This Week in the Mercury


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

POLL: Divinely Intervene On The Timbers' New Stadium Name

Posted by Brian Gjurgevich on Tue, Feb 11, 2014 at 9:25 AM


It's time to close the door (and window?) on Jeld-Wen Field.

The Portland Timbers announced a title change to their home turf on Monday, giving Civic Stadium a new moniker: Providence Park.

The name switcharoo is the result of a "new integrated community partnership" between PTFC and Providence Health & Services (Oregon's largest private employer) and comes three years after Medford-based Jeld-Wen took over naming rights to the ol' PGE Park prior to Portland's inaugural Major League Soccer season.

“It’s important to us and our fans as we continue to put the best team possible on the field,” Timbers owner Merritt Paulson told media after announcing the 15-year deal. “These kinds of deals are just critical for our success.”

But before you history majors ask what Roger Williams' interpretation of God's will has to do with footy in Soccer City, a refresher: Providence is a 155-year-old "not-for-profit Catholic health care ministry committed to providing for the needs of the communities it serves–especially for those who are poor and vulnerable." The Renton-based company, which serves five states (Oregon, Alaska, California, Montana and Washington), secures naming rights in time to make their mark on the international football stage, as Portland hosts reigning UEFA Champions League Bayern Munich of Germany the 2014 MLS All-Star Game in August.

The move also happens to give the Rose City two professional places of sport named after health care companies, after the Blazers dubbed The Rose Garden "The Moda Center" last summer. Ah, but just as PGE Park was affectionately (I think) called "Piggy" and Jeld-Wen Field was known as "The Jelly" and "The House of Pane," fans will be looking for a different (likely punnier) epithet for Soccer City's new home pitch when the season kicks off in early March.

So, Blogtown, what to call Providence Park this season? Let's put it to a vote!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Today in Toilet Roll Polls

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Oct 8, 2013 at 1:59 PM

So this Reddit user created what he calls the "4th Floor Bathroom Polling Device" in which great controversies are settled and determined by who uses the most toilet paper. Observe:



Okay, I think this is baloney. Would you REALLY prefer a hoverboard over a device that could erase peoples' memory? Sure the hoverboard is fun... super fun! But OH BOY THE THINGS I WOULD DO WITH A MEMORY ERASING DEVICE HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA!! (Ahem.)

Anyway, let's see how Blogtown votes.

Friday, September 13, 2013

READERS POLL: What Is Roald Dahl's Best Book?

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Fri, Sep 13, 2013 at 10:44 AM


Today is Roald Dahl's birthday. The Norwegian/English writer would have been 97 years old today if he had lived, and while his best legacy is his collection of wonderful—truly wonderful—books for children, he's gained notoriety since his death for the more, um, adult aspects of his action-packed life. Nevertheless, I bet there isn't a single person reading this who hasn't read, or had read to them, at least one of Dahl's books.

Today seems some sort of unofficial, internet-wide Roald Dahl Day, so let's take this opportunity to argue about which of his many great books is his best. I won't tell you my personal favorite just yet (it's not Matilda), but there's lots of room for discussion in the comments. To the poll! I've left off some of his lesser works—The Magic Finger, The Twits—but hopefully your favorite should be on there.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Should Arrested Development Be Invited Back for a Fifth Season?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 17, 2013 at 1:59 PM

Flavorwire's Alison Herman doesn't think so....

Popular appeal and unfulfilled creative potential are both completely valid reasons for reviving a TV show from the dead. And for these reasons, at the end of the day it’s a good thing that Season 4 happened. We got a glimpse into the Bluth family’s future, saw most of the show’s running gags extended, and learned what Hurwitz could do with creative carte blanche and a much bigger budget. But all of these justify the existence of Arrested’s fourth season; they don’t argue for granting the show a fifth.

Read the rest here... but what do YOU think?


Poll: Should Cogen Resign Over Affair with County Staffer?

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Wed, Jul 17, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Jeff Cogen
  • Jeff Cogen
We weren't invited to his "tearful" confession last night in the county building, but the Oregonian last night reported that Multnomah County Chairman Jeff Cogen—a politico whose name has been whispered in talks about Governor Kitzhaber's 2014 plans, among others—admitted to having an affair with a health policy adviser that has since ended.

I'll get to the poll, but first a little editorializing...

Cogen, to his credit, came clean when confronted—a decision helped by an apparently anonymous email circulating among county employees this week that claimed Cogen and the policy adviser, identified as Sonia Manhas, had been spotted around town in public displays of affection. And he's decided not to resign, just less than a year before his presumed primary re-election. Fine. So far. The mere act of an affair isn't enough to drive someone from office—a case in point being former Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.

But Cogen still has much to prove—even after denying the insinuation that, because of their relationship, he somehow helped Manhas rise through the county's ranks.

Is he lying about that? Definitively proving otherwise will require more than his assurances, as earnest as they might be. Voters need to see a credible outside investigation—maybe by the state attorney general's office. And that's as much for Manhas' sake as it is for Cogen's. Cogen's political aspirations hang in the balance, but so does Manhas' professional reputation. If Cogen's telling the truth, she deserves a clear finding that she rose through the ranks because of her own skill and accomplishment.

And then there's the question of whether Cogen ever took advantage of his position as leader of the county in coercing Manhas into prolonging or entering the affair. Cogen told the O they were two "consenting adults," but Manhas has, according to reports, declined to comment. Again, Cogen's word shouldn't be the only one we hear on that, no matter how earnest he might be.

And here's a little bit of media criticism: What's up with KATU going to Cogen's house? My Twitter feed last night blew up with opprobrium when reporters at the TV station started bragging about how they hunted him down because he ducked their cameras outside his office. Cogen's got a wife and kids who totally didn't need grandstanding TV journalists smearing one of the worst days of their lives into their faces where they sleep. Especially since Cogen had already admitted to other media what he had done. KATU's shenanigans would have added nothing to the story.

Okay. Finally. Here's the poll.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Mac vs. Mac: The Final Mac Attack!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jul 2, 2013 at 2:44 PM

In our continuing quest to find out if Fleetwood Mac is the greatest Mac of all time, we've posted a seemingly interminable set of polls allowing you the opportunity to vote on who is the greatest potential challenger to their MacCrown. Clearly most of you feel that if anyone can unseat Fleetwood Mac—it's a piping hot bowl of MACARONI & CHEESE. And so, before we place our final vote, a few words in the defense of our contenders.

FLEETWOOD MAC: Though originally formed in 1967, the band found its greatest success in the mid-70s with bandmembers John McVie, Christine McVie, Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks. Their albums "Fleetwood Mac," "Rumours," and "Tusk" are considered classics of the rock 'n' roll genre. Here is their greatest gift to humanity:

MACARONI & CHEESE: Enjoyed since medieval times, this dish consisting of elbow macaroni, cheese sauce, milk and butter was also a favorite meal of President Thomas Jefferson, who served it at a state dinner in 1802. In the 20th century, macaroni and cheese became an easy, inexpensive method of feeding thousands during the Great Depression, and has since become a delicious family classic. And, unlike Fleetwood Mac, macaroni and cheese has it's own national holiday (July 14). Behold, a delicious bowl of macaroni and cheese:


Does Twitter Put a Kink in Your Armor, and Eventually Kill You? A Blogtown Poll

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jul 2, 2013 at 2:14 PM

After his Twitter blow-up last week in which he called Daily Mail reporter George Stark a "queen" and insinuated he liked anal sex (in my family, that's a compliment), Alec Baldwin has vowed to quit Twitter FOREVER. Here's what he told Vanity Fair when asked if he would return to the social media platform:

Never. No. I went to Jimmy Gandolfini’s funeral, and when I was there I realized Jimmy Gandolfini didn’t have Twitter. Jimmy Gandolfini was so beloved as a person, and he was so admired as an actor, and he didn’t give a fuck about social media.

I really learned a lesson at the funeral. I said to myself, This is all a waste of time. Meaning it’s fun sometimes, but less and less, and less. It’s just another chink in your armor for people to come and kill you.

A poll, if you will.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

YOU Decide: What's Fleetwood Mac's Second Best Album?

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Wed, Jun 26, 2013 at 1:10 PM


In this week's issue, we present Debate Club, in which two music fans get together and bicker about the music that your parents used to listen to. For this first installment, Mark Lore and I discussed Fleetwood Mac, who are playing the Rose Garden this Sunday, June 30. Mark and I attempted to reach a consensus on which Fleetwood Mac album is their SECOND best. (Rumours, of course, being the FIRST best—that part is not up for debate.) Mark championed their 1979 double-album opus Tusk, while I chose 1969's Then Play On, an album from the pre-Buckingham/Nicks era, during which Peter Green was the guitarist. You can read the whole long conversation right here.

Here's the part where we turn the discussion over to you: Who won the debate? Which album is in fact Fleetwood Mac's second best album? Did Mark make a good case for Tusk? Did I convince you that Then Play On is an overlooked masterpiece? Or are we BOTH wrong?

Vote for Fleetwood Mac's SECOND best album right here! In addition to Tusk and Then Play On, we're including some extra choices for you, including 1973's Buckingham Nicks, the currently out-of-print album Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks made before joining Fleetwood Mac. (Wm.™ Steven Humphrey owns this album on 8-track and gives it an "mmm-hmmm!" which is the highest recommendation music can receive.)

So vote now, or go your own way!

Friday, June 14, 2013

PDX Approved Survey Ends in ONE HOUR!!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Jun 14, 2013 at 10:59 AM

GAHHHHHHH!!! Only one hour left (until noon today) to take the PDX Approved Survey and make sure stupid people don't decide what the greatest restaurants, shops, and awesome stuff are in Portland! Plus if you finish the majority of the survey, you'll be entered to win some wicked hot prizes!! GAAAAAHHH! ONE HOUR LEFT!! GAAAAAHHHHH!



Thursday, May 30, 2013

Fill Out the PDX Approved Survey... Get Entered to Win Fabbo Prizes!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, May 30, 2013 at 1:28 PM



Thursday, May 9, 2013

Who is the Most Unlikable Pop Star? A Blogtown vs. America Poll!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, May 9, 2013 at 2:14 PM

For reasons known to only themselves and their god, Public Policy Polling (who usually kills it with their political polling) threw out a bunch of names of popular music stars and asked America which pop star they disliked the most. The results are somewhat/absolutely/not-at-all surprising… but the bigger question is, "DOES BLOGTOWN AGREE?" Take the following poll, and then hit the jump to see how the rest of America voted!

Continue reading »

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Co-Workers Clipping Fingernails: CONDEMN OR ALLOW?!?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Apr 10, 2013 at 10:44 AM


Thursday, March 14, 2013

What is Penis Blindness?

Posted by Jacob Schraer on Thu, Mar 14, 2013 at 10:44 AM

According to the January issue of Harper's, "One third of male Londoners suffer from penis blindness." WITHOUT USING THE INTERNET, please participate in this impromptu poll.

The answer is below the jump.

Continue reading »

Monday, March 11, 2013

POLL: Should Timbers Army Have Cheered Troy Perkins?

Posted by Brian Gjurgevich on Mon, Mar 11, 2013 at 9:59 AM

  • MLS

Former Portland goalkeeper Troy Perkins was a fan favorite in the Rose City before being unceremoniously swapped last season for current goalie Donovan Ricketts. He's still a tad touchy about the whole thing, and on Saturday night, Timbers Army was quick to show the 2011 Supporters Player of the Year there were no hard feelings coming from the North End.

During pregame warm-ups, the Army mistook Montreal backup Evan Bush (and his shaved head) for Perkins, and began chanting the latter's name. Oops. The actual Perkins then got a hearty cheer when lineups were announced and an even heartier boo when he took his time over the ball (read: stalled a bit) while Portland was scrambling to find a way to tie late during Saturday night's 2-1 loss. But it was after the game that TA's feelings for the ex truly surfaced, when just after the final whistle, Perkins immediately turned toward the Army had applauded them.

Again, the Army chanted: "PER-KINS, PER-KINS, PER-KINS." How nice, right? That old friends can re-connect?

Not every Timber thought so: Injured defender David Horst (another fan fave, it should be noted) took to Facebook and gave his candid assessment of the spontaneous love-fest, saying it was "frustrating" to see fans cheer for an opposing player right after their own team just ran their asses off for 90 minutes.


Timbers Army's Garrett Dittfurth responded later that evening, reminding the team that if they remember the name on the front of the jersey (Alaska Airlines? Oh, right, Portland Timbers!) the fans will remember the name on the back.

So whatdya think, Blogtown? Should TA have cheered Perkins or given him the cold shoulder? Let's put it to a poll!


Monday, January 7, 2013

Monday Morning Pointless Office Argument of the Day: When Does Brunch Start and End?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jan 7, 2013 at 10:14 AM

Today's pointless office argument preventing everyone from getting to work, because they've apparently forgotten that Tuesday is our press deadline: WHEN DOES BRUNCH START AND END?

One viewpoint: "Brunch starts at 10 am and ends at 2 or 3 pm, because some people want breakfast, and some want lunch."

Another viewpoint: "Brunch starts at 9 am (breakfast goes anywhere from daybreak to 9 am), and ends at 11 am (anything after 11 is lunch up until "late lunch" "martini lunch" "happy hour" and dinner). Noon is lunch. That's why they call it lunch."

Your viewpoint?

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

How Was 2012?: A Legally Binding Blogtown Poll (Take Two)

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jan 1, 2013 at 9:59 AM

Yesterday, our "How Was Your 2012?" poll imploded—obviously because 2012 felt like he was above judgement. WELL, YOU'RE NOT ABOVE JUDGEMENT, 2012!! Even though you're officially retired, we're still going to track you down and judge you whether you like it or not! (Because Blogtown is like the Simon Wiesenthal of polls.)


Monday, December 17, 2012

The Greatest Movie Poster in the History of Cinema: Yes it Is or No it Isn't!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 2:24 PM


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Disturbing Image Duel: Eyebrowless Jared Leto Vs. Open Toe Thigh High Boots for Men

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Wed, Nov 28, 2012 at 3:29 PM

So far today I have seen two disturbing things. The first was an eyebrowless Jared Leto (for noble acting reasons but still).

  • Refinery 29

The second was a pair of open toe... thigh high boots... for men. Thank you to Yoko and Opening Ceremony for the official loss of my lunch.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Are We Better Off Than We Were Four Years Ago?

Posted by Eli Sanders on Tue, Sep 4, 2012 at 9:44 AM

Democrats say yes. Nate Silver says that's not really the right question. And Blogtown says?


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

CONDEMN OR ALLOW: Aggressive Novelty Plane Banners

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Wed, Jul 18, 2012 at 12:59 PM

Yesterday a plane circled high above Penn State's statue of football-hero/rape facilitator Joe Paterno, dragging a banner that bore a message for the school:


It's a message from the same guy who hired a plane to troll Tiger Woods at Pebble Beach and reminds me of a campaign that the American Atheists that flew these banners around the country on the Fourth of July:


So, aggressive airplane banners are now officially a protest "thing." Thoughts?

Friday, July 13, 2012

URGENT POLL: Should the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Say "Cowabunga!" or "Booyakasha"?

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Jul 13, 2012 at 3:29 PM

WHAT THE FUCK! The four remaining fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were recently able to sigh a big, Doritos-scented sigh of relief when Michael Bay's Ninja Turtle reboot was brutally euthanized—but now, because evil never sleeps, there's been another assault on the Heroes in a Half Shell*! Let us turn to our nation's esteemed paper of record, the New York Times, which, naturally, is reporting on this important and 100 percent relevant matter.

“Cowabunga” is apparently no longer cool. Now the turtles’ catchphrase is “booyakasha,” a word Sacha Baron Cohen helped popularize back when he was doing Da Ali G Show. (Via.)

WHAT THE FUCK! Apparently, Master Splinter's opinion doesn't count for shit. TO THE POLL!

*Turtle power.

Friday, May 4, 2012

This Tenacious D Video Needs to Be Funnier

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Fri, May 4, 2012 at 3:29 PM

Steve insisted that I blog this. He thinks it's funny. I think it needs to be funnier. We had kind of a heated discussion about it. It ended with Steve saying to me, "C'mon, funny clown! Make me laugh!"

Sigh. So here's the uproarious new video from Tenacious D, perhaps the funniest fucking thing you'll see all fucking year. Remember this moment well, because you will be telling your grandkids about it and they will shriek with glee.

To be fair, I found two funny things in the video—I won't say which, because perhaps they are different from your two funny things—and I also like the song, in a "2112" kind of way. However, the song has been edited to smithereens and doesn't really work musically as a three-plus minute rock song. It needs to be longer and proggier and more over the top. So go, check out the nearly six-minute album version and give this truncated version and hard-to-watch video a miss.

Or? Perhaps you like it?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Here's the Trailer for the New Woody Allen Movie

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Tue, Apr 3, 2012 at 12:32 PM

Here's the trailer for the new Woody Allen film. It's called To Rome with Love. Yeah, that is a pretty lazy title, even for Woody. You would not be faulted for thinking it's exactly like Midnight in Paris but, you know, in Rome. Also, it stars—among many others—Jesse Eisenberg (who has never been in a Woody Allen film until now? how is that possible?) and Ellen Page (ditto?). And Roberto Benigni. Ugh. Here we go.

Well, I'll be... That looks... actually, you know, that looks fun. The trailer has some laughs in it. Rome looks positively incredible. And Woody is in the movie this time. So is Judy Davis, and that girl who played Kim Pine, and—sigh of sighs—Penélope Cruz in a red dress. Dammit, Woody, you got me. I'm in.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

"Hot Dogs Cause Butt Cancer": The Poll!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Mar 14, 2012 at 10:14 AM

Paul's earlier post—gloriously entitled "Hot Dogs Cause Butt Cancer"—was almost perfect. ALMOST. The one glaring omission is obvious: Hot dogs should be allowed to defend themselves against such slanderous charges. That's why we're going to have a Blogtown poll in which YOU speak for the hot dogs. To wit:

Thursday, March 1, 2012

What Did Mike Tyson Give Justin Bieber for his Birthday?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Mar 1, 2012 at 12:59 PM

From Mike Tyson's Twitter feed:


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