Ever notice how some days you are simply devoid of a good catchphrase? It's awful, guys. That's why Blogtown is pleased to provide you with the following catchphrase that you should use whenever you leave a room today. YOU'RE WELCOME!!

No one could've predicted...

Religious people can be racist, and that's not news. But are they more likely to be racist than non-religious people? A new study now confirms this hypothesis. The February issue of Personality and Social Psychology Review has published a meta-analysis of 55 independent studies conducted in the United States which considers surveys of over 20,000 mostly Christian participants. Religious congregations generally express more prejudiced views towards other races. Furthermore, the more devout the community, the greater the racism.

Miss Beverly Hills—who will be competing in the upcoming Miss California pageant—seems to think that the gays should be put to death.

"The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. In Leviticus it says, 'If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.' The Bible is pretty black and white," Ashley told Pop Tarts. "I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that's a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life."

The same God that allegedly scribbled out that stern warning for the gays—a God who wishes us only the best!—also condemned to death all young women who aren't virgins on their wedding nights. So a follow-up question for Miss Beverly Hills: Are you a virgin? If not, should you be put to death? And a former Miss California—Carrie Prejean—isn't a virgin. Should she be put to death? Would you like to cast the first stone?

Unless there is "a relationship of dependence"—teacher/student, pope/altar boy—in which case the age of consent at the Vatican jumps to 15.

Guess who wins?

Oy:

“Hard punches!” he shouted from the sidelines of a martial arts event called Cage Assault. “Finish the fight! To the head! To the head!”

The young man was a member of a fight team at Xtreme Ministries, a small church near Nashville that doubles as a mixed martial arts academy. Mr. Renken, who founded the church and academy, doubles as the team’s coach. The school’s motto is “Where Feet, Fist and Faith Collide.”

Mr. Renken’s ministry is one of a small but growing number of evangelical churches that have embraced mixed martial arts—a sport with a reputation for violence and blood that combines kickboxing, wrestling and other fighting styles—to reach and convert young men, whose church attendance has been persistently low.

Why not vibrating pocket pussies and streaming hard-core porn?

Individual Americans are donating millions of dollars to relieve the suffering in Haiti, our government is pledging tens of millions of dollars and rushing medical supplies and food and hospital ships to Haiti—and all anyone is going to remember about America's response to the tragedy in Haiti is the stunningly hateful santorum that drips from the lips of Pat Robertson. Ugh. Robertson should be "put to sleep," says Don Imus. Imus can be an ass himself—ahem—but he's absolutely right about Robertson.

I don't know about you guys, but I don't think there've been enough Hannukah-related blog posts going up. There have been some excellent Christmas tree ideas, but those of us in the I'm-half-Jewish-but-not-really-because-it's-my-dad-and-he's-actually-atheist-but-I-can-sing-two-Hanukkah-songs-and-spin-a-dreidel camp need some of our own holiday cheer. The New Yorker has a lovely little collection of stories by Yoni Brenner, just for us:

The Visitor

On a bitterly cold night on the outskirts of Vilkovishk, Velvel the Tailor and Gronam the Milkman were playing a friendly game of dreidel, when they heard a knock at the door. Surprised, Velvel opened the door to find an old man with a long gray beard shivering in the darkness. Quickly, Velvel brought him to the fire, and served him barley soup. When the color returned to the old man’s face, he noticed that the others were playing dreidel and asked if he might join them.

What followed was the greatest exhibition of dreidel that the two men—or any men—had ever seen. In less than an hour, the old man had parlayed twelve kopeks into sixty rubles, until his companions had nothing left to gamble.

Astonished, Velvel asked how it was possible for a man to have such luck.

“My friends,” the old man replied, “it is not luck. For I am the Prophet Elijah, come to reward your generosity with innumerable heavenly blessings.”

The men rejoiced, and they kissed Elijah’s hands and his cheeks. And the Prophet blessed them, and he blessed their houses and their animals; but somehow he neglected to give back the sixty rubles.

In the course of the holiday, Elijah would repeat the scam twenty-three times.

Read the rest of 'em here!

WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE STOP WITH THE "SANTA CLAUSE" NONSENSE ALREADY, AND REALIZE THAT CHRISTMAS IS ACTUALLY ABOUT CHRIST?? SO MUCH SO, IN FACT, THAT I CAN'T TURN MY CAPS OFF!!
Oh, there we go. That's better. Anyway, for those who really, really want to bum out your holiday guests, or Santa while he's dropping off the presents, perhaps you should purchase the "CHRIST-mas Tree" (get it?) which lovingly shoves a New Testament torture device into the comfort of your living room. AND IT'S ONLY $299.99!!! (Christ, what is wrong with my caps lock?)

Get yours here, and thanks for the tip A.V. Club!

It amazes me that the leaders of the Catholic Church are taken seriously when they lecture other people—including non-Catholics—about their sexual morality. BBC:

A Catholic religious order is to supply a 161m euros (£145m) package of measures as reparation for child abuse in Ireland. The Christian Brothers said the decision had been taken in response to the Ryan report which revealed decades of abuse at religious institutions.... More than 2,000 people told the commission they had suffered physical and sexual abuse as children in the institutions, which included schools and orphanages. It found that sexual abuse was "endemic" in boys' institutions, and church leaders knew what was going on.... More allegations were made against the Christian Brothers than the other male orders combined.

In a statement the order says it is filled with "shame and sorrow." Yeah right. No from the Catholic Brothers lifted a finger to stop the abuse while it was happening. If they're feeling shame and sorrow now it's because they got caught. And the same order that failed to protect the Irish children entrusted to its care moved heaven and earth to protect the rapists and their accomplices that are still members:

No real names, of perpetrators, appeared in the Ryan report after the Christian Brothers took legal action in 2004 to keep the identities of all of its members, dead or alive, out of the report.

They're shameless.