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Thursday, May 28, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Cuck You

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, May 28, 2015 at 10:29 AM

Originally posted on February 6, 2013

I'm a 27-year-old man in a two-year relationship with a 26-year-old woman. My last partner cheated and lied and did some unforgivable things. I wasn't blameless-I stayed with her long after I realized it wasn't working-but our relationship did unearth a kink. After I found out about her cheating, I got extremely turned on thinking about it. I never told her.

Enter my next girlfriend. We were together a few months before I brought up my kink. She was very accommodating (dirty talk about her cheating, making up stories about cheating) and then, after some months, she admitted that it was something she wanted to try in real life. I said I was okay with it as long as I had the option to pursue other partners as well. We agreed on some rules and gave it a shot. She set up a date through OKCupid and had sex with someone; I hooked up with an ex. Everything seemed to be turning out great. Then two weeks later, she got drunk and told me she had seen the OKCupid guy again without asking. I was so upset, I nearly broke up with her. Having the guidelines ignored felt like a betrayal. She later admitted to seeing him one other time without talking to me first.

Are we going through the normal trip-ups of a newly open relationship? Or are these lies an indication that she can't be trusted? I feel like it might be hard to find someone else who is into my kink and maybe we're just having a hard time navigating polyamory. I love my partner, and I want to make this cuckolding thing work if we can. Suck it up or break it off?

Confused Upon Cheating Kink

My response after the jump...

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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Bitch Puddin'

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, May 27, 2015 at 9:55 AM

Originally posted on September 14, 2011.

I am a 16-year-old female. I have been in a monogamous relationship with a boy for seven months. My first, his too. A couple of months in, we began to explore masturbating each other and oral sex. He has gone down on me three times, but I have never given him a blowjob. I'm scared to because I'm scared he will be disappointed. We fight sometimes because he feels it's unfair that he goes down on me and I don't go down on him.

On top of this, he started doing something when we are in the midst of being sexual that I don't understand. He will stick the tip of his hard penis just inside the opening to my vagina, again and again. I guess you could call it "probing." I know enough to know that there's a slight risk of pregnancy, as pre-come can get a woman pregnant and he doesn't wear a condom when he does this. We are planning on having complete vaginal intercourse in the next few months, with condoms and birth control, but this is happening now and it worries me.

This is what I need advice about: I know that there is a very small risk of pregnancy even if we use condoms and birth control. I couldn't handle a child at my age or the humiliation of being pregnant at 16 and having to walk around town with the evidence out for all to see. I would have an abortion. He disagrees strongly with abortion, but he's not the one who would have to go through it all! So I would probably end up having an abortion without telling him, which seems completely unfair.

No Clue What To Do

My response after the jump...

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Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Savage Love: My Kid Sticks Things Up His Butt

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, May 26, 2015 at 9:44 AM

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Yesterday, I found my five-year-old son putting things up his butt in the bath. This isn't the first time—and it's not just a "Hey! There's a hole here! Let's put things in there!" kind of thing. The little dude was rocking quite the stiffy while he did it. I'm well aware of how sexual kids can be (I freaking was!), although I wasn't quite expecting to be catching him exploring anal at this young age. I want to avoid a trip to the emergency room to extract a toy car or whatever else from his rear end, and I don't want to see him damage himself. So do you have any suggestions of what I can give him as a butt toy? Yes, I am serious, and no, I'm not molesting him. I know he's going to do this on his own with or without my knowing, and I want him to be safe! Just today, he proudly showed me a toy car that he stuck up his butt. I told him that it wasn't a good idea due to the sharp bits on it, and while he may have gotten this one out, one could get stuck and then we would have to go to the hospital. Help!

Helping Ingenious Son Make Other Moves

CONTINUE READING>>>

Friday, May 22, 2015

"Let's Do It" with Bri Pruett: A Very Special Memorial Day Message About Faking Orgasm

Posted by Bri Pruett on Fri, May 22, 2015 at 5:18 PM

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  • Illustration: Erika Moen

Last summer, I was doing some SERIOUS online dating, but one Sunday night had me twisted.

It was a first date, and it was running long. I thought I’d have drinks, laughs, maybe a quick smooch, and be asleep by 10. Instead our long conversations and nervous flirting took forever to percolate. By the time we realized the chemistry was real and took things back to my place, it was 1:30 and our slow-to-start make out sesh turned irresistible and sexy and sleepy. I wasn't trying to have sex (it’s the first date and I’m allowed to be traditional), but this was definitely fun and I was getting caught up in this guy. He’s hard as 10 rocks and moaning in desire and frustration, and it breaks me. So I change my mind and give consent, saying: "Okay, let’s get you off." And he’s like: “But I want you to come.”

So there we are: He’s trying his best... but I’m not that close, and the pressure is mounting, and he’s asking if I’m close, and it’s got to be THREE IN THE GODDAMN MORNING! So I did what anyone would do, I closed my eyes, arched my back, moaned and successfully resisted the urge to say, “I’ll have what she’s having!” He pops his cork and I get my 40 winks, LIKE A PRO.

Why didn’t I just stop and tell the guy this wasn’t working? Answer: because that’s kinda scary! What if he got mad, or turned off, or never called me again, or all those things? Am I ruining everything my fore-parents fought for? Am I sacrificing a real human interaction for a polite one? Am I being PORTLAND PASSIVE in the worst context?

Answers to these questions and more... AFTER THE JUMP!

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SL Letter of the Day: Send the Flowers

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, May 22, 2015 at 9:58 AM

Originally posted on October 16, 2013.

I'm a gay man in a happy and open marriage. I routinely seek the services of an erotic masseur, a man with whom I have a great client/service-provider relationship. I found out when booking my next massage with him that he was recently in a car accident with his long-term partner, who died in the hospital. Normally, I'd send flowers and a card. However, due to the nature of our working relationship, I don't want to extend myself in ways that could be uncomfortable for him. I wouldn't want to put him in the position of having to explain who I am if the card I sent was read by someone else. Any advice would be appreciated.

Wants To Be Respectful

My response after the jump...

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Thursday, May 21, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Queer Goggles

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, May 21, 2015 at 9:59 AM

Originally posted February 27, 2013

I am writing about a friend. By all appearances, he is straight. However, on more than one occasion, he has gotten drunk and tried to hook up with a transvestite or a person who could have been one. In one instance, he went to a club and was approached by a really masculine-seeming girl who proceeded to give him head. My friend, in his drunken state, reached into her pants and felt for a pussy only after she started giving him head. On a trip to Las Vegas, he drunkenly picked up someone who I was told looked like "Kevin Garnett in a wig" and was very obviously a man. He tried to take this person back to his hotel, but friends put a stop to it. I just received a message from a friend who is with him on a trip to Europe, who said that he just tried the same thing again with yet another manly looking transvestite type. Again, my friend was stopped before he did anything he might regret. I can understand if these cases happened with transvestites who looked like real women. It's easy to fool someone when he's drunk. However, the situations I have seen personally and have heard about all seem to indicate he is seeking out transvestites. Could he be harboring some gay or bisexual tendencies? I've never seen him act this way when sober. Or could he just have the world's thickest pair of beer goggles?

Cautious Lad Observing Developments

My response after the jump...

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Wednesday, May 20, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: You're Dating a Clown. Deal With It.

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, May 20, 2015 at 9:59 AM

Originally posted on July 20, 2011.


I'm a 24-year-old female living in London, where I have just finished a degree in circus arts. I'm in a relationship with a great guy. The problem is that while I have had long- and short-term relationships before, he hasn't, and he can be very emotionally needy. For example, he can't/won't sleep without me in the bed. We've been together for 10 months, and he often tells me that I'm everything in his life. I've told him that under no circumstances is this normal, and I've confirmed my right to have a life outside of him. The real crux of the situation is this: I worked on and off as a stripper in a high-end club for two years. I haven't done it while with him because of the physical demands of my degree. Now I'm done and broke and want to return to this work. This is an issue for him, as you can imagine. I won't compromise: The job was great for me and allowed me such sexual (and financial!) liberation. I didn't orgasm for the first time until after I took control of my own sexuality via stripping.

I don't know how to handle this issue: He knew this about me when we met and says he hoped it wouldn't carry on. I feel upset that he hasn't accepted the whole of me and I guess part of me wonders if I'm in the wrong relationship. I love this man, but I feel trapped.

Clown College Graduate

My response after the jump...

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Tuesday, May 19, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Squirt Toys Incorporated

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, May 19, 2015 at 9:59 AM

Originally posted on July 20, 2011.

You probably get this question every day. I'm a man who loves it when my girlfriend fucks me with a strap-on. Another great thing: My girlfriend ejaculates frequently and plentifully when we have sex, and she has done so when she's pegging me. Which leads to my question: What are the possible issues from getting female ejaculate in your ass? I am thinking about modifying a toy in a way that might enable her to squirt up my ass. It probably won't work, but I am going to try. Because if it does work...

Oh My Fucking God

My response after the jump...

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Monday, May 18, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: I Like Big Dicks and I Cannot Lie

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, May 18, 2015 at 9:57 AM

Originally posted on May 18, 2011.

Kinky female here, age 26. For as long as I've been sexually active, I've been ridiculously turned on by guys with huge cocks. I love the way they look and feel in my hands and when they're inside me. This isn't to say that I'd date a guy purely on cock enormity alone; I wouldn't. But I'm not sure what to do about my current situation: I'm dating someone now who shares my same values—he's flamingly liberal and actually enjoys RuPaul's Drag Race—but we don't have the greatest sexual chemistry. Some of it's because he's pretty vanilla, although he's GGG, but a lot of it is that his dick is average. Sadly. Am I wrong to want a guy with the lower half of a horse? If so, can I retrain myself to accept, and even want, an average or below-average penis?

Female Phallophiliac

My response after the jump...

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Friday, May 15, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Preferences

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, May 15, 2015 at 9:58 AM

Originally posted on May 18, 2011.

I suppose you are going to call me an asshole once you have finished reading my letter, but I hope you have some advice for me regardless.

I am a 45-year-old heterosexual male. My last relationship lasted nearly seven years. I am currently single. I am discouraged. One of the reasons for my discouragement: I have to get too far into a relationship before I can determine if it will work out with any particular woman. An awful lot of emotion, time, and effort are required to get that first look into a woman's panties. And this is where my problem lies. A woman can have the sweetest personality, she can be pretty and hardworking, but if her pussy isn't bald and her "little man in the boat" doesn't fit comfortably in my mouth, I am NOT turned on. I require a shaved pussy and a big clit.

I have asked women with whom I've become close to go bald. If the answer is no, there is no need to return. I respect a woman's control over her own body, of course, but I like a big clit. She may or may not be bald, but if the clit isn't big enough, there's no sense in returning. I have heard women say that they were disappointed to find that a man's dick was too small or too large, or they didn't like that it curved to the left or right. Do I have a right to a similar preference? What do I do? Is there a way to ask about these issues before emotion, time, and effort are invested?

Call Me Asshole

My response after the jump...

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Thursday, May 14, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Vengeful Ex

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, May 14, 2015 at 9:59 AM

I am on vacation. Please enjoy this golden oldie from November 7, 2012.

I'm a man who just got out of a two-year relationship with a great girl. She was always a little controlling, and I felt like I had to tiptoe around her all the time, so I'm glad to be out of the relationship. But I was still providing her with a lot of emotional support. This was fine until she started bothering me for advice on what to do about her rebound relationship. This seemed beyond the call of duty, and I suggested to her that we needed to reevaluate our boundaries. She flipped out and has threatened to force all our mutual friends to pick her over me. I'm also worried that she will tell everyone we know about my pegging kink. I'm comfortable with that aspect of myself, but other people don't need to know. Do I stick up for kinks or deny it and blame a vengeful ex?

Kink-outing Is Not Kind

My response after the jump...

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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Win Tix to Best of HUMP! and $50 Gift Card to SheBop!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, May 13, 2015 at 1:32 PM

Everybody SQUEEEEE! The Best of HUMP! tour starts tomorrow Thurs May 14 and runs through Sat May 16 at Cinema 21, and tickets are (not shockingly) selling fast! As you know, The Best of HUMP! tour (read our review here) is curated by Dan Savage who chose some of his favorite HUMP! entries over the past few years, and is a great intro (if you've never seen America's sweetest l'il porn fest) as well as great inspiration if you want to enter your own dirty movie for the 2015 festival! (Grand prize is a whopping $5000—holy crap.)

Interested in going to The Best of HUMP!? Get your tickets here... or if you're feeling extremely lucky, use our widget below to enter to win ONE PAIR OF TICKETS to The Best of HUMP! as well as A $50 GIFT CERTIFICATE to Portland's favorite female (and male) friendly sex toy shop, SheBop (909 N Beech & 3213 SE Division). (Highly recommended, I get all of my fun-time toys there!) But hurry! Contest ends at 2 pm Friday, May 15! Don't want to risk it? Get your HUMP! tix here!

SL Letter of the Day: What If I Want Pain?

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, May 13, 2015 at 9:55 AM

Originally posted on December 21, 2011.

I'm a submissive gay man. All anal sex guides stress that when done right, anal sex should cause no pain. But what if I want pain? Over three years, my boyfriend and I have proceeded from having lots of anal foreplay to lube-it-up-and-stick-it-in. I love it, and once it stops hurting, as it always does after a while, I have amazing orgasms. So does he. There's a definite line between the arousing kind of pain and too much pain. But that line has moved closer to more intense pain, and I'm worried about injury. Then again, we're not sticking progressively bigger objects up my ass, just the same object with less foreplay. Is this risky?

Boy Used To Taking

My response after the jump...

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Monday, May 11, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Verify

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, May 11, 2015 at 9:59 AM

Originally Posted on December 26 2012.

I just started an intense relationship with a guy who has a boyfriend. This guy and I love each other. However, he is uncomfortable with me meeting his boyfriend. I've asked if it's okay that we're fucking, and he said they're in an open relationship so it's okay. I asked if it's okay that we're in love, and he said yes. So why the secrecy? My lover's only explanation is that his boyfriend doesn't want to know about the guys he fucks around with. The whole situation is starting to make me uneasy. I can't figure out why I want to know more about his boyfriend. Is it so I can verify that he's not cheating, or that jealousy is an issue for them and that's why I can't meet him? I do know that I wish my lover would be more open with me. Should I just relax?

The Other Person

My response after the jump...

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Friday, May 8, 2015

Let's Do it with Bri Pruett: How to Fuck a Comic

Posted by Bri Pruett on Fri, May 8, 2015 at 11:29 AM

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  • Illustration: Erika Moen

This weekend 130 comics with the Bridgetown Comedy Festival will descend upon lower SE Burnside to deliver jokes to the Portland masses. And I know some of you giggle groupies are thinking: “How do I fuck a comic?” I get it, we comics are charismatic loners, powerfully and breezily shouting our opinions from a tiny stage-shaped soapbox. Don’t be ashamed of your predilections. Here are some tips to get you in, you bunch of chuckle-fuckers…

1. To woo your comedy crush, watch their set and actively listen. Don’t use your phone, don’t talk to your friends and for god’s sake don’t HECKLE. A lot of people think heckling is “saying mean things to the comics,” but actually heckling is saying ANYTHING to the comics on stage. I know you want to help, but shhhhh… If you want a moment in the sun, go to an open mic. And don’t ask your comedy crush to help you find an open mic.

2. Approach the comic afterward gently. After a comic does a set he/she is doing a lot of processing: how the set went, was the audience on board and most importantly: ‘did the other comics think I was funny?’ The highs of making an audience giggle with glee, can be followed by crushing lows (and sometimes cocaine). Give your comedy crush at least 10-15 minutes to come down after their set before you make your move.

3. Don’t offer advice on jokes. This is my job. Do I come down to your work and knock the dick out of your mouth?

MORE TIPS AFTER THE JUMP!

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Thursday, May 7, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Destructive Criticism

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, May 7, 2015 at 9:56 AM

Originally posted on July 18 2012.

I am desperately in need of your help. After eight years of marriage, it turns out that the blowjobs I give are "good but not great" and are now getting "boring." My husband is unable to tell me anything specific that he wants me to do, just that I should "be creative." I've done everything I can think of over the years, so I have no idea where to go from here! My husband is my first partner, so I have no past experience to draw from, and porn hardly seems the proper inspiration: visually exciting (for a guy) but no visible technique other than some rather extreme deep-throating, which I am incapable of, as I have an annoyingly sensitive gag reflex. Is there anything nonstandard but fun that you could suggest? I'm not exactly vanilla, so I'm willing to try pretty much anything at this point.

Thought I Was Doing It Well

My response after the jump...

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Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Savage Love Letter of the Day: The New Girl

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, May 6, 2015 at 9:55 AM

I'm a 29-year-old straight-ish woman in Illinois married for just over five years to a wonderful man who is 28. About a year ago, we were watching RuPaul's Drag Race clips and, for fun, I asked my husband if I could dress him up in drag. It took some convincing but he agreed—so long as there were no photos. He looked fierce! He was surprised and we had a few good laughs. About a week later we were Ru and we were talking about their severity—those severe queens and their severe looks—and why they rarely wear "everyday" makeup. I explained that they're not trying to look like women. For comparison I convinced him to let me make him over as a regular woman, hair and all. I think this was where things changed. He looked really good. In fact, he kept his face on for nearly four hours, constantly going back to the mirror. Since then, he has started feminizing himself, little by little. He's learned to put on makeup by himself and do his hair. We've even been out together, as two girls, to dance. My problem is, sexually, he's become completely passive. When we do have intercourse, I have to be on top. But usually it's just him going down on me—very well, mind you—and we bypass his orgasm entirely. Have I created a trans girl? I know that isn't possible, but does it seem like I may have released something he didn't know was there?

Missus Is Seeking Solace

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Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Is "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Right For You?

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, May 5, 2015 at 9:55 AM

I'm a 34-year-old mostly straight woman in the Southwest US. My amazing boyfriend is 30 and straight. We've been together about 2.5 years, and we love and respect each other dearly and deeply. Here's the issue: while we both prefer monogamy, we both realize that we'll be sexually attracted to others throughout our lives, and I don't want either of us to get bored sexually. However, neither of us knows how to deal with the thought of our partner being sexually intimate with someone else. I'm afraid I would be emotionally damaged beyond repair. Every girlfriend he's had before me has cheated on him. How could we ever possibly learn to be monogamish and still maintain our healthy relationship?! We've discussed being together for the rest of our lives, but I honestly don't know if we can do that within the constraints of monogamy. But I don't know how to deal with anything else. Please help! This is the most open, loving, trusting relationship I've ever had, and I'd really like to learn to make it the best it can be for the long haul, for both of us.

Concerned About New Distressing Scenarios

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Monday, May 4, 2015

Savage Love Letter of the Day: This Old Cock

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, May 4, 2015 at 9:59 AM

I'm a 34-year-old erotic massage therapist/hand job artist. It's interesting, gratifying, and I always have a good story to share with friends in the know. I love it.

About six months ago I met a 78-year-old man in need of my services after grieving the loss of his wife. Despite the obvious odds, we hit it off, and I soon found myself hanging out at his place long after our sessions had ended just because I liked his company. Aside from our more vanilla shared interests, we both enjoy weed, MDMA, and kink. (He used to be a leather daddy back in his prime.) What started off as "just another day at the office" has developed into an unlikely relationship where we get high, I give him a fantastic massage (I'm trained), and then he ties me up & paddles my pussy or whatever else we feel like doing that evening. Or sometime we just go out for sushi & enjoy scandalizing other diners. We're both experienced, safe, honest and respectful, especially when it comes to sex & drugs, and I still check in with a friend during our sessions. He is the only client I "party" with.

It's fun for me because I get to "out-perv" myself while exploring a new aspect of my sexuality with someone great. And since I'm not currently dating, Dan, this kindly old gentleman is like boyfriend-lite. It's fun for him because, duh.

My question is regarding his jizz. Or lack thereof.

Continue reading »

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Thursday, April 30, 2015

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Great Expectations

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Apr 30, 2015 at 9:55 AM

You wrote in one of your columns awhile back: "It's amazing how well some people get along with their exes after they break up or divorce. People really seem to relax and enjoy each other once they let go of their expectations, once they're no longer trying to control each other, and once both are free to sleep with whoever they want. I sometimes wonder why people don't give that stuff a try—shitcan the expectations, stop trying to control each other, fuck whoever you want—before they get divorced."

I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year because we could never get to the same place—or even a workable place—on the poly/mono spectrum. He wanted to screw around without limits or boundaries beyond safe sex practices and I wanted to be the primary, nesting partner, to build a life with him, which, to my mind, meant that he had to let go of some of the other women in order for us to spend the time together necessary to create a strong, trusting bond. In many other ways we were super compatible, but in this way we were not. So, eventually, after a lot of pain and angst, I ended it.

I'm aware that my expectations were part of the problem. But I also believe that we get to want what we want. So my question to you is: how do you think we ("we" as in people, not "we" as in my ex and I) should go about "shitcanning our expectations," especially when they've been taught to us for maybe our whole lives? I tried for a year to let go of my expectations, trying to accept my ex's reassurances that all these other women didn't affect our relationship or his love for me, but I couldn't do it. It still hurt when I—supposedly his primary and his life partner—had to compete with other women for his time and attention, and when his dating didn't seem to give him the time to focus on building something special with me. Predictably, he called me insecure when I asked for more time and attention, which may have been true, but my requests were still legitimate, regardless of my insecurity.

In moving forward, I would like to be better about managing expectations in a relationship, even though I now know I'm more on the monogamous side of things. How does one let go of a lifetime of programming? Any advice?

Monogamish Expectations

Allow me to clarify...

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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Pat Robertson Advises Wife to Forgive her Drunk (and Most Definitely Gay) Husband

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Apr 29, 2015 at 10:59 AM

In this clip from The 700 Club, incredibly old Pat Robertson fields a question from a Christian lady who claims her hubby of 11 years had gay sex with a fellow male church member. THAT'S HOT! However, hubby is trying to write it off as something that "accidentally" happened because he was "drunk." Mmmmmm-hmmmmmm. (When are Christians going to learn that the "devil's likker" excuse doesn't cut it anymore?) Anyway, it's always hilarious to watch Robertson stumble around a thorny problem, and this time? Shockingly, his answer isn't completely wrong! (Just mostly wrong.) WATCH!

SL Letter of the Day: Sail Away

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Apr 29, 2015 at 9:59 AM

Originally posted August 28, 2013

I'm a cute, mostly straight, twentysomething, single, and (safely) sexually active woman. This happens to me pretty often: I hook up with a guy, we start fooling around, and we're both really into it. I reach down, and he's full sail. Things progress-clothes come off, etc.-and, as is generally the polite order of things, the lady comes first. (This isn't the problem.) I'm not aggressive, but I'm not shy. I tell a partner what I like and how to do it. They are always happy to oblige. The thing is, after I get off, a lot of times, the guy is limp. (This is the problem.) They usually express frustration and indicate that they're very much turned on but it's just not working. Generally after a few times, they will stop having this problem, and we will end up having lots of fun. So I don't think I'm doing anything "wrong" to kill the boners. I think maybe I'm just intimidating. In fact, I've been told so. Why does this happen and how can I reduce the awkwardness? Should I talk about it or just ignore it? And should I keep trying to make him hard? Or will that just make his dick panic worse?

Fragile Ego Males

P.S. The more a guy likes me, the more this seems to happen.

My response after the jump...

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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Photo Play

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Apr 28, 2015 at 9:59 AM

You’ve given me good advice in the past and it has led me to casting aside previous baggage and settling down with a man whom I valued for being trusty, responsible and hard-working. The one downside: He's always been straight as an arrow, uninterested in kink or any non-traditional relationship options. I figured it was a small price to pay for his many fine qualities.

This partner of ten years got into photography about five years ago. He does "boudoir" photography, i.e. sexy ladies either naked or scantily clad. I have no problem with that, I’m glad he has an interest outside of work, and he does take lovely, artsy shots of women. But a couple of years ago, he showed me some shots of a naked lady squatting with either foot on the two prongs of a forklift—taken from below. I told him at the time that I thought that pictures that left nothing to the imagination were no longer art but rather pornography and that I didn’t like him taking such shots of other women. (We were occasionally doing naughty photo sessions of our own at the time.) Since then, when he has shown me the fruits of his creative endeavors, it has always been of sexy, edgy images that qualified as art.

The other night I asked to borrow his computer to work on a document.

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Monday, April 27, 2015

SL Letter of the Day: Shapes and Sizes

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Apr 27, 2015 at 9:59 AM

Originally posted on October 23, 2013

My girlfriend snooped on my browser history the other day specifically to see what porn I had been looking at. I've told her I look at porn a few times a week, and she said she didn't mind. She asked me what type of stuff I usually look at, and I was mostly honest. My viewing habits are pretty vanilla except for BBW porn. It's not my go-to, but it was what she found in my browser history the day she snooped. She had some issues, and I don't know how to address them. I'm not more attracted to overweight women than other women, but sometimes that type just does it for me. Compounding this, my girlfriend is overweight—not on par with the women in the videos I watched—and now she's worried that her weight is the only reason I'm attracted to her. It's not! How can I explain this to her and put her mind at ease?

Busted Boyfriend Worries

My response after the jump...

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Friday, April 24, 2015

"Let's Do It" with Bri Pruett: How to Pick a Sex Playlist

Posted by Bri Pruett on Fri, Apr 24, 2015 at 4:10 PM

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  • Illustration: Erika Moen
Look, no one likes Kelly Rowland (not even her parents)—but she did make one contribution to the pop cultural zeitgeist. That contribution is the 3:59 long R&B opus “Motivation” that more folks have banged to than the entire Luther Vandross catalog. “Go lover, don’t you dare slow down…” Thanks Kelly.

There are a trove of artists that cater to grown folks business. Artists like Marvin Gaye, Prince, Sade. They make it easy on the rest of us; no bedroom DJing required. Put em’ on and let em’ roll, confidant those artists will cradle us in their velvety tones all the way to the sex bank.

There are folks who told me they don’t go sexin’ with a soundtrack, which totally surprised me, but then, I don’t do much without mah beats. I suppose it is a little juvenile: “Hang on honey, before we get to fuckin', I needs to cue up MY FAVORITE TUUUNES MAAAAN!” Maybe because most of the sex I’ve had is in proximity to a roommate with paper-thin apartment walls, I’ve always had a playlist.

Like with any foreplay action, you are setting a tone for the kind of sex you’re going to have. If you’re trying to get something sweet and tender, try Bon Iver. If you’re trying to do something sexy and sweaty, stick to R&B like Miguel. Something dirty and slightly kinkier, something with a darker, more-electronic vibe, try The Weeknd or Massive Attack. If you’re having kinky-as-hell, raw, nightmare sex… you probably already have the details of your scene all picked out, from the spreader bar to the German industrial playlist.

Generally it’s up to the host to pick the tunes and have an appropriate bedroom sound system. A laptop with no speakers will not get you laid—nor will a free Pandora station. If you are broke, try 8tracks.com or Songza, services that let’s you make and listen to mixed tapes. Better yet, you can enter in your mood/activity/artist and it’ll let tapes roll that share that tag. (Example: “sex” “chill”)

Bedroom jams can backfire horribly from time to time. You don’t want a mix to be so on point that your lover pauses between strokes to yell "THAT'S MY JAM!” Instant boner killer. Sometimes song lyrics can evoke powerful memories. You don’t want to pick songs that evoke a vivid memory, like of an ex-partner. An easy fix is choosing instrumentals. A friend recommended French hip hop; unless your lover is bilingual, the focus will be on your derriere.

Maybe you are a total square like me, you don’t have a ton of time to make mixed tapes and you’ve been recycling the same busted-ass playlist like you’re a sound engineer from Guardians of the Galaxy (that soundtrack was hack, deal with it). That's why I enlisted some local music aficionados to, ahem, fill the gap.

Ladies and gentlemen, after the jump, your new sex tape:

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