This Week in the Mercury
Mercury
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Mercury Last Day! Your Worst T-Day Memory Could Win $200!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 at 3:49 PM
Hey gobblers! Don't forget that your entry for our "WORST THANKSGIVING EVER!" essay contest is due no later than NOON TOMORROW!
Here are the deets!
Your story could include, but is not limited to…
• Family fistfights!
• Unsavory romantic interludes!
• Embarrassing announcements!
• Drunken debauchery!
• Gluttonous explosions!
• Near-death experiences!
• House fires and/or skin burns!
• Or… you know… whatever!
The most readable essays will be printed in the Mercury’s “Worst Thanksgiving EVER!” issue on Nov 26, with the best entry receiving $200!
Send your entries via email to me, with “Worst Thanksgiving Ever Essay Contest” in the subject line, and be sure to include your name and daytime phone number. ALL ENTRIES SHOULD BE 500 WORDS OR LESS, AND ARE DUE NO LATER THAN NOON, FRIDAY NOVEMBER 20! (That's tomorrow, yo.)
- That is one ugly ass turkey.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Mercury Overheard in the Mercury Offices.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 at 1:35 PM
"If I got divorced and lost my job, then I would get back into Magic: The Gathering. I would also probably gain about 250 pounds."
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 at 12:44 PM
Does the possibility of your neighbors hearing affect your sex sounds?
AND SPEAKING OF SOUNDS… while you're pondering the above question, I also have a question that desperately needs an answer as well. In fact, I think I'm more desperate, which probably doesn't surprise you.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Food / Mercury Our Food Editor Keeping His Usual Low Profile
Posted by Matt Davis on Tue, Nov 17, 2009 at 10:38 AM
Update, 2:54: Hope you caught it in time! After studious consideration, we have pixellated the photo of Pat's boots. As you were.
Original post:
"No, no, don't shoot my face," he says. "People will RECOGNIZE me when I go into their restaurants."
This look is "based on the English countryside," and features Doc Martin wellies.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Film / Mercury / TV A Questionnaire Re: Your Home-Entertainment Viewing Preferences.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Nov 16, 2009 at 5:11 PM
More or less ever since the Mercury started, we've been occasionally covering DVDs in the Film section and on the blog—be they new releases, notable TV seasons, curiosities, whatever. When worthwhile DVD releases happen, we like to let you guys know about 'em and—as we do with most theatrically released films—insist on giving you our unasked-for opinion about whether they're worth your time and money.
So here's a question: With DVD making a slow but certain exit from the home entertainment market, and more and more high-profile films being released with better picture quality and better special features on Blu-ray, is it time for the Mercury to shift from exclusively covering DVDs to covering Blu-rays as well?
I ask this for two reasons: 1) To gauge where the Mercury's readership is at w/r/t Blu-ray adoption, and to see if we'd be helping or annoying you guys if we started covering Blu-ray releases and Blu-ray-exclusive special features. 2) To possibly justify my desire to finally suck it up and buy a Blu-ray player. (A desire that may or may not have something to do with a certain sci-fi film coming out on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow that might have something to do with Enterprises and Romulans and warp drives, and that would probably definitely look balls-out awesome in HD.) Anyway:
The Mercury's Blu-ray vs. DVD Questionnaire!
Thank you and good day.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Nov 13, 2009 at 1:24 PM
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Mercury Send Us Your Horrible Thanksgiving Memories... Win $200!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Nov 12, 2009 at 4:29 PM
Don't forget about our fun essay contest, where you jot down a 500 word (or less) essay describing your absolute WORST Thanksgiving ever... and the best one wins $200! Details, Shmetails!
These stories could include, but are not limited to…
• Family fistfights!
• Unsavory romantic interludes!
• Embarrassing announcements!
• Drunken debauchery!
• Gluttonous explosions!
• Near-death experiences!
• House fires and/or skin burns!
• Or… you know… whatever!
The most readable essays will be printed in the Mercury’s “Worst Thanksgiving EVER!” issue on Nov 26, with the best entry receiving $200! (Stick that in your gravy boat!)
Send your entries via email to me, with “Worst Thanksgiving Ever Essay Contest” in the subject line, and be sure to include your name and daytime phone number. ALL ENTRIES SHOULD BE 500 WORDS OR LESS, AND ARE DUE NO LATER THAN NOON, FRIDAY NOVEMBER 20!
- "Please God... Let me win the Mercury's Thanksgiving Essay Contest. Oh, and give Susie leukemia."
Monday, November 9, 2009
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Nov 9, 2009 at 1:47 PM
Why do you sit at the bar when you don't want to talk to anyone?
A verrrrry interesting convo is going on regarding this question that involves a) those that like to drink in bars and do not wish to be disturbed, and b) those that don't give a shit about "a" and force the person to converse anyway. Chime in with your (asked for!) opinion in QUESTIONLAND!! (Where, if you're going to sit there alone? Bring a book.)
- "Don't talk to me, or I'll eye-stab you."
Friday, November 6, 2009
Mercury Share Your Worst Thanksgiving Memory… Win $200!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Nov 6, 2009 at 4:25 PM
Thanksgiving: it’s one of the most painful, awkward, and oftentimes, physically painful holidays of the year. So why not make a little money off it?
The Mercury wants to print YOUR most horrible and TRUE Thanksgiving story in our upcoming T-day issue—and the best essay will win $200! These stories could include, but are not limited to…
• Family fistfights!
• Unsavory romantic interludes!
• Embarrassing announcements!
• Drunken debauchery!
• Gluttonous explosions!
• Near-death experiences!
• House fires and/or skin burns!
• Or… you know… whatever!
The most readable essays will be printed in the Mercury’s “Worst Thanksgiving EVER!” issue on Nov 26, with the best entry receiving $200! (Stick that in your gravy boat!)
Send your entries via email to me, with “Worst Thanksgiving Ever Essay Contest” in the subject line, and be sure to include your name and daytime phone number. ALL ENTRIES SHOULD BE 500 WORDS OR LESS, AND ARE DUE NO LATER THAN NOON, FRIDAY NOVEMBER 20!
So don’t delay! Send in your worst Thanksgiving memory today! YOU COULD GET PAID FOR ALL THAT PAIN.
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Nov 6, 2009 at 12:47 PM
Ladies: how do you handle "the curse"?
Something tells me she's not talking about the mummy's curse.
Guys have a "curse" too, you know. We have to shave every day. Shutting up now. QUESTIONLAND!!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Mercury Blogtown Meetup: Drinks! Golf! Tomorrow!
Posted by Alison Hallett on Wed, Nov 4, 2009 at 2:41 PM
It's time for another installment of the semi-regular social experiment that is the Blogtown Meetup! This time, the plan was cooked up by a handful of regular commenters, so it's a little more ambitious than our usual "get wasted at the bar next door" agenda.
DETAILS:
Thurs, Nov 5
7 pm: Meet at Shanghai Tunnel for drinks/awkward socializing.
8 pm: Proceed to Glowing Greens for a rousing game of black-lit minigolf. (Or meet at mini-golf, for kiddies and non-drinkers.) Games are $7.50 for the first round, $4.50 after that, or $2 for non players.
BYO nametag.
(Also, I just spent 20 minutes on YouTube looking for a "funny golf video," and can now state conclusively that no such thing exists.)
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Nov 4, 2009 at 1:39 PM
Sexual harassment: a story, some questions.
Ooh, I love it when our readers get to give personal advice on potentially very icky situations! Go on, be Dan Savage for the day, and put in your two cents in the psychiatric offices of… QUESTIONLAND!!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 2:00 PM
What do you do with a genuinely, dangerously psychotic stray cat?
Umm... nice kitty? HELP! QUESTIONLAND!!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Mercury Mercury/Doug Fir Halloween Party: WIN $500!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 2:35 PM
DON'T FORGET! Tomorrow night's "Best Little HORROR House in Portland" at the Doug Fir will not only be a goddamn blast, admission is FREE with a costume! (And if you decide to enter our Costume Stripping Contest—see below for details— you could win $500 CASH! Woot now!!) Just check out all the fun we'll be having!
Schedule of Events:
3 pm- 6 pm: Pumpkin Carving in the Doug Fir Bar!
6 pm: Doors open!
7 pm: Pumpkin Smashing Contest, hosted by Gallagher and Billy Corgan!* With prizes for best smash!
7:30 — 9 pm: Horrific skits from local comedy troupes including Hand 2 Mouth, Action/Adventure, tEEth, and the Mercury Thespian Society (see Alison's post for details)!
9:00 — 10 pm: Costume (Stripping) Contest! Celebrity judges! We choose the music, YOU STRIP. Winner takes home $500 cash money!
10:00 pm: Music from The Bugs and Red Fang!
Midnight: Sacrifice a goat!**
This one's gonna get ba-zonkers, folks! SO DON'T MISS IT!
*Not actually Gallagher or Billy Corgan
** Not actually a goat
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 3:04 PM
Where can I find tiger ears/tail for a Halloween costume?
Ooh, Sean! Are you gonna be a sexy tiger? Rrowrr! Rrrowr! I'd like to catch that tiger by the tail! I'd like to lend that tiger "a paw"! Ooooh. Does kitty scratch? Does he? Rrrrrrrrrrrrowrrrr!
QUESTIONLAND: Just keepin' it awkward, ya'll!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Mercury Join Us for Halloween Fun at the Doug Fir!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 28, 2009 at 1:11 PM
Any previous plans you may have had for Halloween night (Saturday)? DROP 'EM! Because you're gonna want to join the Mercury for our super fun/insane Halloween bash at the Doug Fir (830 E Burnside), appropriately entitled "The Best Little HORROR House in Portland!" Check out all the fun you'll undoubtedly have!
Schedule of Events:
3 pm- 6 pm: Pumpkin Carving in the Doug Fir Bar!
6 pm: Doors open!
7 pm: Pumpkin Smashing Contest, hosted by Gallagher and Billy Corgan!*
7:30 — 9 pm: Horrific skits from local comedy troupes including Hand 2 Mouth, Action/Adventure, and tEEth!
9:00 — 10 pm: Costume (Stripping) Contest! Celebrity judges! $500 in cash prizes!
10:00 pm: Music from The Bugs and Red Fang!
Midnight: Sacrifice a goat!**
And best of all, if you're wearing a costume, ADMISSION IS FREE!
It's gonna get real, it's gonna get raw, and it'll be bestest Halloween ever, we bet. SO JOIN US!
*Not actually Gallagher or Billy Corgan
** Not actually a goat
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Oct 27, 2009 at 2:28 PM
Where can I find a huge pair of shears and/or scissors?
What? Is he filming a Lars von Trier movie? (You'll understand that joke in about a week, if you don't get it already.)
Anyway... umm... QUESTIONLAND!!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Oct 26, 2009 at 12:58 PM
What should I do with my cap 'n gown? I graduated in June.
Frankly, I don't remember much about my graduation. Nor where my cap and gown ended up. Maybe the police kept it?
But that's another question for another day in... QUESTIONLAND!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Mercury / SEX Get Yer Free HUMP! Tickets: Thursday Edition!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Oct 22, 2009 at 3:07 PM
OH NOES! Did you realize that every showing of this weekend's HUMP! amateur porn fest is sold out except for the Friday 7 pm screening?
DUDE! YOU BETTER ACT FAST! CLICK HERE, NOW!
Or, if you prefer to play things fast and loose, you can attempt to win TWO FREE TICKETS to the screening of your choice! Email Marjorie here (no later than 5 pm today), put "HUMP TICKETS! HUMP TICKETS! HUMP TICKETS!" in the subject header, include your name, and signify which of the following shows you'd like to attend. (Don't worry, I set aside tickets for the sold out shows for Blogtown winners! Aren't I clever?)
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23
7:00 PM SCREENING: This is an 18+ show, and tickets are going fast!
9:30 PM SCREENING: 21+, SOLD OUT!
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24
7:00 PM SCREENING: 21+, SOLD OUT!
9:30 PM SCREENING: 21+, SOLD OUT!
Otherwise, get your tickets fast! You don't want to be left out of the funnest amateur porn event you've ever seen? (How many have you seen anyway?)
UPDATE! Congratulations to CLAYTON for handily scoring two tix to Portland's first-ever weekend of HUMP! If you're name's not Clayton, then tune in tomorrow for the last giveaway! Or, if you're not the gambling kind, grab tickets here for the remaining Friday 18+ show (dudes, there's a bar directly next door to the theater. And another one directly across the street. I know you can make it.)
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Oct 22, 2009 at 1:08 PM
Mmmmmm… I think you can do better. This would be better.
QUESTIONLAND: Where tricksters are always treated.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Mercury / SEX Win Tickets to Hump!: Hump Day Edition!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 21, 2009 at 3:00 PM
Get it?? Because Wednesday is often referred to as "Hump day" and… oh, forget it.
WANT TO WIN TWO TICKETS TO THE HUMP! AMATEUR PORN FESTIVAL THIS WEEKEND AT CINEMA 21? Yes, you do. Email me here before 5 pm today (btw, "before" means "before"—not "after"), include "HUMP DAY!" in the subject header, your name, and which of the following screenings you'd like to attend!
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23
7:00 PM SCREENING: This is an 18+ show, and tickets are going fast!
9:30 PM SCREENING: 21+, SOLD OUT! (Though I've held back tickets for lucky Blogtown winners.)
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24
7:00 PM SCREENING: 21+, tickets going fast!
9:30 PM SCREENING: 21+, practically sold out—get your tix quick!
Also! You can reserve your tickets online right now. Plus, our good friend DAN SAVAGE will be hosting, and he knows a thing or two about Humping. And Wednesdays. I SAID, FORGET IT!!!
UPDATE! Congrats to KYLE for scoring two tickets to this weekend's HUMP! festivities. Tune in tomorrow at 3 pm-ish for another HUMP! giveaway!
- "Sexy Wednesday." From the Addams Family. GET IT?? Oh Jesus Christ, I hate myself.
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 21, 2009 at 1:15 PM
I need a new hair stylist. Recommendations?
Me, I style my own hair. Can't you tell?
Help out those who really need it in…QUESTIONLAND!!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Mercury / SEX HUMP Ticket Giveaway: Day TWO!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Oct 20, 2009 at 3:01 PM
Are you freaking FURIOUS that you didn't win yesterday's HUMP! ticket giveaway? HERE'S ANOTHER CHANCE! Email me before 5 PM TODAY (not accepting any after that time) with "Hump Me Some Hump Tickets, Humpy!" in the subject line and the lucky winner chosen at random will receive two passes to any of the following four HUMP! screenings!
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23
7:00 PM SCREENING: This is an 18+ show, and tickets are going fast!
9:30 PM SCREENING: 21+, SOLD OUT! (Though I've held back tickets for lucky Blogtown winners.)
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24
7:00 PM SCREENING: 21+, tickets going fast!
9:30 PM SCREENING: 21+, very close to selling out—get your tix quick!
* BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR NAME, AND WHICH SCREENING YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND! All screenings will be held at Cinema 21.
Look. If I were you I wouldn't depend on luck. Get your tickets for HUMP! (hosted by Dan Savage) right here, right now and be part of the funnest, filthiest amateur porn fest ever!
UPDATE! Congrats to MIRANDA who won today's HUMP ticket giveaway! Check in tomorrow around 3 pm for another shot at tickets!
Mercury Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Oct 20, 2009 at 12:36 PM
And NO, saying "Start reading the Mercury" is NOT a good answer!! (Sob. Why are you such a feelings-hurter?)
QUESTIONLAND: Forcing you to stay awake since 2009.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Mercury / SEX Win Tickets to HUMP!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Oct 19, 2009 at 2:33 PM
In case you didn't realize, THIS WEEKEND is the HUMP! amateur porn fest at Cinema 21, hosted by Dan Savage (Oct 23 & 24)! One show out of four is already sold out, and the others are selling fast, so chop-chop over to our HUMP Ticket Site and get yours pronto!
OR…Â if you really like to roll the dice, you can try to win one of the pairs of HUMP tickets we'll be giving away every day this week! Today's contest is already under way, so send me an email with "Hey Hump! Give Me Tickets to HUMP!" in the subject line. BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR NAME, AND WHICH SCREENING YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND (Fri 7:30—this is an 18+ show— & 9:30, Sat 7:30 & 9:30). I'll choose one lucky winner at random at 5 pm, and put your name on the guest list (plus one) for the screening of your choice!
DON'T MISS HUMP: THE FUNNEST, MOST HILARIOUSLY PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIE EVENT OF THE YEAR!
UPDATE! Congrats to APRIL for winning today's pair of HUMP! tickets. Tune in tomorrow for another shot!
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