It's time to close the door (and window?) on Jeld-Wen Field.
The Portland Timbers announced a title change to their home turf on Monday, giving Civic Stadium a new moniker: Providence Park.
The name switcharoo is the result of a "new integrated community partnership" between PTFC and Providence Health & Services (Oregon's largest private employer) and comes three years after Medford-based Jeld-Wen took over naming rights to the ol' PGE Park prior to Portland's inaugural Major League Soccer season.
“It’s important to us and our fans as we continue to put the best team possible on the field,” Timbers owner Merritt Paulson told media after announcing the 15-year deal. “These kinds of deals are just critical for our success.”
But before you history majors ask what Roger Williams' interpretation of God's will has to do with footy in Soccer City, a refresher: Providence is a 155-year-old "not-for-profit Catholic health care ministry committed to providing for the needs of the communities it serves–especially for those who are poor and vulnerable." The Renton-based company, which serves five states (Oregon, Alaska, California, Montana and Washington), secures naming rights in time to make their mark on the international football stage, as Portland hosts reigning UEFA Champions League Bayern Munich of Germany the 2014 MLS All-Star Game in August.
The move also happens to give the Rose City two professional places of sport named after health care companies, after the Blazers dubbed The Rose Garden "The Moda Center" last summer. Ah, but just as PGE Park was affectionately (I think) called "Piggy" and Jeld-Wen Field was known as "The Jelly" and "The House of Pane," fans will be looking for a different (likely punnier) epithet for Soccer City's new home pitch when the season kicks off in early March.
So, Blogtown, what to call Providence Park this season? Let's put it to a vote!
So this Reddit user created what he calls the "4th Floor Bathroom Polling Device" in which great controversies are settled and determined by who uses the most toilet paper. Observe:
Okay, I think this is baloney. Would you REALLY prefer a hoverboard over a device that could erase peoples' memory? Sure the hoverboard is fun... super fun! But OH BOY THE THINGS I WOULD DO WITH A MEMORY ERASING DEVICE HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA!! (Ahem.)
Anyway, let's see how Blogtown votes.
Today seems some sort of unofficial, internet-wide Roald Dahl Day, so let's take this opportunity to argue about which of his many great books is his best. I won't tell you my personal favorite just yet (it's not Matilda), but there's lots of room for discussion in the comments. To the poll! I've left off some of his lesser works—The Magic Finger, The Twits—but hopefully your favorite should be on there.
Popular appeal and unfulfilled creative potential are both completely valid reasons for reviving a TV show from the dead. And for these reasons, at the end of the day it’s a good thing that Season 4 happened. We got a glimpse into the Bluth family’s future, saw most of the show’s running gags extended, and learned what Hurwitz could do with creative carte blanche and a much bigger budget. But all of these justify the existence of Arrested’s fourth season; they don’t argue for granting the show a fifth.
Read the rest here... but what do YOU think?
I'll get to the poll, but first a little editorializing...
Cogen, to his credit, came clean when confronted—a decision helped by an apparently anonymous email circulating among county employees this week that claimed Cogen and the policy adviser, identified as Sonia Manhas, had been spotted around town in public displays of affection. And he's decided not to resign, just less than a year before his presumed primary re-election. Fine. So far. The mere act of an affair isn't enough to drive someone from office—a case in point being former Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.
But Cogen still has much to prove—even after denying the insinuation that, because of their relationship, he somehow helped Manhas rise through the county's ranks.
Is he lying about that? Definitively proving otherwise will require more than his assurances, as earnest as they might be. Voters need to see a credible outside investigation—maybe by the state attorney general's office. And that's as much for Manhas' sake as it is for Cogen's. Cogen's political aspirations hang in the balance, but so does Manhas' professional reputation. If Cogen's telling the truth, she deserves a clear finding that she rose through the ranks because of her own skill and accomplishment.
And then there's the question of whether Cogen ever took advantage of his position as leader of the county in coercing Manhas into prolonging or entering the affair. Cogen told the O they were two "consenting adults," but Manhas has, according to reports, declined to comment. Again, Cogen's word shouldn't be the only one we hear on that, no matter how earnest he might be.
And here's a little bit of media criticism: What's up with KATU going to Cogen's house? My Twitter feed last night blew up with opprobrium when reporters at the TV station started bragging about how they hunted him down because he ducked their cameras outside his office. Cogen's got a wife and kids who totally didn't need grandstanding TV journalists smearing one of the worst days of their lives into their faces where they sleep. Especially since Cogen had already admitted to other media what he had done. KATU's shenanigans would have added nothing to the story.
Okay. Finally. Here's the poll.
In our continuing quest to find out if Fleetwood Mac is the greatest Mac of all time, we've posted a seemingly interminable set of polls allowing you the opportunity to vote on who is the greatest potential challenger to their MacCrown. Clearly most of you feel that if anyone can unseat Fleetwood Mac—it's a piping hot bowl of MACARONI & CHEESE. And so, before we place our final vote, a few words in the defense of our contenders.
FLEETWOOD MAC: Though originally formed in 1967, the band found its greatest success in the mid-70s with bandmembers John McVie, Christine McVie, Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks. Their albums "Fleetwood Mac," "Rumours," and "Tusk" are considered classics of the rock 'n' roll genre. Here is their greatest gift to humanity:
MACARONI & CHEESE: Enjoyed since medieval times, this dish consisting of elbow macaroni, cheese sauce, milk and butter was also a favorite meal of President Thomas Jefferson, who served it at a state dinner in 1802. In the 20th century, macaroni and cheese became an easy, inexpensive method of feeding thousands during the Great Depression, and has since become a delicious family classic. And, unlike Fleetwood Mac, macaroni and cheese has it's own national holiday (July 14). Behold, a delicious bowl of macaroni and cheese:
After his Twitter blow-up last week in which he called Daily Mail reporter George Stark a "queen" and insinuated he liked anal sex (in my family, that's a compliment), Alec Baldwin has vowed to quit Twitter FOREVER. Here's what he told Vanity Fair when asked if he would return to the social media platform:
Never. No. I went to Jimmy Gandolfini’s funeral, and when I was there I realized Jimmy Gandolfini didn’t have Twitter. Jimmy Gandolfini was so beloved as a person, and he was so admired as an actor, and he didn’t give a fuck about social media.
I really learned a lesson at the funeral. I said to myself, This is all a waste of time. Meaning it’s fun sometimes, but less and less, and less. It’s just another chink in your armor for people to come and kill you.
A poll, if you will.
In this week's issue, we present Debate Club, in which two music fans get together and bicker about the music that your parents used to listen to. For this first installment, Mark Lore and I discussed Fleetwood Mac, who are playing the Rose Garden this Sunday, June 30. Mark and I attempted to reach a consensus on which Fleetwood Mac album is their SECOND best. (Rumours, of course, being the FIRST best—that part is not up for debate.) Mark championed their 1979 double-album opus Tusk, while I chose 1969's Then Play On, an album from the pre-Buckingham/Nicks era, during which Peter Green was the guitarist. You can read the whole long conversation right here.
Here's the part where we turn the discussion over to you: Who won the debate? Which album is in fact Fleetwood Mac's second best album? Did Mark make a good case for Tusk? Did I convince you that Then Play On is an overlooked masterpiece? Or are we BOTH wrong?
Vote for Fleetwood Mac's SECOND best album right here! In addition to Tusk and Then Play On, we're including some extra choices for you, including 1973's Buckingham Nicks, the currently out-of-print album Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks made before joining Fleetwood Mac. (Wm.™ Steven Humphrey owns this album on 8-track and gives it an "mmm-hmmm!" which is the highest recommendation music can receive.)
So vote now, or go your own way!
GAHHHHHHH!!! Only one hour left (until noon today) to take the PDX Approved Survey and make sure stupid people don't decide what the greatest restaurants, shops, and awesome stuff are in Portland! Plus if you finish the majority of the survey, you'll be entered to win some wicked hot prizes!! GAAAAAHHH! ONE HOUR LEFT!! GAAAAAHHHHH!
For reasons known to only themselves and their god, Public Policy Polling (who usually kills it with their political polling) threw out a bunch of names of popular music stars and asked America which pop star they disliked the most. The results are somewhat/absolutely/not-at-all surprising… but the bigger question is, "DOES BLOGTOWN AGREE?" Take the following poll, and then hit the jump to see how the rest of America voted!
CLIK. CLIK. CLIK.
According to the January issue of Harper's, "One third of male Londoners suffer from penis blindness." WITHOUT USING THE INTERNET, please participate in this impromptu poll.
The answer is below the jump.
Former Portland goalkeeper Troy Perkins was a fan favorite in the Rose City before being unceremoniously swapped last season for current goalie Donovan Ricketts. He's still a tad touchy about the whole thing, and on Saturday night, Timbers Army was quick to show the 2011 Supporters Player of the Year there were no hard feelings coming from the North End.
During pregame warm-ups, the Army mistook Montreal backup Evan Bush (and his shaved head) for Perkins, and began chanting the latter's name. Oops. The actual Perkins then got a hearty cheer when lineups were announced and an even heartier boo when he took his time over the ball (read: stalled a bit) while Portland was scrambling to find a way to tie late during Saturday night's 2-1 loss. But it was after the game that TA's feelings for the ex truly surfaced, when just after the final whistle, Perkins immediately turned toward the Army had applauded them.
Again, the Army chanted: "PER-KINS, PER-KINS, PER-KINS." How nice, right? That old friends can re-connect?
Not every Timber thought so: Injured defender David Horst (another fan fave, it should be noted) took to Facebook and gave his candid assessment of the spontaneous love-fest, saying it was "frustrating" to see fans cheer for an opposing player right after their own team just ran their asses off for 90 minutes.
Timbers Army's Garrett Dittfurth responded later that evening, reminding the team that if they remember the name on the front of the jersey (Alaska Airlines? Oh, right, Portland Timbers!) the fans will remember the name on the back.
So whatdya think, Blogtown? Should TA have cheered Perkins or given him the cold shoulder? Let's put it to a poll!
Today's pointless office argument preventing everyone from getting to work, because they've apparently forgotten that Tuesday is our press deadline: WHEN DOES BRUNCH START AND END?
One viewpoint: "Brunch starts at 10 am and ends at 2 or 3 pm, because some people want breakfast, and some want lunch."
Another viewpoint: "Brunch starts at 9 am (breakfast goes anywhere from daybreak to 9 am), and ends at 11 am (anything after 11 is lunch up until "late lunch" "martini lunch" "happy hour" and dinner). Noon is lunch. That's why they call it lunch."
Yesterday, our "How Was Your 2012?" poll imploded—obviously because 2012 felt like he was above judgement. WELL, YOU'RE NOT ABOVE JUDGEMENT, 2012!! Even though you're officially retired, we're still going to track you down and judge you whether you like it or not! (Because Blogtown is like the Simon Wiesenthal of polls.)
LET'S START JUDGING, JUDY!
So far today I have seen two disturbing things. The first was an eyebrowless Jared Leto (for noble acting reasons but still).
Yesterday a plane circled high above Penn State's statue of football-hero/rape facilitator Joe Paterno, dragging a banner that bore a message for the school:
It's a message from the same guy who hired a plane to troll Tiger Woods at Pebble Beach and reminds me of a campaign that the American Atheists that flew these banners around the country on the Fourth of July:
So, aggressive airplane banners are now officially a protest "thing." Thoughts?
WHAT THE FUCK! The four remaining fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were recently able to sigh a big, Doritos-scented sigh of relief when Michael Bay's Ninja Turtle reboot was brutally euthanized—but now, because evil never sleeps, there's been another assault on the Heroes in a Half Shell*! Let us turn to our nation's esteemed paper of record, the New York Times, which, naturally, is reporting on this important and 100 percent relevant matter.
“Cowabunga” is apparently no longer cool. Now the turtles’ catchphrase is “booyakasha,” a word Sacha Baron Cohen helped popularize back when he was doing Da Ali G Show. (Via.)
WHAT THE FUCK! Apparently, Master Splinter's opinion doesn't count for shit. TO THE POLL!
Steve insisted that I blog this. He thinks it's funny. I think it needs to be funnier. We had kind of a heated discussion about it. It ended with Steve saying to me, "C'mon, funny clown! Make me laugh!"
Sigh. So here's the uproarious new video from Tenacious D, perhaps the funniest fucking thing you'll see all fucking year. Remember this moment well, because you will be telling your grandkids about it and they will shriek with glee.
To be fair, I found two funny things in the video—I won't say which, because perhaps they are different from your two funny things—and I also like the song, in a "2112" kind of way. However, the song has been edited to smithereens and doesn't really work musically as a three-plus minute rock song. It needs to be longer and proggier and more over the top. So go, check out the nearly six-minute album version and give this truncated version and hard-to-watch video a miss.
Or? Perhaps you like it?
Here's the trailer for the new Woody Allen film. It's called To Rome with Love. Yeah, that is a pretty lazy title, even for Woody. You would not be faulted for thinking it's exactly like Midnight in Paris but, you know, in Rome. Also, it stars—among many others—Jesse Eisenberg (who has never been in a Woody Allen film until now? how is that possible?) and Ellen Page (ditto?). And Roberto Benigni. Ugh. Here we go.
Well, I'll be... That looks... actually, you know, that looks fun. The trailer has some laughs in it. Rome looks positively incredible. And Woody is in the movie this time. So is Judy Davis, and that girl who played Kim Pine, and—sigh of sighs—Penélope Cruz in a red dress. Dammit, Woody, you got me. I'm in.
Paul's earlier post—gloriously entitled "Hot Dogs Cause Butt Cancer"—was almost perfect. ALMOST. The one glaring omission is obvious: Hot dogs should be allowed to defend themselves against such slanderous charges. That's why we're going to have a Blogtown poll in which YOU speak for the hot dogs. To wit:
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