UGGGHHNNN!! Thursdays! Amirite? Look... but all you have to do is get through the rest of the day, and then it's T... G... I... F!! So here's a motivational video to assist you in pushing through your insanely tedious Thursday—because after all, at least you're not harvesting Asiatic clams.

I was told by several people that my fiancee and I should create a mood board for our upcoming wedding. We should find inspiration for decorating our ceremony and our reception, they said. Try Pinterest, they said. You'll love it, they said.

They were wrong.

Pinterest is the social network that allows women to share recipes they haven't cooked and look at pictures of weddings they weren't invited to. The wedding posts share a common aesthetic (a sea of mason jars, chalk boards, and paper lanterns) and a general agreement that you are nothing unless you're married (mixed in with the photos of mason jars is advice on keeping your house cleaned, making your husband happy, and how you're a valuable human now that you're a Mrs instead of a miss).

• "I love my marital status more than my husband."

Most people seem to be planning weddings that aren't even scheduled yet. Comments and board titles are frequently of the "Someday <3" variety. A note to ladies: if you like pinning photos of weddings and you're not planning a wedding, you need to hide that shit like a porno collection. I speak for all men here (I asked, they said it was fine) when I say THAT IS SO CREEPY. You're not interested in a wedding that reflects a mutual style? Guys are just plug-and-play? "Someday my prince will come." Yeah, and when he meets you, hopefully he won't notice how long you've spent planning his future before you met him.

Even more interesting, I found several posts from women who were already married. "I know I'm married but I love these dresses so much." Title that board "Someday my prince will leave."

Similar to the pinning recipes, these fantasy brides seem overly optimistic about their own craftiness. "20 simple wedding ideas you can make from recycled soda cans, paint, a tree trunk, a table saw, Elmer's glue, a bolt of fabric, and a kiln." I hope the generic prince you're going to snag has some woodworking tools, because people who spend all day on the Internet do not make things.

• Sure, in case I just have all this stuff lying around.

Weddings are difficult enough. I don't want to have single women pressuring me to work harder on making my own modern/classic/retro centerpieces from things lying around my house. That isn't going to make me a whole person; the only thing that can is going from a Mr. to a Mr.

We're under budget on our Save The Dates. That's good news. We're spending money on pre-invitations to warn people that the real invitations are coming. That's dumb.

Save The Dates (STDs) are necessary because it would be ghastly to get invited to an event without being forewarned about the invitation's arrival. We spent about $200 on them including paper, printing, photos, envelopes, and postage. It's not a bad deal as far as STDs go, but couldn't we just send an eVite and then use that $200 to make it rain during the first dance?

Much dumber are chair covers. They're white cloth and ribbon combos that you put over your chairs because it would be GHASTLY to have people sit on uncovered chairs. They run between $1.50 and $5/chair cover (To rent! You don't even get to keep them in case you have another stupid wedding later). We will not be renting chair covers because my fiancee saw this picture of them and decided she didn't like them:

• My fiancee: "We can't rent those. They make it look like a klan rally for chairs."

Cake toppers are those little plastic people you put on top of the wedding cake to remind people they're at a wedding. Because a wedding cake without action figures would be ghastly.

These are shockingly expensive ($50 for basic ones and they go [way] up from there) and for many couples, another chance to make a horrible decision. For example, this topper which I was told is a best seller.

• Why would you advertise that he doesn't love you?

We're still undecided about a cake topper, but I'm lobbying for this one because there aren't enough mermice in the world.

• Mermice: less sexy than mermaids, less scary than mice.

That's how Andrew Sullivan characterizes the "scholarly study by Dorothy Gambrell of the 'missed connections' section of Craigslist. This is where you thought you saw your future spouse or date or hook-up, state by state."

• DOROTHY GAMBRELL

I understand Sullivan's use of the adjective "sad," but for me, the primary effect is fascination. Take Oregon, for example. Does this mean the bus holds the most horny/amorous folks, or that the bus holds the most horny/amorous folks who are too wussy to chat up their potential love objects and thus must rely on after-the-fact approaches liked Missed Connections?

"California is an actual self-parody (as is Nevada)," notes Sullivan. "But the saddest state of all has to be Indiana. There, the majority of 'missed connections' were 'at home.'"

Sadly fascinating!

Well, how am I supposed to know? GO AND CHECK FOR YOURSELF! Here are but a few....

C'mon! You know you got one! GO LOOK.

If you screwed the pooch on valentine's day, didn't get anything for your S.O. even though you think they got something for you, here is your last-ditch, email-able solution: Glenn Danzig valentines. Because he loves kittehs, "Hybrid Moments" is the best love song that you can't make out all the lyrics to, and because if you don't tell him you love him today he will hack the heads of little girls and hang them on his wall, and you don't want to live with any more guilt in the head-hacking department.

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In honor of the holiday created by Parks and Rec's Leslie Knope, Bitch Media (oh hai Sarah Mirk) commissioned Portland artist Natalie Nourigat to create a line of Galentine's Day cards, all about "ladies celebrating their strong independent selves."

They're pretty adorable. Click over to see some more, and think nice things about the ladies in your life.

In somewhat related news, I have been re-watching Undeclared on Netflix—not only is it still a fantastic show, but I forgot that Amy Poehnler makes an appearance as a creepy, sexually aggressive dorm mom. Good stuff.

Last chance for your FREE Mercury valentine to make the print edition, guys! We're shutting it down at 3 pm! (Though if you submit after that and into next week? You'll still make the online edition. THAT'S HOW MUCH WE LOVE "LOVE"!)

You heard right! Deadline to submit your FREE Mercury reader valentine is THIS FRIDAY. Do you love your loved one or not?!?

DO IT.

The Mercury loves “love!” That’s why every year we devote pages and pages of our Mercury Valentine Issue (coming Feb 13) to your mushy, romantic reader valentines! And yep—just like every year, it’s absolutely FREE. Here’s how it works:

• Click on the READER VALENTINES banner on the front page of portlandmercury.com or Blogtown (or click here if you insist)!

• In the submission box, compose the most romantic, heartfelt note ever written in the history of humankind.

• Enter your shmoopy-woopy’s email address. We’ll let him/her know he/she can expect a valentine in the paper!

• Click “submit” and VOILA! Your valentine will be printed in the February 13 Mercury Reader Valentine’s issue!

• He/she will read it… you’ll get muchos smoochos!

HOWEVER! You need to move fast! We’re only able to put the first 1,500 lovenotes in the paper (though we will print them all online). So HURRY! The valentine deadline for our print edition is FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8!

Show the world how much you adore your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/hubby/grandma/fuck buddy or pet! Submit a Mercury Reader Valentine right here—for FREE!

The Mercury loves “love!” That’s why every year we devote pages and pages of our Mercury Valentine Issue (coming Feb 13) to your mushy, romantic reader valentines! And yep—just like every year, it’s absolutely FREE. Here’s how it works:

• Click on the READER VALENTINES banner on the front page of portlandmercury.com or Blogtown (or click here if you insist)!

• In the submission box, compose the most romantic, heartfelt note ever written in the history of humankind.

• Enter your shmoopy-woopy’s email address. We’ll let him/her know he/she can expect a valentine in the paper!

• Click “submit” and VOILA! Your valentine will be printed in the February 13 Mercury Reader Valentine’s issue!

• He/she will read it… you’ll get muchos smoochos!

HOWEVER! You need to move fast! We’re only able to put the first 1,500 lovenotes in the paper (though we will print them all online). So HURRY! The valentine deadline for our print edition is FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8!

Show the world how much you adore your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/hubby/grandma/fuck buddy or pet! Submit a Mercury Reader Valentine right here—for FREE!

YOU BEAUTIFUL GENIUSES

Taco the Town delivers tacos by bicycle, to your mouth. $2 tacos. $10 minimum, delivered Thurs-Sat 5 pm-10 pm.

I feel like I SHOULD make fun of this because bikes but I CAN'T!

Sorry, everybody else in the world who gives advice—BUT IT'S TRUE. Amy Poehler hosts the best Golden Globes and she gives the best advice, just like in this episode of Ask Amy in which she discusses negativity. While she may be addressing this to teenage girls, YOU want and need to hear this. (If nothing else, listen from the 2 minute mark until the end.) YAYYYYYYYYYY AMY!!!! Tell me how to do everything!!

Gahahaha! The Oregon Zoo's baby elephant is one day old in this video. I also want to note that today I learned the name of the father elephant: TUSKO.