DAMN YOU, HILARIOUS OLD SPICE COMMERCIALS! Why must you continue to be so hilarious? Isn't it enough that I post your ads for free, AND I rub you under my arms? Goddddammmmmitttt!!! BUY OLD SPICE!
As you may have noticed, all the nets are releasing trailers this week touting their new fall lineup of shows—and adorable baby net The CW is no exception. They've just squirted out five of 'em, including this one for The Tomorrow People—which true to CW form is another vehicle for hot teens with supernatural powers. AND THAT IS NOT AN INSULT. Keep 'em comin', CW!
OUR TOP STORY: Topless Bea Arthur painting sells for nearly $2 million! (Worth it!)
Along with Seth Meyers and Bill Hader, now Fred Armisen is probably leaving Saturday Night Live to possibly pursue a career portraying lesbian book store owners?
According to BBC News, police were called to a sci-fi convention to break up a fight between Star Wars and Doctor Who fans. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! WHERE'S THE VIDEO???
Rob Thomas tweets that the Veronica Mars movie will start shooting on June 17—indicating that, at least so far, he hasn't skipped the country with the money stolen from all you Kickstarter suckers. (I would!)
And finally, CBS has released six trailers for their new fall shows, including this behind-the-scenes peek of a show called The Crazy Ones starring Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Geller. While it kinda sounds like a good idea, it also kinda makes me want to kill myself. Your opinions, please.
While we're all thrilled about Arrested Development returning on May 26, DO NOT FORGET that you'll need to cram in some time to watch the other TV event of the season, Beyond the Candelabra—the biopic about Liberace directed by Steven Soderbergh (!), and starring Michael Douglas as Liberace (!!) and Matt Damon as his personal companion/lovah (!!!). Here's a new extended trailer, and OH MY SHIT. I cannot wait to watch this!
That's Beyond the Candelabra, May 26, HBO, 9 pm. YESSSSSS.
AND! Not only can you watch Tobias' fairly homoerotic characters in action, you can also use his handy green screen performances (called "Insert Me Anywhere") to put him in your OWN home movies! Check it out here—or as he so deftly puts it, "My bits may startle you!"
ABC released a whopping 12 new show trailers yesterday afternoon, and they are all—with the exclusion of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and The Goldbergs—universally TERRRRRRIBLE. If you feel like checking them out for yourself, have fun—but they all feel like movie trailers for the worst romcoms and dramas you've ever seen. How are these weak-ass ideas supposed to sustain themselves for more than a single episode? DON'T ASK ME. However, I will be watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D (which I am so very tired of typing) and The Goldbergs starring Jeff Garlin and Wendi McLendon-Covey which looks legitimately funny. Check it out.
And just to torture yourself, check out this TERRRRRRRIBLE trailer for the new Rebel Wilson sitcom Super Fun Night. (Now exactly why do people think she's funny?)
Thanks Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D for Sunday night's sneaky peek at Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D—but especially thanks for the news that Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D will be in the highly coveted Tuesday 8 pm slot on ABC, AND this new super-extendo Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D trailer, which has tons more COULSON (who we are assume is some sort of clone?) and gives me yet another opportunity to write Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Okay, fine... you caught me. I've been cutting and pasting it.)
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D!!
If you're a regular watcher of FX—home to a good many of the best shows on TV (Hello, The Americans!)—then you've probably noticed the quick, mysterious commercials for their upcoming crime drama The Bridge, debuting July 10. Well, they've finally released a full-length trailer and it looks goooooood, and creeeeeeepy. Here's a quick synopsis of The Bridge:
Demián Bichir stars in the role of “Marco Ruiz,” a homicide investigator for the state of Chihuahua, Mexico living in Ciudad Juárez. A family man, Marco is one of the last good men in a corrupt and apathetic police force that is outgunned by the powerful drug cartels. He’s sharp, charming, and observant and painfully aware that his city is in a state of chaos. When a body is dumped on the bridge that spans the El Paso-Ciudad Juárez border, Ruiz is forced to work with his American counterpart, Detective Sonya Cross (Diane Kruger).
You may ask yourself, "Why are they being forced to work together?" Get ready for the creeeeeepy answer in the extendo trailer.
I AM GOING TO WATCH THIS. (via)
After 8 years, SNL regular Bill Hader—best known perhaps as the heeeeeelarious Stefon—is leaving the show. Fine, but don't take Stefon with you!
Adult Swim is returning with another Greatest Event in Television History (last year's was an exact recreation of the opening credits of Simon & Simon, starring Adam Scott and Jon Hamm), this time Scott and Parks & Rec co-star Amy Poehler will recreate the classic romantic detective series Hart to Hart! (This "greatest event" will surely be the "greatest event" ever!)
In Parks & Rec related news... here's "Tron Swanson."
R.I.P. famed TV psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers—dead at age 85.
Ordinarily annoyingly nice comedian Wayne Brady threatens to "beat Bill Maher's ass in public." Not so nice now!
And finally, Fox releases a whopping SEVEN new trailers for their fall shows, most notably Sleepy Hollow, J.J. Abrams robot cop show Almost Human, and Andy Samberg's police comedy Brooklyn Nine-Nine—which I wish was funnier! BE MORE FUNNIER.
The cast of Bob's Burgers came through town Friday night on a five-stop tour of the US. The show was at a packed and hot-as-hell Crystal Ballroom.
John Benjamin and Eugene Mirman start the show by riffing on Portland for a little while. Best line is from Mirman, about how everyone in Portland is required to carry a turntable and an original Velvet Underground and Nico “with the banana unmolested.”
Joss Whedon joins Twitter! (I love it when people you figured were old hands at Twitter finally decide to jump on the boat. So adorable! FOLLOW HIM.)
Jimmy Fallon's new Tonight Show and Seth Meyers new Late Show will debut during the Winter Olympics in February, as if you care, and I know you don't, so why am I even typing these words?!?
Carrie Underwood will star in a live TV stage version of The Sound of Music in February—and guess what? The Von Trapp great grandchildren visited the Mercury offices this morning, and inspired one of two reactions: either INSANE ECSTASY or baffled indifference. No in-betweens.
24 is returning for a 12 week run next May, and yet? THEY ARE NOT CALLING IT 12. I declare shenanigans!
And finally, NBC has released SIX trailers for some of their new Fall shows (including Dracula), but here's the one I'm most excited about: The Michael J. Fox Show about a news anchor that retires after getting Parkinson's (!!) and decides to go back to work. IT'S FUNNY, GUYS. (Sigh of relief.)
Look, I'm not watching this thing. I want to go into the fourth season of Arrested Development completely fresh, and I don't know why anyone would want some of the jokes telegraphed in advance. But if you want to see it, here it is:
Stoned, bearded Stan is your favorite Stan. Until Now. Did you know Stan was a Teenage Heartthrob in the 90's?
Adorable! Hit the jump for this week's Mad Men recappage.
George R. R. Martin wrote last night's episode of Game of Thrones. Seeing his name at the top of the show, I expected some kind of world-shaking events to take place plot-wise. That didn't happen. Various plots certainly moved forward, but the real developments were all character-based. No cities fell or heads rolled, but we did see characters grow. Learn. Get more interesting. Also, there was shit-tons of nudity and a huge apex predator.
As promised/warned last week, here is the first official teaser/trailer for the most awesome, yet annoying to type, show of the fall season Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. And it features every fanboy's current fave, Coulson. And his car! And somebody punching somebody else in the face with fire, I think? I dunno. Life moves fast when you're with the annoying to type Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D! (That's why you should also read io9's report on "Every single clue hidden inside the Agents of SHIELD trailer!")
Rumor has it that Community—the once great sitcom, now a rather annoying un-killable herpes sore—may yet return for another season. SIGH. From Vulture:
NBC is very close to ordering a fifth season of Community, Hollywood insiders tell Vulture. NBC isn’t commenting, and there’s still discussion going on about the exact number of episodes (though it should be at least thirteen). But after the show’s solid Nielsen performance last night — it tied American Idol among adults under 35 — NBC brass decided it made sense to return to Greendale for at least one more semester.
SIGH. In other—far more fascinating—TV news, Mike Tyson will star in his own animated cartoon for Adult Swim where he solves mysteries... with a pigeon... and his magical face tattoos. From Variety:
In the new animated comedy series Mike Tyson Mysteries, Mike Tyson is taking the fight from the boxing ring to the streets… by solving mysteries! Armed with a magical tattoo on his face and a trusty associate by his side — a talking pigeon — if you have a problem that needs solving, Iron Mike is in your corner. The series incorporates live-action appearances featuring Mighty Mike himself, and the gloves come off as the former heavyweight champ and his fowl-mouthed partner gear up for weekly adventures as they put unsolved mysteries — like how to defeat a super computer at chess or why a famous author/werewolf can’t finish his novel — down for the count.
Good day. I SAID, "GOOD DAY, SIR!!!"
So this is what we've been reduced to! Blogging about the possibility of ABC picking Joss Whedon's highly anticipated Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, and the possibility of a promo for the show being broadcast during the season finale of Once Upon a Time, airing this Sunday at 8 pm on ABC.
OR you can watch what is possibly a blurry version of the clip featuring what is possibly the show which possibly features THE HULK right here.
POSSIBLY!! (And yes, this is what we've been reduced to. Sigh. I hate ourselves.)
I saw David Letterman's "Stooge of the Night" segment for the first time last night. (Apologies if I'm late to the party on this; according to NewsBusters—"Exposing & Combating Liberal Media Bias"—he's been at it for a while.) It's remarkable, and it reminds me why I've always liked Letterman so much. It's also ballsy and goofy and painfully uncomfortable and 100 percent necessary. I have to imagine the people at the Late Show are getting no end of shit for doing this. I hope like hell they keep it up.
Fox has NINE brand new shows (some promising, others TERRIBLE) coming up this fall, including an Andy Samberg cop show. Would you like a sneaky peek at them? Oh my shit, why not?
The Voice admits on-air that their voting system is fucked. Since that's out of the way, we now return to piercing your eardrums with a rusty screwdriver.
In other "things that sound like screeching cats" news: According to The Wrap, American Idol is dumping ALL FOUR of their judges (including producer Nigel Lythgoe) in a move to revive a show that should have been smothered with a pillow years ago.
CNN? You've done it again! In yet another humiliating fiasco, Nancy Grace was caught doing a "fake split-screen" interview with another reporter who was standing a few feet away in the same parking lot. HAHAHAHAAAAA!!
Netflix is not allowing critics to see Arrested Development before the rest of the world. HEY! Don't they know that we're special snowflakes?!?
A 17-year-old hacker wins a coding contest after devising a way to stop Twitter-users from spoiling TV show endings and surprises. (I won second place with my entry, "Why not turn your stupid Twitter off?")
Here's a great interview with The Americans' exec producer Joe Weisberg who walks us through how he made choices for the entire season of THIS AWESOME SHOW THAT YOU BETTER START WATCHING 'CUZ IT AM AWESOME!!!
And finally, here's a supercut of Commander Riker sitting down like a crazy person. WTF?? Stop sitting down that way, Riker!! (Is this the way they sit in the future?)
The verrry funny folks at Bad Lip Reading have another dub-tastic masterpiece for you guys—because this time they're lampooning The Walking Dead! (Unsurprisingly, you'll wish it were real. Especially "the musical" portion. WATCH!)
Well, that was weird. Bleakness. Death. Hopelessness. Last night's Game of Thrones was short on action and long on angst and death. Compared to the last two episodes it was something a tad slow. It certainly had more brooding than action and more setup than payoff. A mixed bag, all around.
That, and a character death that I quite frankly did not see coming.
Awfulness is everywhere. More after the jump.
First of all, the GIF everyone wants to see:
That pratfall came right after Pete yelled out, "DRAPER!" like a curse word across the office. Find out why after the jump!
Marvel wasn't always a media juggernaut. They've almost gone bankrupt before, and the '90s weren't kind to them, just like they weren't kind to DC, or market speculators, or anyone who ever had a foil-stamped variant issue of grimdark crosshatched bullshit with swords poured into their eyes. That was a lot of people, as such material constituted (let me consult my ass for these figures) ...87% of supehero comics' output in the '90s.
Marvel began selling characters' film and television rights to anyone willing to pay. Eventually, filmmakers like Bryan Singer and Sam Raimi figured out - in a way Roger Corman & David Hasselhoff couldn't - how to make really good movies with these characters, and the resultant avalanche of cash allowed Marvel to make moves in the film industry, leading to a reality where Robert Downey Jr. is a legitimate action star, Joss Whedon has directed a billion-dollar movie, and people kinda almost give a shit about Thor. That's pretty amazing.
Fans familiar with the comics are constantly looking ahead to the next sequel, sidequel, prequel, or crossover, because they're superhero fans, and that's what they're trained to do. And as other studios flail and fumble with achieving any level of superhero success, some of those previously-sold character rights are reverting back to Marvel. Daredevil already got folded back into the Marvel mix a while back, and now joining him are Ghost Rider, The Punisher, and Blade.
Of course, the cry to get these characters put in new movies was instant. But I think that'd be a bad call, Ripley. A bad call. A better one? Building a presence on television using these street-level heroes. After the jump for the full pitch.
I'm pretty sure I don't care how many Hangover sequels he does—I love me some Zach Galifianakis so much, I don't even have to Google his name anymore to see how to spell it. He's hosting Saturday Night Live this week, and in the following verrrrrry funny pornos, he's teamed up with Jason Sudeikis who... did I just write "pornos"? I meant "promos." Anyway, these guys clearly hate each other.
While the premiere episode of Inside Amy Schumer—starring the absolutely filthy/hilarious comedian Amy Schumer—doesn't debut until tonight (Comedy Central, 10:30 pm), you can watch it right NOW on the Comedy Central site. Added bonus? Unlike tonight's showing, this one is completely uncensored which means while you can watch it right now, it's in your best interest to NOT WATCH THIS AT WORK. Unless you have the coolest boss in the world who just so happens to be Amy Schumer.
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