• Brian Gjurgevich

Exhibitions are typically a chance for starters to enjoy a bit of what the fans experience—namely watching the action from the sidelines.

But as the Timbers (at long last) begin to gain a smidge of momentum in their second Major League Soccer campaign, Portland hopes to keep those fuzzy feelings fresh. To that end, coach John Spencer said he'd roll out first-team players tonight for a 7:30 p.m. friendly against top-flight Spanish side Valencia CF.

"We’re paying a lot of money to bring them in, and the fans are paying a lot of money to come watch the game," said Spencer. "For us, we’re going to approach the game like any other game. We’re going to go and try to win it.”

And after a 2-1 victory over Chicago on Sunday, the once-elusive taste of victory is no longer so foreign for Portland. With eight points in their last five matches, PTFC no longer inhabits the bottom of the Western Conference, and offensive cohesion is beginning to form with the return of winger Sal Zizzo and the growing comfort of striker Kris Boyd. Rock-bottom but a memory, the Timbers will take another step toward avoiding a double-dip tonight against one of the top clubs in Spanish fútbol history. Founded in 1919, Valencia has won six La Liga titles—most recently in 2004. Los Che finished third last season (behind, ahem, Real Madrid and Barcelona) and reached the semifinals of the Copa del Rey and UEFA Europa League. Powered by a raucous home crowd at historic Estadio Mestalla, the team also known as Els taronja (Sidebar: the Timbers need more awesome nicknames!) likely won't be phased by Timbers Army's antics.

Of course, in the end, this game means next to nothing. Portland returns to MLS play on Saturday against Cascadia Cup rival Vancouver, and although this will be a great chance to see the return of injured defender David Horst and loaned forward Bright Dike, the biggest key to this match will be to prevent any twinge of negativity from creeping back into the locker room.

UPDATE: Valencia tops Portland 1-0, despite Spencer following through on his decision to play a number of regular starters. (Why? It's the economy, stupid!) Click past the jump for a full live-blog, plus final thoughts and video of coach Spencer's full post-match press conference.

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• Brian Gjurgevich

The Timbers aren't exactly running their best confidence game these days.

Contenders in its second Major League Soccer season? So far, Portland's not fooling anyone.

What's set the Timbers' fledgling grift adrift hasn't been lack of talent—owner Merritt Paulson has said as much—and though poor refs, pitches, health and luck have left their mark, Portland's problems inevitably boil to down to belief ... in themselves.

"It's a confidence issue," said Spencer earlier this week. "Losing becomes a habit, as winning does."

What the Timbers need, therefore, is a break.

Not just a lucky bounce here or a helpful call there, but a complete severance from those tendencies that have only sullied Portland's reputation. And how about some new habits? Like maybe putting Darlington Nagbe in a better position to create offense. Or getting the ball to Kris Boyd's feet. Or keeping their wits about them on defense from first kick to final whistle. Or standing up for each other when things get chippy.

Tonight's opponent, Columbus, has struggled just as much as Portland this season (both teams sit in ninth place with seven points in their respective conference), and though the Crew are winless in their last four, midfielder Milovan Mirosevic called the team's last match the best of their season. Can Portland bamboozle Columbus and get back to its hustling ways at home?

UPDATE: Turns out, the answer to that question is ... "sort of." The Timbers showed some fire and had their chances, but Columbus' defense was able to hold off a rejuvenated Portland attack during a scoreless draw in front of a sellout crowd at Jeld-Wen Field. The Timbers' confidence may not be fully back, but as Spencer put it post game, "it's a positive step."

Click past the jump for a deftly descriptive match log, along with final thoughts and *FULL VIDEO* of Spencer's post-match press conference.

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• Brian Gjurgevich

OK, nobody panic ... yet.

Less than 1/7 the way through their second Major League Soccer season, the Timbers are facing some not-so-minor issues: They've struggled to maintain intensity for a full 90 minutes. They haven't been able to close out matches. Their confidence is waning.

Losers of their last four, Portland sits at the bottom of the Western Conference and is presently looking for a spark—hell, a wayward ember will do—to get its fledgling season on the right track.

Can they do it? You better f-in' believe they think so.

“A special play from Darlington (Nagbe), a big-time save from Troy (Perkins). Something that will spark this team,” said PTFC defender Mike Chabala. “I think once that ignites this is an electric team that will take off and have a 10-game run. It’s within us.”

Portland coach John Spencer maintains this very team has the quality to win games, but as reinforcements are brought in, one gets the feeling that it's time for the Timbers to right the ship—and fast. Enter Sporting Kansas City, the undisputed top team in the league, riding a historic 7-0-0 start into J-WF tonight for a 7:30 p.m. match (ROOT Sports, 970 AM).

On paper at least, the Timbers don't have a sporting chance against Kansas City tonight: KC is the second team in MLS history to win its first seven matches and have double the points of anyone else in the Eastern Conference, having outscored opponents 12-2 along the way. But Portland catches MLS' top team at the end of Sporting's busy west-coast swing, and KC will play its third game in eight days tonight. But paper tears and streaks are meant to be ceased—will a pair end tonight?

It's a stunningly lovely evening in Goose Hollow. And if you're silly enough to be indoors right now, you may as well click past the jump and follow along as I deftly describe all the action, on and off the pitch.

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• Otto Greule Jr./Getty
• Former Sounder Mike Fucito will soon sport a different shade of green after being acquired by Portland today.

The Timbers nabbed themselves some help up front today, acquiring speedy forward Mike Fucito from Montreal for either a second-round 2013 SuperDraft pick or a 2013 international roster slot—depending on how well Fucito performs.

“Mike is a player who brings MLS and CONCACAF experience to the club,” said Timbers coach John Spencer. “He provides us with another experienced, quality option up top.”

But Fucito also brings a history of conspiring with the enemy. The 26-year-old Harvard man played all of 26 minutes for Montreal this year, but was a fan favorite during his two years with Portland's most bitter rivals, the Seattle Sounders. Timbers fans reacted with perplexity/disdain/humor on Twitter, and the swirl of emotions was only heightened when, less than 90 minutes after Fucito's acquisition was unveiled, the club announced forward Eddie Johnson had retired. The 10-year-professional striker racked up three concussions over the past year, including one during the preseason. Scary.

Said Johnson: “It’s never an easy decision to retire, but I feel great about what I was able to accomplish, the connections I made in the game, and the opportunities it presented. My top priorities are my health and my young family, and I am looking forward to my future.”

Click past the jump for the full press release on Fucito, plus an awesomely narrated video of him in action during CONCACAF Champions League play (where he scored five goals in eight matches). Though I must caution, the highlights prominently feature Seattle's retina-burning "Rave green" jerseys. You've been warned.

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In what may go down as the first bleep in official-team-video history, Timbers owner Merritt Paulson addressed the media today at his team's new $6 million practice facility in Beaverton. And he didn't exactly tap the brakes when asked about his take on instant replay, bringing his answer back to a pair of crucial calls during Portland's 3-1 loss at LA. Skip to 1:24 to hear the question (context!) and Paulson's 30-second, single-F-bomb answer.

I respect Paulson's passion, and it's hard not to appreciate an owner who, on at least one level, can feel the fans' frustrations. With the prerequisite to major-league ownership being stinking-filthy-richdom, supporters and owners will almost never share net worth, but they can certainly share a similar desire to bring home trophies and subsequent glory.

And you can tell by the look in Paulson's eyes when he slips that vulgarity into an already-awesome phrase, the fire is there. Oh, but can his team match that intensity at home this weekend—especially during the last 10 minutes of the match? You better fuckin' believe Paulson thinks so.

• Andy Mead/MLSsoccer.com

With a surprisingly slow start tugging at the Timbers' morale, none other than Cosmopolitan has handed the team something it can rally around: Razzing the rookie.

I'm guessing first-year Timber Andrew Jean-Baptiste will get his share of jests this week after being named as Portland's representative for Cosmo's "Hot Soccer Players We Can't Resist" list. To start, I bet Mike Chabala is pretty ticked at being snubbed. Secondly, yes, Becks tops the list. Shocker.

From Cosmo:

Soccer players are quite possibly the hottest athletes around—they’re just the right amount of ripped, and have the best legs we’ve ever seen on dudes.

He may play pro soccer for the Portland Timbers, but Andrew could be a comedian—his tweets crack us up.

Modest to boot? What a catch.

• Brian Gjurgevich

Any story worth its salt needs a strong opening, and even a poor attempt at telling a tale can be saved by a great ending.

Same goes for a footy match, and so far this season, the first and last chapters of the Timbers' gameplan are in desperate need of a re-write. Whether they're at home or on the road—from an early-goal opening act to last week's late-game meltdown—Portland has struggled to complete a full 90 minutes of consistent play.

Darlington Nagbe's pair of wondergoals should've been enough for a win a tie last week, but after soiling the sheets defensively against RSL, Portland has entered nervous territory just four matches into their sophomore season. Team leaders are talking about the need to win "or keep sinking and sinking." The coaching staff is tamping down expectations. The press is imagining a five-match losing streak.

Oh, but it's still early, and this remains a club that came into 2012 improved at nearly every position. Injuries have certainly taken their toll, and after last week's loss, coach John Spencer said he didn't think confidence is the issue for his fellas. Still, it's hard to deny that anything less than a victory today against Chivas USA (7:30 p.m. on Fox 12, 970 AM) might require some serious spring soul-searching.

And maybe that's already happened. At a certain point, injuries or otherwise, the Timbers need to take a look at who's lined up across from them and compare quality. Today, it's the Goats, who've scored all of one goal this season and, by necessity, pride themselves on a stingy defense. Spencer has repeatedly pointed to confidence as the only thing keeping his budding star Nagbe from breaking out big-time, saying most recently, "it’s just a matter of him having the belief to go and show what he’s capable of doing."

The same might be said for the rest of this Timbers. But would they listen?

It's an overcast evening in Goose Hollow, and wherever you may be, click past the jump and join me as I deftly describe all the action, on and off the pitch.

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Or maybe "Nagbelievable?"

Can Darlington Nagbe score any other way but wondrously?

But oh, right, the Timbers had themselves a bit of a meltdown and surrendered two goals in the final four minutes to negate Nagbe's night and fall 3-2 to Real Salt Lake on Saturday at Jeld-Wen Field. And if you thought giving up a goal in the opening 28 seconds was a tough way to lose, well ...

Portland players stood around after the final whistle looking like they'd just survived an plane crash—mouths agape, seemingly stunned to their toned, footy-playing cores. Two morose players were already in the locker room when media filed in for: Defender Lovel Palmer sat in front of his corner locker, head in hand, staring at the wall, while striker Kris Boyd sat slumped over in front of his space, looking straight ahead into nothingness.

The latter snapped out of his daze to speak to the pack of reporters in a hushed tone. Frankly, I was a bit surprised with how hard a player of Boyd's stature and experience appeared to be taking the loss, which Timbers fans can oddly take some heart in.

"I don't know. I'm gutted, I'm disappointed," Boyd said.

That word. "Gutted."

It's not the first time we've heard it from the Timbers, whether it be in the Portland locker room, or from coach John Spencer. And as much as the 2012 Timbers don't want to talk about 2011's struggles, it's hard to avoid when some of the most glaring shortcomings (struggling on the road, conceding first, yielding late goals) have hung around.

Still, it's a long season ahead, and some positives remain. See exhibit A above, and wonder for a moment what kind of highlight reels a fully-confident Nagbe will be producing by year's end.

• Brian Gjurgevich

It very nearly resembles springtime in the Rose City, and we're LIVE at JW-F as the Timbers host Real Salt Lake. Two teams fresh off defeats of varying embarrassment look to re-focus tonight, as the injury-cursed home team hopes to forget about the early-goal debacle at supposedly lowly New England and challenge a club expected contend for the top spot out west.

But they'll have to do it without Kalif Alhassan and Hanyer Mosquera: The creative midfielder is nursing a sore groin, while the veteran defender is recovering from a fractured orbital bone/concussion. That means rookie Andrew Jean-Baptiste will start at central back, while Darlington Nagbe shifts back to the midfield after starting last week up front.

Consistency in lineup out of the question, Portland looks to get back to the home form it showed much of last season, including a win here over RSL. So throw on your hoodie—retro if you got it—and follow along past the jump, as I deftly describe all the action, on and off the pitch.

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• SpanishFootball.info
• These guys! In Portland!

One of the top clubs in Europe will make its way to the Rose City later this spring.

The Timbers announced this afternoon that they'll host top-flight Spanish side Valencia CF in a May 23 friendly at J-WF. One of the most successful sides in Spanish/European history, Los Che has claimed six La Liga championships and five UEFA trophies. Also, the top of the 93-year-old club's logo resembles The Bat Signal, which is awesome.

Tickets go on sale to the public next Friday. Full press release after the jump.

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Say, Timbers coach John Spencer—why'd you decide to put Darlington Nagbe in at forward?

In a remarkable bit of timing, both Spencer and Nagbe gave equally compelling answers to that question on Saturday, as Nagbe scored a second-half equalizer during Portland's 1-1 draw at FC Dallas. Nagbe answered with his feet, showing precisely why he should be playing alongside Kris Boyd at forward for the Timbers: Portland's first-ever SuperDraft pick came off the bench at halftime and scored in the 51st minute after pressuring Hoops keeper Kevin Hartman into a downright awful popped-up clearance, which led to an even-worse touch by midfielder Daniel Hernandez. Nagbe took full advantage of the bad (if you're Dallas) bounce and knocked a sliding right-footer past the closing keeper, sending Spencer into his couldn't-have-timed-it-better color commentary.

Spencer, meanwhile, answered with his unfiltered reaction, proving once again that handing the fiery Scottish skipper any sort of voice-amplifying instrument is never a bad idea.

• Craig Mitchelldyer/Portland Timbers
• Portland rookie Andrew Jean-Baptiste celebrates after scoring his first career goal.

Andrew Jean-Baptiste didn't advertise the fact that he'd be starting his first Major League Soccer game.

When friends and family back east asked if he'd play during Portland's season-opening match against Philadelphia on Monday night, the Timbers rookie defender was rather coy in response.

"I just said, 'I don't know, just watch the game and find out,'" said Jean-Baptiste, whose mother, Violet Smith, was in the stands at Jeld-Wen Field to witness her son score his first professional goal and help Portland to a rousing 3-1 victory over the Union in PTFC's regular-season opener. "I know she's probably somewhere, calling my aunts, my brother, my dad, people back in Haiti. I'm sure I'm going to get a dozen calls tonight."

And it only took three minutes for those calls to change from condolences to congratulations.

Click past the jump for more on the match, plus full video of coach John Spencer's post-match presser.

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• Brian Gjurgevich
• The Timbers greet their Army during warm-ups as driving rain greets the start of the 2012 season.

Sophomore year is finally here.

It's the shortest offseason in North American sports, but for Timbers Army, this day couldn't have come soon enough. On a night eerily reminiscent of last year's opener, Portland's Major League Soccer team is ready to shed the expansion label once and for all, and get back to the pitch.

Yes, it's absolutely miserable night for soccer (or, frankly, any other outdoor activity), as driving rain, cold wind and grey skies swirl over Goose Hollow. But do any of the 20,000+ that have packed into J-WF care? Not likely, and especially not if the home team can give what is sure to be a sellout crowd what it wants—three points.

First Kick 2012. Timbers vs. Union. No freshmen allowed.

So go ahead—stay warm and click on past the jump (won't you?) to join me as I deftly describe all the action, on and off the pitch.

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• Craig Mitchelldyer/Portland Timbers

The Timbers' season opener is just hours away, and although plenty has been made of Portland's increased depth, big-time aspirations and a one huge offseason addition, (in)significant questions remain. Luckily, I'm here answer all your burning queries in an exclusive interview ... with myself.

1. Should the inevitable zombie apocalypse occur during a Timbers game, which player should I make sure I stand near? I'd cower somewhere behind Steve Purdy. A natural defender, his reach with a scythe would prove an asset.

2. Which Timber wears the most awesome socks? Rodney Wallace. After the AIK match, the Costa Rica national teamer covered his quick feet with stockings inspired by what I imagine to be some sort of secret, underground neon level from Super Mario 3. In other words, awesome.

3. Should the Timbers Army be singing the national anthem in tonight's season opener, like they did last year? Of course they should, though I understand the wanting by some to preserve last year's moment as an exclusive performance. Belting out the anthem in a chorus of thousands on opening night is far too joyous to deny future generations—and those hoping to cherish last year can certainly still do that. Make it a home-opener tradition and don't look back.

Click past the jump for inane questions! And check back at 6:30 p.m. for High-Pitched Live Blog Action of tonight's Timbers/Union match!

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• Brian Gjurgevich

The main event of Portland's preseason schedule just got a little bit bigger. Six feet, one inch and 164 goals, to be exact.

Prized offseason signing Kris Boyd (above) will make his Timbers debut at 5 p.m. tonight against Swedish first-division side AIK after training this week with both teammates and what I imagine to be a team of white-labcoat-sporting Nike scientists.

With the regular season opener eight days away, the Timbers are still unbeaten in the preseason, earning back-to-back draws with MLS Western Conference foes San Jose and Chivas USA so far in this tourney. AIK, meanwhile, has kept a clean sheet during their Rose City romp, with a 2-0 win over the Goats and scoreless draw with San Jose.

It's a picture-perfect evening in Portland, and I can't think of a better way to spend it than clicking past the jump and joining me as I deftly describe all the action, on and off the pitch.

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• Brian Gjurgevich

They don't give out trophies for preseason superiority, but if they did, the Timbers would certainly be in the running to have their name etched on some hardware.

Sure, it'd probably be some sort of silver-lined shot glass, but hardware is hardware, right?

Whatever the case, Portland has yet to lose a preseason match in its Major League Soccer history, going 2-0-5 last year and 3-0-2 so far in 2012. And that rather pointless perfection will be on the line tonight, as the Timbers host Chivas USA in a 7:30 p.m. preseason match at Jeld-Wen Field.

More than 16,000 fans packed the House of Pane on Monday, greeting their heroes for the first time this year with a regular-season-type atmosphere befitting the Rose City's reputation as Soccer City, USA. Tonight, the crowd will likely won't live up to Monday's lofty standard—many fans will be saving their voices for Sunday's main event/tournament finale between Portland and Swedish first-division stalwart AIK—but luckily for you, my bloggage is unlimited.

So click past the jump and join me (won't you?) as I deftly describe all the action, on and off the pitch.

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• Brian Gjurgevich

Yeah, it's just preseason—but you try telling that to Timbers Army.

North American soccer's most celebrated fans will get a first look at their beloved club tonight when the Timbers host the San Jose Earthquakes at 7:30 p.m. in Goose Hollow.

As Portland is put through its paces for the first time this season in front of the home faithful, fans will get their first chance to cheer their faces off in 136 days—when the Timbers were all but eliminated from postseason contention in the final home loss of their inaugural season. With a near-full lineup of potential starters sidelined by injury, national duty or visa issues, Portland's improved depth will be on full display tonight—perhaps a bit ahead of schedule.

"We've probably got 9-10 guys who could start with the first team the first game of the season who's not available to play this week—which is a bit of a bummer," said Timbers coach John Spencer following Sunday's training session. "You want not to play the same guys for three games leading up to the start of the season, but it looks like we may have to."

By the looks of the teeming North End, Portland fans are anything but bummed—they're just happy the offseason is finally over. So grab your scarf out of its dry cleaning bag, grease up your chain (I'm looking at you, Timber Joey) and click past the jump as I deftly describe all the action, on and off the pitch.

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• Brian Gjurgevich
• Portland Timbers captain Jack Jewsbury flashes a smile during Sunday's training session.

It's been plenty long—136 days—since the Portland Timbers and their Army last exchanged glances, and clearly, both sides are eager for a reunion.

"We're excited to get in the stadium and see the fans again," said Portland captain and returning All-Star midfielder Jack Jewsbury on Sunday, following the Timbers' final training session before today's preseason opener against San Jose. "You can tell there's a buzz amongst the locker room around the guys."

And the fans? Well, Jewsbury hasn't had to look very hard to see the feelings of withdrawal are mutual—to say the least.

"For me, it's nuts, for a preseason game (to have) that much much interest," Jewsbury said. "Even, you know, looking around social media—I mean, they're excited for preseason games."

So how are this year's Timbers feeling as the home stretch of their preseason winds down to March 12's regular season opener? Click past the jump for more with Cap'n Jack, including his thoughts on the club's hopes for its second season, fellow midfielder James Marcelin's emergence pushing him at practice and newly inked striker Kris Boyd's leadership expectations.

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• Portland Timbers
• Newest Timber Kris Boyd will be introduced at a press conference on Tuesday, but he has to grab his luggage first.

Newest Timber Kris Boyd has arrived in Portland, the above photograph confirms.

The Timbers announced today during training that Boyd (Portland's newest Designated Player and the Scottish Premiere League's all-time leading scorer) will be formally introduced to Soccer City USA on Tuesday morning, but Timbers Army certainly takes comfort in seeing Boyd's oft-brilliant boots resting upon the green carpet of PDX's baggage claim area.

One man with experience in flights from Scotland to The States is, of course, Portland coach John Spencer. He said Boyd will be tired tomorrow, but that likely won't keep his fellow Scot from wanting to be with his new teammates—even if Boyd's heart is with his old ones.

"He's been away from the group long enough," Spencer said, "so I imagine, he's looking forward to playing, and smashing the ball in the back of the net."

So what kind of welcome should Boyd expect when he meets his new 'mates? Click past the jump for video of Mike Chabala cracking wise about the buzz in the locker room.

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• Craig Mitchelldyer/Portland Timbers
• Timbers Young Designated Player Jose Adolfo Valencia (No. 20) runs during the first day of preseason training on Jan. 23. Unfortunately for Timbers fans, this may be the closest they'll get to seeing "Trencito" in action this season—the Timbers announced Friday that the 20-year old would undergo knee surgery and miss 6-12 months.

Portland: Where young people go to retire have knee surgery.

The Timbers announced today that prize offseason signing Jose Adolfo Valencia—a 20-year old Colombian striker better known as "Trencito"—will undergo surgery to repair damaged cartilage in his left knee and miss 6-12 months.

Valencia, who hasn't practiced with the team since the second day of training camp due to "medical testing" that raised "red flags," will stay in Portland to rehab.

The Timbers front office had been tight-lipped about the status of their first-ever Young Designated Player, which caused speculation to run rampant about what was wrong with the Colombia U-20 National Teamer. Turns out, Portland's brass was busy working behind the scenes to amend Valencia's loan agreement from his Colombian club. The result? Trencito will not count as a Young Designated Player this season and will remain on the Timbers' Disabled List, meaning he won't take up a spot on the team’s roster or count as an international player.

“Our No. 1 priority is ensuring the long-term physical health of Jose,” said Timbers general manager Gavin Wilkinson. “We are pleased to have worked with his former club in Colombia on amended terms of his transfer, considering the circumstances. We are very committed to Jose as a person and as a player, and intend to return to the original terms of his transfer agreement when he returns to full health following rehabilitation.”

Read more on the Timbers' official site and follow fan reaction on #RCTID.

• Getty
• Newest Timber Kris Boyd in 2009, while playing for Scottish Premiere League club Rangers.

The most prolific scorer in Scottish Premiere League history is now a Portland Timber.

Kris Boyd, a 28-year-old striker who scored 164 goals in 296 appearances from 2000-10 was signed today as Portland's third Designated Player.

"Kris is a proven goal-scorer at the highest levels of the game," said Timbers coach (and fellow Scot) John Spencer. "And we expect that to continue here in Portland."

Huge signing for Portland, which was rumored to have beaten out Everton and Rangers for Boyd's services. From the press release:

A native of Irvine, Scotland, Boyd was Rangers’ top scorer in each of his five seasons with the club, tallying 20 or more goals in a season three times. He compiled his 101 goals with Rangers in 143 appearances. Boyd’s scoring prowess led Rangers to back-to-back Scottish Premier League championships in 2008-09 and 2009-10 as well as a pair of Scottish Cup (2007-08, 2008-09) and three Scottish League Cup titles (2006-07, 2008-09 and 2009-10).

Boyd claimed the SPL’s scoring crown four times in five seasons, including the 2005-06 campaign in which he netted a career-high 32 goals while splitting time between Kilmarnock and Rangers. He shares the league’s record for goals in a single match with five, a feat he achieved twice during his career in the SPL. With the Scotland National Team, Boyd has seven goals to his credit in 18 appearances. ... Boyd has been called up for several international competitions, including a 2010 FIFA World Cup qualifier and several European Championship qualifiers.

“I’m delighted to be in Portland and hopefully I’ll be over as soon as the visa matches up to be in time to be ready for the season,” said Boyd.

Click past the jump for a video Boyd's highlights with Rangers. First impression? Dude can flat-out finish.

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• Craig Mitchelldyer/Portland Timbers
• Timbers rookie forward and young Designated Player Jose Adolfo Valencia didn't practice with the team Wednesday or Thursday, leading Timbers fans to generally freak out.

The Timbers are back to kicking it around the House of Pane this week, as preseason training has jogged into full swing for a Portland team looking to step up and contend in 2012. And all your favorites are here: Capt. Jack Jewsbury (still captain!), Darlington Nagbe (still really, really talented!), Diego Chará (still Diego Chará!).

Even notable offseason additions Jose Adolfo Valencia, Hanyer Mosquera and Andrew Jean-Baptiste were out on the pitch starting Monday morning with the rest of Portland's squad, impressing coach John Spencer with its collective fitness. But Valencia—the team's first-ever young Designated Player better known as "Trencito"—hasn't practiced since Tuesday, remaining out of sight during training Wednesday and Thursday for what the team called "medical testing."

And that probably would've been explanation enough, if not for PTFC owner/president/supporter Merritt Paulson's cryptically angry tweet on Wednesday morning ("Sports can be a cruel, cruel bitch") or Spencer's not-so-funny quip to announcer John Strong during an interview Thursday that even if Valencia was hurt, "I don't think I would be telling you."

OK, so where's Trencito? Theories abound, and hand-wringing is already in midseason form, with Timbers Army's collective worry manifesting itself in the trending hashtag #DóndeEstáTrencito. Here's hoping the 20-year-old Colombian passes every test, and doesn't deal Portland sports fans yet another reason to think they're cursed.

• Craig Mitchelldyer/Portland Timbers

Portland will have the inside track on the Cascadia Cup and will play on national TV a dozen times in 2012, it was revealed Thursday when Major League Soccer released its full regular season schedule.

The second-year Timbers will host rivals Seattle (June 24 & Sept. 15) and Vancouver (May 26 & Aug. 25) twice each (much to the chagrin of fans of certain teams up north), and PTFC and Timbers Army will be showcased nationally 12 times, including an afternoon tilt against the arch-rival Sounders on NBC in September.

From the press release:

The Timbers kick off their second MLS season with one of 12 nationally televised matches during the upcoming campaign on Monday, March 12, as they play host to the Philadelphia Union at JELD-WEN Field on ESPN2 at 6:30 p.m. (Pacific).
Under the new competition format for MLS, the Timbers will play a conference-based schedule in 2012, taking on each of their eight Western Conference opponents three times and each Eastern Conference club once during the regular season. ... Between national broadcasts and the Timbers’ local television partners, all 34 regular-season matches will be broadcast on live TV in 2012. ROOT SPORTS™ will air 14 games throughout the season, while KPTV (FOX 12) and its sister station KPDX (PDX TV) will show a total of 10 matches, which will also air in Spanish on Estrella TV. Every regular-season match will once again feature a live radio broadcast on Sportsradio 750 AM The Game and in Spanish on La Pantera 940 AM.

Click past the jump for the full regular-season schedule.

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• Shed Culture host James "Hermes" Harrison carries Timbers Army's ribald side with him to the Alberta Rose Theatre on Wednesday for the inaugural live edition of "Shed Culture."

If you want to be Timbers Army, then you are. If you're Timbers Army, James Harrison wants to make you laugh.

First conceived as a way to entertain North American soccer's most ardent fans during the offseason, Harrison—otherwise known as TA Capo "Hermes"—will bring his Shed Culture show to the live stage for the first time at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at the Alberta Rose Theatre. Since January, Hermes' podcast-turned-Cascadia.fm-broadcast has irreverently expressed the "ribald" side of Timbers Army, repeating lore of the supporters section's early days and seeking to spread the gospel of Portland soccer to all corners of the footy loving globe.

Part talk show, part sketch comedy, part concert, Shed Culture's live incarnation (consisting of two 45 minutes halves with a 15-minute intermission) will welcome Timbers owner Merritt Paulson as its first guest, along with folks from Kick Ass Oregon History and ballerinas from the Oregon Ballet Theater.

"After that it will just get strange," Harrison said when I caught up with him earlier this month over a pint (or two) at Timbers Army First Thursday meet-up locale, Bottles on NE Fremont. "It's very easy to do the show because we've got 35 years of material to pull from."

So what can you expect when Hermes comes alive for Shed Culture? Click past the jump for more details on the show, plus a quick Q&A with the host.

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