By the way, Blogtown, I’m Dirk VanderHart, the Mercury’s latest news reporter. It’s exciting!

• Andreas Gibson
• Tropical, the island breeze.

Listen, I know people liked Sarah Mirk around here and you’re all probably remembering the good old days and change is rough. But think of me like the stepfather who's moving in way too soon after the divorce: No one’s trying to replace whatever it is you all had. I just want to report some stories.

A quick history: I’ve been a journalist for most of the last decade, making stops in Ohio, D.C., and Missouri before washing up in Portland a little more than three years ago. I’ve written about animals and bikes and garbage here, most often for the Oregonian, so I feel pretty well up to speed.

Also: Karaoke! I've been a KJ (karaoke jockey) for almost as long as I've lived in Portland, though I've largely given it up in order to be here, with you.

Say hello, if you feel like it.

Last week we wrote about a bunch of stuff I can't remember anymore, and then You: The Reader wrote us back! Neat! Here's what you had to say this time:

—Jeff loooOOOOvves Anne Hathaway sooooo much that he can't stand to face the fact that she is growing increasingly unlikable, just like Ann Romano says.

—Arts Editor Alison Hallett trolled the anti-fluoride campaigners in her book review of Frankenstein's Cat. It worked.

—A boner murdering grammatician takes a fellow letter writer—and the Mercury by extension—to task for the use of the phrase "less people."

—Catholics: Are we fair to them? When was the last time they were fair?

I'll give you one guess as to which letter this week's pride-of-place pull quote came from: "Let these people have their silly little school and their delusional, discriminative beliefs." Too easy! Check out all the missives right this way.

• Hathaway: So very hard to like!

Every week we hold an editorial meeting in which we debate and decide what will be in the following week's issue of the Mercury. And invariably, every meeting devolves into some stupid, petty argument that ends in tears, pouting, and perhaps an overturned cup of Ovaltine. This week, senior editor Erik Henriksen and music editor Ned Lannamann got into a snit over who is the "most dreamiest" member of One Direction: Harry Styles or Zain Malik? Naturally, I insisted that this argument needed to be settled on the ice, and I videotaped it for your enjoyment.

Erik is number 33, Ned is number 44. The people booing are Alison and Courtney, and I'm the one with the air horn. Enjoy.

New topics!

In this week's Letters to the Editor:

—Have you stopped masturbating since we introduced you to Pavel Petel? Why would you? Reader "Pounding It in Portland" hasn't!

—In honor of our sarcastic call for a new holiday called Hug A Gun Nut Day, and actual gun nut offers some completely levelheaded advice about responsible gun handling and safety. Hug.

—More backhanded compliments for Ann Romano! Reader Jason says he disagrees with "almost every political stance she takes and love some of the people she hates" and that "hipsters and their weirdness annoy the heck out of me in this city" but still: "She's the best!" Thanks?

—RE: The attempt to resuscitate the "sit-lie" law. What's the connection between downtown's homeless and downtown's shoppers, really?

—Will you please join us in gazing into the future, raising a drink, and bidding it a fond "fuck you"?

• Why stop masturbating now?

There's only one day left of the current issue before it's swept aside for a freshy, so if you've yet to read this week's Letters section, you can still cram for tomorrow's lofty volley of discussions. Such as:

—What's worse: Being stuck on a sewage-filled Carnival cruise boat or having to attend a Camper van Beethoven show? Think it over c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y.

—The police shooting of Merle Hatch leaves much to consider, such as: how much does it matter whether the deceased was homeless?

—What happens when you step to Ian Karmel. Or, a good example of an extremely bad job-attainment strategy.

—What happens when you save yourself for gay marriage.

Another week, and another page of old fashioned correspondence from the super cool readers of the Portland Mercury! Here's what you had to say this week:

—Even though it is so totally 2007, Ian Karmel continues to make kombucha relevant again.

—Beb, he messed up and somehow managed to fail to successfully submit your valentine this year, but we printed it anyway because we love love, and it's still relevant after the 14th.

—Everybody panic! You'd better stock up on canned food, cash, and water before the big one inevitably comes. Or else.

—She's a little bit late to the party, but a reader stationed in Afghanistan, where the Merc is "considered pornography" is the other winner of our Ski Mask Contest, and not just because she quasi threatened us with her gun.

While the print edition of this week's paper is overrun with reader valentines—actually a surprisingly entertaining read, BTW—all your regularly scheduled content is alive and well right here on the 'nets, including a fresh new week of Letters to the Editor! In which:

—Someone is still on about the whole vaccine/autism thing. The flu scare's over, dudes!

—A reader sort of battle raps at us or something. It's complete gibberish, which is kind of cheating when sent via email. Contains the sentence, "Motha fuckin' acid can chord, yo." No really, it's that good.

—Seeing Alien Boy will most likely make you cry. As it should.

—Ian Karmel waits until kombucha jumps the novelty shark and learns to obediently dive through a stunt hoop and land tamely in fridges across America hippie-inflected communities before finally trying it. You worship him anyway.

• Jamie Marquez

In this week's Mercury letters section, readers were especially struck by Ian Karmel's regretful look back at his education (and more specifically its cost). This is clearly something that needs more discussion. Check the comments section on the article for lots more action on the subject. In fact you guys just love Ian. WE love Ian.

Meanwhile, Jamie S. Rich is accused of tripping all over his own politically correct intentions by chiding the makers of The Impossible for casting British actors in the roles of real-life Spaniards. They're all just European, right?

And finally: Is the part of town known as "SW beyond downtown" being unfairly ignored in our discussion of Portland's street grid? Or is it just off the fricking grid?

• Alvaro Dominguez

These are important issues, folks. As always, feel free to comment on these comments in the comments.

In addition to internet commenting, when someone really wants to impart a level of gravity in their response to the Mercury, they write an email. And, if they are over 100 years old, sometimes they even "mail" us a "piece of paper" in their own "handwriting."

This week readers grappled over our cover (awesome? too soon?); Ann Romano's mockery of Jenny McCarthy's views on vaccines; the still-controversial dreadlock dis that was one of Sarah's Mirk's final salvos; and someone feels guilty about demanding free food.

Read 'em all here.

• Illustration by Brian Viveros
• Robert Tomlinson is "dismayed and extremely disappointed" in this.

Blogtown, please help resolve this dispute between Erik Henriksen and me regarding this week's column "Deez Nuts Be Saggins by Bilbo Baggins."

As our beloved Sarah Mirk informed us, she's leaving the Mercury to do an awesome job as the new online editor for Bitch Media, and we could not be more proud! Sarah's creativity, smarts, and big heart will be sorely missed around here—but we're sure Sarah will continue doing amazing, hilarious, and thoughtful things. GOOD LUCK, SARAH!

Tear-stained tissues aside, that also means that the Mercury is looking for a news reporter to join our hot-shit staff. Could it be you or someone you know? Here's the ad that will be running in tomorrow's print edition. Check it out, and if it doesn't appeal to you, pass it along to the talented reporters in your life!

NOW HIRING: NEWS REPORTER

The Portland Mercury is currently hiring a full-time news reporter to join our award-winning news staff. Considered one of the most innovative weeklies in the country, the Mercury is looking for a reporter filled with passion, hustle, and the desire to write stories that make a real difference in our community.

Qualified applicants must possess the following:
• At least three years of newsroom or related online experience—preferably with a hard news focus.
• More than a passing familiarity with social media.
• Snappy, smart writing paired with a passion for long-form storytelling and a dedication to accuracy. Show us your well-cultivated voice.
• Flexibility. Be willing to jump from the courthouse to city hall to a foreclosure protest to the bowels of the Central Eastside to Salem to wherever else you're needed.
• Demonstrated ability at forging relationships needed to get great stories—with little handholding—in an extremely competitive news market.
• Experience with digging through public records in pursuit of scoops or must-read context.
• Extra points for photography skills.
• Enthusiasm, professionalism, people skills, and a good sense of humor are a must.

This is a full-time position, with competitive salary and benefits. Evening and occasional weekend hours are not unheard of. Interested applicants should electronically submit resume, web links for at least three published stories, and a cover letter describing goals, story ideas, and local topics that you’re passionate about to newsreporterjob@portlandmercury.com or via snail mail to “News Reporter Job,” c/o News Editor Denis Theriault, Portland Mercury, 115 SW Ash Street, Suite 600, Portland OR 97204.

Deadline for applications: Friday, January 18.

We are an equal opportunity employer.

I'm thrilled to report that I've been hired as the new online editor for Bitch Media, a national feminist magazine and media nonprofit based here in Portland. I'll be here at the paper for just two more weeks.

Bitch is inspiring and I'm very excited to join their staff, but I've worked on and off for Index Media—the small, excellent company that owns The Mercury and its Seattle sister paper, The Stranger—since I was 19, so the move for me is bittersweet. My first day as an intern at The Stranger, I mistook my boss for a homeless person loitering in the lobby of the newspaper. Over the next years, I made many worse mistakes, became addicted to drinking three cups of coffee a day, and spent much of my time at my desk weighed down by the knowledge that at any moment, the editors would appear, unmask me as a terrible fraud, and kick me to the curb. Of course that never happened. Instead, my coworkers have always been absurdly patient, generous, and funny and I've grown to feel confident as a journalist.

Continue reading »

As you may have noticed, you are being enticed more than usual to part ways with your dollars this month in the name of holiday gift giving. And while bowing to the pressure is hardly a virtue in itself, there are certainly more virtuous ways to scratch the itch (shopping at local outlets or better yet, buying products that are actually made in the region). Ignoring the big chain giants, and in addition to the regular updates posted daily on MOD, we've given a special place on the internet over to weekly roundups of all the sales, pop-ups and trunk shows designed to make the process of local holiday shopping easy, fun, and cost effective (like the Emily Katz sample sale, where you can score Portland-designed and produced womenswear for a tiny fraction of the original retail cost). Look for a new update with each new issue of the digital edition from now till the new year.

• Randall Garcia & Mikola Accuardi
• A look from Emily Katz's most recent runway show