I was too busy poisoning my tonsils with bourbon at last night's annual Mercury karaoke party to hate-watch NBC's The Sound of Music Live starring Carrie Underwood. Luckily for us, Cameron Diaz was watching and tweeted the definitive opinion on the subject.
And really... isn't that all that any of us need to know?
Unfunniest dad EVER.
How about watching him on Jimmy Kimmel reading the lyrics for R. Kelly's "Genius" from his upcoming album Black Panties? (Trust me you will SQUEEEEEE just as loudly as the ladies in the audience.)
Jimmy Fallon quickly dropped into and out of Portland a couple hours ago on his national tour of NBC affiliates, where he's promoting his new upcoming gig as host of The Tonight Show. Here are his tweets about quickly coming and going (but not without posing in front of Big Ass Sandwiches. C'mon! He only had an hour!):
Goodbye Portland!! I will be back for this insanity. #CaptainMyCaptain http://t.co/SKOePOnEMK
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) December 4, 2013
Annd these awesome 30 pound sandwiches. #Portland #NoFilterImJustGettingFat http://t.co/iL9XfThyE0
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) December 4, 2013
Read a touch more about it here, and STAY A LITTLE LONGER NEXT TIME, WOULDN'TJA JIMMY?!? (While we're on the topic, for my money, here is the greatest thing he's ever accomplished.)
If you're having a bit of trouble getting into the holiday swing of things, then take a gander at Captain Picard and the Next Generation Crew™ singing the Xmas classic, "Let it Snow"! If you can find a funnier, more adorable video than this one today (that doesn't involve cute animals, that is) I'd like to see it!
(Pssst. Stop it at the 1:12 mark. You won't be sorry.)
More and more reality television caters to armchair sadists—and these people are probably going to LOVE the newest incarnation of that old MTV chestnut The Real World. The show is flipping the script this coming season by choosing a house full of sexy young recent singles... and then inviting their exes to live in the house as well. If you're a fan of "AWWWWKWARD" and watching dimwitted beefcakes struggle valiantly to express their feelings, there's a good possibility you'll love this... you SADIST.
In last night's mid-season finale, a main character went down for the count—so why am I fretting more over the potential death of a minor character? FIND OUT in this week's The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club which starts after the jump! Spoilers ahoy! LET'S CHITTY-CHAT!
Good morning friends, family, lovers, enemies, cats, dogs, etc., and welcome to the television event of right now! Put off some of your holiday obligations and hang out with me for the next few hours.
8:56 I'll be watching on NBC. And fair warning, I haven't had a lot of coffee yet.
9:00 Here we go! Bearded Matt Lauer had emerged from the depths of New York City. He kind of sounds like he hates his life. I like him.
Happy Thanksgiving Eve, everybody! It’s me, Joneser, here to announce that tomorrow morning I’ll be live-blogging the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade right here on Blogtown. I did this a couple of years ago and it was a hoot. Since I’m not responsible for cooking any real food this year (and because I have a lot to say about balloons) I’m doing it again. Hooray!
This year’s parade boasts Richard Simmons, Joan Jett, the Duck Dynasty family, Jack Hannah (!), a bunch of band nerds in funny hats, some pop stars I’ve never heard of, corporate floats, and more! So bring your pre-holiday hangover and hang out with me tomorrow. The party starts at 9am!
I guess it's kind of funny that the episode titled Repairs was the episode that finally broke me. I'd say "follow after the jump to find out how" but there will be no jump. There really isn't any recap. This boring show traded in its progression towards being a semi-serviceable Warehouse 13 ripoff for 42 minutes of bad Supernatural karaoke, and in doing so, evaporated the last of the fucks I had left to give to it.
The timing is rather poor, as the show was thiiiis close to it's midseason cliffhanger, featuring the return of J. August Richards as the guy that got shot in the head in the pilot, and promised some answers. The problem: I don't care about the answers, because I don't care about the characters, because I don't care for how the premise of this show has consistently been fumbled and botched even in it's better episodes. Repairs was so sub-par I re-examined my previous recaps to see if the show had actually improved, or whether I was just acclimating to the show's uneven badness, the way people force themselves to believe Pabst Blue Ribbon tastes good.
SHIELD has promised a fair amount of stuff, and delivered on almost none of it, so I'm not inclined to believe further promises, and I've spent nine hours over nine weeks waiting for Whedaroen to present more than the half-assed jumble of plots and tones being tossed at my lap in a clumsy, desparate scattershot.
Maybe I'm being unfair. Sure, it's possible. But with those nine hours, I can, if I wish, choose to access any of the following shows:
American Horror Story
Hell, even The Walking Dead
Let's say I take those nine hours spent on SHIELD, and spend them instead on any mix-and-matched combination of the above shows. Say, two episodes of Arrow, three of Orphan Black, and one each of Warehouse 13, Supernatural, Dracula, and Misfits. Or maybe even just nine of those titles at random. What are the odds I'd end up spending those nine hours in a much more rewarding fashion than choosing to use them on SHIELD? I don't know if I can calculate the exact number, but I can tell you those odds are pretty fuckin' good.
Maybe SHIELD will make up for it all in the back stretch. But I'm not gonna be there to find out as it happens.
So long, Agent Coulson. Too bad your character got ruined.
Shoulda stayed dead, I guess.
... ADAM BRODY (SETH FROM THE O.C.) IS GOING TO APPEAR ON NEW GIRL SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! From TV Line:
In an episode slated to shoot next week (and air in early 2014), Brody will play Berkley, a long-ago ex-boyfriend of Jess’ (Zooey Deschanel) who’s now a married stay-at-home dad. He’s open with his feelings and prides himself on having mastered the art of being an ex, which is probably why he and Jess (allegedly) remained the best of friends after their breakup.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! That is all.
Ravi Somaiya at the New York Times says:
The actor Alec Baldwin’s short-lived show on MSNBC has been terminated, less than two weeks after he was suspended for making a gay slur in a confrontation with a photographer seeking to get pictures of him with his wife and baby.
“This is a mutual parting and we wish Alec all the best,” MSNBC said in a statement.
Needless to say, I'm happy about this news. I think actors trying to become liberal mouthpieces turn out, more often than not, to be embarrassments. Even better: Baldwin took himself out before anything too politically serious could happen. I don't think celebrities should keep quiet about their political beliefs, but I do think that giving celebrities platforms as political experts when they've been proven to have a long history of shitty behavior is a bad idea.
In other news, Lara Logan and her producers have finally been put on leave for running that shitty Benghazi story that wasn't even remotely true. It's a good day for political media!
Business Insider's Jim Edwards says that television is having a bad time of it:
Audience ratings have collapsed: Aside from a brief respite during the Olympics, there has been only negative ratings growth on broadcast and cable TV since September 2011, according to Citi Research.
Media stock analysts Craig Moffett and Michael Nathanson recently noted, "The pay-TV industry has reported its worst 12-month stretch ever." All the major TV providers lost a collective 113,000 subscribers in Q3 2013. That doesn't sound like a huge deal — but it includes internet subscribers, too.
Broadband internet was supposed to benefit from the end of cable TV, but it hasn't.
In all, about 5 million people ended their cable and broadband subs between the beginning of 2010 and the end of this year.
This is incredibly obvious, but whoever manages to fix television is going to make a fortune. The solution we have right now—an array of boxes, hooked up to an old-school television—is obviously better than paying an insane amount of money every month for an unchanging package of channels, most of which we don't even watch. But everyone's working on an elegant television that truly embraces the internet and makes it simple. It's been years since Steve Jobs bragged to his biographer that he "finally cracked" an interface that makes television a futuristic joy to use. Google TV flopped hard, although their Chromecast device looks like a second chance at a Roku-like box. Intel's supposed game-changing TV service looks to be a failure. But somebody's got to be able to change the way we watch television, because the audience for a cable replacement is there, and it's growing at a rapid rate. Once someone presents a truly simple, unified solution, those numbers will tip over into levels that will represent armageddon for the traditional cable industry.
Weirdly, January is now my favorite month for TV—primarily due to the return of Justified... but this time I'm also extra excited for the new HBO drama True Detective starring Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey (debuting January 12)! Check out this description from Deadline...
[True Detective] is descried as an elevated serial narrative with multiple perspectives and time frames. It centers on two detectives, Rust Cohle (McConaughey) and Martin Hart (Harrelson), whose lives collide and entwine during a seventeen-year hunt for a serial killer in Louisiana. The investigation of a bizarre murder in 1995 is framed and interlaced with testimony from the detectives in 2012, when the case has been reopened. The concept is for the 8-episode first season to resolve the mystery at hand, with subsequent seasons using same structure but new characters and story.
And check out the new trailer. I am sooooo all over this.
If like snappy repartee, post-modern Dorothy Parker whimsy, and looking into the mirror and despising yourself, then you will love this new trailer for season three of Girls (returning Jan 12 on HBO). From the looks of things, the entire 20-something gang is still unbearably miserable... but not so much so that they can't quip about it. WATCH.
Jimmy Kimmel's "Celebrity Mean Tweets" segments are not only consistently hilarious, they play a valuable public service: Hopefully mean tweeters will watch this and say, "Hey, I really hurt that celebrity's feelings... and I got on TV. LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!"
NBC has released an extended preview of tonight's hour-long episode of Parks and Recreation, which will feature a truncated version of the song below: Leslie Knopes and City Councilman Jamm singing a karaoke version of "Summer Nights" from Grease... AND flipping the genders. (Chris is also on hand to do some air drumming in the audience.) This day started out terrible for me, and is now officially looking up!
Some people like Thanksgiving! I am not really one of those people! (There's too much "food" and too many "people" for my liking.) But I am a person who likes the Muppets! AND CHECK OUT HOW DELIGHTFUL THIS LOOKS! It's the "Lady Gaga and The Muppets' Holiday Spectacular"!
And if that's not enough, OPB Plus has a Thanksgiving western marathon full of westerns I haven't even seen, like McLintock! As far as I can tell, McLintock! is 96 percent people falling into mud, one percent people falling into water or off of ladders or into piles of canned goods, two percent racist, one percent sexist, and 100 percent Chill Wills. Just like Thanksgiving!
Wait, what was that again?
God bless you, Muppets and OPB and Kristen Bell and Joseph Gordon-Levitt—and yes, even you, Lady Gaga. This Thanksgiving might be the first one I have ever looked forward to.
The original design team who worked with Pendleton to create the Portland Collection—Church + State's Rachel Turk and Nathaniel Crissman, and John Blasioli—have discontinued their contract with the heritage brand. Though TPC has a few more seasons to cycle through as far as appearing on retail shelves, it's unclear what will come of the venture. But the first assumption, that Jones had been hired to take it over, appears to be oversimplified.
You can read it in the paper if you like tactile sensations with your words, but the online version is longer, and includes her views on the whole Project Runway thing three years after having won it. ("I have no interest in being involved in any of that stuff again.")
First an actually great commercial (actually!!) from Foot Locker featuring sports stars making your dreams come true.
Next, another actually great commercial (actually!!) for masturbation. Wait... didn't watch it all the way through... for protein shakes.
And while this isn't a new commercial (like at all), it's still actually great (actually!!) because any mid-80s NBC promo featuring The A-Team, Riptide, and Remington Steele can't be anything but great. (Actually.)
If Len Wein and John Romita Jr. hadn't invented Wolverine, someone else eventually would have. Maybe he wouldn't have had the name, or the claws, or the anti-gravity sideways mullet-thing, but someone would have stumbled upon the collection of hair, cigars, cliches, and badassery that makes up Mr. James Howlett.
And if Marvel hadn't sold the rights to Wolverine and the rest of the X-Men, they wouldn't have taken Agent Tofu-Block (Brett Dalton), introduced him to a Magic Stick (not 50 Cent's), and turned him into Wolverine for one episode. Luckily for Agent Tofu-Block, Marvel did sell those rights, and it was thus that Grant Ward became a real boy.
Reminder: If you're reading, you either a) watched the episode or b) don't care about spoilers. Because there's going to be spoilers. So after the jump, let's take a ride on an Asgardian Disco Stick, and see what lights up.
Oh, we're all just so over zombies. We've seen so many TV shows and movies about zombies, we think we've learned everything there is to know about them—BUT WE'RE WRONG. In the following clip from Family Feud, the question is "Name something you know about zombies"... and while your answer may have automatically been "eats brains," "shambles," "flesh decomposes," your knowledge is only skin deep compared to this contestant, who is CLEARLY America's #1 and foremost authority on everything "zombie." WATCH.
...The Flipside. You can watch the trailer and a sample episode over on this site. The Flipside is by no means the first attempt to create a comedy news show with a conservative bent. Maybe the most popular failed attempt is The 1/2 Hour News Hour, which lasted for about a half a year back in 2007. And Glenn Beck has been airing his own take on a Daily Show-type show called The B S of A on his little private island of a media "empire" for a couple years now, but since that show doesn't have to fight for ratings to survive, it doesn't really count.
I just watched the first episode of The Flipside and it was about what you'd expect. Maybe the most damning sign that The Flipside isn't funny is that the live studio audience doesn't laugh all that much. The jokes earn more polite, supportive rounds of applause than laughter from even the friendliest of friendly crowds. The truth is that the whole show is just staggeringly unfunny. Even legitimate targets for satire, like a central segment about Harrison Ford fighting for climate change when he owns a fleet of private airplanes, suffer from weak punchlines about Ford's earring.
Here's the thing I don't understand about these conservative shows: Does anyone involved in the creation and production of The Flipside actually think that The Flipside is funny? Or do they think that eventually they'll get funny with practice? The history of television is littered with unfunny sitcoms and talk shows, of course, but even, say, The Chevy Chase Show had some air of potential to it. Does the political drive behind The Flipside blind producers and staff to the fact that their show absolutely sucks? Do they consider anyone who doesn't laugh at this show to be a liberal? Because I'm pretty sure that some members of the audience during that taping must've been closeted liberals, then.
(Via Death and Taxes.)
Last night's episode of The Walking Dead was quite the departure, wouldn't you say? OR WOULDN'T YOU? What would you say? Well, The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club is the perfect place to say what you would or wouldn't say... and in a public forum! So stick with me after the jump for my spoiler-filled recap and your bitches, moans, and kudos in the comments. LET'S START CHITTY-CHATTING!
Fans of classic Nickelodeon shows from the '90s and early '00s, rejoice! Here's yet another internet oddity to waste your time with. Nick Reboot live streams your fave kid shows from that decade 24/7, and includes such hits as Salute Your Shorts, Keenan & Kel, Clarissa Explains it All, You Can't Do That on Television, The Adventures of Pete & Pete (SQUEEEEEE!!!) and many, many more!
And it's all Russian Roulette-style, so you'll never know what they may be live-streaming at the moment... unless you register, at which point they'll send you email notifications regarding when your fave show (Pete & Pete SQUEEEEE!) will be on. They also have a running chat where other members can discuss whatever show is playing at the moment. It's fascinating and introduces you to Nick shows you may have missed. CHECK IT OUT!
|Most Popular||I, Anonymous||Best of the Merc|
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!