• Chrissy Piper

In honor of Goat Friday—Cat Friday is dead. Long live Cat Friday!—we are giving away three pairs of tickets to see the Mountain Goats at the Wonder Ballroom on Wednesday, November 11th. Hoof on over to End Hits for your chance to win.

Another week, another Mercury music section to read while you dress your child like a hideous mutant. Correction: an adorable hideous mutant.

David Bazan and Jesus used to be so close that they'd carve "DB + JC = 4EVAH" into the trunks of trees. But those days are no more. Bazan's wonderful Curse Your Branches recording chronicles his fall from faith. Does that mean he's a free agent? You hear that Jews? He could be ours!
LISTEN:

David Bazan - "When We Fell"

BOAT are just like us, they put their pants on one leg at a time. Except once their pants are on, they create the funnest music known to man... while we're just happy to be wearing pants.
LISTEN:

BOAT - "We've Been Friends Since 1989"

The Mountain Goats find a copy of the bible—in David Bazan's dumpster—and proceed to write an entire record with blblical verses for song titles.
LISTEN:

The Mountain Goats - "Genesis 3:23"

In their first visit to Portland, Video Games Live combine symphony orchestration with video game soundtracks. Hey Mario Bros., take off those colorful overalls and put on something nice, you're going to the symphony!
WATCH:
Video Games Live Trailer

Our Town Could Be Your Life looks at former Meow Meow kid, Kelli Schaefer and her recent single series that will feature a new release every six to eight weeks.
LISTEN:

Kelli Schaefer - "City Morgue"

End Hits: Should we have used another joke for the Video Games Live link? How about: I’m sorry Mario, but the princess is in another symphony. That better?

• Brantley Gutierrez

Our great ticket giveaway continues: Dinosaur Jr. is next! We're parting with three pairs of tickets to see J, Lou, and Murph this Saturday night at the Wonder Ballroom. If you want to win, start choppin' your way over to End Hits. Good luck.

I know a few of you out there (okay, including me) had our hearts set on auditioning for, and becoming the lead singer of the death metal group Demolisher. Unfortunately, a front runner has emerged that makes our auditions look as empty as the holes in his ears. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Senor Bivens. (Umm... don't just stand there! Bow before the next lead singer for Demolisher, a-holes!!)

Earhole tips to Videogum!

Iceland's very own Múm will be making a rare appearance at the Aladdin Theater this Wednesday evening and we want to give you a pair of tickets. Click on over to End Hits for your chance to win your way into this show. Good luck.

This is a message for: Hardcore DEVOted spuds, casual Devo fans, Jocko Homos, Mongoloids, and those who enjoy the thrill of wearing an energy dome on their head.

We are giving away a pair of tickets to see Devo at the Moore Theatre in Seattle on Sunday November 8th and Monday, November 9th. Two nights of Devo, and we are parting with a pair of tickets to each show. Holy crap! Head on over to End Hits for your chance to win.

Another week, another Mercury music section to flip through while you assemble your skull artwork with nothing more than a few hundred cassettes. See? There is hope for the music industry.

Ironic? No. British? Oh, yeah. Art Brut tickle the fancy of our resident Red Coat, Matt Davis. What's next? Yours truly writing a news story about sit/lie regulations? That's a law about napping, right?
LISTEN:

Art Brut - "Alcoholics Unanimous"

Spoiler alert: At the end of this World's Greatest Ghost article, you'll find out that the band has been dead all along.
LISTEN:

World's Greatest Ghost - "The Royal Court"

The good news is that Sallie Ford sings like Olive Oyl from Popeye. The bad news is that Bluto just kidnapped her and sold her to the Sea Hag.
LISTEN:

Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside - "This Town"

A n00b's guide to the Fall into Darkness metal festival. It's three days of pure metal, so please bring a change of ear plugs and black T-shirts with illegible band logos on them.
LISTEN:

YOB - "Doom #2"

End Hits: Brits, ghosts, cartoon characters with eating disorders, and heshers.

It's no secret that, when the dust settles, Dirty Projectors' masterful Bitte Orca will be the most acclaimed record of 2009. And with the band coming to the Aladdin Theater on Tuesday, November 3rd, we'd like you to win a "Dirty Projectors Prize Package" that consists of a pair of tickets to the show, a LP copy of Bitte Orca, plus a poster to hang on your dorm room wall.

To enter, head on over to End Hits.

Eternal thanks to Videogum for unearthing this 1998 video in which Joe Pesci… umm… raps. Unironically, I assume. And yes, he's terrible. But as terrible things often go, this video eventually transforms from terrible to very nearly awesome. Check it out.

So this song ("Wise Guy") is from an actual album that you will find and buy for me—before Christmas, please. It was Pesci's second (!!!!) release, and entitled "Vincent LaGuardia Gambini Sings Just for You" (The name comes from the character he played in My Cousin Vinny, leading me to ask, where was Ralph Macchio's mother-effing album??) Check out the track listing, generously provided by Wikipedia.

Track listing

1. "Yo Cousin Vinny"
2. "Wise Guy"
3. "Take Your Love And Shove It"
4. "I've Got News For You"
5. "How Do You Like Me So Far"
6. "Robbie Hood"
7. "Twenty-One"
8. "Old Man Time"
9. "He'll Have To Go"
10. "I Can't Give You Anything But Love"
11. "If It Doesn't Snow For Christmas"
12. "What A Wonderful World"
13. "Yo Cousin Vinny (Italian)"
14. "Yo Cousin Vinny (Spanish)"

Repeat: You will find and buy me this album. And you will NOT keep it for yourself!!

Another week, another Mercury music section to flip through as you mourn the death of Kanye West, who most definitely was killed the other day. I believe everything I read on the internet. Now, if you don't mind, I have an appointment with my Nigerian financial advisor.

He's baaaaaaack! David Yow gathers up the rest of the gang, and now Jesus Lizard has returned. When I was 16, Yow once stepped on my head (while wearing a cowboy boot), using my tender skull as a launching pad to hurl himself into the crowd. It should be an amazing show, be sure to take the kids.
LISTEN:

Jesus Lizard - "Skull of a German"
(I know it's from their major label days, but I've always loved this song)

Speaking of kids, this weekend brings the debut of You Who, the interactive kiddie music event that features everything from puppets to Decemberists. Now can anyone loan me their kid so I don't have to pay the extra admission fee?
LISTEN:

The Decemberists - "Sons and Daughters"

Enjoy the colorful campfire sounds of Le Loup, and their dizzying new album, Family.
LISTEN:

Le Loup - "Beach Town"

Enter the wildly creative world of Neal Morgan's voice and drum experimentations.
LISTEN:

Neal Morgan - "Salamanders"

End Hits: You won't believe what we just heard about Rod Stewart. Evidently he had to get his stomach pumped because...

• Kwesi Abbensetts

Another week, another Mercury music section to read while you allegedly sue an ice cream company for stealing your punk rock likeness. "God save the cream!"

BLK JKS bring us a wild collection of sounds and influences from South Africa. Thy shld ply DMMR BMMR.
LISTEN:

BLK JKS - "Molalatladi"

The chamber folksters in Ah Holly Fam'ly come together for their lovely new full-length, Reservoir.
LISTEN:

Ah Holly Fam'ly - "Year Of The Viking"

For over 25 years Yo La Tengo has been holding it down for guitar nerds, Hoboken Jews, and fans of Richie Ashburn.
LISTEN:

Yo La Tengo - "Here To Fall"

End Hits: The Great Rock 'n' Roll Smoothie.

Five co-workers do a dead-on live lipsynch of the Backstreet Boys "I Want it That Way" and for once? Who gives a shit if productivity goes down?

So after holding a contest for a new, cuss-free, moniker, local band Starfucker has picked a new name: PYRAMID. I guess the ALL CAPS thing is part of it. Take it away, press release:

Starfucker Announce New Name, PYRAMID!

It’s been an exciting year for Portland, OR’s favorite breakout band, Starfucker, and today is an exceptional day. Last month, just as the four-piece were poised to set sail on an extensive North American tour, they announced a name change contest that allowed fans to play a pivotal role in re-naming the band. After many votes and infinite good ideas, the guys have chosen PYRAMID as their new moniker. They will perform their last ever show as Starfucker at Portland’s venerable Wonder Ballroom on Halloween, so if you have a hankering for infectious beats and a costume contest judged by some of the members of the band, then look no further.

Yeah, that works. I'm not one to really care about band names, so Pyramid—er, PYRAMID—seems to fit the band's sound pretty well, especially if they keep with that rainbow graphic.

End Hits: EVERYTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT WHEN IT IS IN ALL CAPS!

• The Mercury music staff office: where men with Hitler mustaches confidently read the newspaper.

Hello. We're looking for an intern. But not just any intern, we are seeking a music intern. Unlike other editorial word slaves, we won't bother you with requests to see that one Carlos Mencia movie that none of us want to see, write reviews of interpretive dance troupes, or act as a Cockney-to-English translator for Matt Davis. Nope, you will be strictly devoted to the music section.

What does this internship require?
- There will be some mild calendar entry (boring), music blogging (exciting), talking about music (exciting), and listening to me talk about music (boring).
- You will probably be asked to contribute to our non-award winning weekly publication.
- You will probably be asked to contribute to End Hits, our non-award winning music blog.
- You will not be paid. Sorry.
- You will get free music, concerts, and the ability to silently judge others based solely on their (poor) taste in music. This is totally priceless.
- You will get published clips for your future career as a writer. (Career tip: Get used to hearing "you will not be paid.")
- You will get school credit. That is, if your school gives credit for such things.
- You will work in an office that includes both electricity and running water. (Work hours only, please.)

Wow, I can think of nothing better, what do you require of me?
- You can form a sentence. (Hell, if you can form a sentence, I should be working for you.)
- You can come in to our office at least one day a week.
- Previously published clips are not required, but they sure are nice. If you don't have them, worry not.
- You know about local music. Do you go to local shows? Do you know Red Fang from White Fang? Pancake Breakfast from Breakfast Mountain?

I am still reading this post, that means I must be interested.
- Excellent. Please send any clips—or, let's say 100 words on your favorite local release of last year—to this address.
- Also, please send your availability. Thank you.

End Hits: Thanks to a court order, we are no longer allowed to throw a Smashmouth CD at you when angry. Stupid laws.