This Week in the Mercury

How to Throw a Global Backyard Party


How to Throw a Global Backyard Party

Borrow a New Tradition for Summertime Feasts and Fires

West of Eden


West of Eden

Slow West and the Possibilities of the Western


Thursday, May 21, 2015

First Look at Season Three of Hannibal

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, May 21, 2015 at 1:59 PM

The most gorgeously rendered (and super disturbing) horror show on TV is Hannibal—and the third season kicks off on Thursday, June 4 on NBC. In this first look, Hannibal (Mads Mikkelsen) has escaped to Paris with possible cohort Bedelia Du Maurier (Gillian Anderson) along for the ride. Apparently he's assumed the identity of one of his murdered victims, and seems to be very proud of himself that he hasn't chopped up and eaten anyone in quite awhile. (NICE WORK!) However, that streak surely won't last for long, and another famous fixture from the Thomas Harris books will also be making an appearance this season... the Red Dragon. WATCH.

David Letterman's Greatest Moments Wrapped Up with a Nice Bow

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, May 21, 2015 at 10:14 AM

You can read my not-too-mushy tribute to David Letterman here, but to get a good feel for all the amazingly funny stuff he's done over the past 33 years, check out the goodbye montage from his final show last night. Backed by the Foo Fighters singing "Everlong," this clip is jam packed with memories and moments you may have missed. This, my friends, is how you do it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

I Love Television™: An Ode to David Letterman

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, May 20, 2015 at 2:14 PM

When I was but a wee laddie, I witnessed something on television that would change my life forever. The year was 1980; that particular summer day was rainy and miserable, and none of my friends were anywhere to be found. So I listlessly flipped the four or five channels on our TV before unhappily settling on an NBC morning show hosted by a very average-looking guy with an uncomfortably large gap between his teeth.

If memory serves, the host was interviewing a scientist who was pontificating over some very abstruse subject, and being extremely patronizing in the process. In fact, the scientist was a total a-hole, and I began desperately hoping the gap-toothed host would tell him off—but he didn't. He just sat there, patiently, letting this smug, know-it-all butthole dominate the entire interview. HOWEVER! When the segment was over, and the host thanked his guest, something I've never seen before or since occurred: As the a-hole scientist got up and left his chair, a HUGE 200-pound sandbag fell from the ceiling and—KA-BLAM!!—crushed the chair into splinters. And I was like, "OMIGOD, WHAT JUST HAPPENED??" That's when the gap-toothed host turned to the audience, shrugged, and said, "Just missed." Cut to commercial.

I... was... astounded. I mean, I'd already been regularly watching the still-young Saturday Night Live, so I was no stranger to acerbic comedy—but at 10 am in the morning?? I eventually learned I was watching The David Letterman Show, starring a former weatherman from Indiana (!!) who later moved to LA to pursue his dream of becoming a comedian and comedy writer. Everything about The David Letterman Show was weird: From his choice of weird comedian guests (including Andy Kaufman, Steve Martin, and Richard Lewis), to his weird regular segments (like the birth of "Small Town News" and "Stupid Pet Tricks"—which shall always be remembered for the time Dave presented a canned ham to a monkey washing a cat). But weirdest of all? What was a show like this doing on in the morning? In short, I WAS IN LOVE.


Tuesday, May 19, 2015

That Time the Avengers Hung Out with David Letterman

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Tue, May 19, 2015 at 2:54 PM


David Letterman's final show airs tomorrow night, and the internet's already smothered in think pieces, tributes, and clips. That's because Letterman is the best, and always has been; even the few late-night hosts who've come close—Craig Ferguson, Conan O'Brien—somehow never managed to make the format click quite like Letterman.

But one of Letterman's greatest accomplishments is often forgotten: That time he hung out with the Avengers! It all went down in Avengers No. 239, published in 1984 and written by Roger Stern, with art by Allen Milgrom and Joe Sinnott. It's a comic in which Dave hits a bad guy with a giant doorknob, Paul Shaffer gets stood up by Captain America, and Beast somehow becomes the most obnoxious character in the history of comics. Also, the Vision is a pervert.

Continue reading »


Mad Men Finale Alternate Endings!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, May 19, 2015 at 1:29 PM

Internet? YOU NEVER DISAPPOINT. Whenever a cultural touchstone is established, you can always count on the INTERNET.COM™ to come up with a mocking and derisive (but usually funny) meme. The latest is revising the polarizing ending of Mad Men... which with these new endings shouldn't be polarizing at all, because they're both AWESOME.

Expect many, many more of these.

What Jon Hamm Thinks About Don Draper's Final Scene in Mad Men

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, May 19, 2015 at 10:59 AM

As with The Sopranos, you knew you weren't going to get an easily explainable end to Mad Men, right? However, at least this time around creator Matthew Weiner gave us a few more options to think about. Actor Jon Hamm (Don Draper) gave a very informative interview to the New York Times yesterday about his character's fate, and his theory of the series finishing shot. NO SPOILERS UNTIL AFTER THE JUMP!

NYT: Those last few moments of the episode... has raised many questions about what it means. Is there a correct answer to that question?

JON HAMM: I think there probably is. But I think, like most stories that we go back to, that it’s a little bit ambiguous. We had talked about this ending for a long time and that was Matt’s image. I was struck by the poetry of it. I didn’t know what his plans were... I just knew that he had this final image in mind.


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I'm Done Recapping Game of Thrones

Posted by Joe Streckert on Tue, May 19, 2015 at 10:14 AM

Like the title says, I'm not going to recap Game of Thrones anymore.

It's because of rape.

More after the jump.

Cmon, Ned. Lets get out of here.
  • C'mon, Ned. Let's get out of here.

Continue reading »

Monday, May 18, 2015

The End of Mad Men: Genius or Annoying? (Or Both?)

Posted by Joe Streckert on Mon, May 18, 2015 at 11:14 AM

Mad Men ended last night after seven seasons. The show was consistently unpredictable and narratively jagged (in a good way) and the ending was as out of left field as everything else that the show has thrown at us.

Spoilers after the jump.


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Game of Thrones Recap: Not This Again

Posted by Joe Streckert on Mon, May 18, 2015 at 10:14 AM

That loud noise you heard coming out of Southeast last night was me screaming at a television at the ending of last night’s Game of Thrones. The show is very good at some things. Depicting rape is not one of them.

An unpleasant discussion and spoilers after the jump.

A catacomb full of severed heads was not the most disturbing thing about last nights episode.
  • A catacomb full of severed heads was not the most disturbing thing about last night's episode.

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Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Dan Savage's ABC Sitcom Is a GO: Watch the Trailer!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, May 12, 2015 at 2:55 PM

Despite a lot of screaming and holier-than-everyone hollering, Dan Savage's sitcom The Real O'Neals is a go for ABC this fall. The story of a good Catholic boy who tries to skirt around the issue of being gay before finally coming out to his family (sound familiar?), The Real O'Neals has a great cast, including Martha Plimpton and Jay R Ferguson, and looks legitimately funny. Check out the trailer here!

New Trailer for ABC's The Muppets

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, May 12, 2015 at 10:53 AM

ABC released a poop ton of new trailers for their upcoming fall series (you can watch 'em all here), but here's the only one you care about: The Muppets. While all your fave characters are there, the format is more like a cross between The Office and 30 Rock. What do I think of it? Watch the trailer to the end to get the following joke: I'm turning it to the left!

First Trailer for Minority Report

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, May 12, 2015 at 9:28 AM

Check out the new trailer for Minority Report—the series based on the 2002 film starring Tom Cruise and directed by Steven Spielberg—set to debut this coming fall on FOX. For those who never saw the flick, in the future people called "pre-cogs" predicted crimes before they would happen, so cops like Tom Cruise could swoop in and save the day. Obviously this is a bit too much power for cops to weild, so at the end of the film, they disbanded the project. Fast forward ten years to 2065, when this series begins, and a young pre-cog has grown up and still sees visions of murders—but can't stop them. He teams up with a dubious cop who can help him seal the deal... and AWAY... THEY... GO! Look out murderers! You're about to get PRE-COGGED! (Not 100 percent sold on this concept, but it looks cool. WATCH AND OPINE.)

Monday, May 11, 2015

I Love Television™: Most Fullest House

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, May 11, 2015 at 1:29 PM

As you know, I'm always in search of my next "gravy train." You know, a person or scheme that will make me rich beyond my wildest dreams—although I would never say no to an actual train filled with gravy. Recent "gravy trains" include my plan to marry a rich old person... but Warren Buffett wasn't interested. Another involved inventing an app which would notify ice cream trucks to drive by my house... kind of like an Uber for adult-onset diabetics. But that idea blew up after learning my customer-base is primarily morbidly obese 10-year-olds whose parents refuse to further fatten up their kids. HEY, DUMB PARENTS! IT'S NOT MY FAULT ICE CREAM IS DELICIOUS!!

Well, I recently stumbled onto a new potential "gravy train," called "your nostalgic need for crappy reboots of Full House." As you may have heard, Netflix is producing a reboot of the '80s sitcom classic Full House to be called Fuller House. Spoiler alert: THAT IS A TERRIBLE NAME. Already signed up to star are Candace Cameron Bure (big sis D.J. Tanner), Jodie Sweetin (middle sis Stephanie Tanner), and Andrea Barber (neighbor Kimmy Gibbler) who shack up to help raise D.J.'s kids. Uncle Jesse (hunky mullet-owner John Stamos) will guest star, and plans to bring on Bob Saget, Dave Coulier, Lori Loughlin, and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!) are in the works.

Everybody in the world knows this show is going to suck hippo anus—and yet? There is money to be made off your nostalgia addiction, my friend! And nobody knows this better than the Lifetime Network, who—after achieving wild success with their horrific The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story—are hitching their wagon up to this nostalgia-driven project, and are currently casting the made-for-TV movie, Unauthorized Full House Story. A woefully unoriginal idea? YES, IT IS! Do they care? NO, THEY DO NOT! And do I want in on this gravy train action? YES, I MOST CERTAINLY DO.


Game of Thrones Recap: King of Grammar Edition

Posted by Joe Streckert on Mon, May 11, 2015 at 10:29 AM

Every season of Game of Thrones has reserved the big, dramatic event for episode nine of each season. Ned got his head chopped off in episode nine of season one (um... spoilers I guess), the Battle of the Blackwater was in episode nine of season two, and the Red Wedding was episode nine of season three. In last night's episode we got a pretty good idea of what's going to go down in the penultimate episode of this season. It was foreshadowed all over the place, most especially in the image below.

Spoilers after the jump!

Ramsay and Roose having the worst board game night ever.
  • Ramsay and Roose having the worst board game night ever.

Continue reading »


Friday, May 8, 2015

The Flash/Arrow Spinoff Gets a Title... and a Description!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, May 8, 2015 at 1:56 PM

Im tiny... but Im hot!
  • Courtesy CW
  • "I'm tiny... but I'm hot!"

Finally, some concrete info on CW's long rumored spinoff of The Flash and Arrow. The next DC product to be turned into a show will be subtly titled, Legends of Tomorrow and will debut this coming fall. Here's the official description, courtesy of

When heroes alone are not enough… the world needs legends. Having seen the future, one he will desperately try to prevent from happening, time-traveling rogue Rip Hunter is tasked with assembling a disparate group of both heroes and villains to confront an unstoppable threat – one in which not only is the planet at stake, but all of time itself. Can this ragtag team defeat an immortal threat unlike anything they have ever known?

I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION! I hope so? It seems this "ragtag" team will consist of Atom, Black Canary (maybe?), Hawkgirl, Firestorm, Heatwave, and probably more. If I were them I would not like to be called "ragtag." I would consider that insulting.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Coming to Netflix: The Wachowskis' Sense8

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, May 7, 2015 at 1:59 PM

If you're a fan of the Wachowski's moody, atmospheric weirdness (Hello, The Matrix trilogy!), then you might want to check out the trailer for their new show debuting June 5 on Netflix. It's called Sense8—which is about 8 different people scattered all over the globe who are somehow connected, and can share each other's abilities. For example, if I was connected to these guys, I could have cool assassin powers! And if they were connected to me, they could have... well, my power of passive-aggression and low blood sugar? Anyway, watch the trailer, it looks cool.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Jack Black and Jimmy Fallon Cover Extreme's "More Than Words": Perfection or the Ruination of Mankind?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, May 5, 2015 at 9:41 AM

Look, I know that Extreme's classic ballad "More Than Words" is a source of controversy. There are those (you) who think it sounds like a cat dragging its claws across a chalkboard... and then there are others (me) who listen to the song, and they laugh and their buttholes tingle. You know who you are, so either check out or NOT check out Jimmy Fallon and Jack Black doing a shot-by-shot recreation of Extreme's "More Than Words" video. Nothing weird happens... unless you count Black's contorted face... it's just Extreme's "More Than Words." You have been notified/warned. WATCH! (Or don't.)

Monday, May 4, 2015

Man Tries to Leave Elevator; Elevator Has Other Ideas

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, May 4, 2015 at 2:59 PM

This is a perfect TV news story, because even though it's from Seoul, Korea, you don't need a translator to understand the HORROR of what happened here. A man tries to exit an elevator, which never quite stops (!!) though he luckily climbs back in before getting chopped in half. In the elevator's defense, it doesn't have all day to wait for lollygaggers (who are probably texting at the time) when they have other customers to pick up. WATCH!

Game of Thrones Recap: Westerosi Tea Party Edition

Posted by Joe Streckert on Mon, May 4, 2015 at 10:14 AM

Last night's Game of Thrones was all about the threats of populist uprisings. It was an episode about fanatical, violent people motivated by religion, tradition, and nationalism. Even when confronted by a literal king or queen, those movements don't back down. They have a life of their own that seems to embody and defy politics, and when allowed to run through the streets, those armed, right-wing popular movements leave a trail of bodies as they make their point.

Spoilers after the jump.

Fuck you, action figures!
  • Fuck you, action figures!

Continue reading »


Thursday, April 30, 2015

Kristin Wiig May Not Know Very Much About Game of Thrones

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Apr 30, 2015 at 10:59 AM

Don't know much about Game of Thrones, and don't care to! However, in this Jimmy Fallon interview starring the wondrous Kristen Wiig as GoT's Daenerys Targaryen (AKA Khaleesi) she knows even less about the character than I do! But it's hilarious, and Kristen is adorable, so forgive her already, GoT freaks! (See also her hilarious "Michael Jordan" interview.)

Monday, April 27, 2015

Game of Thrones Recap: Margaery Tyrell, Queen of Everything Edition

Posted by Joe Streckert on Mon, Apr 27, 2015 at 11:29 AM

Last night’s episode of Game of Thrones was a bit long at 67 minutes, so after the jump there are way too many words about fake fantasy politics and Margaery Tyrell being amazing.

Spoilers after the jump!

<3 <3 <3 <3
  • <3 <3 <3 <3

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Friday, April 24, 2015

Chris Pratt vs. the "Apparently Kid" on the Subject of Dinosaurs: WHO DO YOU GOT?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Apr 24, 2015 at 9:29 AM

On Ellen, Ms. Degeneres welcomed Jurassic Park star Chris Pratt and the kid who apparently says "apparently" all the time to compete against each other on the subject of "dinosaur knowledge." There are many informative things about this video, such as 1) The "apparently" kid is more than apparently adorable and knows a shit ton about dinosaurs, 2) Ellen's production assistant is super hot, and 3) Chris Pratt is very patient when the Apparently Kid goes from adorable to annoying. WATCH!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Good Morning, TV News: Full House Returns, X-FIles Does Too, and Amy Schumer's Fudge Machine

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Apr 21, 2015 at 10:44 AM


TOP TV NEWS STORY: Former cast member John Stamos confirms that your fave childhood series Full House will be returning for a 13 episode reboot on Netflix. From Uproxx:

Stamos revealed that Fuller House will begin as an hour special, acting as reunion of sorts featuring as many of the original cast members as possible. After that it will spin into its own series featuring Candace Cameron Bure’s D.J. and Andrea Barber’s Kimmy Gibbler raising kids in the house from the original series.

Yes, yes... but what about THE OLSEN TWINS? If they don't do it, I'm not watching. And if they DO do it, I won't respect them. So that's a bit of a double-edge sword, isn't it?

MORE OLD-TIMEY TV NEWS: You heard that David Duchovny spilled the beans about a Fox revival of The X-Files, yes? Here's another leak for ya.

DAREDEVIL NEWS: Have you been watching Netflix' Daredevil? DEAR GOD IT'S SO GOOD. (I actually snuck out of a neighbor's party to watch an episode, and then snuck back in without anyone noticing. Now I feel bad because no one noticed.) Anyway, 92-year-old Stan Lee told the Toronto Sun that there could've been a Daredevil series on the small screen much earlier—but someone else was a dummy.

“I wanted to do that many years ago, but at the time the people who owned (Marvel) were very foolish. There was a beautiful actress who wanted to play Black Widow alongside Daredevil in the TV show. I forget her name,” he chuckled, “but she was gorgeous; you’d know her. I came to the person who at the time was the CEO of Marvel and I said, ‘We have a chance to do this as a series,’ and this idiot said, ‘If it bombs, that’ll hurt the character.’ And I said, ‘If that was the case we’d never do anything.’

Here are pics from that series. Looks terrible! So I guess maybe the guy wasn't so dumb after all?

MORE MARVEL SUPERHERO NEWS: The upcoming Agents of SHIELD spinoff has their two new leads—Adrianne Palicki (AKA Bobbi Morse, AKA Mockingbird) and Nick Blood (AKA Lance Hunter). This does not exactly thrill me. But it will thrill me A LOT more if it turns out to be just like this show.

JON STEWART NEWS: Jon made his official announcement that he will be leaving The Daily Show on August 6th. His announcement is perfect and sad as always.

LENA DUNHAM NEWS: Lena tells Variety that the sixth season of Girls may be her last. Does that make you happy or sad? Or ecstatic?

AND FINALLY, AMY SCHUMER NEWS: A fourth season of Inside Amy Schumer has been picked up by Comedy Central, and the third season debuts tonight at 10:30 pm. To wet your whistle here's Amy's tribute to big booties—which maybe gets a bit literal after awhile. (Guest starring Amber Rose and Method Man! Audio NSFW.)

Monday, April 20, 2015

A Doomsday Video That Kinda Makes You Look Forward to Doomsday!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Apr 20, 2015 at 11:59 AM

As you may have heard, one of CNN's greatest secrets was leaked earlier this year—a "Doomsday Video" they produced to be shown if the world ever came to an end. Unsurprisingly (like everything else CNN does) it was TERRRRIBLE. However! It did inspire John Oliver of Last Week Tonight to produce an actually AWESOME doomsday video that features Martin Sheen and cats dressed as cowboys, and is something I would actually want to watch when the earth spins out of its orbit and crashes into the moon. (My preferred method of annihilation.) WATCH!!

Game of Thrones Recap: "Dammit, Dany" Edition

Posted by Joe Streckert on Mon, Apr 20, 2015 at 10:28 AM

GUYS! Did you see the Star Wars trailer? What am I saying? Of course you did. You're reading a goddamn Game of Thrones recap. You like Star Wars. Well, according to totally unsubstantiated rumors from the Intenet that may or may not be true, Gwendoline Christie (Brienne of Tarth) might be playing the character in that sweet chrome stormtrooper armor. This rumor might be bullshit! Or it might be a thing! Who knows! Well, the people who are actually involved in making Star Wars. They know.

This is not germane to anything at all in this recap. I just kind of want that to be true.

Uh, anyway, there's a Game of Thrones recap after the jump.

The entirety of Game of Thrones has just been Doctor Bashir messing around in one of Deep Space Nines holo-suites.
  • The entirety of Game of Thrones has just been Doctor Bashir messing around in one of Deep Space Nine's holo-suites..

Continue reading »

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