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TV

Thursday, February 9, 2012

(UPDATED) Are You Ready for Comic Book Men? Hell, is Anyone?

Posted by Bobby Roberts on Thu, Feb 9, 2012 at 12:59 PM

(Story now UPDATED with details that move anticipation levels down from "shrug" to "maaaaaaan, c'mon.")

Last year, AMC followed up Mopey Whiners Look For a Little Girl for Six Fucking Episodes (aka The Walking Dead) with a show called The Talking Dead, hosted by Chris Hardwick, in which Chris and a parade of his celebri-nerd friends discussed the preceding show. Often, more stuff actually happened on Talking than Walking, such as Jonah Ray coughing up a one-liner, and Patton Oswalt making a fart noise with his mouth.

This year, AMC follows up Maybe It Won't Be That Bad Now That Darabont's Gone with something called Comic Book Men. What the hell is that? A new one-hour drama about the early days of the comics industry? Ooh! That'd be slick: A sepia-toned dystopia, set in the 40s/50s, where gangsters provided the funds, publishers were less moral than the gangsters, and the few artists/writers who managed to eke out a basic success were blamed by the government for poisoning the minds of children?

Smith.jpg
  • via getthebigpicture.net

Nope.

After the jump for the explanation as to how Comic Book Men is supposed to be like Antiques Roadshow for nerds.

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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Finally! We Have the Recipe for Toddlers & Tiaras' "Go-Go Juice"!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 2:29 PM

gogo.jpg
  • via TLC

Perhaps you remember this video which Courtney called "the worst/best six minutes of your life"? It's from the absolutely batshit crazy reality show Toddlers & Tiaras, and features a little 6-year-old squidbilly named Alana whose terrible mom jacks her up on something she calls "Go-Go Juice" (that comes out of a creepily nondescript bottle) before each pageant.
For months I've been wondering, "What's in this 'Go-Go Juice'? Because... ummm... I may want some if it's of the cocaine variety." And now? WE FINALLY HAVE THE ANSWER! Mama Squidbilly June Shannon revealed the ingredients on Good Morning America. Via the New York Daily News:

More specifically ["Go-Go Juice" is]: Mountain Dew and Red Bull mixed in a bottle and chugged before pageant time.

While it isn’t clear how much of the concoction Alana actually drinks, each bottle would contain the equivalent of two cups of coffee.

Shannon said that lots of mothers use caffeine and sugar to keep their kids ”focused” before the show.

She’d tried feeding her daughter “two bags” of sugary Pixi Stix but it didn’t have the desired “energizing” effect.

"There are normal people who give their kids this,” she said. “Why is it such a big issue with us pageant moms that do it all weekend to keep our kids energized and awake?”

"There are far worse things," she said. "I could be giving her alcohol."

Ellen Has A Few Words for the 'One Million Moms' Who Want Her Fired for 'Open Homosexuality'

Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 11:59 AM

Last week the American Family Association offshoot One Million Moms pushed to get JC Penney to fire Ellen Degeneres as its spokesmodel due to her open homosexuality. Afterwards JC Penney rightly told the bigot moms to shove it.

During a show taping today, Ellen addressed the kerfuffle (along with the reconfirmed unconstitutionality of Prop 8) and won by a million. Enjoy.

UPDATE: The original video's been yanked, but you may see it here.

Thank you, Towleroad.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Okay, No More Ignoring the Elephant in the Room... WHO WATCHED SMASH LAST NIGHT??

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Feb 7, 2012 at 1:29 PM

Stop acting embarrassed, and just admit it: You watched the NBC debut of Smash last night, and you ashamedly kind of loved the shit out of it, didn't you? Sure, it had a wobbly beginning, and DEBRA MESSING (ugh!)—but if you're a fan of the THEE-AH-TUH or a fan of making fun of the THEE-AH-TUH, Smash had some decent songs, pretty good performances, and was chock-a-block full of hilarious, cringe butt moments. Watch the whole thing here if you like, or scenes from the coming season below, and let me know... should we be recapping this show or what? (Remember: If it helps, comments can be anonymous!)

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Kristen Wiig is in This Week's Portlandia... Soooo, You Know

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Feb 7, 2012 at 11:14 AM

Hey guys! Kristen Wiig is on Portlandia this week! And since last week's clip was definitely better than usual (YOU MUST ADMIT IT), that must mean that this week's episode is going to be even better than that! Am I right? I must be right, right? Science dictates that I'm right! Check out this clip in which Kristen is a crazed fan of the indie group Cat Nap (with special guest star: The Bagdad).



Oh, "science." Why have you failed me again?

Jimmy Kimmel Ruins the Super Bowl

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Feb 7, 2012 at 9:59 AM

Jimmy Kimmel does enjoy his crowd sourced pranks! (Such as this one and this one.) But the funniest so far, hands down, is when he told his viewers to turn the TV off during the Super Bowl and videotape the reactions. (SPOILER ALERT: Football fans tend to be fat and violent.)

Monday, February 6, 2012

Conservatives Never Liked Clint Eastwood, Anyway

Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 1:59 PM

As many have pointed out, Clint Eastwood's Chrysler Superbowl ad seemed like a commercial for the Obama Administration. And conservatives are already punching back at Eastwood for it. Karl Rove was "offended" by the ad. (Mitt Romney, always ahead of the times, wrote his response to the ad back in 2008.) The backpedaling continues on National Review's The Corner blog, where Christian Schneider breaks out the snark:

It makes sense that Chrysler would want Clint Eastwood to narrate its “Halftime in America” Super Bowl ad; the stoic, gravelly 82-year-old actor exudes old-school charm. His mere presence harkens back to a pre-auto-bailout day when people paid for American cars by actually purchasing them, not by filling out their 1040EZ tax forms. (Although Eastwood represents modern America fairly well, too, as he has fathered seven children with five different women.)

I love when Schneider responds to Eastwood's claims that he's "seen a lot of tough eras, a lot of downturns in my life" with a dismissive "Huh?" Eastwood was born at the very beginning of the Great Depression, which was a pretty big downturn, I think, and he was a boy during World War II, which was kind of a tough era. But the best part, as always, is when the commenters get into the act:

Thanks a lot, Clint, for moving to the dark side. Apparently, at 82, he isn't as aware as he used to be and didn't realize there was an undercurrent of politics in the ad. I can't imagine any other reason why a guy who seems to want the best for this country - a guy who was once a Republican - would appear in a pro-union, pro-Democratic. pro-Obama ad.

Surprising to see Eastwood, a self-described libertarian, as spokesman for welfare queen Chrysler.

No one's going to hear the roar of anything if the auto industry keeps pushing tiny vehicles (the failed Fiat for example), some of which don't even have a combustion engine.

The man is a serial impregnater.

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In Case You Missed It: Madonna's Halftime Show

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 9:59 AM

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Recaps For the Mildly Interested: Last Night's Episode of Grimm Was (Dare I Say It?) Kinda Good!

Posted by Joe Streckert on Sat, Feb 4, 2012 at 11:50 AM

For some inscrutable reason, Grimm decided not to suck last night. Going into the episode, I had a feeling of resignation, that would just be another installment of a C-grade cop show with fantasy creatures thrown in for window dressing. It wasn’t. Last night’s episode was actually kind of good. Was it brain-shatteringly awesome? No, not at all. But, it was well-crafted, fun to watch, and if every episode were like this, Grimm would be a pretty solid horror/fantasy show.

The plot revolved around fairy tale beasties using ground up human organs as herbal enhancements of sorts. Monroe mentions that dried and ground up man-balls apparently work just like Viagra for him and his, and that lots of beasties will pay copious amounts of dollars for the opportunity turn people-parts into tea. The organ traffickers are found to be preying off of homeless kids (more specifically, these homeless kids) by getting them into a free clinic. From there, the evil beastie-doctors drag them out to the woods, harvest their organs, and sell them in an herb shop to fairy tale critters who want to snort ground-up gallbladder. Nick and Hank of course busted up the organ ring, saved some cute homeless kids, and along the way some real, actual character development and world building happened. Imagine that!

This episode also showed off a whole lot of Portland. The details about what parts of our fair city got spackled onto the TV, as well as my blitheringly enthusiastic exclamations about why this episode didn’t suck, after the jump.

Spleen! Its whats for dinner.
  • Spleen! It's what's for dinner.

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Friday, February 3, 2012

Recaps for Poor People: Love and Money (mostly love) on NBC Thursday

Posted by Elinor Jones on Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 1:59 PM

Last night when our stories were about to come on, my husband asked “Isn’t it sad that you have to be working during TV now?” And I said, “Are you kidding? Having an audience for my television musings is a weekly celebration.” And now: it is time to party.

30 Rock

Liz is up to renegotiate her contract at TGS. She discovers tapes of a seminar Jack had given, and takes what she learns there to the table. Liz has learned important tricks, like speaking first and having a hair out of place are signs of weakness. In her meeting with Jack, Jack is tricked into speaking first when:

Power shoes.
  • Power shoes.

(Vomit.)

Jack catches onto what Liz is doing, and that he is negotiating with himself. “It’s a Jack-off!” YES. TIME TO JUMP.

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Blu-ray Reviews: Boardwalk Empire, To Kill a Mockingbird, Star Trek: The Next Generation, and Woody Allen

Posted by Jamie S. Rich on Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 12:57 PM

ATTN. CINEPHILES—Hey, look! Jamie and I watched some things on our televisions! Now we will tell you whether or not you should buy them! —Erik

BOARDWALK EMPIRE This is the nicest Nucky gets.
  • BOARDWALK EMPIRE This is the nicest Nucky gets.

Boardwalk Empire: The Complete First Season
For two seasons, HBO’s Boardwalk Empire has been a blood-soaked romp through the Prohibition. It stars Steve Buscemi as politician-slash-gangster Nucky Thompson, the criminal czar of Atlantic City, and details his personal travails as he trades gunshots and whiskey with the likes of Al Capone and Lucky Luciano. The series—which has the distinction of having the world’s most disparate executive production team of Martin Scorsese, who regularly reinvigorates cinema, and Mark Wahlberg, who invented Entourage and failed to stop 9/11—is a mixture of Shakespearian tragedy and the best of motion picture history. It’s also part of television's laying claim to territory once occupied by the Great American Novel. Boardwalk Empire is not a show to watch randomly, whenever you happen to catch an episode on the air. It’s a complete work that only makes sense when consumed as a whole.

All the better, then, that HBO has seen fit to release Boardwalk's complete first season on Blu-ray, making it easier than ever to consume volume one of this epic saga in its entirety. You get everything: all 12 episodes, including the Scorsese-directed pilot, as well as all the expected audio commentaries and mini-documentaries.

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Best Mad Men Graffiti Tag Ever?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 10:44 AM

As you may have heard, this stark poster for the new season of Mad Men has been getting a lot of play all around NYC...

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via

...which is of course providing a practically blank canvas for all sorts of hilarious graffiti and random vandalization. HOWEVER! What follows after the jump has been called the "best subway graffiti tag ever" and I tend to agree. HIT THE JUMP AND JUDGE FOR YOURSELF!

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Thursday, February 2, 2012

College Humor Turns Breaking Bad Into a 16-Bit RPG, Internet Weeps For Joy

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Thu, Feb 2, 2012 at 3:10 PM

Remember when College Humor turned Game Of Thrones into a pixelated game based on Super Nintendo-era Final Fantasy tropes? They did that again, only now with that show where the dad from Malcolm In The Middle cooks meth and looks haggard.

The internet loves this thing, but since I've only seen a few scattered episodes of Breaking Bad here and there, it's mostly lost on me. So, I have to ask, is that turtle-head-bomb thing an actual plot device? Because that's just great. Way to go Mexican drug cartels!

SyFy's Bigfoot Movie to Feature... Everybody

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Feb 2, 2012 at 2:14 PM

SyFy's TV movies are, without exception, terrible. We hold this truth to be self-evident. And yet? I love them for their earnestness, their laughable production values, and their willingness to use the most washed up actors and pop icons in the films' starring roles rather than... you know... starving unknown actors—who frankly I don't give two shits about.
That being said, via EW, introducing the cast of the upcoming SyFy movie, Bigfoot.

The network’s upcoming Bigfoot — which already stars the previously announced power team of Danny Bonaduce (The Partridge Family) and Barry Williams (The Brady Bunch) — is adding the following actors: Howard Hesseman (Head of the Class), Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks), Andre Royo (The Wire), and rock legend Alice Cooper (School’s Out). Bruce Davidson is directing.

The story: When Bigfoot is discovered in South Dakota, two life-long rivals (Williams and Bonaduce) battle to capture the creature — one to exploit it and one to save it.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

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Are Your Pants Too Dry?

Posted by David Schmader on Thu, Feb 2, 2012 at 1:59 PM

Then I suggest reading this week's I Love Television by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey:

Though one might think my sole talent is monkey and poop jokes, I'll have you know I'm actually extremely talented in one other area: ACTING!! Before I became America's most unbeloved TV columnist, I was a practitioner of the THE-UH-TAH. (That's "theater" for those who don't speak "annoying.") What roles did I play? WELL! Ever heard of a little play called Hamlet? Me neither. Sounds dumb and boring. HOWEVER! I have auditioned for many of the great community THE-UH-TAHS and once came very close to scoring the role of Eva Perón in the Dubuque Little Theater production of Evita. Ahhh... I remember the audition like it was yesterday... (INSERT WAVY "DREAM" LINES HERE).

Follow the wavy dream lines here.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Portlandia is... Wait. It's FUNNY??

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Feb 1, 2012 at 2:29 PM

Okay, so maybe not "ha-ha" funny, but the following sketch is definitely an improvement, and may even rise to the level of "a modicum of jocularity." (Seriously, this is the best dead-on parody of Portland—and themselves—they've done since episode one.)


Hat tips to Blogtown consulting detective Graham!

Today in "Learning Your Primary Colors"

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Feb 1, 2012 at 1:14 PM

Primary colors can be confusing!! There's no shame in that. That's why OK Go! has furnished Sesame Street with the following clever music video that not only easily explains what happens when primary colors get mixed together, the song is sure to be stuck in your head all day. (That's a good thing, right?)


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Eastbound & Down Season Three Trailer!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jan 31, 2012 at 2:29 PM

Here's the funny extended season three trailer for Eastbound & Down, which seems to suggest a "love" triangle of sorts between Kenny, Stevie, and Kenny's new best friend—as well as "sunsets that rock my nuts off."

E&D returns Feb 19 on HBO.

Everybody Loves the Tim & Eric Movie!

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Tue, Jan 31, 2012 at 11:29 AM

TIM & ERICS BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE Hey, where are all those people going?
  • TIM & ERIC'S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE "Hey, where are all those people going?"

Haha, jk. About a third of the audience walked out of Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie at Sundance.

As the movie started, Wareheim said he was lingering in the lobby and caught some of the early walkouts.

"A woman and, I think, her two daughters were leaving right away," he said. "She sees me, and under her breath, she goes, 'Ugh ... You call that creativity? I spent money on that shit?'" He shrugged. "The movie is not for everyone. But there is a part of us that is like, 'Yes!' if it moves people to yell at it or get out. That's great."

There's more to that article (including the fact that a lot of people liked it, too), but I mostly just like the idea of infuriated people walking out of a movie and then immediately bumping into one of the movie's stars in the lobby. Normally that would be kind of awkward, but this lady sounds like she was pretty stoked about the opportunity.

Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie doesn't open in theaters until March 2, but it's available on demand now. Also, it hasn't been screened for critics yet so I can't tell you if it's legitimately terrible or if it's just Tim and Eric's usual shtick that people just weren't prepared for. So I guess you should buy it and then see if you end up walking out of your house.

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In TV News You Don't Care About: Simon Cowell Cleans House (Read: Fires a Bunch of People)

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jan 31, 2012 at 11:14 AM

UNNGHHH!!! I hate all singing reality shows—HOWEVER! I did get a malicious hateful glee out of occasionally tuning in to Simon Cowell's X-Factor, primarily for the following reasons.

1) I like to see him fail.
2) While the singers are somewhat better than those on Idol, that's like saying the glass of donkey semen is somewhat cooler and less viscous today.
3) I hate, hate, HAAAAAAAATE "Pussycat Doll" judge Nicole Scherzinger. In fact she's just maybe two degrees less loathsome than Kim Kardashian—the most hated monster on the planet.

Anyhoo, thanks to abysmal ratings, Simon Cowell is taking drastic measures to save the show by wiping out THREE of the show's stars! From Deadline:

Not only are host Steve Jones and judge Nicole Scherzinger exiting from the Fox show, but now a Simon Cowell insider just told me that his longtime friend and American Idol colleague Paula Abdul won’t be returning as an X Factor judge next season. I understand from sources that none of the three left on their own accord and that it was cleaning house day at the so-so rated reality series. It’ll be interesting to see if there’s any backlash against Simon because of Paula’s popularity.

X-Factor? You've lured me back as an occasional hate-filled viewer for another season.

Tonights pink slips are brought to you by... Pepsi!
  • Courtesy FOX
  • "Tonight's pink slips are brought to you by... Pepsi!"

Today in "Donkey Semen": The Story I Refuse to Let Die

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jan 31, 2012 at 9:59 AM

Gulp.
  • "Gulp."
As repeatedly mentioned here and here, the NBC show Fear Factor (hosted by unfunny human tool Joe Rogan) was supposed to showcase contestants drinking a glass of donkey semen, chased down by a glass of donkey urine—but the network got cold feet and yanked the episode the day it was supposed to air. HOWEVER! That doesn't mean that the pre-taped episode didn't happen! TMZ has the details of twin contestants Brynne and Claire Odioso's reaction to slurping down a thick, viscous glass of donkey sperm.

According to Claire, producers left the semen sitting out all day in the hot sun — and by the time she got to drinking it, it was boiling hot ... which made the smell unbearable.

Claire said it was extremely bitter going down ... "with hints of hay" — and she vomited several times before successfully drinking the entire glass.

As for how the donkey stuff compares to the human variety — Claire added, "It's a lot thicker."

the_more_you_know2_6_.jpg

Monday, January 30, 2012

RuPaul's Drag Race Returns! TONIGHT!

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 3:29 PM


I am so damn excited.

Sorry, America! NO DONKEY SEMEN FOR YOU.

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 10:14 AM

As I mentioned on Friday, NBC was all ready to broadcast an episode of Fear Factor tonight that featured contestants drinking a glass of donkey semen, chased by donkey urine. Unfortunately for everyone involved, and America at large, it appears as if NBC has acquired cold feet. From TMZ:

Donkey semen will not be served on network TV [tonight] — the"Fear Factor" episode featuring the stunt has been yanked ... at least according to a website where NBC posts its media releases.

The controversial episode is entitled, "Hee Haw! Hee Haw!" An NBC media release teased it by saying the contestants will eat "the unimaginable."

But the NBC website no longer lists that episode as airing ... and instead lists a repeat of an episode entitled "Snake Bite" — which first aired on January 2.

So sorry about that. However, feel free to continue discussing in the comments below why you think Fear Factor host Joe Rogan isn't an insufferable ass.

Ill relieve you of that glass of my semen, thankyouverymuch!
  • "I'll relieve you of that glass of my semen, thankyouverymuch!"

Friday, January 27, 2012

Friday Afternoon Quicky

Posted by Cienna Madrid on Fri, Jan 27, 2012 at 5:22 PM

If you've seen the Sherlock Holmes series on BBC (and you should because it's created by Steven Moffat, which is code for excellent), then you'll enjoy this music video, which perfectly syncs up shots from Sherlock with a SNL perennial favorite. And if you haven't seen the series, watch anyway. Seriously, this editing job is magical.

NSFAnywhere at top volume:

In other news, it's total bullshit that I have to wait until 2013 to see the follow-up to The Reichenbach Fall.

Recaps for Poor People, Briefly.

Posted by Elinor Jones on Fri, Jan 27, 2012 at 2:15 PM

Hey guys. I’m keeping things short today because I am busy. And aren’t you? Don’t you people have jobs? What are you doing on Blogtown all day? Sheeeeeeeeesh. (JK! Please never leave.)

30 Rock

A continuation of last week’s episode shows Jack still in Lemon’s head about her new boyfriend, Criss. Those two have a weird relationship, don’t they? Seems like on sitcoms, platonic friends have oddly close relationships because they really want to get together, but I don’t believe that is the case here. It’s just…weird. What do you people think is happening?

Jack is entangled in a mess with the gravel-voiced Devon Banks. Will Arnett gets to be on 2 Thursday night shows now! Lucky guy. Just like the iconic Jessica Hecht, who played Ross’s ex-wife’s new wife Susan on Friends, and also was on The Single Guy. (Yes, I am available to be on your '90s television trivia team, and yes, I will destroy.) Banks is ready to leak some more negative Tracy stuff if Jack doesn’t get his triplets into a top preschool. One thing leads to another, and they have to placate Kathy Geiss by making a unicorn the mascot of NBC. I am for this.

My brief recaps are still lengthy so hit the jump for my thoughts on Alec Baldwin's hair and why bowling sucks.

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