Okay, here's today's awesome idea: AN ADULT CO-ED TEE-BALL LEAGUE! It's for all the people who want to play softball, but really suck at it. And here's the great part—teams are only allowed to use kid sized tee-ball equipment (except for maybe gloves). And you can get wasted… which tends to be frowned upon in youth tee-ball situations. SO… WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN JOINING A PORTLAND ADULT TEE-BALL LEAGUE?

Naturally if the answer is "no" I'll skulk away angrily muttering how no one in this town likes to have any goddamn fun—but I'll accept your judgment.

Both of these losermobiles were spotted in Southeast this week. I really can't decide which innovative idiot is the more laughable:

The person who built their own gas powered bicycle?

Or the SUV-driving Steelers fan with the bad boy vanity license plate asking for a ticket?

Ugh? "Samscandalgate"? Surely there's a better name for this. Help in the comments, please!
Anyway, is the tide against Sam turning more in his favor—possibly thanks to the knee-jerk, hysterical, cynical, reader-grabbing editorials from here, here, here and here? (What up, Clark County?)
During our last COMPLETELY scientific Blogtownie poll taken on Tuesday morning, 60% of you felt that Sam should NOT resign. Let's see if that number has changed. SO! Knowing what you know now…

SHOULD SAM RESIGN?

Last week, our own Ezra Ace Caraeff interviewed local live music promoters to see what they were doing to keep audiences coming to their shows. This article really pricked up the ears of Mercury "Letter of the Week" winner Willie who opined, "WHY DON'T THEY START THE GODDAMN SHOWS EARLIER? JEEZ!" (Obviously this was the nutshell version of what he actually said. Read his full letter!)

DEAR MERCURY—In [Ezra Ace Caraeff]'s piece about recession and the possible effects on the local music industry ["Of Money and Music," Music, Jan 8], not one promoter mentioned the adjustment to their business thinking that would get me out three to four nights a week: starting shows earlier. Let's face it, promoters are missing a big demographic of music lovers who simply can't go out two to four nights a week because shows start too damn late. I wake up at 5 am each morning to go to work. My aging body is steadily losing the fortitude to arrive at a venue at 9 pm, wait around until maybe 10 pm for the openers to begin, and then hope the headliner comes on stage around midnight. Very few promoters advertise a consistent starting time for live music to begin, and rely upon a dependable, yet small demographic of committed folks to support them regardless of lapses in professionalism (starting late, running out of PBR, having shitty service, etc.). I would hope earlier shows would allow venues to concentrate their all-important liquor sales efforts on happy-hour, dinner-time, and pre-midnight sales rather than continue perpetuating the fallacy that the bulk of their sales need to occur from midnight-1:30 am. I went to an AMAZING Saturday night show this past weekend; I paid an $8 cover, bought four drinks, tipped, and purchased $30 worth of merchandise. But when I looked around during the headliner's third (albeit long) song, there were only about two-dozen people still in the venue at 1:20 am. The venues and artists have the opportunity to make a cultural shift that will increase their viability in a crappy economy if they choose to. It would just take time, communication, and some consistency. I, for one, would be more than happy to support them more often, especially during the workweek, should they make that decision.

-Willie

So what say YOU, Blogtownies? Does Willie make sense, or should he move to one of those trailer parks for old people? VOTE!!

SHOULD LIVE MUSIC SHOWS START EARLIER? WELL… SHOULD THEY?

As always, put in your extra two cents in the comments below!

The Republican campaign has asked the media to respect vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's privacy in regards to her pregnant 17-year-old daughter. Okay, fine... but we will absolutely NOT respect the privacy of that delicious slice of beefcake who impregnated her! Have you seen this guy? Mrrrrrr-ROWRRR!

Ladies and gentlemen, meet 18-year-old Levi Johnston -- and while according to his Facebook page he's a self-professed "redneck" who loves hockey, snowboarding, dirt bikes, and "kicking your ass" if you mess with him, I'm starting to understand why "abstinence" wasn't such a great choice for young Bristol Palin when confronted with Levi's overwhelming man-meatiness.

BUT HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK? Please, truthfully answer the following yes or no statements:

I WOULD TOTALLY LET THIS GUY IMPREGNATE ME!

And...

I WOULD TOTALLY LET THIS GUY IMPREGNATE MY 17-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER!

Not to sway the poll in any way, but I sure wouldn't mind seeing the "Johnston" in his "Levi." Ka-zingle-lingle-ZING!

First things first: The purpose of this blog is NOT to give you nightmares. However, when we are presented with what could be considered two very disturbing videos, what are we to do? The way we see it, our job is to show you the train wrecks—your job is to decide which wreck is worse. For example, check out the following two videos:

Video 1: A kitten with six legs.

Video 2: A one-eyed dope guzzling drag queen.

And now… VOTE!

WHICH IS MORE DISTURBING?

Poll closes Wednesday at 2 pm! Sweet dreams!