io9 calls watching the first two seasons of Star Trek—56 episodes—all at once "strangely hypnotic." I found it "incredibly stressful," which is probably due to either my hangover or a suddenly lowered tolerance for galactic crises. Probably my hangover.

I like Star Trek. Maybe you don't. Maybe you can also go to hell.

Anyway, a long time ago, I posted this nitpicky rant, ripping into some hapless asshole's disturbingly poor understanding of the franchise and its VERY IMPORTANT minutiae. I struck a blow for justice and decency and nerds, etc. I was a champion, a hero, even. Then, this weekend, I posted the following video:

Notice anything GLARINGLY wrong? I didn't. Erik Henriksen, of course, did. Check this out:

OH, HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN! I HAVE BEEN SHAMED! I AM UNWORTHY! Because that screenshot clearly shows the engineering lab from the Galaxy-class Enterprise-D, a ship what wasn't invented, or even built, until decades after Starfleet largely stopped using the Constitution-class Enterprise shown in the commercial's establishing shots. And I let that pass unremarked upon.

But that wasn't my only sin. Hit the jump for further evidence of my failure.

Continue reading »

• Keith Birdsong

This concludes the surprisingly erotic Blogtown series "Today's Random Passage from Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation Novel by Peter David." Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation novel by Peter David, is available at Powell's.

• Keith Birdsong

Picard slowly opened his eyes with that sense of disorientation one always has when one awakens someplace new. But then he heard the soft snoring near the crook of his elbow, and it came rushing back to him in a gentle, glowing haze.

"Ohhh... dear," he said softly.

He flexed his fingers and came to the slow realization that he had lost circulation in his right hand. Gently, gingerly, he pulled the arm out from under Beverly's head. She twitched briefly in her sleep as he accidentally tugged at a hank of her hair, and then his arm was free of her head. She settled back down onto the pillow, her eyes still closed, as Picard raised his arm straight up and shook the hand out briskly. He felt a quick tingling and tried making a fist.

"Want me to kiss it and make it better?" came the tender voice from next to him.

He looked over at her, and her eyes were still closed. There was, however, the trace of a smile on her lips.

"Go back to sleep," said Picard.

"Like hell. I go on duty in fifteen minutes."

He frowned and checked the chronometer in the darkened room. She was right.

"I have an internal clock that's as punctual as anything on this ship," she said with a touch of pride. "I set it, I wake up to it, I go to sleep by it."

"Do you make love by it?" he asked.

"Today's Random Passage from Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation Novel by Peter David" will continue on Blogtown throughout the week. Can't wait until tomorrow's installment? Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation novel by Peter David, is available at Powell's.

• Keith Birdsong

A. A. Milne was not exactly to Q's taste.

"Today's Random Passage from Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation Novel by Peter David" will continue on Blogtown throughout the week. Can't wait until tomorrow's installment? Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation novel by Peter David, is available at Powell's.

• Keith Birdsong

By now Worf was at the door. He jammed his fingers in between, gritted his teeth, and grunted. The doors hissed open under the Klingon's strength.

Worf staggered forward slightly, and came within a hairsbreadth of toppling into the shaft. For that was all that was there before him... the darkened shaft. There was no turbolift in sight.

But before Worf could be in serious danger, Riker and Picard had already grabbed him by the arm and uniform back, and pulled him to safety. Q, standing nearby, murmured, "You needn't have worried. He would probably have just landed on his head and been spared serious injury."

Riker leaned forward, bracing his hands on either side of the shaft. For the briefest of moments he felt as Orpheus must have, shouting into the black hole that led down into Hades, howling the name of his beloved as she was sent hurtling back to her doom.

"Deanna!" he shouted.

"Today's Random Passage from Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation Novel by Peter David" will continue on Blogtown throughout the week. Can't wait until tomorrow's installment? Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation novel by Peter David, is available at Powell's.

• Keith Birdsong

Picard looked in horror at the nightmarish image into which his bridge had been transformed. The bridge: his nerve center, the place that was the essence of the Enterprise herself, changed into some sort of hideous, nightmarish travesty of itself. In an insane way, Picard felt violated.

He was surprised at the hoarseness of his own voice as he spun to face Q and said, "Change it back!"

But there was a look of surprise on Q's face. "I'm trying," he said. "I'm trying, but I don't seem to—"

"Do it, Q! Now!"

"Shut up, Picard!" Q shouted with a ferocity that he had never before displayed.

That was when Picard realized that there was something akin to fear in Q's eyes. This is beyond anything he's experienced , Picard realized, and that thought in turn was followed by the horrified speculation, What could possibly be beyond what he has experienced?

Q immediately composed himself. He closed his eyes and seemed to be drawing into himself, finding some calm center to tap, some inner resource upon which to draw. His breathing (if a creature such as Q could actually be said to be breathing, as opposed to putting on some sort of illusion of same) slowed; his eyelids fluttered.

"Today's Random Passage from Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation Novel by Peter David" will continue on Blogtown throughout the week. Can't wait until tomorrow's installment? Q-Squared, a 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation novel by Peter David, is available at Powell's.

THE BEST OF TIMES: This was on my desk when I arrived at work this morning.

Continue reading »

• Via

As we all know, the only thing love ever really does is trick you into thinking it's permanent and good and that maybe life isn't as shitty as as it seems, and then, when you're least expecting it, it turns vicious and rotten and utterly destroys every single thing you knew and cherished. AND IT'S EVEN WORSE WHEN STAR TREK IS INVOLVED.

If you saw the Star Trek documentary Trekkies 2, then you will remember the guy in the UK who redesigned his flat in 24th century Star Trek style. For the last few years that fan has been trying to sell the flat as is, but has not had any takers and now a divorce is forcing him to rip out the Trek stuff and sell the place as a standard flat. (Via.)

NOOOOOOOOOOO

Tony transformed the one-bedroom flat to look like the famous flight deck—with a computer console, flashing lights and even "transporters."

He built it himself—and says it would cost at least £100,000 to do it again from scratch.

Tony, 58, is getting a divorce from wife Georgina who owns the flat in Hinckley, Leics, and wants to sell.

Tony said: "To say I'm gutted is an understatement. It is my life's work—and it looks like it's going into a skip. I admit there were tears." (Via.)

As commenter "Kenneth_Of_Borg" notes on TrekMovie.com (where there's a pretty amazing video tour of the flat):

That is a crying shame. I wonder if they could give him a walk-on part in the new film. It would make him feel better.

Indeed it would, Kenneth_Of_Borg. Make it happen, J.J. Abrams! I beg of you to make this happen.

• Via

• Via

• Via

Goddamn Hufflepuffs. What idiots. Uh, anyway, this is either the best thing or the worst thing that has ever happened.

Cumberbatch, is, of course, motherfucking Sherlock, and also showed up in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and Steven Spielberg's Battle Pony, and he'll be Smaug in Peter Jackson's Hobbit movies. He is fantastic, as anyone who has ever seen Sherlock can attest (especially the most recent one, which how great was that), and this news is entirely awesome, which is why I have expressed more enthusiasm in this single paragraph than I have in real life for the entirety of the past three months.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I THINK. Do yourself a favor and head over to the comments at TrekMovie, home to my favorite commenters on the internet! (After a few of you Blogtown residents, I guess.) The thread is full of comments like this one, which, obviously, speak for themselves.

TNG Season 8: "Plots from the unaired eighth season of Star Trek: The Next Generation."

Read them all.