• "Today will be a day long remembered... by really angry nerds."

Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace 3D opens in theaters today, and while all of its advertising has focused on (A) podracing and (B) Darth Maul, that didn't fool our critic one bit. But George Lucas going out and doing interviews right around the same time as Episode I's rerelease might not have been the best idea—since try as he might, he kind of can't help but say stuff like this:

The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo [who seemed to be the one who shot first in the original] to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn’t. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down. (Via.)

To be fair, Lucas prefaced that obviously false statement with something very true ("Well, it’s not a religious event. I hate to tell people that. It’s a movie, just a movie"), but man: blackmailing fans into seeing Episode I again and digging up the whole Han Shot First fanboy freakout? Look, I'm just throwing this out there, but maybe not the best publicity move.

This has been today's installment of "Shit Wookiees Say." Thanks to wookiee fanatic Marissa for the heads up.

Look, I don't know either. I'm just delighted it exists.

Via io9.

And now, two of my favorite things... AT THE SAME TIME.

Via io9. Now get on making an Empire one, dude. One set to "Hells Bells" would be pretty badass. Or to "T.N.T." Or "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap." I guess it doesn't really make a huge difference, actually.

From Seattle Weekly:

• Brainstorming headlines with Erik and Alison.

"Jasha Lottin says she can't understand why people are so interested in why she bought a horse, killed it, gutted it, then posed naked for photos inside the carcass and posted them on the Internet.

"No idea why people care," she tells Seattle Weekly.

Lottin, a 21-year-old aspiring model and nudist from Portland was questioned at length by Washington County Sheriff's Deputies recently after she posted on the Internet gory photos of herself naked inside a horse that she bought, shot, gutted, posed naked inside of, and ultimately ate.

The reason for climbing inside the animal was later explained to deputies as Lottin's desire to "be one with the animal."

That and her love of Star Wars.

From the police report:

Lottin said in the movie Star Wars the character Han Solo cut open an animal with his light saber and placed Luke Skywalker inside the animal. This was due to Luke freezing to death in cold weather. Lottin said there was nothing religious about what she did and didn't intend to offend anyone.

I gave up on Googleable. The AV Club tries to make it funny, but everyone is just a little too grossed out. Reluctant hat tip to Fatboy Roberts.

Lucasfilm apparently snuck a trailer for their 3D rerelease of Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace into theaters this past weekend, where it played in front of such not-screened-for-critics fare as The Three Musketeers 3D. (Sadly, I missed Musketeers because I was at Paranormal Activity 3 instead, thinking not so much about that movie but rather about the lady who had brought an incessantly screaming infant to a movie made up of little more than cheap jump-scares.) Here is is:

It's a weird trailer, but if you'll allow me to get even geekier than usual for a second, it's interesting to see how it takes a very different approach from Episode I's original trailer (which I still think is pretty impressive, and which I still have fond memories of watching over and over in a friend's dorm room on her slow-ass computer, looking at every goddamn frame for evidence of how amazingly awesome Phantom Menace was going to be). Like the poster, this trailer hypes the experience of seeing Star Wars—any Star Wars—on the big screen, and it also includes roughly 8,000 percent less Jar Jar and 400 percent less crappy puppet Yoda. You work with what you've got, I guess, but I'll be curious if later trailers for the other all-but-inevitable Star Wars 3D rereleases will focus more on the story elements and less on the desperate sentiment that equates to IT'S BASICALLY STAR TOURS BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO DISNEYLAND ANYMORE. PODRACING!

It's been a rough day for Lucasfilm—an unfinished version of the theatrical poster for Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace 3D was accidentally leaked online this morning. Despite never being meant for the public, this early mock-up spread like wildfire on the internet. Since the genie's out of the bottle, we might as well post that conceptual version here—

—but please, remember: That that is not the actual poster for the film. Exclusive to the Portland Mercury, the real, finished poster for Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace 3D can be found below. "Here's hoping some people see this," writer/director George Lucas said in a quick phone interview just a few moments ago. "At no small expense, we've painstakingly converted this film into dazzling 3D, and we worked hard to reimagine the poster, too. I'd hate to think that, based on an early, unfinished poster design, people might get the wrong idea about what to expect from this much-anticipated 3D rerelease of The Phantom Menace."

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• Via
• I was going to make a "Thumbs up!" "Thumbs... down" joke here, but then I realized I don't even know if Yoda really has thumbs, or at least thumbs worth speaking of. God, that thing's a freak.

After all the mumbling about the Star Wars Blu-rays I've done over the past month or two, I kinda felt obligated to review the set, but then Rob Bricken at Topless Robot did and he said everything that needed to be said. If you're debating buying the set—or, like me, already have it, and just need to commiserate with someone over the godawful art that's slathered all over the thing—read it here.

• For fuck's sake, he is LITERALLY CROSS-EYED.

When the Star Wars Blu-rays come out next month, god knows how many tweaks will be in 'em ("Of course, every time we watched the movies, George would find something that he wanted to change," Skywalker Sound's sound editor Matthew Wood told Home Theater Forum), but at least one of those changes will be good: There'll be a CG replacement for that godawful Yoda muppet from Episode I.

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This piece of nerd bait is awesomely dumb. The premise is that the real George Lucas was kidnapped decades ago, and ever since an impostor has been releasing Star Wars prequels and Indiana Jones sequels. The resulting preview had me rolling with shameful laughter.

Via.

This video from Star Wars Weekends at Disney World is a few days old, and I didn't have any inclination to post it, because I was taught to keep the things that make me feel sad to myself and deep, deep inside, until they are absorbed into my subconscious, where they disappear like magic. But then I saw Rob Bricken at Topless Robot's post about it, in which he notes "a few thoughts":

• I am 99 percent certain the people who put on Star Wars Weekends fucking hate Star Wars.
• If you were at all irked when the Jawa came out with the Stormtrooper helmet drums, congratulations—YOU'RE A HUGE FUCKING NERD. I appreciate the company.
• For the life of me, I cannot fathom why Lucas approves this, but won't put out the Holiday Special on DVD. The only difference between the two is that this is 90 seconds, the other is 90 minutes. Well, that, and in the Holiday Special an elderly wookiee watches human pornography.

What Mr. Bricken said. Also, one of my own:

• There is someone in the audience wearing a white visor who appears to be gettin' a little bit... headbangy. As in, they seem to be genuinely rocking out to this. I am glad that this person is enjoying their vacation and all, but they should be shot.

"Yes, yes, you're correct of course—I was a highly decorated and respected military officer for the Rebel Alliance," Admiral Ackbar said in a recent interview, speaking to me from his palatial oceanfront villa on Mon Calamari. "But there came a point where I had to ask myself: Where does one go from here? I considered finally getting around to writing my memoirs, or perhaps serving the New Republic as an ambassador or adviser. Ultimately, however, I decided that the best use of my time was to ride the bus every single day—not to anywhere in particular, mind, just to wherever it might be going—and annoy the living fuck out of anyone who had the misfortune to sit across the aisle from me."