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TV

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Heart "The Channing Show!"

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 at 12:35 PM

Today's proclamation: If every show on TV were even half as good as "The Channing Show" (in which Channing puts on a show with her stuffed animals), I would happily become one of those morbidly obese people who dies in front of the tube.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure if Channing can maintain the hilarity of his episode which becomes EXTREMELY PAINFUL at the 30 second mark.

Get well soon, Channing.

Sarah Palin Confesses All to Oprah

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 at 11:22 AM

Hey you guys! Quit giving Sarah Palin such a bad rap! Sure, you may not agree with all of her politics, but at least she's 100 percent honest about who she is, why she's an utter failure, her porn usage, and how she loves getting plowed by her husband Todd.

Wait... did someone re-edit this?

Monday, November 16, 2009

A Questionnaire Re: Your Home-Entertainment Viewing Preferences.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Nov 16, 2009 at 5:11 PM

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More or less ever since the Mercury started, we've been occasionally covering DVDs in the Film section and on the blog—be they new releases, notable TV seasons, curiosities, whatever. When worthwhile DVD releases happen, we like to let you guys know about 'em and—as we do with most theatrically released films—insist on giving you our unasked-for opinion about whether they're worth your time and money.

So here's a question: With DVD making a slow but certain exit from the home entertainment market, and more and more high-profile films being released with better picture quality and better special features on Blu-ray, is it time for the Mercury to shift from exclusively covering DVDs to covering Blu-rays as well?

I ask this for two reasons: 1) To gauge where the Mercury's readership is at w/r/t Blu-ray adoption, and to see if we'd be helping or annoying you guys if we started covering Blu-ray releases and Blu-ray-exclusive special features. 2) To possibly justify my desire to finally suck it up and buy a Blu-ray player. (A desire that may or may not have something to do with a certain sci-fi film coming out on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow that might have something to do with Enterprises and Romulans and warp drives, and that would probably definitely look balls-out awesome in HD.) Anyway:

The Mercury's Blu-ray vs. DVD Questionnaire!

Thank you and good day.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Re: Vampire Blenders and German Hamsters.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Nov 12, 2009 at 2:53 PM

In which parodies of Seth MacFarlane's lazy-ass sitcoms prove to be vastly more entertaining than Seth MacFarlane's actual lazy-ass sitcoms.

Via Warming Glow.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Dead Dolls

Posted by Courtney Ferguson on Wed, Nov 11, 2009 at 4:54 PM

Not surprising in the least... Joss Whedon's Dollhouse is officially dead after suffering from terrible ratings, according to Ain't it Cool. This is not to say I'm not a wee bit sad, but even I had lost hope of Dollhouse making a miraculous turnaround.

Sigh.

Sooooo sleepy... must keep eyes open... zzzz.
  • Sooooo sleepy... must keep eyes open... zzzz.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Shit My Dad Says = Neutered TV Gold

Posted by Dave "the Intern" Bow on Tue, Nov 10, 2009 at 11:14 AM

Some things are so pleasantly simple that they need no expansion, like BLTs, children's books (yeah, even you, Where the Wild Things Are) and Twitter feeds. No wait, scratch that last one. Apparently CBS thinks that you can turn awesome-internet-sensation-of-the-moment Shit My Dad Says into a primetime sitcom. This will mean, of course, gutting it of any profanity, which some would argue is integral to the humor of a Twitter feed called "Shit My Dad Says." Or do I mean "Stuff My Dad Says?"

Are you laughing? No? What if CBS brings in Will & Grace creators, David Kohan and Max Mutchnick to produce and supervise writing? Nobody knows how to expand upon a thin concept without running the same two or three jokes into the ground like the creators of Will & Grace, right?

But don't overexcite yourself just yet. There's also this tidbit from the same article:

Fox is developing a multicamera comedy based on popular Web site TextsFromLastNight, with Sony TV and Happy Madison producing.

Will either of these sitcoms be able to repeat the success of ABC's breakout hit, Cavemen? The world holds its breath.

Hat tip to the AV Club.

Matthew Weiner on the Season Finale of Mad Men

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Nov 10, 2009 at 11:05 AM

It's right here at the Daily Beast. Interesting, ya'll!

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Plus! Jon Hamm answers viewers' questions HERE, and the always brilliant Footnotes of Mad Men season finale wrap up is HERE.

Oh. So That's How You Have a Threesome... with Hilary Duff.

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Nov 10, 2009 at 10:12 AM

Since people with the last name Humphrey rarely if ever are invited into "threesomes," I was pleased when Dan Humphrey got super-duper lucky on last night's episode of Gossip Girl—BUT YO! IT GETS BETTER! Because not only does Dan get to she-bang that hot piece of brunette tail, HILARY DUFF jumps into the fray and gives her a tippity-tap as well! Now that's what I call some Lezzie McGuire! AM I RIGHT?? (What do you mean "I'm disgusting"? Hilary Duff played Lizzie McGuire, and… oh, forget it. You're the stuck up one, not me. Soooooooo… do you want to have a threesome or not?)


Monday, November 9, 2009

The Best of Roger Sterling's One-Liners

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Nov 9, 2009 at 2:23 PM

As I mentioned in my TV column this week, those who refuse to watch Mad Men (and specifically Mad Men season finales) in a timely manner, and then scream "SPOILER!!" whenever anybody else wants to talk about it CAN SUCK IT. (Not necessarily a "Fandango Can Suck It™, but still... you can suck it.) However! I'm happy to meet you halfway on this, and therefore I will only utter a few cryptic remarks about last night's Mad Men season finale, so that those who would like to post some comments in that commenty-thingy down there can do so, and so the "SPOILER!!" yellers can continue "can sucking it."

1) HORSE KICK TO THE FACE!!
2) "Thop thaying that!"
3) HORSE KICK TO THE "FART" DEPARTMENT DOOR!!
4) "Umm… what do you mean 'affair'? I mean… sure… he works for the governor's office, and I threw a fundraiser for him, and I kissed him in my car for five minutes, but other than that I've never seen this man before in my life!"
5) On TV, crying babies are the deus ex machina of domestic abuse.
6) "I don't want to make a career out of being there for you to kick me when you fail." YA BURNT!!
7) New plan, guys. I want you to fire me so I can leave and start a new blog… BUT JOAN COMES WITH ME.
8) And you know what? Screw Conrad Hilton. What the fuck was that all about anyway?
9) A big thing in the 60s: Offering someone an amazing employment opportunity, but before they accept, you have to apologize for hurting their feelings.
10) Five bucks says the housekeeper gets stuck with Sally Draper—forever.

Here's a video of Roger's best one-liners!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Ohhh… So that Explains Maine

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Nov 5, 2009 at 9:53 AM

I've been to Maine a couple of times… but have never really spent any time there. So I really have no idea about the population there, or why they would vote against same-sex marriage—but apparently these guys have a bit of a reputation. Check out this classic clip from the old Dana Carvey Show (co-starring Stephen Colbert), which explains things a bit.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

(Unlicensed) Shave and a Haircut… Two Bucks!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Nov 4, 2009 at 2:04 PM

In case you've missed it, meet the guys behind I Love Local Commercials, who go around the country making commercials for small businesses that need help getting the word out. And even better, the ads are WEIRD and FUNNY. Here's their newest commercial starring the Salt Lake Community College Barbering & Cosmetology School. (Great jingle, you guys!)

Ooh! And here's one my sister sent me that originates from her hometown of Cullman, Alabama. Thanks, sis!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Why I Love Mad Men (And "The Footnotes of Mad Men")

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Nov 2, 2009 at 11:01 AM

Season Three of Mad Men has been uniformly A-MA-ZING. Certainly better than season two, and probably better than season one. And last night's episode was no exception. Check out what one of my fave sites (The Footnotes of Mad Men) had to say about it.

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“So, we’re driving, two couples, I call it ‘Double Date.’ The woman in the back’s scarf blows off, and her hair starts blowing. Her hairdo falls apart. (Marty Faraday in the ‘backseat’: ’Oh no!’) And then the woman in front takes off her scarf, and hands it back to the woman in the back. (Peggy: ‘Take mine’.) And he says, ‘Are you sure Marsha?’ Marsha’s hair is perfect. And then her date gives her a knowing smile of admiration on her confident smile — Aqua Net: Arrive in Style.”

Peggy’s going to be working extra late.

Mad Men: Taking national tragedy to awkward new heights.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Today's Nightmare Generator: The VentriloChoir

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 10:40 AM

Some people are just too busy to be creeped out by Halloween. That's why we've developed the Nightmare Generator™ which implants images of disturbing things in your brain, resulting in a general feeling of uneasiness and low grade horror. Today's Nightmare Generator™ is a segment from Hungary's "Sandor Fridercruz" show featuring a choir of ventriloquist dummies singing the Beatles' "Yesterday."
As you watch this and your nightmare is being generated, take time to reflect on some of this video's many mysteries. Such as, "Why is the guy with a mustache such a bad ventriloquist?" Or, "Why do the ventriloquists with the least hair have dummies with thick, lustrous hair?" Or, "Why do we live in a world where black ventriloquists are the only people to use black dummies?" Not that black people or dummies are dummies, but you know what I mean. Shutting up now.

Extra credit: The VentriloChoir were at one point Conan O'Brien regulars. Anybody remember?

Reminder: Watch Tell Them Anything You Want.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 10:00 AM

If you missed Tell Them Anything You Want—the extraordinary documentary about Where the Wild Things Are creator Maurice Sendak—when it first aired on HBO, you've got one more chance: It airs again tomorrow, Friday October 30, at 8 am on HBO2. Set your Tivo, have breakfast at the house of your one friend who has fancy-pants cable, do whatever—just figure out a way to watch it.

I blathered on a little while ago about how amazing the film is, but don't take my word for it—a few weeks ago, Tell Them Anything made the shortlist for the Oscars, and hopefully it'll compete in March under the category of Best Documentary Short. Directed by Portlander Lance Bangs and some guy you might've heard of named Spike Jonze, Tell Them Anything is only 40 minutes long, but it's one of the best films I've seen in long while. So: Watch it. Tomorrow morning. HBO2. 8 am. That is all.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Jimmy Kimmel Burns Sabrina the Teenage Witch at the Stake

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 28, 2009 at 4:14 PM

Dear Melissa Joan Hart (AKA Sabrina the Teenage Witch):
When discussing your current role on Dancing with the Stars, please refrain from back-sassing Jimmy Kimmel. Because he will reverse back-sass you. And you will be burnt. At the stake.
Roll it.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Today in Exercise-Related Homoerotica

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Oct 27, 2009 at 11:33 AM

I swear the following was not a submission for HUMP! (but it could've been). Behold the Shake Weight! If you've been looking for a way to build up those muscles that are desperately needed in today's competitive gay porn industry, then the Shake Weight is for you! (Actually, the only thing keeping this from being a perfect product is if it squirted Gatorade at the end of the workout.)

Friday, October 23, 2009

RIP Soupy Sales

Posted by David Schmader on Fri, Oct 23, 2009 at 12:54 PM

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The man they call Soupy has gone to the great beyond. From the NYT obit:

Soupy Sales, whose zany television routines turned the smashing of a pie to the face into a madcap art form, died Thursday night. He was 83.

Some 20,000 pies were hurled at Soupy Sales or at visitors to his TV shows in the 1950s and ’60s, by his own count. The victims included Frank Sinatra, Tony Curtis and Jerry Lewis, all of whom turned up just for the honor of being creamed.

And here's a hilarious chunk from E!'s write-up:

[I]n 1965, a disgruntled Sales ended his New Year's Day broadcast of The Soupy Sales Show by instructing his young audience to creep into their parents' bedrooms, take their parents' "funny green pieces of paper with pictures of U.S. presidents," and mail the paper to him. When money started arriving at the studio, Sales explained he was only joking and either returned the dough or donated the unreturnables to charity.

RIP Soupy Sales. Please smash a pie into God's face for me.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Brits Slam Ultra-Right Winger On TV

Posted by Matt Davis on Thu, Oct 22, 2009 at 1:57 PM

The British public have been outraged today over the appearance of British National Party leader Nick Griffin on a high-profile BBC show called Question Time. In Sarah Mirk's words, "I like British politics, they seem to say what they actually mean, instead of sticking to talking points." I agree. Young people would be so much more engaged in Oregon politics if only there were more zingers like these flying back and forth:


GRIFFIN: UNPOPULAR PANELIST

Griffin, whose party is predominantly supported by racist skinheads, has been seeking to exploit the recession and win more followers with its hard-line against immigration and of course, repeated holocaust denial. Griffin has been called all manner of names on Twitter this afternoon. The Guardian's website has been fascinating as the air-time has built up, too. This is the first footage to have emerged.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Spoilers & Vomit: Balloon Boy Day #2

Posted by David Schmader on Fri, Oct 16, 2009 at 11:23 AM

Sean mentioned this in Good Morning, News, but you all deserve video.

During an interview last night on CNN, the balloon boy's father asked the balloon boy why he didn't reveal himself when he heard people calling for him. The balloon boy replied by saying "it was for the show."


And during this morning's Today show, the balloon boy vomited on camera while his father swore to Meredith Viera that this is not a hoax.

Oh man. Move over Jon & Kate: The Heene family have instantly become my favorite TV characters.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

So. Much. Star. Wars.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Oct 15, 2009 at 5:47 PM

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It's a big week for Star Wars fans in Portland—last night, Star Wars in Concert took over the Rose Garden with a full symphony, a choir, and LASERS AND FIREBALLS. As if that wasn't enough: This Saturday at the Powell's in Beaverton, horror writer Joe Schreiber will read from his new book Death Troopers, which features ZOMBIE STORMTROOPERS.

Plus: It turns out the Star Wars cartoon, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, is actually getting quite good—even if it's accompanied by a tie-in videogame that's pretty mediocre.

I'll spare you non-nerds all the nerdy details, but for the rest of you, hit the jump for a full rundown of all things lightsaber-y and Jedi-y, with reviews and/or previews of Star Wars in Concert, Star Wars: Death Troopers, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Republic Heroes, AKA The Game with Too Many Goddamn Colons.

Man. That's a lot of Star Wars.

Continue reading »

I Love Television™ Loves Jeremy Eaton™!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Oct 15, 2009 at 1:14 PM

Regular readers of my column I Love Television™ are probably already familiar with the hilarious work rendered weekly by artist/illustrator Jeremy Eaton. He's an expert at capturing the bizzaro profane tone I squirt out week after week, and now you can see a simply fantastic retrospective of nearly all 700 illustrations he's drawn for I Love Television™ since 1996! (Jesus Christ, has it been that long?)
Check out this mind-numbingly entertaining Flickr page featuring the best of the best, as well as Eaton's exhaustive blog post which documents the history of my monkey/ass obsessed pudgy red-haired character (really, I'm not that fat).
IT'S FREAKING AMAZING, and really makes me re-appreciate the fun and energy he brings to my column every week.
Here's a big I Love Television™ tip o' the hat to you, Jeremy! NICE WORK!!

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Fall of the House Launches Web Series

Posted by Alison Hallett on Thu, Oct 15, 2009 at 1:12 PM

If you haven't experienced, live, the crazy theater success story that is Action/Adventure's serialized show Fall of the House, their new webisodes might not be the best place to start—some backstory might be helpful in parsing who's who, and what exactly they're all talking about. Fans of the show, though, will probably dig the new series, called Fothing, which is... about the theater company Action/Adventure, as they struggle to raise money to produce Fall of the House. New episodes will screen for free every Wednesday at the Woods, before going live on their snappy website on Thursdays.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

How Far Hath Mel Brooks Sunk?

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Thu, Oct 8, 2009 at 4:38 AM

It pains every part of me to say this, but pretty damn far.

How sad is it that the kindest thing I can say about Spaceballs: The Animated Series is that it isn't the worst cartoon I've ever seen? It's like Mel watched a few episodes of Futurama, and spent a weekend slapping together something in Flash that the stereotypically braindead G4 audience would enjoy almost as much as watching sweaty, nearly naked dudes hump each other into a coma.

Even with all the episodes available for free on Hulu, I can't bring myself to witness just how unfunny my favorite Jewish comedian has become in his twilight years.

I really want the man to publicly state that he's just doing this for the easy paycheck. That's the only valid excuse for this unfunny, poorly animated mess, and at his age I can only hope I have the mental faculties to sell out this hard.

Update: The series does improve as time goes on, but it still never remotely approaches the quality of Brooks' earlier work. If you have six hours to kill — sadly, I do — and absolutely HAVE to see everything Mel has done, you could feasibly consider watching this thing.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

How to Issue an Apology—the David Letterman Way

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Oct 6, 2009 at 8:46 AM

Last Thursday, David Letterman announced that someone on the CBS staff was trying to blackmail him for $2 million in exchange for not revealing that he had at one time been sexually involved with some of his staff members. Naturally, Dave said "SCREW YOU" and confessed the whole thing on the Late Show. Last night he apologized for his behavior, to his staff, to his wife, and of course Sarah Palin. If you ever get in trouble, folks, here's how to issue a mea culpa.

Now that he's apologized, let's recall him. And when that recall fails, let's recall him again.

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