This Week in the Mercury

The Best of Charlie Hales' Voicemails

News

The Best of Charlie Hales' Voicemails

Portland's Mayor Apparently Gave You All Plenty to Complain About This Year


Every Woman

Music

Every Woman

Esmé Patterson Rewrites the Songbook



Uncaged

Friday, September 27, 2013

Where the Fuck's My Bad Lieutenant Pillow?

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Sep 27, 2013 at 3:44 PM

If I only had to choose one film to watch for the rest of my life, it might very well be the film that's unquestionably Nicolas Cage's best work and possibly Werner Herzog's best work: Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, a film that every household in America should be required to own.

So I have complicated feelings about these Nicolas Cage pillows on Amazon (thanks to FilmDrunk for the heads up). On the upside: Nicolas Cage pillows. Think of the dreams you would have! On the downside, think of how much better that upside would be if there was a Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans pillow? And it came with this?

In conclusion, I guess I will order my second choice, which is obviously the Season of the Witch pillow.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Prepare Thyself: Nicolas Cage is Making Left Behind

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Wed, Aug 14, 2013 at 3:44 PM

Last night I had to watch Kick-Ass 2, and one of the many things wrong with Kick-Ass 2 is that there is no Nicolas Cage. This is, obviously, problematic, and it doesn't help that the characters are always talking about Nicolas Cage's character from the first movie—essentially reminding you, over and over, how much better Kick-Ass 2 would be if Nicolas Cage was in it and not just being mentioned all the time.

ANYWAY, that got me thinking about Nicolas Cage, which meant I spent a few hours last night looking for cool stuff about Nicolas Cage on the internet, and LOOK! Nicolas Cage is going to be in a movie based on those super-creepy Left Behind books!

Stoney Lake Entertainment, led by Paul Lalonde of faith-oriented banner Cloud Ten Pictures, is producing along with Jason Hewitt of Films in Motion and Michael Walker. Film began shooting Friday in Baton Rouge, La., with Vic Armstrong directing and John Patus penning script.

The Left Behind reboot will follow a group of survivors during the first few hours after millions of people around the globe simply vanish without warning. [SPOILER: IT'S THE RAPTURE! —Erik]

Cage is playing the pilot of a jumbo jet, trying to calm his hysterical passengers. (Via.)

"Wait... a REBOOT?" you ask? Oh, of course! Do you know why?

left_behind.jpg

Yeah. Because Kirk Cameron already made it, and now Nicolas Cage is making it, and just picture this except with Nicolas Cage in it:

"The sun is gone! Fire is raining from the sky!" *KABOOM* "Hi, I'm Nicolas Cage."

Why isn't the internet ON FIRE about this? Why aren't you guys more excited about this? Do none of you understand how amazing this will be?

Monday, February 11, 2013

Proudly Announcing the Next Mercury Hecklevision: CON AIR.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Feb 11, 2013 at 9:59 AM

Only two words can describe the next Mercury-approved Hecklevision: FUCK and YES.

FUCK YES. It's Nicolas Cage's 1997 aerial action epic Con Air, screened as it's never been screened before—with your smartass texts beamed directly from your phone right onto the giant-ass movie screen. A night to end all nights? You bet your goddamn ass!

Put it in your calendar: Hecklevision: Con Air. Saturday, February 23. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy. 7:30 pm. $8. It's gonna feel so good. So good.

HECKLEVISION: CON AIR So good.
  • HECKLEVISION: CON AIR So good.

Friday, February 17, 2012

"YOU'RE CALLED 'PSYCHOTIC' IF YOU DO THAT, BUT IT'S ALL SEMANTICS."

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 4:29 PM

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RAIN: GOOD FOR NICOLAS CAGE'S SINUSES

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 4:28 PM

FIRE URINE INSPIRES SMILES, CURES DISEASES

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 10:14 AM

INDEED, LET US KEEP IT A MYSTERY

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 10:13 AM

Monday, February 13, 2012

Nicolas Cage: Vampire, Clone, Hero

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 12:58 PM

Fig. 1.

Fig. 2:

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Tonight! KATU Wants Everyone to Be Afraid of Marauding Crazy People!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, Feb 9, 2012 at 12:44 PM

Have you seen this yet? KATU is airing a melodramatic commercial for an "investigative" piece tonight that's apparently all about how the Oregon State Hospital keeps on letting crazy people lumber free from decrepit cages to menace innocents and little children.

They're pulling out all the stops: sinister music, a raspy narrator, gritty black-and-white footage—even a hallway confrontation between a reporter and a state official. Update! Here's a YouTube embed; seems the KATU embed stopped working. Update again! And then the station's YouTube embed went down, too. Curious. Very curious. I've left a message with the newsroom to find out what's what. Another update! The Mental Health Association of Portland shrewdly made their own copy and posted it to YouTube. So it lives again.

Good for them and their gumshoe reporting, right? Wrong. Mental health advocates are ripping it as a bunch of stigmatizing, insensitive hogwash.

The Mental Health Association of Portland is calling the story "crap" and wants people to call KATU and raise hell:

The Mental Health Association of Portland has sifted through a lot of crap news stories about the Oregon State Hospital—but this looks to be a doozy.

What’s true? The hospital HAD four basic problems — decrepit and dangerous buildings, demoralized under-educated staff, stigma/fear/panic on the part of just about everyone but especially mental health providers and the media, and the association with Psychiatric Security Review Board.

Number one is resolved. Number two is changing fast. Number three, as evidenced by Dan Tilken‘s hysterical reporting above, is still a basic every day problem. Number four was addressed with major legislative changes in 2010.

Tonight KATU is the problem, not the solution. Too bad Dan couldn’t find a real story.

And here's what the Multnomah County chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness had to say:

KATU is running inflammatory, fear-mongering ad spots about people being treated at the state hospital. The key word in Oregon State Hospital is "hospital"—not prison—as KATU portrays.

Lucky for you, we've obtained an advance copy of KATU's special report! It's after the cut.

Continue reading »

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Friday, January 27, 2012

Your Daily Nicolas Cage Quote for Friday, January 27, 2012

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Jan 27, 2012 at 4:44 PM

A sequel to the original The Wicker Man opens today at Living Room Theaters—and it's apparently so amazingly mind-blowingly great that the film's distributors absolutely refused to let any critics see it beforehand. So we don't have a review of it, but by all means go and waste your money on that. Anyway, remember how Nicolas Cage was in a Wicker Man remake? From Empire, via FilmDrunk:

I would like to hook up with one of the great Japanese filmmakers, like the master that made Ringu, and I would like to take The Wicker Man to Japan, except this time he's a ghost.

Good day.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Ghost Rider Classes Things Up

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Jan 13, 2012 at 11:44 AM

The French title probably should have been the American title too.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

And Now I Present to You: Gifolas Cage

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Tue, Jan 10, 2012 at 11:59 AM

Gifolas Cage: A tumblr solely devoted to animated .gifs of Nicolas Cage, and my current favorite place on the internet.

I eagerly await some Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans .gifs. If I knew how to make some I would. I would do nothing but that.

Thanks to Fatboy for the tip/improving my day immeasurably.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Nicolas Cage Wants to Teach You About Serbian Biology

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Nov 28, 2011 at 2:59 PM

A 1998 eighth grade biology book with a picture of the 47-year-old actor in the 1987 film Raising Arizona has been uncovered by a Twitter user from the Southeast European country.

A cut-out of Cage in the Coen Brothers comedy, along with co-star Holly Hunter holding a baby, is seen set against a backdrop of a field of red roses.

What the image has to do with the contents of the book is questionable.

The Daily Mail, via FilmDrunk.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

You're Welcome

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Tue, Nov 22, 2011 at 12:14 PM

Click Nic for a magical surprise!

Screen_shot_2011-11-21_at_7.19.05_PM.png

Mercury contributor Jacob Schraer sent me that last night, probably thinking I wouldn't be able to do anything but stare dumbly at it for hours on end. WRONG, JACOB. I spent those hours making some totally sweet art!

Continue reading »

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Thursday, September 15, 2011

"Nicolas Cage's Words of Inspiration™" for Thursday, September 15

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Sep 15, 2011 at 12:29 PM

sadcage.jpg

"It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed."

Via. Thanks to Joneser for the heads up.

Monday, August 22, 2011

NICOLAS CAGE IS ON FIRE (AGAIN)

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Aug 22, 2011 at 10:44 AM

Jesus fucking CHRIST I go out of town for ONE GODDAMN WEEKEND and look at what fucking happens: NO ONE POSTS THE NEW GHOST RIDER TRAILER. Way to let Blogtown go to shit while I'm gone, everyone.

Anyway: There's a new Ghost Rider, I guess, even though the first one was... y'know... Ghost Rider. Because why the hell not, Nicolas Cage is still starring as whatever-the-fuck-his-face-who-turns-into-a-fire-skeleton-on-a-motorcycle, and the batshit auteurs who directed Crank, Gamer, and Crank: High Voltage are directing, so I suppose here's Cage in, if not the role he was born to play, at least a role that paid him some money so he could afford to buy another castle.

Hot damn, I will watch the hell out of that. (Sony! You can use that quote on the poster! Get on it!) Also, congrats, BFF bro-down directors, for adequately answering a question that no one has ever, ever asked about Ghost Rider's pee.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Stupid, Stupid Pigeon in "Chase Your Tail Feather"

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Jul 1, 2011 at 9:59 AM

All hail the stupidest bird in the bird kingdom—THE PIGEON. In this video, a stupid, stupid pigeon—actually probably one of the smarter ones in his flock—apparently thinks his tail feathers are covered in delicious invisible hot dogs. (Negative points also go to the people filming this video... you think it's funny, but what if the bird was suffering a stroke?)

Friday, February 25, 2011

Twenty-Nine Things You Should Know About Nicolas Cage's Drive Angry

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Feb 25, 2011 at 4:14 PM

Today on our lunch hour, Ned and I went to Drive Angry.

Screen_shot_2011-02-22_at_2.11.43_PM.png

Our web-exclusive review can be found here, while the rest of this week's film write-ups—a Cold Weather review! a Hall Pass review! an interview with Paul Giamatti!—are here.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's, Blogtown Readers!

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Feb 14, 2011 at 11:28 AM

You are. You really, really are.

There's more at the link, including this gem. Via Jay, via Renée, via LiveJournal. (Whoa! LiveJournal!)

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Today in Old Ladies Saying Awful Things

Posted by Kevin "the Intern" Otzenberger on Tue, Nov 23, 2010 at 1:29 PM

Here are a few unsavory moments, brought you by elderly women.

First, Barbara Bush un-tells a key detail of a cornerstone moment in her son's memoir, then notes she was shocked that this "Pow-La" character had put her fetus into a jar and showed it to George. (Who wouldn't be?) She then tries to turn this creepy story into a cute one before she rapidly slips back into senility.

Here, a way less famous but similarly wholesome old lady reads Kanye West's tweets, editorializing something quite clear about the new generation of young adults: we're assholes.

Take that, us!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Best Film of NEXT Year. And EVERY Year Ever.

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 4:27 PM

I don't want to get too overly excited, but...

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE.



Sure, I hear you scoff. And groan.

Quite simply: You're wrong.

I don't want to go out on a limb or anything, BUT: SEASON OF THE WITCH STARRING NICOLAS CAGE AND RON PERLMAN WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. It's been sitting on the crapheap since it was filmed in 2008. It opens January 2011. Your life will never be the same. I suggest you begin preparing yourself now.

via AICN

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

What the Fuck Ghost Rider 2 is Going to Exist

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Wed, Nov 10, 2010 at 12:43 PM

ghostrider2baby.jpeg
  • Why yes, I am awesome at photoshop.

"Via the Romanian media," io9 has proof that Ghost Rider 2 is actually happening.

I do not have anything to add to this other than noting that this news both affirms and condemns any faith I had left in humanity. I shall have fevered nightmares of this cursed production every night until its release; every morning, I shall awaken exhilarated by the prospect that its glory is one day closer.

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