over Twice

Music

The Once Over Twice

An Interview with X's John Doe


Lose Myself in Sound

Music

Lose Myself in Sound

David Kilgour Makes Stuff out of Nothing



Thursday, July 31, 2014

Drink Great Beer and Talk About Consequence-Free Weed with The Mercury

Posted by Dirk VanderHart on Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 10:44 AM

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Have a seat. We want to talk with you about pot.

In November, Oregonians are going to have a shot at legalizing recreational marijuana for the second time in two years. It wasn't a particularly clean march to the ballot. Infighting between rivaling factions in the legalization movement helped torpedo one effort, and continues even though there's only one contender remaining. But polling suggests the public is ready to embrace legal weed, and New Approach Oregon, the campaign that's backing the ballot measure, seems to have the financial firepower to bring the thing home.

That said, you should be asking questions. Sure, Washington and Colorado haven't collapsed under legal weed, but there are still tough realities there, and Oregon's got its own unique circumstances.

So, like I say, come talk to us about pot.

As part of an occasional partnership with the Bus Project, the Mercury's co-sponsoring one of our delightful Brewhaha forums next Tuesday on recreational marijuana. It will take place at the Green Dragon, of course, and will feature exciting, informed guests who can answer all your pressing concerns.

Things like:

•How much a gram, bro?

•Is it Kind?

•There's a disturbing history—in Oregon and around the country—of minorities being disproportionately targeted for marijuana crimes. Your campaign purports to help solve this, but even your own studies concede that the black market will dominate pot sales if marijuana is legal in Oregon. Will we see reduced disparity, or will it remain static—even increase—as well-to-do types embrace the more expensive legal market, and those lower on the socioeconomic ladder keep on keepin' on?

Other things you'd be reasonable to ask:

Will there be beer? Hell yes there will be beer. Sixty-two taps' worth.

What about those guests you mentioned? Check it:

•Becky Straus, legislative director at the ACLU of Oregon
•Liz Kaufman, campaign director for New Approach Oregon
•Brian Budz, co-owner of New Vansterdam, one of Vancouver's two recreational pot shops

How about the moderator? Yours truly, slinging heat rocks (questions and bad jokes).

I'm not going to pay to come see you act like a jerk. Don't have to. It's free. (Not the foodstuffs/beverages, though.)

Show up, grab a beer, talk about weed, and be a conscientious civic actor all in one. This is an exciting opportunity. We'll see you Tuesday.

SL Letter of the Day: Love and Lyme

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 10:29 AM

I am on vacation for another week. But I've invited Dr. Lori Brotto to handle the Savage Love Letters of the Day. Dr. Lori Brotto is a clinical psychologist and sex researcher at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. You can follow her on twitter @DrLoriBrotto, take part in her studies here and hear her chat about cultivating sexual satisfaction here. Dr. Brotto will be answering your questions all week.

I am a heterosexual female who has been happily, wonderfully married for 20 years. Seven years ago, I contracted a chronic illness, Lyme disease, and over the years it has progressed to the point where now I am no longer able to have sex with my husband. I desperately want to, but my body betrays me and my desires. I love my husband. He is loyal, devoted, and also my caretaker as now my mobility has been compromised due to the strain of Lyme that I have. I don't want my husband to be miserable in the sex department just because my body isn't working as it should, but an affair, or "lover" if you will, isn't acceptable to me. I don't want to be replaced emotionally by another woman. I just want my man to get laid. So we agreed that finding a sex worker would be better than an affair since there are no strings attached. The question is, how do we find one? Yeah he could go down to Aurora Avenue and find one, but (sorry ladies) ewww. That's not what I want for him. It seems it's easy to find a well-recommended hairdresser, massage therapist, or physician, but what about a sex worker? How do we find this person? Ads online or in the newspaper? It feels like throwing darts, blindfolded. Is there any advice you can provide?

Sick Seeking Sex Worker

Dr. Brotto's response after the jump...

Continue reading »

Win Tickets to Hamilton Leithauser

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 10:14 AM

LEFT TO RIGHT: Leithauser, leitweight.
  • LEFT TO RIGHT: Leithauser, leitweight.
You probably best know Hamilton Leithauser from his tenure in New York band the Walkmen, and now he's touring on the back of his first solo album, Black Hours. HamLeit, as I've taken to calling him over the course of typing out this blog post, will be hitting the Doug Fir this Monday, August 4, and we're giving away two pairs of tickets to the show! Head on over to End Hits, where the magic is.

Wm. Steven Humphrey's Worst. Night. Ever!: FaerieWorlds

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 9:59 AM

For those just joining us, the reasoning behind Worst. Night. EVER! is for you to gain some sort of sick sadistic satisfaction out of a Mercury employee's suffering and unhappiness. But for me, it means something different. For me, it's about exposing ourselves to a culture that you or I would never voluntarily explore, and while we're there, "walking a mile in their shoes," as it were.

That being said, HOW DARE YOU? How dare you vote to send me to an event where it's impossible to walk in someone else's shoes—because they're not wearing any shoes? I'm speaking, of course, about FaerieWorlds—a three-day musical event and "gathering of tribes" (WHAT?) just outside of Eugene, Oregon. That's right, EUGENE: Whose only significant exports are hippies and Duck fans. AND it takes TWO hours to get there—so that's FOUR hours (there and back) in the car for a music festival catering to a group of people (hippies!) that historically, I cannot stand.

HOWEVER. There was one redeeming aspect of FairieWorlds that neither you or I predicted....

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More after the jump.

Continue reading »

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Burger Week Profile: Foster Burger

Posted by Chris Onstad on Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 9:44 AM

If Foster Burger didn't do Burger Week, I probably wouldn't either. That's how much this place matters to me. It's because of a lot of things, but I think it comes down to that grate. That iron grilling grate they use—the one that lets the fat from their patties drip down and sizzle on the elements and bathe the beef in the mind-conquering smoke it releases. You know what I'm talking about. A burger bathed in its own smoke has IT. "It" quality, the one that separates the goods from the greats. I actually sat there and said that to Steve, the manager, who was giving me all the details of last year's Burger Week. I didn't care that I was being a bit too animated, because when one is so moved by truth, theatrics are forgiven.

Foster Burgers $5 Pepperjack Bacon burger with house pickles. Fries and beer not included.
  • Chris Onstad
  • Foster Burger's $5 Pepperjack Bacon burger with house pickles. Fries and beer not included.

This burger just wins, and wins, and wins. All over town. This burger could show up stoned and pissing on the mayor's lawn and still get invited to stay for brunch. It's a 1/4-lb beef patty with American cheese, pepperjack cheese, fat and tender bacon, sharp house pickles, and crisp, raw, white onion. And lots of IT.

- * -

Read all the Burger Week details here!

The Portland Mercury would like to thank our partners once again this year, world-class meat provider Nicky USA, Widmer Brothers Brewing, and Jim Beam Kentucky Fire!

Important reminder: THESE BURGERS WILL SELL OUT. Last year’s restaurants had one main issue with the event last year, and that was people getting angry and rude when they found out that they are part of a reality where restaurants that are getting slammed run out of food. We have better forecasting numbers this year, but please: go early, be kind, get a drink, and, most importantly, a $5 burger is a privilege, not a right. You know what someone who acts like a horse’s ass is? Hint: It has two enormous buttocks and large poops fall out of the middle.

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Impeachment Lite! Some House Republicans are having a hard time saying the "I" word when it comes to President Obama. So they've decided to do the next best thing! In a total party-line vote, they've agreed to sue him in federal court—arguing that he overstepped his constitutional bounds by using executive orders to modify pieces of the Affordable Care Act.

Any cease-fire in Gaza, Israel has declared, must wait until its military finishes seeking and destroying Hamas' network of cross-border tunnels. To make his point, Benjamin Netanyahu has called up 16,000 additional reservists to help with the invasion.

And Israel won't have to worry about running out of ammunition, either. Right after the United States strongly condemned an artillery attack that killed 16 of the hundreds of Palestinians who'd gathered at a United Nations shelter, it quietly admitted simultaneously restocking Israel's dwindling ordnance supplies.

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“I wouldn’t be worried to sit next to someone with Ebola virus on the Tube as long as they don’t vomit on you or something,” he said, referring to London’s underground train system. “This is an infection that requires very close contact.”

One Seattle cop—just one!—has written 80 percent of the city's tickets for public pot-smoking, tickets that have overwhelmingly been issued to minorities and the poor.

Warring in Ukraine has paused long enough to finally—finally!—allow international rescue workers and investigators to visit the crash site of a Malaysian Airlines flight downed earlier this month by a missile.

We've become such a stupid country that a "language blogger" working for a Utah language school was fired after using the word "homophones." "Now our school is going to be associated with homosexuality," the fired blogger says his boss told him.

A Keith Urban concert already notorious after nearly two-dozen fans went to the hospital with alcohol poisoning has now been marred by an accusation that a 20-year-old man raped a teenager on the venue's lawn, in full view of witnesses who apparently did nothing (Until one woman finally did.) Urban had previously described the scene on the lawn as "cool" and "nutso."

Portland's gotten out of the business of selling its delightful and vital Loos—a nod to an ongoing lawsuit that's challenged the city's decision to spend water and sewer money at various points on marketing the 24-hour public toilets.

Scott Walker, the governor and not the crooner, got a very good ride from the Wisconsin Supreme Court this morning. Justices upheld a draconian voter ID law and his signature 2011 initiative that murdered bargaining rights for public employees. (Happily, the voter ID law has already been blocked in federal court.)

Learn about the most gluttonous meals sold at America's finer dining establishments. The "winner" is Red Robin (offering three convenient locations in the metro area!)—with a burger, fries, and milkshake combo worth 3,540 calories.

AND SOMEDAY YOU WILL DIE, TOO.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Pickathon Putt-Putt Golf

Posted by Courtney Ferguson on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 4:44 PM

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  • Eagle Landing

While Pickathon has more than its fair share of entertainments... music, eating, camping (glamping, if you're fancy), and spa la la-ing... but you can never be too prepared for fun times this weekend. So let's check out a nearby extracurricular activity in case you grow tired of frolicking at the farm. I'm not in the know about swimming around Pendarvis Farm. (The slim things I do know: The Clackamas River is quite close, but it's going to take a bit of driving to get to it. Also, there looks to be a pond and/or swimmin' hole right by the farm in the nearby fields, but it's potentially on private property. Ask a friendly Pickathon volunteer or the Pendarvis family if they know of any good Happy Valley spots to dunk your junk.)

What I have gathered: There's amazing putt-putt golf on your way to Pickathon at Eagle Landing golf course. Talked up by our fearless art director Scrappers, he who scouts adventure, this is a three-par course with 27 (!) holes, and it also has 36 (!!) holes of mini-golf. WHA?! That's crazy! But this isn't your standard scurvied pirate ships and molten volcanoes putt-putt, this shit is EXECUTIVE! Actually, I'm not sure what that means, but here at Eagle Landing the course has real waterfalls, mountains in view, forested holes, and it's open 7-10 pm every day in summer. Plus, the mini-golf holes are situated alongside the actual golf course, so no worries about your ball ricocheting around a cement bunker when you let loose with your itchy putter. It would make for a nice outing away from the hula hoops and dusty trails of Pickathon.

Eagle Landing's 36-hole mini-golf course
10220 SE Causey, Happy Valley
daily 7-10 pm, June-September
18 holes for $8, 36 holes for $11 (rates cheaper for children)

This Week's Mercury Music Section

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 4:17 PM

David Kilgour and the Heavy Eights
  • David Kilgour and the Heavy Eights
Another week, another triumphant Mercury music section. Triumphant, we declare!

• It's Pickathon time! We really like Pickathon. Here's our preview of this year's installment of the indie-roots music festival, which is going to be a lot of fun. A lot. It includes our picks for the fest, and an interview with John Doe from X.

• The Clean's David Kilgour isn't interested in musical fashions. The result is a lengthy, idiosyncratic career that's resulted in some pretty wonderful music. (Go here for a listen.)

• You know that guy at the Guitar Center who's just shredding? He's probably a fan of Scale the Summit.

• Plus! This week's All-Ages Action guide to shows for those who were born after today's date 1993.

• And! The standard rigamarole of this week's Up & Coming shows. (Warning: contains Michael McDonald/Toto content.)

This Week's Style Events

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 4:06 PM

The week in shopping (and shows) starts... now.

Adorn's second annual Shop Sale is its biggest of the season, with up to 50% off spring/summer gear. Discounts increase (though selection dwindles) as the days march on. Adorn, 4120 NE Fremont, Today-Mon August 4

Indie Ella is launching a brand new bag collection, and with it? A party. Look for sale prices on the new totes, as well as the Indie Ella and Ginger Lamb lines of apparel. Indie Ella, 333 NE Hancock Suite #2, Thurs July 31, 5-9 pm

Hand Eye Supply is throwing a party to release its summer quarterly, featuring the selfies of creators with their favorite tools. Check out the new garage space, Pacific Pie Co. edibles, plus DJs The Beatles and Tobias, spinning “your uncle’s records” and "weird classics." Hand Eye Supply's Glisan Garage, 714 NW Glisan, Thurs July 31, 6-9 pm

• The August edition of Wanderlust Vintage's "Window Dressing" series kicks off this First Friday, featuring crafter/blogger the Paper Mama, whose window design will remain up at the shop throughout the month. Come for the first look, first dibs on limited edition merch, and refreshments. Wanderlust Vintage, 2804 SE Ankeny, Fri August 1, 5-9 pm

The Paper Mama
  • Wanderlust Vintage
  • The Paper Mama

• Every neighborhood takes its turn in the summertime, and this week is Fremont Fest, where, in addition to other brands of mayhem in the street, (hello again) Adorn will have a clearance tent with markdowns up to 70 percent off, plus a photobooth, face painting for the kids, and more. Adorn, 4120 NE Fremont, Sat August 2, 10 am-6 pm

Lowell had an opening party for Jeffrey Hale and Lila Jarzombek's art show inspired by Roky Erickson, so why not a closing party? Especially since The Woolen Men will be there with a set of Erickson covers... Lowell, 819 N Russell, Sun Aug 3, 8 pm

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Snoop Dogg's "Plizzanet Earth"

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 2:59 PM

If this were a just world, Snoop Dogg (or Lion or whatever) would narrate every nature film from here on out. Here he is in another funny installment of Jimmy Kimmel's "Plizzanet Earth"... this time featuring sharks! COLD.

New Manhattan High-Rise Will Have a Separate Entrance for Poor People

Posted by Anna Minard on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 1:59 PM

From NPR News, an outrageous story about affordable housing in New York City:

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio's administration is under fire for signing off on a building plan that allows a new luxury high-rise on Manhattan's western edge to have a separate entrance for low-income residents.

About 20 percent of the units in the 33-story tower will be reserved for low- and middle-income residents. But all the affordable units will be grouped in one area, and those tenants will have to enter through a separate door.

People have dubbed it the "poor door." The developer, Extell Development, got tax breaks for including affordable housing in their building. And Extell's CEO, Gary "Deep Down I Am a Horrible Person" Barnett, tells NPR that the "thousands of people" who are applying to live in the lower-rent units "don't give a damn" about being asked to sneak in the back entrance so their poor shame doesn't stink up the nice 33-story elevators, because they're just so grateful to have a decently priced apartment.

Dear Rich People: This is just one of many reasons that you are a lot more disgusting than the poors you fear. A lot. Just reading about people this awful makes me want to take a brain shower. YOU SMELL, RICH PEOPLE, YOU SMELL.

The Hateful Eight Is Coming (in 2015)

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 1:29 PM

There's a fair amount of movie stuff popping up today—like a new trailer for Christopher Nolan's Interstellar, or the fact some mouth-breathing nerd has ruined Disney's attempts to keep a secret of their Guardians of the Galaxy stinger—but the thing I'm most excited about? The news, via an ad in Empire, that Quentin Tarantino's The Hateful Eight will be coming out next year.

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Aside from the rapidly approaching release date (and the fact Bruce Dern, the obvious culprit, has yet to be imprisoned for leaking Hateful Eight's script back in January), two other things are pretty interesting about that poster: The 70mm part, and the fancy-pants "special roadshow engagement" part. Portland currently doesn't have any theaters that can handle 70mm*, which means that, like some did with Paul Thomas Anderson's The Master, if you want to see this one the way Tarantino wants people to, in 70mm, you might be looking at a drive up to Seattle's Cinerama. There are worse things.

*I've heard rumors, though, that at least one Portland theater is working on making 70mm a reality. Hopefully that does happen—and hopefully it happens before Hateful Eight's release, which it's probably safe to assume would be in December of 2015.

Help Wanted: We're Looking for an Arts Editor!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 12:59 PM

Friends:

It is with a heart full of grief that I must announce that our beloved Arts Editor Alison Hallett is leaving the Portland Mercury after 10 years of meritorious service. On the upside, she’s not pissed at us, and will be taking a very interesting job with the marketing firm Sheepscot Creative, which has worked with lots of great arts organizations including Oregon Humanities. Also, she’ll be with us through the entire month of August, and ushering the latest issue of Agenda out the door, as well as working on coverage of the TBA Fest—so nobody panic immediately!

With all seriousness, Alison is one of our (and Portland's) funniest, smartest writers, and while my heart is broken, I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say, “Thank you so much for all your hard, brilliant work, Alison! We wish you nothing but the best!”

Sniff.

Okay, get it together, Steve... it's time to get back to business. (Ahem!) The Mercury is looking for a new arts editor. Are you that person? Is someone you know that person? Read the employment ad below, and yell it from the social media mountaintops! FINALLY, A JOB FOR YOUR USELESS ARTS DEGREE.


NOW HIRING: ARTS EDITOR

The Portland Mercury is currently hiring a full-time ARTS EDITOR to join our fun and energetic editorial staff. Considered one of the most innovative weeklies in the country, the Mercury is looking for a writer/editor filled with passion, hustle, and the desire to share their love for the Portland arts scene with the rest of the community. This is a good position for a strong writer with a literary or fine arts degree—a background in journalism is not required (but it doesn’t hurt).

Qualified applicants must possess the following:

• Previous and demonstrable editing/management experience (working in an arts-related field is a definite plus).

• Snappy, smart writing paired with a passion for digging deep into an arts scene (including theater, visual art, books, comedy, and more). Must respect and be interested in all forms of culture, from highbrow to low.

• Must be extremely organized and able to produce a weekly arts calendar, while writing reviews, meeting daily blog deadlines, and managing freelancers.

• An ability and desire to build relationships within the art and performance community.

• Extra points: Proofreading skills, love of reading, social media expertise, a flexible schedule, and a thick skin (needed for writing honestly about those you may run into on the street).

• And of course, enthusiasm, professionalism, people skills, and a good sense of humor are a must.

This is a full-time position, with competitive salary and excellent benefits. Evening and occasional weekend hours are sometimes necessary. Interested applicants should electronically submit resume, web links for at least three relevant writing samples, and a cover letter describing goals, story ideas, and local topics that you’re passionate about to steve@portlandmercury.com, and please put "ARTS EDITOR JOB" in the subhead. (Or, if you're old-timey, via snail mail to “Arts Editor Job,” c/o Wm. Steven Humphrey, Portland Mercury, 115 SW Ash Street, Suite 600, Portland OR 97204.)

Deadline for applications: Sunday, August 10.

The Portland Mercury is an equal opportunity employer.

I know you're not leaving yet... but we'll miss you desperately, Alison!!

Lookbook of the Day: Machus Private Label

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 11:29 AM

Today's eye candy comes from Machus, which has cornered Portland's market for a certain brand of modern casual menswear that—and I mean this in the best way—involves a lot of very fancy sweatpants and almost nothing in the way of color. The store recently added its own in-house line of basics to complement this aesthetic, called Machus Private Label, which is the subject of this summer lookbook shot by proprietor Justin Machus himself, in the moody bowels of Lower Eastside Industrial. Click over to MOD for the whole thing.

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  • Justin Machus

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Fritz Forces Delay in Money for Downtown Marketing Initiative: She'd Rather Fund East Portland Traffic Crossing

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 11:18 AM

Almost three months after Mayor Charlie Hales proposed a budget that cut nearly $1 million for one of the Portland Business Alliance's cherished programs, the Downtown Marketing Initiative, the mayor this morning tried to get his colleagues to go along with a (fractional) change of heart.

He's getting his wish, pushing through a small restoration of that cash for holiday-season marketing. Just not this week. Commissioner Amanda Fritz balked at the $170,000 request from the council's contingency fund—forcing the city council to strip away an emergency clause that would have allowed Hales' gift to the PBA to take effect immediately.

"I can't support this," Fritz said plainly, explaining that the about-face from the council's budget vote in June was too much to take. "I really support the Downtown Marketing Initiative. It's a wonderful program. But we made a decision in this budget that we wouldn't fund it with general fund money."

Her comments came after a slightly awkward bit of testimony from the PBA, in which they begged for a full restoration next year and went point by point through the budget cuts that they say have hobbled the DMI: Online comments unmoderated and then closed, scrapping an "ugly sweater" contest, not being able to hire stylists, ditching TV and print ads. Other councils had contemplated cutting the DMI, sources have told me, but the PBA always pushed back before that kind of talk got too serious.

(The DMI initiative, for the record, followed a soaring presentation by Travel Portland that saw officials gush over staggering and record year-by-year increases in hotel taxes and tourism revenue—an effort funded through a business assessment. So it's not exactly as if downtown's image is hurting.)

Hales didn't seem to enjoy the implication that he was carelessly forking over money after having previously drawn a line in the sand. He said there's more money flowing into the city's contingency fund than the budget that took effect July 1 initially forecast. And that there's nothing wrong with using it for immediate funding changes.

"That's why it's a contingency fund," the mayor told Fritz. "It's prudent to add back a portion of this money."

"If I was going vote to spend $170,000 today," Fritz had told the mayor before he spoke, "I'd vote for a crossing improvement in East Portland, which is another project we decided we couldn't fund in the budget.... I want us to be very careful. We don't have enough to pay for everything we need in parks and housing and transportation."

Can't Go to Pickathon? Here's the Livestream Schedule

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 10:59 AM

This is what Pickathon looks like RIGHT NOW.
  • Michael Chan
  • This is what Pickathon looks like RIGHT NOW.
Pickathon is right around the corner. For lots more about the incredible fest, and our picks for the jam-packed event—which takes place this weekend at Pendarvis Farm in Happy Valley—pick up today's Portland Mercury newspaper.

If you can't go, stop crying. (Baby.) For the past few years, Pickathon has offered a livestream of live highlights, this year is no different. The stream, which you'll be able to view on pickathon.com, is co-hosted by Livestream and KEXP, and today they announced the schedule for this weekend's stream. Now you won't have to worry about missing Unknown Mortal Orchestra's late night barn set, or checking out the Men on one of the two main stages, or Ages and Ages bidding good night from the Starlight Stage.

For an idea of what the livestream is like (the audio and video quality is excellent), here's an exclusive premiere of Lightning Dust performing "Never Again" on the Woods Stage at last year's Pickathon. It's haunting, trippy (that setting is just otherworldly), and beautiful.

The complete broadcast schedule's posted on Pickathon's site.

Meanwhile, if you ARE going to Pickathon, you'll need to act. Today's the last day they're selling pre-sale tickets online. Starting at midnight, they'll only be selling limited walk-up tickets at the gate for single days and the full weekend. Here's the ticket link. See you there.

The Sublime Beauty of Nathan Fielder's "Dumb Starbucks" Episode

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 10:44 AM

Last night on the hilarious Comedy Central show Nathan for You, host Nathan Fielder debuted his "Dumb Starbucks" segment which took the internet and world by storm last year. A little catch up from Gawker:

Last year, news and gossip outlets lit up with news of a bratty David and Goliath prank going down in LA: A lookalike coffee place called "Dumb Starbucks" that served "Dumb Ventis" and offered "Dumb Norah Jones CDs." The seeming audacity and self-evident humor of a corporate takedown, however vague, generated massive buzz, as did the reveal that it was the basis for an episode of Comedy Central's Nathan For You. For the uninitiated, it was a perfect introduction to the show's charms, leading into the show's second season, which has since become a smash hit.

Here's a long clip from the episode, and dear god... it is truly a thing of sublime beauty. WATCH!!

And you can watch the entire episode here.

SL Letter of the Day: Sex After HPV

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 10:29 AM

I am on vacation for another week. But I've invited Dr. Lori Brotto to handle the Savage Love Letters of the Day. Dr. Lori Brotto is a clinical psychologist and sex researcher at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. You can follow her on twitter @DrLoriBrotto, take part in her studies here and hear her chat about cultivating sexual satisfaction here. Dr. Brotto will be answering your questions all week.

I just got a call from my Dr. that I tested positive for HPV. I know that pretty much everyone has a strain of this and it’s not a huge deal. She said there was nothing to worry about because it wasn’t one of the cancer causing strains and that there was nothing to be done except to check it again in 6 months or a year. The dilemma is that I am 45 years old, married and monogamous with the same guy for the past 16 years. Prior to that I was with one guy for 7 years. I did have other partners before that, when I was in my teens.

I totally trust my husband’s response that he hasn’t been with anyone else. He’s a good guy and I can’t imagine he’d lie to me about this. And I think he’d also trust me to be reasonable about any infidelity that might have occurred.

However, I’m confused as to why my test turned up positive? From all that I’ve read it seems that if I was infected 25 years ago my body would have rid itself of the virus by now unless it was one of the bad strains, which would then be causing pre-cancerous lesions. I’ve had a PAP every year since I was about 18, and this is the first non-regular result. My Dr. did say that they have new PAP screening guidelines, so a lot more cases are showing up.

A lot of the online literature seems unclear/contradictory. I’m very healthy, don’t smoke, but I am going through some stuff related to long-term anxiety and stress that is finally being dealt with. Could something like that cause me to be so immune compromised that my body wouldn’t repress the virus? Also, as for sex, now what? Am I contagious in a way that is going to be a problem for my husband? I assume he also is infected but will there be a back and forth situation? I don’t seem to have any noticeable warts or any symptoms at all. But I’m feeling a little contaminated.

I just don’t know what to think about all of this so any insight would be really helpful.

No Clever Acronym

PS - I am definitely going to get my son vaccinated for this in a few years, when he’s old enough!



Dr. Brotto's response after the jump...

Continue reading »

Burger Week Profile: Doug Fir

Posted by Chris Onstad on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 10:14 AM

Welcome to the dining room at the Doug Fir Lounge, one of the few restaurants in town where everyone at every table either looks like a breaking band, a published author who just took a shower, or a comforting facsimile thereof. As I sat and enjoyed my "preview burger" one afternoon last week, I had the ultra-rare feeling, for me, that I was part of a scene. (A scene that didn't involve me storming out of Rite Aid due to decision-making paralysis in the deodorant aisle, anyway.) And, like a star, I was enjoying an off-the-menu specialty: a $5 Candied Bacon burger.

Doug Firs $5 burger. Fries and ghost pepper-salumi bloody mary not included.
  • Chris Onstad
  • Doug Fir's $5 burger. Fries and ghost pepper-salumi bloody mary not included.

That's six big ounces of charred, fresh-ground Wagyu, house-candied bacon, a beguilingly translucent skirt of buttery melted mozzarella, a rich and creamy, smoked and candied jalapeño aioli, shredded iceberg, and a seeded Portland French Bakery bun. This $5, medium-rare burger weighs in on the heavier side of the Burger Week spectrum, and that candied bacon + smoked aioli is their "genius win" contribution to the event.

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Read all the Burger Week details here!

The Portland Mercury would like to thank our partners once again this year, world-class meat provider Nicky USA, Widmer Brothers Brewing, and Jim Beam Kentucky Fire!

Important reminder: THESE BURGERS WILL SELL OUT. Last year’s restaurants had one main issue with the event last year, and that was people getting angry and rude when they found out that they are part of a reality where restaurants that are getting slammed run out of food. We have better forecasting numbers this year, but please: go early, be kind, get a drink, and, most importantly, a $5 burger is a privilege, not a right. You know what someone who acts like a horse’s ass is? Hint: It has two enormous buttocks and large poops fall out of the middle.

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One Laptop Per Child Is Not a Solution for Education Woes

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 9:59 AM

For years now, politicians as diverse as Newt Gingrich and Angus King have proposed giving laptops to every single public school student. At WNYC, Jill Barshay reports on a free laptop program at Hoboken Junior Senior High School. Spoiler alert: Five years later, the program is ending.

By the time Jerry Crocamo, a computer network engineer, arrived in Hoboken’s school system in 2011, every seventh, eighth and ninth grader had a laptop. Each year, a new crop of seventh graders were outfitted.

Crocamo’s small tech staff was quickly overwhelmed with repairs.

We had “half a dozen kids in a day, on a regular basis, bringing laptops down, going ‘my books fell on top of it, somebody sat on it, I dropped it,’ ” said Crocamo.

Screens cracked. Batteries died. Keys popped off. Viruses attacked. Crocamo found that teenagers with laptops are still… teenagers.

“We bought laptops that had reinforced hard-shell cases so that we could try to offset some of the damage these kids were going to do,” said Crocamo. “I was pretty impressed with some of the damage they did anyway. Some of the laptops would come back to us completely destroyed.”

There are way more accounts of the carnage inflicted by these kids on the laptops at WNYC. Like any story involving education, there's a possibility that some moron could interpret this experience as a sign that no children anywhere should have access to technology. That's not the point of this story. The point is that children are children—hell, people are people—and that you can't predict and prepare for the worst thing that will happen. But if the kids were given technology under adult supervision, to use only at school, there would likely be fewer laptop-wrecking shenanigans. The best solution to our problems with education is not more technology—it's a combination of technology and enthusiastic, compassionate human interaction.

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Oh, once you get involved, everyone will look this way, so, you must maintain your charm. Same time maintain your halo. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

According to those on the scene, the West African Ebola crisis is out of control, and Europe is frantic that the disease will arrive there next.

Meanwhile, an American who perished from Ebola was one airplane stop away from arriving in the states.

Israel unleashed its heaviest air attack yet of the current war on Gaza, killing 128 as they target a Hamas power plant leaving 1.7 million without electricity.

International observers can't reach the crash site of Malaysian Flight 17, because pro-Russian separatists have littered the area with land mines. It's almost like they don't want the site to be investigated!

Meanwhile back in Mother Russia, the citizens are now officially nervous about all the sanctions being laid upon them, thanks to their shirtless leader.

With everything happening in the world, Congress is STILL determined to push through a lawsuit against President Obama for hurting their feelings.

Meanwhile, after its brief slump earlier in the year, the US economy has come bouncing back with a vengeance. (No thanks at all to our do-nothing Congress.)

The Texas Attorney General says the state must ban same-sex marriage for the "good of the children." THE CHILDREN! OH DEAR GOD! THE CHILLLLLLDREEEEEEEN!!!

A Los Angeles water main breaks, turning the streets around UCLA into lakes and gushing rivers.

And HURRAH! Here's the headline we never expected to read, but we're so glad it's here: "Orlando Bloom Throws Punch at Justin Bieber." YESSSSSSSSSSS.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: 88 and sunny today, rinse and repeat for the rest of the week.

And finally, two Dobermans enjoy a children's playground slide... well, at least one of them does!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

It's 3 pm... Time to Crack Your Knuckles

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jul 29, 2014 at 2:59 PM

Here's an internet oldie, but a goodie... at the 2010 PAX East convention, the moderators asked a thousand audience members to crack their knuckles simultaneously. The resulting sound is both horrifying... and weirdly? Kind of a relief. Watch!

I Joined ReaganBook, a Facebook for Bigots

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Jul 29, 2014 at 2:29 PM

Get a load of these white-hairs laughing at Facebook marching in a Pride parade at the ReaganBook announcement:

ReaganBook is "a Facebook for patriots," but it really ought to be called "a Facebook for bigots," since one of the main selling points for ReaganBook is that it will allow you to spread hate speech. (They refer to their lax policy on hate speech as "tearing down walls of tyranny, or censorship.") Right now, ReaganBook is a laggy mess of a site, but I'm sure that it will one day eclipse Facebook in popularity, the same way Conservapedia has become a much more popular destination site than Wikipedia ever was or ever will be. Or maybe it'll just be a way to cash in on some internet advertising for a while before ReaganBook's core audience dies off.

In any case, I joined ReaganBook to see what was up. You can friend me at reaganbook.com/Ayn_Randy/. The e-mail I received from ReaganBook when I joined reads as follows, in its entirety:

Hello Paul Constant,
Thanks for joining our community!
Kind Regards,
Site Name [sic]

And right now, ReaganBook seems to be made up almost entirely of people trolling ReaganBook.

1406665892-betterreaganbook.png

Welcome to the internet, conservatives!

(Via Right Wing Watch.)

The Amateur Soccer Tournament (Now with Beer)

Posted by MJ Skegg on Tue, Jul 29, 2014 at 1:52 PM

Most sports events are improved by the addition of alcoholic beverages—and that’s even more applicable when you’re playing them. So the First Annual Cascadia 7v7 Brewer’s Cup is a dead cert for keen amateur soccer players with a thirst, combining as it does a tournament held over two days and Lompoc beer (admittedly the beer is in a tent and not for players during the game, but you can’t have everything). Whether you fancy yourself the next James Rodriquez or you employ Brazilian-style tactics and flop to the ground at any given opportunity, there’s a division for you and your buddies—select from the Men's Open (vying for the Brewer's Cup Trophy), Men's Recreational, Men's Over 35 and Women's Open.

Games are held over the weekend of August 9 and 10th at Buckman Field and registration for teams is open until August 3 (it’s seven-a-side, with a 14 player max roster).

As well as beer, there’s refreshments and food from Local Roasting Coffee, The Little Smokehouse and Organic Island Shave Ice. The Kennedy Cup finals, which features the top four amateur teams in the Pacific NW, is also contested over the weekend. Further information and online registration can be found here. Cascadia 7v7 Brewer’s Cup, August 9-10, Buckman Field, 300 NE 12th

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Are Too Busy Being Teenagers, Mutants, Ninjas, and Turtles To Be Sensitive About 9/11

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Tue, Jul 29, 2014 at 1:06 PM

To be fair, these new turtles must've been just tiny little baby turts when 9/11 happened.

Screen_shot_2014-07-29_at_12.51.11_PM.png

That's an Australian poster for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; in America we're getting the film on August 8 and not, as noted by the poster featuring an exploding skyscraper, September 11.

Today's bit of Ninja Turtle unfortunateness comes via The Dissolve. And say what you will about that poster, but it's still less offensive than Wiz Khalifa and Juicy J's new Ninja Turtles theme song.

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