Courtesy of Doghouse Diaries, here is perhaps the ultimate unwritten Laws of Twitter list—presented in convenient "score card" format.

While I generally abhor anyone one person or organization declaring "rules" for the internet—I thought this was pretty spot on. Notice anything they missed?

Anderson Cooper don't take no mess—especially on his Twitter machine from dumb internet troll Pamela Weiss.

Here's that original "flan tweet" Anderson was talking about.

Go Pamela Weiss—and troll no more. More hilarious Anderson burn tweets here.

Yesterday, Twitter banned sportswriter Guy Adams for calling out NBC's terrible Olympics coverage. It looked like Twitter suspended Adams's account because he was mocking NBC, and NBC has a corporate sponsorship with Twitter for the duration of the Olympics.

Overnight, the news broke that Twitter in fact alerted NBC to Adams's tweets and urged them to file a complaint, which eventually got Adams suspended from Twitter. This is about as shitty as it gets. Twitter is a communications service, and they should not have any control over what gets said on their service. They especially should not protect their corporate partners from criticism. Imagine your Hotmail account banning you because you're complaining about your XBox not working in an email to your friends and you have an idea of how bad this is.

Now, Twitter's general counsel, Alex Macgillivray, writes that Twitter has reinstated Adams's account and says that the company apologizes for their actions:

That said, we want to apologize for the part of this story that we did mess up. The team working closely with NBC around our Olympics partnership did proactively identify a Tweet that was in violation of the Twitter Rules and encouraged them to file a support ticket with our Trust and Safety team to report the violation, as has now been reported publicly. Our Trust and Safety team did not know that part of the story and acted on the report as they would any other.

As I stated earlier, we do not proactively report or remove content on behalf of other users no matter who they are. This behavior is not acceptable and undermines the trust our users have in us. We should not and cannot be in the business of proactively monitoring and flagging content, no matter who the user is — whether a business partner, celebrity or friend. As of earlier today, the account has been unsuspended, and we will actively work to ensure this does not happen again.

It's no secret that I love Twitter. It's my social network of choice, featuring none of the clutter of Facebook and all the inventiveness of a literary form. It's also more freewheeling than a lot of social networks, rewarding collaboration and promiscuous following habits. And I like how public it is. Anyone who's used Twitter for a while knows that private direct messages will bite you on the ass; it's better to keep everything above-board and in the public eye.

Which is why I'm especially disappointed to read this on The Verge:

Yesterday at noon Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibi sent the innagural Thunderclap, when he and 1,921 other people Tweeted simultaneously at a pair of U.S. senators. Taibi used an app, Thunderclap, built by a small team in New York. The service lets Twitter users break above the din by organizing for a mass messaging, a wave of tweets that hits at the same time.

Twitter suspended the startup's OAuth token today, after it sent its second "thunderclap" to Congress. Twitter told the Thunderclap team it was violating the site's terms of service by "sending multiple @ mentions and automating sending tweets."

There are quite a few apps that allow you to automate Twitter posts. So unless Thunderclap is in danger of breaking Twitter—in which case Twitter needs to be fixed—I have to assume that Twitter doesn't want to be used as a political tool. The Verge speculates that Twitter interpreted Thunderclap as spam, but until Twitter confirms or denies this, it's best to assume the worst with tech companies. It won't take too many of these mysterious judgments delivered from on high before people start to get suspicious of Twitter, and once that exciting sense of experimentation is gone, Twitter will die.

We warned you, Blogtown. Resident food correspondant Chris Onstad has linked our omnipotence in the dining world to the twittersphere, and you should PAY ATTENTION! We covered Cochon 555, Chris took you on the road for grits, doughnuts, and everything in between, and this lucky girl gets to show you Sake Fest tonight at the Governor Hotel... and if you're not following us, you're missing it all! Last chance before you miss something else: follow the Portland Mercury's Food and Drink Twitter feed @Pdxmercfd. All the cool kids are doing it.

Tickets for Sake Fest are still available online until 3 pm and at the door for an extra $10, by the way... see you there!

• be there or be waaaay less drunk than us

This just came over the Twitter feed about an hour ago:

When I saw it, the very first thought to jump in my head was "GODDAMMIT, ERIK HENRIKSEN!!" For some reason I automatically blamed Erik for this absolutely terrible Dave Coulier joke. And I'm not sure why. All I know is that somebody needs to go to jail for this.

Eleanor O'Brien of Dance Naked Productions has an alter ego, and she's here to help. The Self Help Domme hosts O'Brien's new one woman show, Good Girls Guide: Dominatrix for Dummies , which is based on O'Brien's experience taking a job as a professional dominatrix at The Jewel Box while pursing an acting career in NYC. The kicker is that she had no previous experience as a dominatrix, so it is a play about finding herself more than it is about finding her way around a dungeon.

• Selfhelpdom.com

Don't expect this show to teach you how to control a bullwhip or tie up your love slave in five minutes or less; this Domme would rather whip your self esteem into shape and order you to worship yourself. The one-woman show is tightly crafted, and O'Brien eases in and out of characters to weave a sensitive and sexy story with a brutally honest sense of humor.

The show includes audience participation, so you better be comfortable sitting with your eyes closed in a room full of people while visualizing yourself going down on yourself, or with hugging and/or spanking the person to your left. I really recommend bringing an open-minded date, and staying after for the post-show dance party, open mic, or cocktails. You can follow the Self Help Dominatrix on Twitter or check out the SelfHelpDom website, which offers memes with Advice from the Dom like the one above.

Catch the show this weekend at 8pm at Theater! Theater on 3420 SE Belmont. Tickets are $15 online or $20 at the door

Thursday Feb 23: Post show Q&A
Friday Feb 24: Post show Dance Party
Saturday Feb 25: Post show Erotic Open Mic
Sunday Feb 26: Post show cocktails at The Blue Monk

Adam Scott (Ben from Parks and Recreation) tweeted the picture below with the following message:

Check out this photo from a pilot I worked on in '03—PHILLY JUSTICE

PHILLY JUSTICE!! Starring Adam Scott, Paul Rudd, Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, and Katherine Hahn. A Stephen J. Cannell Production! (OMG, if this existed, I'd never stop watching it.)