This Week in the Mercury

State of Emergency


State of Emergency

Claudia Rankine's Citizen Should Win the National Book Award

Savage Love


Savage Love

Sticking Points


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Another Dissatisfied Squirrel-Hating Mercury Customer...

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Nov 13, 2014 at 11:15 AM


Well... there goes our dog demographic.

(Thanks and a tip 'o the hat to Wendy Robertson!)

Friday, October 31, 2014

Dog vs. Zombie Hand

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Oct 31, 2014 at 1:29 PM


Thing one: Maymo the dog battles a giant zombie hand. (Though his reaction isn't exactly what I expected.)
Thing two: Maymo's owner needs to get a job, and get out of the house. (At least that's what Maymo's thinking.)

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Dachshund's Creek (I Didn't Misspell That)

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Oct 21, 2014 at 2:59 PM

Who wants to watch a trailer for Dawson's Creek reenacted by dachshunds? To avoid an argument, let's just say "the entirety of America." Presenting... Dachshund's Creek!

Full disclosure: I've fucking hated dachshunds ever since one bit the shit out of my leg when I was 12 years old. And I while I still think they are vicious abominations, this video makes them somewhat easier to stomach.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The Pixie Project's Pixie Party

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Wed, Oct 8, 2014 at 9:59 AM

Yay! The Pixie Project non-profit animal adoption center and rescue is having a fundraising Pixie Party on Sun Oct 19 at Coopers Hall. A decidedly food aggressive event, there will be plenty of gorge-ables from the likes of St. Jack, Ataula, Clyde Common, Lardo, Chefstable, and Salt & Straw.

AND! The evening will also feature a performance from my boss Wm Steven Humphrey's favorite musical act IN THE WORLD, the Von Trapps! So I guess we'll know where he'll be that night. And now I'm going to dive into the cute k-hole of adoptable pets for a bit.

Oooh, look who I found!

  • Pixie Project
  • Want!

Anyhow, it's a fundraiser, so tickets are on the high side, and by "high" I mean $150. However, the Pixie Project is also affiliated with the Fetch line of eyewear, and each ticket purchase will include a $95 credit, which is essentially a free pair of designer frames (act fast, though—that offer expires on Friday, October 10, 2014 at midnight). Plus, of course, you'll help out the sweet critters like Eloise up there. Purchase here.


Friday, September 12, 2014

"Apparently Kid" Makes First Commercial; is Apparently Adorable

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Sep 12, 2014 at 2:44 PM

At first I was like, "Oh, apparently they're making the 'Apparently Kid' do commercials now? Apparently that's a crock of shit!" But then I watched it, and apparently I was wrong—because the "Apparently Kid" is apparently more than adorable... especially when he's being trampled by a gang of equally adorable puppies. Apparently.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Meet the Wieners of the First Ever Wiener Takes All!

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Tue, Aug 26, 2014 at 9:59 AM

Hang on to your wieners, it looks like we've got a hit! The Mercury's first-ever Wiener Takes All wiener dog race on Sunday at Lucky Lab was sneaker of a hit, with an astounding 600-person turnout and 78 racing wieners! Winner came away with prizes packages from folks like Bean Goods and a portion of the proceeds went to Oregon Dachshund Rescue, Inc!

Now, meet our adorable, racy Year-1 Wiener Winners!:


First place and the wiener that takes it all... BLAZER!! (pictured center). Second place goes to Blaze (left) and our third place finisher is Pancakes (right).

See you next year!

California to Allow Dogs at Restuarants

Posted by Charles Mudede on Tue, Aug 26, 2014 at 9:44 AM

This is interesting:

With a swipe of his pen, Gov. Jerry Brown has ensured Sutter can tag along to some bars and restaurants.

Assembly Bill 1965 makes it easier to bring your pet next time you dine out or grab a drink. The bill permits dogs to join owners at the outdoor sections of food establishments, provided the canine companions are under control and not barred by a city ordinance or a restaurant owner.

The bill gives business owners the right to say yes or no to dogs. Now, I don't have a problem with dogs. Some of my best friends own dogs. But dogs tend to be less predictable than humans, and also they get so excited when encountering each other. One can imagine that every new dog that enters a dog-friendly Cali restaurant will cause the usual dog disturbances—the sudden shuffle of keen interest, the straining on the leashes (if they are on leashes), the sniffing of assholes, the barking, the possible eruption of growling, and so on. Also, there are the dogs that find it hard not to stare at you as you eat—moist and sad dog eyes glued on your face and the food on your fork. This is just too chaotic, too intense for many of us who just want to eat in peace.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Don't Miss the Mercury's X-Treme Pet Issue!

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Mon, Aug 25, 2014 at 10:59 AM

Guys! Don't let this week's issue of the Mercury ride out over the horizon before checking out our second annual Pet Issue feature! The adorable illustrations by Susie Ghahremani are reason enough alone to treasure it:



In honor of the tightness of our bonds, we explored some of the more extreme paths pet ownership can take, from the pros and cons of adopting wildlife creatures, to a guide on what to do if your pet has a medical emergency. We also went beyond food, water, and poop-scooping to look at next-level pet projects like creating photo stories from your cat's perspective and polishing up your canine (or horse) massage tactics. We also spoke to someone with an extreme animal job working as part of the Humane Society's rescue team, and coughed up a pretty extreme rant about Portland's propensity for pets as trends.


Friday, August 22, 2014

Get Your Weenies Running!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Aug 22, 2014 at 3:29 PM


Sign your wiener up here.


Mercury Pet Week Presents: My Dog Eating Corn

Posted by Elinor Jones on Fri, Aug 22, 2014 at 9:59 AM

This is my dog, Oscar, eating corn on the cob. He liked it a lot!

This concludes my contribution to the Mercury Pet Week.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Mercury Pet Week Presents: Rocky the Death-Defying French Bulldog

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Aug 21, 2014 at 9:59 AM

As you know, it's "Pet Week" here at the Mercury—which means we're celebrating pets all week long, and afterwards? NEVER SPEAKING OF THEM AGAIN. Today's Mercury pet of the day is Rocky, the Death-Defying French Bulldog, who is absolutely (and adorably) terrified to jump into his owners arms... but... I think he can, I think he can, I think he can!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Wiener Takes All!

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Wed, Aug 13, 2014 at 11:14 AM

As you are probably not aware, the Mercury's second annual Pet Issue is coming right up on Wed Aug 20, so we thought: Why not host a motherfucking wiener dog race? Now, we looooove wiener dogs here at the Merc (except for Wm Steven Humphrey, who is inexplicably afraid of them, but whatever, he's out of town) so we are not talking about physically taxing the little wiener bodies of career racers—just some casual sprints for fun and to raise a few dollars for a pet charity (which one is TBD... this is kind of last minute, and we're still deciding!).

We're calling it: Wiener Takes All! And here is the fine print:

Come celebrate the launch of the Portland Mercury's Pet Issue! We've teamed up with Lucky Labrador Brewing for a family friendly Wiener Dog race, where the top Wiener takes it ALL. This 30 meter Dachshund Sprint is open to all dogs 10 inches or shorter that are at least 16 inches long. Spectators FREE | $12 for pre-race contestant registration | $15 day-of | This is a not for profit event. Race proceeds will be donated to a yet to be determined pet charity. Competition will feature multiple race heats to determine which wiener will best the rest. Fabulous prize packs will be presented to the winners!

As you can see we are not breed snobs; any long 'n' shorty is eligible to play. You can register your pooch here for this fine event, which you can is fine indeed by the dignified logo:


Friday, April 4, 2014

Meat for Cats & Dogs' Hail Mary Indiegogo

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Fri, Apr 4, 2014 at 11:14 AM

Meat certainly isn't the only progressive pet food supply store in town, and it probably isn't the first to emphasize a raw meat diet for your critters either, but it was Meat's Heidi Liedeker who has shaped my approach to cat nutrition. I love and trust her store so much that even though it no longer makes geographical sense, I still travel halfway across town to stock up. And while I can find a similar range of products elsewhere, Meat's always had a slightly more punk/hipster/whatever vibe than more yuppified establishments I can think of, and has continually demonstrated support and generosity for like minded causes, from pit bull defense to the Pogo Fund.

Meat's now going into its third expansion, and have what seems like a distinctly unplanned-for Indiegogo campaign up to help fill an unanticipated gap in their funding after having exhausted the banks and personal loan options. The video is distinctly no-frills, consisting mostly of lo-fi footage of Liedeker explaining the history of her business and its current situation while fighting back tears. They're a long way from reaching the 60k goal: With four days left they've raised $15,740 (though they get to keep whatever they do make). I have a feeling a lot of people who patronize her store might not be aware of what they're facing—I don't think I've ever seen it with less than three other customers inside, usually with dogs in tow. I know Liedeker would respond with sympathy and generosity to any one of her customers (furry or otherwise) in crisis, so if you have any connection to her or her store, you might want to hear her out:

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

End Hits Newshound: Nosy News Roundup!

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Wed, Mar 26, 2014 at 11:59 AM

I dont know when this photo was taken, but that dog is probably dead by now.
  • I don't know when this photo was taken, but that dog is probably dead by now.
It's time for yet another End Hits Newshound Nosy News Roundup! All the music news that's fit to sniff.

• The Dap-Kings are doing a special DJ set at Everyday Music before the Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings show at the Crystal Ballroom next week. On Tuesday, April 1, members of the Dap-Kings will be DJing at the downtown Everyday Music (1313 W Burnside)—that's right across the street from the Crystal—beginning at 5:30 pm. The event is free.

• Also playing the Crystal Ballroom in the coming days are Big Head Todd and the Monsters, but before their concert on Saturday, March 29, they'll be at Rock Bottom Brewery (206 SW Morrison) for an acoustic set and Q&A. That's at 4 pm on Saturday afternoon; it sounds like the band is visiting a bunch of different outposts at the Rock Bottom chain on this tour. They are also touting something called a Black Beehive cocktail, which is apparently a shot of that Jack Daniel's Honey stuff dropped in a Rock Bottom Specialty Dark Beer.

Kenji Bunch & friend
  • Kenji Bunch & friend
FearNoMusic have announced Kenji Bunch as their next artistic director. The composer, a Portland native, replaces the modern classical ensemble's previous artistic director, Paloma Griffin Hébert, who steps down at the end of this season. To mark Bunch's inauguration, FearNoMusic will hold a concert of his music at the Alberta Rose Theatre on April 18.

My Voice Music is opening a new performance and recording space 931 SE 6th. The nonprofit, geared toward involving youth in music, is hosting an open house on Thursday, April 3 at 5-8 pm, with performances by students, and the next season of workshops and classes begins on April 14. There's more info on My Voice Music's site.

• Astoria's Fort George Brewery has teamed up with Seattle indie label Suicide Squeeze to make Suicide Squeeze IPA. The beer will be available at Saturday's Black Lips/Coathangers show at the Hawthorne Theatre (the Coathangers are on the label), and to commemorate the beer, Suicide Squeeze has released a 7-inch that features rare tracks from Modest Mouse ("A Life of Arctic Sounds") and Elliott Smith ("Division Day"). More info here.

Vortex Music Magazine's Kickstarter campaign is under way. The nascent local music magazine, founded by Chris Young (Oregon Music News) and David Mosher (Art Media), is hoping to raise $10,000 to fund its first print issue, which will then continue bi-monthly in runs of 10,000 and more. There's lots more info about the effort over on Vortex's Kickstarter page, including a mockup of a print issue.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

New Winter Olympic Game: Dog Murdering

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Feb 4, 2014 at 2:14 PM

According to England's The Independent, the Russian city of Sochi—home of this year's Winter Olympics... and a lot of gay people, even if the mayor doesn't seem to think so—has secretly hired an extermination service to kill the city's stray dogs... just in case they decide to wander in on the games.

Alexei Sorokin, director general of Basya Services, said that his company is involved in what he described as the "catching and disposing" of dogs. Sorokin refused to specify whether they shoot or poison dogs or say where they take the carcasses.

But Sorokin emphasised that the action is necessary to safeguard the sportsmen and women taking part in the games, after he attended a rehearsal of the Olympic opening ceremony last week and saw a stray dog walking in on the performers.

"A dog ran into the Fisht Stadium, we took it away," he said. "God forbid something like this happens at the actual opening ceremony. This will be a disgrace for the whole country."


Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Best Paragraph from Today's Best Press Release

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Dec 19, 2013 at 12:29 PM

When Shaggy and Scooby win tickets to WrestleMania, they convince the entire Mystery Inc. gang to travel to WWE City in the Mystery Machine to enjoy the show. But the trip quickly turns into another mystery as WWE City is full of secrets! A mysterious ghostly bear appears and threatens to ruin the show and steal the championship title belt. With the help of WWE Superstars John Cena, Triple H, Sin Cara, Brodus Clay, AJ Lee, The Miz, Santino Marella and Kane, Scooby-Doo and The Mystery Inc. gang team up to solve the case before it is too late!

Good day.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Today in "Teesing" Cats and Dogs

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Oct 11, 2013 at 1:29 PM

Spotted on 65th & Flavel, posted on a fence.


via r/Portland. Hat tips to Blogtown consulting detective Graham!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Important Dog/Bus News!

Posted by Dirk VanderHart on Wed, Oct 2, 2013 at 10:14 AM

Is this of human interest to anyone? A TriMet bus driver saw a woman chasing after her runaway Jack Russell Terrier yesterday. So the driver lured the dog onto the bus.

The dog's name is Sara Lee, unfortunately, and a long-ish narrative supplied by TriMet this morning had this to say:

Although Sara Lee didn’t have change for a fare (no pockets) or a smartphone with the convenient new TriMet Tickets mobile ticketing app, since she’s only three years old she would have qualified to ride free, but mom soon reached the bus and put an end to Sara Lee’s life on the lam.


Oh, well. Here's a video. I like how delighted the guy in the front seat is by the dog's gamboling antics.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Dog vs. Furby: A Metaphor for Your Life

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Sep 6, 2013 at 1:29 PM

While you're watching this video of a dog trying to catch a Furby, I'd like you to consider the following metaphor: You are the dog. And the thing you hate most in the world is the Furby. Maybe the Furby is your boss. Maybe the Furby is your inability to secure a steady, lasting relationship. Maybe the Furby is your attempt to find some meaning in your life, or overcome some insurmountable obstacle. Or maybe? The Furby is just a Furby.

Whatever the Furby is to you? If you keep trying and exhibit enough patience, you'll receive the same outcome as this dog. Remember: YOU'RE THIS DOG.


Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Cross-Dress Your Pet Photo Contest: Best of the Rest

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Tue, Apr 16, 2013 at 11:14 AM

Alright, this is the last installment of the Blogtown acknowledgements of our best contenders in this week's Pets Issue's Cross-Dress Your Pet Photo Contest, in which we tasked readers with sending us their best pics of their pets dressed as a different kind of animal. It's a real testament to how creative/adorable the submissions were that, for instance, a miniature 10-week-old piglet named Spaz dressed as a bunny didn't win, because that is pretty frigging cute:

A Juliana Miniature Piglet. He is 10 weeks old & his name is Spaz. By Trisha Bowlin from Outlaw Mini Pigs.
  • A Juliana Miniature Piglet. He is 10 weeks old & his name is Spaz. By Trisha Bowlin from Outlaw Mini Pigs.

More previously unpublished cuties after the cut, including a pet squirrel also dressed as a bunny (how did this not win?!).

Continue reading »

Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Winner (and First Runner Up) of the Mercury's Cross-Dress Your Pet Photo Contest!

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Thu, Apr 11, 2013 at 11:14 AM

As you know, in honor of the Mercury's first annual Pets Issue, we held a "Cross Dress Your Pet" photo contest, in which readers submitted photos of their pets dressed as another type of animals. And boy did you guys produce (mostly dogs in bee costumes, but still!). It was a squee-filled decision-making process, but eventually we found a winner: Herbie the Three-Toed Box Turtle Dressed as a Pterodactyl by Allyson Barlow and Drew Clark!


Pretty tits, right? However Herbie won by a razor-thin margin over our stupid-cute first runner-up, who you can and should introduce yourself to behind the cut. Oh and for those of us to whom this kind of thing never gets old, I'll be posting runners up all dang week. Squee!

Continue reading »

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Don't Forget! Cross-Dress Your Pet!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Apr 2, 2013 at 1:44 PM

Submissions are due TOMORROW, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 3 by 5 pm!


Send your submissions here.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Don't Forget! Enter the "Cross-Dress Your Pet" Photo Contest!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Mar 29, 2013 at 8:59 AM



Monday, March 25, 2013

Don't Forget! Enter the "Cross-Dress Your Pet" Photo Contest!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Mar 25, 2013 at 1:59 PM


Enter here.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I Demand a Cuddlebot

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Wed, Feb 13, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Developed by Anna Flagg, it can sense and react to nine different kinds of gestures. By using conductive fur, Cuddlebot can tell if someone's scratching it, tickling it, or blowing on it — and, after a while, can even tell who's doing it. (Via.)

My life will feel excruciatingly empty until I get a Cuddlebot.

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