So this is what we've been reduced to! Blogging about the possibility of ABC picking Joss Whedon's highly anticipated Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, and the possibility of a promo for the show being broadcast during the season finale of Once Upon a Time, airing this Sunday at 8 pm on ABC.
OR you can watch what is possibly a blurry version of the clip featuring what is possibly the show which possibly features THE HULK right here.
POSSIBLY!! (And yes, this is what we've been reduced to. Sigh. I hate ourselves.)
I saw David Letterman's "Stooge of the Night" segment for the first time last night. (Apologies if I'm late to the party on this; according to NewsBusters—"Exposing & Combating Liberal Media Bias"—he's been at it for a while.) It's remarkable, and it reminds me why I've always liked Letterman so much. It's also ballsy and goofy and painfully uncomfortable and 100 percent necessary. I have to imagine the people at the Late Show are getting no end of shit for doing this. I hope like hell they keep it up.
Fox has NINE brand new shows (some promising, others TERRIBLE) coming up this fall, including an Andy Samberg cop show. Would you like a sneaky peek at them? Oh my shit, why not?
The Voice admits on-air that their voting system is fucked. Since that's out of the way, we now return to piercing your eardrums with a rusty screwdriver.
In other "things that sound like screeching cats" news: According to The Wrap, American Idol is dumping ALL FOUR of their judges (including producer Nigel Lythgoe) in a move to revive a show that should have been smothered with a pillow years ago.
CNN? You've done it again! In yet another humiliating fiasco, Nancy Grace was caught doing a "fake split-screen" interview with another reporter who was standing a few feet away in the same parking lot. HAHAHAHAAAAA!!
Netflix is not allowing critics to see Arrested Development before the rest of the world. HEY! Don't they know that we're special snowflakes?!?
A 17-year-old hacker wins a coding contest after devising a way to stop Twitter-users from spoiling TV show endings and surprises. (I won second place with my entry, "Why not turn your stupid Twitter off?")
Here's a great interview with The Americans' exec producer Joe Weisberg who walks us through how he made choices for the entire season of THIS AWESOME SHOW THAT YOU BETTER START WATCHING 'CUZ IT AM AWESOME!!!
And finally, here's a supercut of Commander Riker sitting down like a crazy person. WTF?? Stop sitting down that way, Riker!! (Is this the way they sit in the future?)
The verrry funny folks at Bad Lip Reading have another dub-tastic masterpiece for you guys—because this time they're lampooning The Walking Dead! (Unsurprisingly, you'll wish it were real. Especially "the musical" portion. WATCH!)
Well, that was weird. Bleakness. Death. Hopelessness. Last night's Game of Thrones was short on action and long on angst and death. Compared to the last two episodes it was something a tad slow. It certainly had more brooding than action and more setup than payoff. A mixed bag, all around.
That, and a character death that I quite frankly did not see coming.
Awfulness is everywhere. More after the jump.
First of all, the GIF everyone wants to see:
That pratfall came right after Pete yelled out, "DRAPER!" like a curse word across the office. Find out why after the jump!
Marvel wasn't always a media juggernaut. They've almost gone bankrupt before, and the '90s weren't kind to them, just like they weren't kind to DC, or market speculators, or anyone who ever had a foil-stamped variant issue of grimdark crosshatched bullshit with swords poured into their eyes. That was a lot of people, as such material constituted (let me consult my ass for these figures) ...87% of supehero comics' output in the '90s.
Marvel began selling characters' film and television rights to anyone willing to pay. Eventually, filmmakers like Bryan Singer and Sam Raimi figured out - in a way Roger Corman & David Hasselhoff couldn't - how to make really good movies with these characters, and the resultant avalanche of cash allowed Marvel to make moves in the film industry, leading to a reality where Robert Downey Jr. is a legitimate action star, Joss Whedon has directed a billion-dollar movie, and people kinda almost give a shit about Thor. That's pretty amazing.
Fans familiar with the comics are constantly looking ahead to the next sequel, sidequel, prequel, or crossover, because they're superhero fans, and that's what they're trained to do. And as other studios flail and fumble with achieving any level of superhero success, some of those previously-sold character rights are reverting back to Marvel. Daredevil already got folded back into the Marvel mix a while back, and now joining him are Ghost Rider, The Punisher, and Blade.
Of course, the cry to get these characters put in new movies was instant. But I think that'd be a bad call, Ripley. A bad call. A better one? Building a presence on television using these street-level heroes. After the jump for the full pitch.
I'm pretty sure I don't care how many Hangover sequels he does—I love me some Zach Galifianakis so much, I don't even have to Google his name anymore to see how to spell it. He's hosting Saturday Night Live this week, and in the following verrrrrry funny pornos, he's teamed up with Jason Sudeikis who... did I just write "pornos"? I meant "promos." Anyway, these guys clearly hate each other.
While the premiere episode of Inside Amy Schumer—starring the absolutely filthy/hilarious comedian Amy Schumer—doesn't debut until tonight (Comedy Central, 10:30 pm), you can watch it right NOW on the Comedy Central site. Added bonus? Unlike tonight's showing, this one is completely uncensored which means while you can watch it right now, it's in your best interest to NOT WATCH THIS AT WORK. Unless you have the coolest boss in the world who just so happens to be Amy Schumer.
This recap is dedicated to my good friend Johnny for his birthday. Thanks for reading John! You are generous and handsome.
Last night's Game of Thrones successfully combined scheming and plotting with action- wheels were being wound up, but we also got to see plots unfold. The vast majority of it was in one-on-one scenes with characters who opposed each other in some way. Each bit of it had tension, conflict, and usually a satisfying payoff. Also, there was lots of blood and nudity.
And then it was over:
Let's recap this shiz over on MOD.
Were you thinking about eating lunch outside today? What are you—an idiot?? The sun will burn your pale white skin alive! Better to stay in the nice, air-conditioned indoors, grab a sammy, and watch the premiere episode of Maron from IFC. It's kind of like Louie—except with comedian/podcaster Marc Maron instead. It's gorgeously shot, and while not particularly ha-ha funny, it IS amusing. And way better than having your skin burned off.
Maron debuts on IFC, Friday, May 3 at 10 pm.
Something I noticed yesterday, something that's been nagging at me for awhile, dancing around my peripheral, ducking out of the way just as I turn my head, hiding in the corners of my consciousness:
I don't think people give a shit about Doctor Who so much anymore.
Before I continue: I know that what I'm about to offer up as "proof" of this phenomenon is entirely anecdotal. I didn't commission Nate Silver to collate data and pore through the stats before I yarked this up onto the internet. But I do wanna get this out there, to see if it is, in fact, just me. Or rather, me, and my friends, and their friends, and the legions of Who fans (I'm not calling them Whovians. They shouldn't either) online who seem to be responding to the back half of Series 7 with a tweedy shrug and some sideways snark at best.
May 26! That’s when our national mourning will finally come to an end, and we’ll be able to watch new Arrested Development episodes on Netflix! Until then, three things of note:
1) Check out this hilarious preview clip from the new season four (courtesy of EW), featuring Buster, Lucille, and their so incredibly fucked-up relationship. This makes me say, "I CANNOT WAIT."
2) Do not miss the Arrested Development Returns party at Holocene on Wednesday, May 8! DEETS:
Sponsored by Portland Mercury and CD Baby, join us in celebrating the return of our favorite TV show! Musical performances by The We Shared Milk, Animal Eyes, and Tango Alpha Tango! Each covering a special tune from the series. Plus, the DJ stylings of Trim Jones, banana drink specials, prizes for those who dress up for the Bluth family costume contest or participate in the chicken dance-off. And be sure to bring some extra cash to buy prints from local artists in the Arrested Development inspired art show! First 100 people through the door receive their choice of a free live album download from one of the performing bands!
And 3) Netflix has released character posters for the new season... here's my fave.
In a clip that will make you squirm with malicious glee, Jimmy Kimmel sent his reporter to Coachella to ask attendees what they thought about bands THAT DO NOT EXIST. Unsurprisingly, Coachella attendees LOVE bands that do not exist, and they've listened to all of their non-existent records and while they haven't seen these non-existent bands live, they are SO PSYCHED to check their non-existence out! WATCH THIS.
Sunday night is TV night which for me means Simpsons, Mad Men, Game of Thrones, and Bob's Burgers. There's not much more of a solid line up than that, and each show offers a different experience. The Simpsons these days is caustic and surreal, a step down from its glory days but still very funny. Bob's Burgers is affectionately weird. Game of Thrones is trashy exploitation hour, and Mad Men is our extremely well made soap. "The Season is a third over!" declared my girlfriend. It made me sad.
My Mad Men recap—after the jump!
Oh, good. I was getting a little worried there. Three episodes in, and Game of Thrones was doing a whole lot of setup and not a lot of head-whacking. Last night, though, that changed.
This episode knocked down all the dominoes that the first three set up, and the result was wonderful. Blood, death, torture, and incineration abounded. Intrigue was, well, intrigued, barbs were exchanged, and, just like they say in the show, some people won and some people died.
I feel like this always happens. Whenever the finalists on Project Runway are released from their gilded cage to go home and begin work on their fashion week collections, it's like the blood suddenly rushes back to their heads all at once and they over-think themselves into some pretty weird ideas about clothes. Here's where Portland contestant Michelle Lesniak Franklin's at:
Spoilers galore are over on MOD!
In the below video, Paul F. Tompkins tasks Alison Brie with imitating internet memes. She's really good at it! It's quite delightful! GOOD MORNING!
Yeah, we'll get to the ending.
Game of Thrones was pretty genre-bendy last night, with elements of comedy, horror, and horror comedy. Skin was bared. Bread products were given. A very important body part was removed. Then, out of nowhere THAT SONG. Oh god, that song.
Spoilers after the jump.
Well. Looks like they're not wasting anytime in Season 6 of Mad Men. Sunday's episode got things rolling right along. Causes and effects that used to take entire seasons to play out are happening in single episodes now.
Oooh ooh ooh, last night's two-hour Project Runway special, featuring the final challenge prior to sending these poor exhausted people home to work on their NY fashion week collections, had a whole lot of action and airplane time. Apologies are owed to the earth for the squandering of precious fuel that took this cast of characters to points across western Europe for one day. Meanwhile, in Portland contestant Michelle's world:
Full recap w/spoilers on MOD.
Last week Elizabeth Moss was on Jimmy Kimmel Live to hype Mad Men. Unable to show any clips from the premiere, Kimmel and his team revealed that her first acting gig was in the classic Suburban Commando, where the mighty Hulk Hogan rescued her cat from a tree.
In summation, Peggy was in Suburban Commando. Life may never again resemble what it once was.
So I guess we're all in agreement that the best part of season three of The Walking Dead was the copious amount of decapitations and noggin-shooting. Here are the best such shots of the season—with a bit of how they made it happen—from CG masters Stargate Studios who made this awesome visual effects reel. VERY BLOODY AND COOL.
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