This Week in the Mercury
SLURPEEWATCH
Friday, January 6, 2012
SLURPEEWATCH / Neighborhoods St. Johns Residents Vow to Protest New 7/11
Posted by Sarah Mirk on Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 12:29 PM
The 7-Eleven is slated to open its doors at 8157 N Lombard—currently an empty lot just on the edge of St. John's downtown. Neighbors are mad because the market would be the neighborhood's third 7-11 and will be "blight at the gate of our neighborhood," in the words of one resident who signed the neighborhood's anti-7-Eleven petition. Residents also worry it will hurt the business of St. John's Deli and Grocery, a little locally-owned shop that's been located two blocks from the proposed site since 1979. Deli owner Kevin Lee says he will have to cut back his employee's hours if the new 7-Eleven opens up.
7-Eleven representative Tom Noble met with the neighborhood association to discuss the new shop, but residents upset about the new store say they were "disappointed" with the discussion and now organizers of Occupy St. Johns are calling for a picket of the proposed site at 3pm on Friday the 13th to call out the "surplus of convenience stores" in the area.
Monday, July 11, 2011
SLURPEEWATCH Thank You Jesus, It's Free Slurpee Day
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Jul 11, 2011 at 9:28 AM
7-Eleven's press release (thanks for sending this to me, EVERYONE I HAVE EVER KNOWN) starts off all normal: "To commemorate 7-Eleven, Inc.’s 84th birthday on July 11th, aka 7-Eleven Day, participating 7-Eleven® stores throughout Oregon will celebrate by giving customers a free 7.11-oz size Slurpee® beverage" kicks things off under a classy, understated headline ("**MEDIA ALERT** 7-Eleven® Stores Celebrate Their only 7-11-11 Birthday this Century with Free Slurpee® Drinks"). But then things get weird:
The frozen, carbonated beverage was first invented in 1959 by a Kansas hamburger stand owner. Using an automobile air conditioner, he created a sophisticated piece of equipment that would freeze a carbonated soft drink and serve it in a sherbet-like form that could be sipped through a straw.
Well... that doesn't seem safe. Like, at all.
Anyway, don't care. See you at the Slurpee machine, Slurpee pals! I'm aiming for my blood to 90 percent high-fructose corn syrup by the time I get to go on a bike ride tonight.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
SLURPEEWATCH A Slurpee in Review: Cowboys & Aliens Alienade
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Jul 7, 2011 at 9:59 AM
Thursday, April 14, 2011
SLURPEEWATCH A Slurpee in Review: Inspired by Thor Blue Lighting Blast™
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Apr 14, 2011 at 2:28 PM
My trip to 7-Eleven to get an Inspired by Thor Blue Lighting Blast™ Slurpee was the single worst trip to 7-Eleven that anyone has ever, or will ever, be forced to endure.
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Thursday, April 8, 2010
Comic Books / SLURPEEWATCH / Food / Film A Slurpee in Review: FINALLY, Scarlett Johansson's On a Slurpee Cup! UPDATED!!!
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Apr 8, 2010 at 2:26 PM
Since studios have started to release their summer blockbusters earlier and earlier in the year, marketing tie-ins are starting earlier and earlier in the year, too. Which is why it makes perfect sense for Iron Man 2 Slurpees to currently be on sale, despite the fact that it's 46 goddamn degrees outside.
Obviously, due to some stupid precedent (evidenced here, and here, and here, and here), I am morally and professionally obligated to report on this. ONWARD.
There aren't any Iron Man-specific Slurpee flavors (though 7-Eleven really should have one, and it should be called "whiskey"), but you can get a bunch of different cups and straws, at least two of which feature Mickey Rourke and Don Cheadle, which is just fucking weird. Because I've spent countless sleepless nights wondering why I can't buy fine glassware emblazoned with the hypnotic image of Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow, I happily opted for the Black Widow cup, henceforth referred to as The Only Cup I Shall Ever Drink From For the Rest of My Days.
- The Only Cup I Shall Ever Drink From For the Rest of My Days
Steve opted for... Christ, I don't even know what to call this fucking thing. Steve's insisting on calling it the "Iron Man Oscar" and has been sprinting around the office giving rambling acceptance speeches for the past 45 minutes. Nobody's quite sure what he thinks he's won, but a consensus has been reached to not let him have sugar anymore.
- NOTE: This stupid thing cost like five dollars
Also, regarding the Iron Man Oscar: In our society, it is not often that people who drive Mini Coopers are allowed to make fun of other people. This is how it should be. And yet, there are exceptions to this rule.
"A Slurpee Scene"
Act I: Outside a 7-Eleven. It's 46 goddamn degrees outside. STEVE and ERIK exit the store, proudly admiring their Iron Man 2 Slurpees as they walk toward Erik's Jeep. Nearby, a MAN exits his novelty automobile.MAN GETTING OUT OF MINI COOPER: Whoa. Is that... a drink?
STEVE: Yes, my good sir! Indeed it is!
MAN GETTING OUT OF MINI COOPER: (scoffing, sarcastic) Heh. Nice.
STEVE: (ashamed, defeated) Oh.~fin~
In summation, these are definitely Slurpee cups with Iron Man stuff on them. Let us hope that they sell as successfully as these straws from last year's Slurpee tie-ins with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Terminator Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which have now been gathering dust at 7-Eleven for the better part of an entire calendar year.
UPDATE (Friday, April 9): Holy shit, I just got an email from the director of corporate communications for 7-Eleven, Inc. She totally saw this post; obviously, this is a very big deal. "Hi, Erick — I read your posting this morning, and yes we do have a Iron Man 2 Slurpee flavor," she wrote. "It’s called Invincible Orange." I wrote her back and asked that she keep me in the loop about future Slurpee developments, and she promised to do so: "We have other cool stuff coming up this summer, and I'll keep you posted," she wrote. Excellent.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
SLURPEEWATCH / Food A Slurpee in Review: The G.I. Joe "Liquid Ammunition" Slurpee.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 3:01 PM
If blue raspberries actually existed, and if they could go rotten, and then if those rotten blue raspberries could be distilled into some kind of fetid, greasy syrup, then that is what "Liquid Ammunition" is like.
Also, if you touch "Liquid Ammunition" with your skin, your skin will be stained blue for several hours afterward.
Also, the phrase "Liquid Ammunition" makes me uncomfortable.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
SLURPEEWATCH / Food A Slurpee in Review: The Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen "Bumblebee Blast" Mango Passion Fruit Slurpee.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Wed, Jun 3, 2009 at 2:38 PM
It's like if you froze some Bartles & Jaymes and then ate it while you also had some pennies in your mouth. Also, it'd be impressive if this Slurpee's vaguely metallic aftertaste was thematically tied-in to the film from which it takes its name, but I kind of doubt that this is the case.
~fin~
"A Slurpee in Review": The Archives:
• Review: X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE™ MUTANT BERRY™-FLAVORED SLURPEE®, AVAILABLE NOW AT 7-ELEVEN. [20 April 2009]
• When Terminator Fans Got Mad About Terminator: Salvation Being Rated PG-13, This Was Probably Exactly the Sort of Bullshit They Were Worried Was Going to Happen. [24 April 2009]
• So I Spoke Too Soon. [1 May 2009; addendum to "When Terminator Fans Got Mad About Terminator: Salvation Being Rated PG-13, This Was Probably Exactly the Sort of Bullshit They Were Worried Was Going to Happen."]
Friday, May 1, 2009
SLURPEEWATCH / Food / Film So I Spoke Too Soon.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, May 1, 2009 at 3:04 PM
DEPT. OF CORRECTIONS: There is, indeed, a Terminator-themed flavor of Slurpee, despite my earlier claims to the contrary. It's apparently called "Apocalyptic Ice" (which is not a very good name, and certainly not as good as "Judge-Mint Day Juice"), and to add insult to injury, when I went to get one, the 7-Eleven on Broadway didn't even have the flavor they were advertising outside. The closest thing they had was Crystal Light: Wild Cherry, which I refused to get on principle.
Friday, April 24, 2009
SLURPEEWATCH / Food / Film When Terminator Fans Got Mad About Terminator: Salvation Being Rated PG-13, This Was Probably Exactly the Sort of Bullshit They Were Worried Was Going to Happen.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Apr 24, 2009 at 3:23 PM
Strangely, there does not appear to be a Terminator-themed flavor of Slurpee, unlike Wolverine's Mutant Berry. This seems like a grave mistake—like somewhere along the 7-Eleven chain of command, somebody really fucked up. SUGGESTIONS:
• Skynet Strawberry
• John Connor Cherry
• T-1000 Percent of Your Daily Recommended Corn Syrup Intake
• Hasta La Vista Baby Habañero
• Salvation Sarsaparilla
• Rise of the Machines Razzleberry
• Judge-Mint Day Juice
• Christian Bale Kale
I gave the above list to the friendly clerk behind 7-Eleven's counter, Eddie, who said that he would see what he could do. "Thanks man," I said. "Adios," he replied.
~fin~
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Monday, April 20, 2009
SLURPEEWATCH / Food Review: X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE™ MUTANT BERRY™-FLAVORED SLURPEE®, AVAILABLE NOW AT 7-ELEVEN.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Apr 20, 2009 at 2:30 PM
Y'know, another term for "mutant berry" would be "fruit punch."
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