Seeing as the Mercury's former Pug* Editor is no longer a salaried employee of the paper, it falls to me to present you this. And so, here it is. Anything further I have to say will only cheapen the experience, so please enjoy: Bone Pugz.
Thanks to commenter Graham for the tip.
* and Music Too, I Guess
Hi Blogtown! This is Olive here to remind you that it's always a good idea to fact check your stories. SNURFLE... oh pardon me, PFFT SNERFFLLLE. The name of my new bar is actually called the Old Gold, not the Old Gold Box as the Oregonian would have you believe this morning. However, my favorite bar in town is coincidentally called Boxxes.
That is all. Now I must return to my morning kibble and daydreaming about fire hydrants.
Hi guys! You've been busy, I've been busy, but let's not forget the important things. Like how to use music listings. Hint: Click here. Still rusty? How about a rundown of tonight's big tickets:
Aladdin Theater—Black Dub, Rocco Deluca, 8 pm, $22-25
Alberta Rose Theatre—Jonah, Water & Bodies, NIAYH, The Angry Orts, The Shivas, John Craig & The Weekend, 8 pm, $8
Crown Room—Robot Koch, Boy Meets Club, Brownbear, DJAO, 9 pm, $8
Crystal Ballroom—Awolnation, Climber, 9 pm, $5, all ages
Dante's—Dan Reed Band, 9 pm, $10
Doug Fir—Grand Hallway, Thousands, Adam Sweeney & The Jamboree, 9 pm, $5
Ella Street Social Club—Aan, Pwrfl Power, Matt Carlson, 9 pm, $6
Hawthorne Theatre—Against Me!, Cheap Girls, Fences, 8 pm, $13.50-15, all ages
Holocene—A Few of My Favorite Things with Lance Bangs: Mister Heavenly, Carrie Brownstein, DJ Nightschool, 8 pm, $10
Mississippi Studios—Mike Coykendall & The Golden Shag, Whalebones, Pearly Gate Music, 9 pm, $8-10
Peter's Room at the Roseland—Meat Beat Manifesto, Not Breathing, Natasha Kmeto, 9 pm
Tonic Lounge—Coco Cobra & The Killers, Thundering Asteroids, The Food, 9 pm
The Woods—Sean Flinn & The Royal We, Greylag, M Billy, 9 pm, $6
The Artistery—Saucy Yoda, Grrrl Friend, Boom!, Nucular Aminals, Mythological Horses, 8 pm, $7, all ages
Oh, hello. It's me, Olive the Pug, the official office dog of The Mercury. Over the course of the past six years I have been featured in this paper and online countless times.
Recently it has been brought to my attention that the creatively bankrupt animal plagiarists at the Willamette Week have launched a blog for their disfigured corgi (or whatever mangled breed it claims to be) mascot, Bruce. This town is surely big enough for two weekly paper pups—plus, I'm petite as fuck—but it seems that in classic WW tradition, Bruce is ripping me off.
Case in point, this dashing photo of me from our 2006 drinking issue.. Man, I got so wasted off Sessions that night. Sure enough, over four years later, there is this crap. Stupid Bruce, you can't even get up to the bar.
And again, this photo of me from 2009 wearing the Fantastic Mr. Fox promotional tie. Damn I look good. So good that we blogged that picture a second time last year. Maybe that is where the uncreative WW hacks got the idea to strap the very same tie around this bloated waste of fur.
I'm not saying this is animal plagiarism—okay, maybe I am—but there are a LOT of similarities. To summarize, fuck you Bruce.
Ah, Thanksgiving! It's one of two days a year that you're legally obligated to spend with family, trying to ignore to your great-aunt's subtle-but-stubborn racism while you throw up a little in your mouth at the sight of your mom's marshmallow-infused mashed potatoes.
Looking for a break from the nonstop family time? No problem: "Accidentally" let slip that your sister had an abortion last month, then use the hubbub to escape the table and plant yourself in front of the TV. Two recent Blu-ray releases, Back to the Future: 25th Anniversary Trilogy and Avatar: Extended Collector's Edition, can help immensely with this; hit the jump for a couple of quick reviews, plus your chance to win the Back to the Future set on DVD.
All right. With all this depressing, Democrats-no-longer-the-majority political coverage, I feel like you guys need something a little more lighthearted to look at. In my house we're basically obsessed with pugs, so after getting this from my roommate today I've decided to weed out the best ones for your viewing pleasure. ENJOY.
ITEM! The day you never thought would come has arrived! Despite Avatar's crushing box office disappointment, Fox and Cameron are pushing forward with not one but two sequels. Press release!
Moving forward with the most anticipated films of the next decade, Fox Filmed Entertainment Chairmen Jim Gianopulos and Tom Rothman announced today that Academy Award-winning filmmaker James Cameron has agreed to make Avatar 2 and 3 as his next films.
Christ. "Agreed." You'd think they'd make it sound like Cameron was just a tiny bit more excited about it, instead of like he only gave in to making them after receiving countless 2 am phone calls from a sobbing Rothman, begging to know if Dr. Ripley was really dead or if she would come back as a benevolent Pandoran planet goddess.
Cameron, who had always viewed Avatar as the creation of a new world and mythology, will begin work on the scripts early next year with an eye towards commencing production later in 2011. Cameron will decide if he will shoot the films back-to-back after he completes the scripts, but the release of the first, as yet untitled sequel, is targeted for December 2014, with the third film contemplated for a December 2015 release.
Fun fact: Mercury office pug Olive, pictured above, is already in line at Lloyd Cinemas. She goes fucking CRAZY for Avatar. This is the best day she's had since she got into Ned's garbage.
Hit the jump for news about The Hobbit and the next Batman flick.
Still struggling to come up with a costume?
Perhaps you are familiar with What the Fuck Should I Make for Dinner. Well, here's a Halloween version of a similar tool, titled WTF Should I Be for Halloween. Tons of ideas! Get going. (Warning: all of the costume ideas seem to be "sexy" costumes.)
I know it's an affront to God, but come on, it's a kitten attempting to nurse from a pug. God would be cool with this, right? I'm not justifying this, I just think this picture is more cute than creepy.
Well, condemn or allow?
(Also, a quick word of warning: searching the internet for videos of "beatboxing dog" will lead you to this, which is the single most annoying thing I have ever seen.)
Oh fuck yeah.
Hat tips to Blogtown tipper Graham. Here's the source!
Mercury Editor-in-Chief Wm. Steven Humphrey left work a little earlier today and, as a result, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. See for yourself.
Also, it should be mentioned that three members of the Mercury editorial staff are currently drinking beers at their desks.
Omigod! Omigod! Since you are craving more after just a sweet taste, here is the whole glorious thing.
Parts 2 and 3 after the jump.
This is not Olive, but it is your newest internet sensation. Play me off, KEYBOARD PUG!!
Hat tips to Buzzfeed!
Seen today in the PetSmart store on 82nd...
WAIT. A dog that smells like "cherry vanilla"? Is this something that people actually want? I remember my old dog (Marmaduke Goldstein) used to smell like a cross between a moldy towel and warmed-over Cheetos—but I think I would prefer that to cherry vanilla.
From the PetSmart site, here are some more details on what this "Top Dog" package entails:
Promote your pooch to top dog by adding oatmeal, brightening or low-shed shampoo, remoisturizing conditioner, teeth brushing and breath freshener. Cologne and a bandana or bow included.
Forget cherry vanilla! I want my dog to wear a bandana and smell like Drakkar Noir!
This has been cropping up on various places around the internet (I first saw it on Slog), but it's so great that if you missed it, you need to see it for yourself.
Or, at least, it would have been better than Everybody Loves Raymond.
Pug wins! Pug wins!
Yes, it's true. Our man vs. pug betting challenge has come to an end with a rousing victory for Olive the Pug. Despite a lifetime of sports gambling, Matt Slessler was not able to beat the random picks of a pug dog, who made up for her slow start by accurately selecting nine of her final ten picks.
For winning, Olive will be rewarded with a single slice of bacon. You've earned it, Pug.
Oh, what a glorious day!
We have ourselves a new leader in the man vs. pug betting challenge. After a slow start, Olive the pug is on a BCS Bowl game winning streak and has taken the lead from her human opponent. With four games left, and a crispy slice of bacon on the line—oddly enough, both contestants requested bacon as their prize—Olive is ahead by a single game. This one might come down to the wire. Feel free to make your own sidebets, for cash or bacon.
Our once promising man vs. pug betting challenge has taken a disappointing turn. Neither human or dog has been all that successful, with Matt Slessler (the man) getting a measly 46% of his bowl game picks correct, while Olive (the dog) is nipping at his heels with 38% of her picks. To be honest, I'm saddened by the lackluster effort given by both gamblers. There are a lot of games coming up this week—including the Rose Bowl on Friday—so the pug better pick up her skills, or it looks like she'll be sleeping in the snow.
It's clear a dog treat-based betting system is not the way to gamble. After one weekend of our Mercury Gambling Challenge, our human gambler (Matt Slessler) is winning by a single game. It's not an impressive lead, but with an 0-3 start the pug is going to need to make a great comeback.
The Las Vegas Bowl
Oregon St. vs BYU, tomorrow night.
Matt selected the Beavers, Olive went with the Mormons. Stupid pug.
The Mercury's Scientific Gambling Institute has embarked (sorry for the pun) on a mission to determine who is more reliable when it comes to sports gambling: man or pug. We were fortunate to secure gambling expert Matthew Slessler—his can't miss 5-star lock of the day: bet it all on the Minnesota Lynx of the WNBA—as our human subject. His opponent, weighing in at a portly 17lbs., Olive the Pug.
Each contestant picked every single BCS bowl game—all 34 of them—and after the final game (the BCS championship on January 7th) we will declare a winner. Slessler picked the games using a complicated formula of spreads and shady insider tips, while Olive was presented with dual dog treats—her favorite brand—on a piece of paper marked with each college bowl team. The treat she devoured indicated her pick. 34 treats later, she is still hungry.
The bowl season starts tomorrow evening and we will post updates on how each gambler is progressing. Let's just say, I like the pug's chances.
After years of hype, Avatar finally starts screening tonight at midnight. OLIVE THE MERCURY OFFICE PUG ALREADY HAS HER TICKET!!!1!!
Ever since the first glimpses of James Cameron's 3D sci-fi epic started to leak out, the internet's been full of people eager to hate on it (and eager to love it). So far, reaction to the film has been far better than I expected—it's at 83 on Metacritic, Gawker is apologizing for talking shit, Ebert is saying stuff like, "It takes a hell of a lot of nerve for a man to stand up at the Oscarcast and proclaim himself King of the World. James Cameron just got re-elected," and Manohla Dargis is all, "Movies rarely carry us away, few even try. They entertain and instruct and sometimes enlighten. Some attempt to overwhelm us, but their efforts are usually a matter of volume. What’s often missing is awe, something Mr. Cameron has, after an absence from Hollywood, returned to the screen with a vengeance." YOU TELL 'EM, MANOHLA DARGIS!
Um, I wrote about it too.
In movies not having to do with giant blue cat people, we have:
Did You Hear About the Morgans?, in which Hugh Grant and that chick from Sex and the City do their damndest to annoy the fuck out of you. Marjorie hated it.
Endgame, in which William Hurt and Chiwetel Ejiofor fix racism! Ned thought it was pretty great.
Up in the Air, in which George Clooney teams up with the dude who directed Juno to tell a story of loneliness, unemployment, and how even movies that try not to be all Hollywood-y often end up being pretty Hollywood-y. I liked it.
Beeswax, in which Andrew Bujalski continues to make mumblecore progressively less annoying. Marjorie loved it.
In addition, the Northwest Film Center has a British noir series going on (Intern Dave recommends it), Art Institute students take over Cinema 21 on Saturday afternoon for an animation showcase, Sita Sings the Blues is at the Clinton, and Silent Night, Deadly Night is at the Hollywood on the night before Christmas Eve (win tickets here).
|Most Popular||I, Anonymous||Best of the Merc|
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!