(Story now UPDATED with details that move anticipation levels down from "shrug" to "maaaaaaan, c'mon.")

Last year, AMC followed up Mopey Whiners Look For a Little Girl for Six Fucking Episodes (aka The Walking Dead) with a show called The Talking Dead, hosted by Chris Hardwick, in which Chris and a parade of his celebri-nerd friends discussed the preceding show. Often, more stuff actually happened on Talking than Walking, such as Jonah Ray coughing up a one-liner, and Patton Oswalt making a fart noise with his mouth.

This year, AMC follows up Maybe It Won't Be That Bad Now That Darabont's Gone with something called Comic Book Men. What the hell is that? A new one-hour drama about the early days of the comics industry? Ooh! That'd be slick: A sepia-toned dystopia, set in the 40s/50s, where gangsters provided the funds, publishers were less moral than the gangsters, and the few artists/writers who managed to eke out a basic success were blamed by the government for poisoning the minds of children?

• via getthebigpicture.net

Nope.

After the jump for the explanation as to how Comic Book Men is supposed to be like Antiques Roadshow for nerds.

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Stop acting embarrassed, and just admit it: You watched the NBC debut of Smash last night, and you ashamedly kind of loved the shit out of it, didn't you? Sure, it had a wobbly beginning, and DEBRA MESSING (ugh!)—but if you're a fan of the THEE-AH-TUH or a fan of making fun of the THEE-AH-TUH, Smash had some decent songs, pretty good performances, and was chock-a-block full of hilarious, cringe butt moments. Watch the whole thing here if you like, or scenes from the coming season below, and let me know... should we be recapping this show or what? (Remember: If it helps, comments can be anonymous!)

Hey guys! Kristen Wiig is on Portlandia this week! And since last week's clip was definitely better than usual (YOU MUST ADMIT IT), that must mean that this week's episode is going to be even better than that! Am I right? I must be right, right? Science dictates that I'm right! Check out this clip in which Kristen is a crazed fan of the indie group Cat Nap (with special guest star: The Bagdad).

Jimmy Kimmel does enjoy his crowd sourced pranks! (Such as this one and this one.) But the funniest so far, hands down, is when he told his viewers to turn the TV off during the Super Bowl and videotape the reactions. (SPOILER ALERT: Football fans tend to be fat and violent.)

Last night when our stories were about to come on, my husband asked “Isn’t it sad that you have to be working during TV now?” And I said, “Are you kidding? Having an audience for my television musings is a weekly celebration.” And now: it is time to party.

30 Rock

Liz is up to renegotiate her contract at TGS. She discovers tapes of a seminar Jack had given, and takes what she learns there to the table. Liz has learned important tricks, like speaking first and having a hair out of place are signs of weakness. In her meeting with Jack, Jack is tricked into speaking first when:

• Power shoes.

(Vomit.)

Jack catches onto what Liz is doing, and that he is negotiating with himself. “It’s a Jack-off!” YES. TIME TO JUMP.

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SyFy's TV movies are, without exception, terrible. We hold this truth to be self-evident. And yet? I love them for their earnestness, their laughable production values, and their willingness to use the most washed up actors and pop icons in the films' starring roles rather than... you know... starving unknown actors—who frankly I don't give two shits about.
That being said, via EW, introducing the cast of the upcoming SyFy movie, Bigfoot.

The network’s upcoming Bigfoot — which already stars the previously announced power team of Danny Bonaduce (The Partridge Family) and Barry Williams (The Brady Bunch) — is adding the following actors: Howard Hesseman (Head of the Class), Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks), Andre Royo (The Wire), and rock legend Alice Cooper (School’s Out). Bruce Davidson is directing.

The story: When Bigfoot is discovered in South Dakota, two life-long rivals (Williams and Bonaduce) battle to capture the creature — one to exploit it and one to save it.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Okay, so maybe not "ha-ha" funny, but the following sketch is definitely an improvement, and may even rise to the level of "a modicum of jocularity." (Seriously, this is the best dead-on parody of Portland—and themselves—they've done since episode one.)

Here's the funny extended season three trailer for Eastbound & Down, which seems to suggest a "love" triangle of sorts between Kenny, Stevie, and Kenny's new best friend—as well as "sunsets that rock my nuts off."

E&D returns Feb 19 on HBO.

UNNGHHH!!! I hate all singing reality shows—HOWEVER! I did get a malicious hateful glee out of occasionally tuning in to Simon Cowell's X-Factor, primarily for the following reasons.

1) I like to see him fail.
2) While the singers are somewhat better than those on Idol, that's like saying the glass of donkey semen is somewhat cooler and less viscous today.
3) I hate, hate, HAAAAAAAATE "Pussycat Doll" judge Nicole Scherzinger. In fact she's just maybe two degrees less loathsome than Kim Kardashian—the most hated monster on the planet.

Anyhoo, thanks to abysmal ratings, Simon Cowell is taking drastic measures to save the show by wiping out THREE of the show's stars! From Deadline:

Not only are host Steve Jones and judge Nicole Scherzinger exiting from the Fox show, but now a Simon Cowell insider just told me that his longtime friend and American Idol colleague Paula Abdul won’t be returning as an X Factor judge next season. I understand from sources that none of the three left on their own accord and that it was cleaning house day at the so-so rated reality series. It’ll be interesting to see if there’s any backlash against Simon because of Paula’s popularity.

X-Factor? You've lured me back as an occasional hate-filled viewer for another season.

• Courtesy FOX
• "Tonight's pink slips are brought to you by... Pepsi!"

• "Gulp."

According to Claire, producers left the semen sitting out all day in the hot sun — and by the time she got to drinking it, it was boiling hot ... which made the smell unbearable.

Claire said it was extremely bitter going down ... "with hints of hay" — and she vomited several times before successfully drinking the entire glass.

As for how the donkey stuff compares to the human variety — Claire added, "It's a lot thicker."

As I mentioned on Friday, NBC was all ready to broadcast an episode of Fear Factor tonight that featured contestants drinking a glass of donkey semen, chased by donkey urine. Unfortunately for everyone involved, and America at large, it appears as if NBC has acquired cold feet. From TMZ:

Donkey semen will not be served on network TV [tonight] — the"Fear Factor" episode featuring the stunt has been yanked ... at least according to a website where NBC posts its media releases.

The controversial episode is entitled, "Hee Haw! Hee Haw!" An NBC media release teased it by saying the contestants will eat "the unimaginable."

But the NBC website no longer lists that episode as airing ... and instead lists a repeat of an episode entitled "Snake Bite" — which first aired on January 2.

So sorry about that. However, feel free to continue discussing in the comments below why you think Fear Factor host Joe Rogan isn't an insufferable ass.

• "I'll relieve you of that glass of my semen, thankyouverymuch!"

If you've seen the Sherlock Holmes series on BBC (and you should because it's created by Steven Moffat, which is code for excellent), then you'll enjoy this music video, which perfectly syncs up shots from Sherlock with a SNL perennial favorite. And if you haven't seen the series, watch anyway. Seriously, this editing job is magical.

NSFAnywhere at top volume:

In other news, it's total bullshit that I have to wait until 2013 to see the follow-up to The Reichenbach Fall.

Hey guys. I’m keeping things short today because I am busy. And aren’t you? Don’t you people have jobs? What are you doing on Blogtown all day? Sheeeeeeeeesh. (JK! Please never leave.)

30 Rock

A continuation of last week’s episode shows Jack still in Lemon’s head about her new boyfriend, Criss. Those two have a weird relationship, don’t they? Seems like on sitcoms, platonic friends have oddly close relationships because they really want to get together, but I don’t believe that is the case here. It’s just…weird. What do you people think is happening?

Jack is entangled in a mess with the gravel-voiced Devon Banks. Will Arnett gets to be on 2 Thursday night shows now! Lucky guy. Just like the iconic Jessica Hecht, who played Ross’s ex-wife’s new wife Susan on Friends, and also was on The Single Guy. (Yes, I am available to be on your '90s television trivia team, and yes, I will destroy.) Banks is ready to leak some more negative Tracy stuff if Jack doesn’t get his triplets into a top preschool. One thing leads to another, and they have to placate Kathy Geiss by making a unicorn the mascot of NBC. I am for this.

My brief recaps are still lengthy so hit the jump for my thoughts on Alec Baldwin's hair and why bowling sucks.

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