Sigh. Everyone went to see Star Trek into Darkness and I'm stuck Googling the correct spellings of various dried Italian meats. I'm going to watch my own futuristic space opera with Janelle Monáe's new song "Q.U.E.E.N." from her upcoming album Electric Lady. That'll cheer me up. It'll work for you too, I bet. She has that effect.
How vantastic, it's Video Vriday! This week we've got some videos and some non-videos. I'll explain.
More videos and non-videos after the jump! Click to watch Toxic Holocaust, Typhoon, Black Prairie, and Rare Monk.
It's Video Vriday, everybody's vavorite day of the week!
More after the jump!
We did this before! We're doing it again! Portland videos from Portland bands for Portland people.
Yay, new Wild Ones! Let this be your very favorite thing today.
Lots more after the jump, including videos from Gossip, Pure Bathing Culture, Butt 2 Butt, Catherine Feeny, the Ecstatics, and A Killing Dove.
As the week draws to a drowsy closezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz—sorry, I had a big lunch. But if you're like me, you're already feeling worn out, in spite of the holiday and the short week. So there's no better thing to do than to goof off and catch up on some local music videos!
First up is a live clip from Grandparents, filmed at the Banana Stand on May 19, 2012. That show is shortly to be released by Banana Stand Media as a live album, continuing their series of excellent work documenting Portland bands in the live setting. This is a beautifully shot clip (courtesy of Collective-47), and a dreamy, daze-y track from Grandparents. The track's titled "Fume," and there will be a release show for Grandparents' Live from the Banana Stand at Holocene on January 24.
Lots more to look at after the jump.
It did not occur to me that eating a habanero or two and then trying to tell topical jokes into a camera would be so... the worst.
I didn't really think much about it. I have my own late-night talk show (Late Night Action w/ Alex Falcone - season two starts in January!), so I know I can deliver the shit out of a topical monologue. I like spicy foods. I like being on YouTube. Boom. Easy. Sure, guys, I'll be on The Spicy News.
Here's something I didn't know: when you eat a whole habanero pepper it has a slight delay, like pulling the pin out of a capsaicin grenade. I thought maybe I was just too much of a man for this silly little pepper to affect me. In that moment, surrounded by the camera equipment and a room full of comedians I really wanted to impress, I thought my overwhelming manhood was getting in the way of my ability to be funny. I was so afraid I'd do a bad job that I ate a second pepper. And then they both punched me in my stupid mouth at the same time.
I barely got through the rest of the jokes, delivering a total of none of them with the aplomb I'd envisioned. The staff (Spicy News feels like it's produced by every comedian in Portland; there were something like 30 people in the studio) rushed in with a bowl of ice cream that did very close to nothing to curb the UNBELIEVABLE BURNING IN AND AROUND MY FACE.
Instead of being relieved it was over, I was enormously sad. I wasn't expecting that either. I think what happened was my eyes were watering so hard, my body thought we were crying. "What's that, eyes? Crying? Lots and lots? Shit, something way sad must have just happened. Come on, emotions, get your head in the game!" I was curled up on a chair hugging my ice cream and feeling super bummed about nothing in particular for 20+ minutes.
Here's something else I didn't know: habaneros don't just hurt your mouth. If you eat two in a row and don't do a great job of chewing them, you feel a small ball of firey pain moving slowly down your digestive track, hitting your stomach, and expanding to fill the entire thing.
Somebody asked me if I'd eaten dinner first. "You should eat a bunch beforehand so you don't get a stomachache. Also we usually have people eat a couple Tums before they start." These are both super helpful tips beforehand. They've done like 40 of these videos, and it didn't occur to one of the hundred staff members/groupies there to tell me this before I did the video.
I tell you all of this, dear friend, to let you know how much I've gone through in the last 24 hours in hopes of providing you even a smidgen of entertainment. If you don't watch this video and enjoy it heartily, it'll be like you personally kicked me in the stomach. Twice. So watch it. And if they ever ask you to be on the Spicy News tell them to shove their habaneros up their numerous asses.
If you think our future rulers will take us down swiftly, maybe with some kind of massive mind-control system or death ray, you're wrong. This guy is trying to make it so they enact their terrible mechanical reign using SWORDS. Unlike salad robot and noodle robot, there are no commercial applications to robots who fight with swords. Only fighting applications.
Even more frightening is this lamp created by three students from the University of Wellington.
Three terrifying things about this:
 College students did it. So it can't be that hard.
 The lamp doesn't like being turned off. Imagine that from a sword-fighting robot.
 It's kind of adorable. And it shouldn't be, because it's coming to kill us all.
Just in time for Halloween, the Mean Jeans film a video at Fright Town and prove once again why they are the Best Party Band in the Universe.
Das Was Up.
A magical medley of Monday morning music mideos!... er, videos. (Also, it's afternoon now.)
Alison had the right idea. She just chose the wrong video. Behold Mungo Jerry!
Man, Shia LaBeouf has decided now is the time to just Go There. I mean this in the classic artistic sense - leaping forward, blindly, trying things for the sake of trying them, exposing yourself in a manner that can be described in a multitude of ways, but "brave" above all. Typically, on these sorts of artistic journeys, nobody knows where there is until we arrive, and even then, there's no guarantee it will be a transcendent, beautiful place. It might just be 15 tons of pretentious recycled meat, thudding to the floor with a sound not unlike a deck of cards being shuffled into a bowl of pudding.
Below is a Not Safe For Work video from Sigur Ros, a band whose music is so effortlessly beautiful it is probably best known on the internet for eliciting tears as the score to a Super Mario Bros. advertisement. In this video, Shia LaBeouf does a bunch stuff like driving a cab, having sex with a blond person, crying in a room full of dead butterflies, and generally Going There. I'm sure LaBeouf took this job hoping to make some sort of statement about his own artistic intent, his artistic integrity, non-traditional storytelling, and the power of pure expression. And all that is well and good. But you're going to click play because you can see Shia LaBeouf's dick in it. Because, yo: LaBeouf dick.
Thanks to Katie for the heads up!
I ran into this guy, Lance Page, in the middle of the night at Occupy a few weeks ago. He told me he was working on some project to make a time-lapse video of Portland, I gave him my card and forgot about it and then HOLY SHIT the final product arrived in my inbox. It's rad. Check it out:
Dangerous Minds put this up yesterday, and it's great. It's a 1983 episode of some wretched, low-budget cable TV show from Eugene, Oregon. While it's enjoyable enough to watch for its dated production values and awkward banter, there's a solid interview with Jonny and Dee Dee Ramone. The two come off great, while both interviewers just look like airheads. A time capsule of punk spirit butting up against the rest of the world. Just watch.
End Hits: "...like all the real people outside in the real world."
Here's the latest video from Sapient, and it's an exercise in restraint: Less than a minute and a half of music, one camera shot, minimally done, ending as all videos should end... with a Mario-esque videogame! Boing, boing, boing. The track is a reboot of "Glorious Day," which originally appeared on Sapient's Barrels for Feathers album from 2010. The emcee (also of the Debaser duo and that mighty Voltron of Portland hiphop, Sandpeople) has since released the Tusks album, which showcased his production skills through largely instrumental tracks. But here's this, a concise shot of rhymes and heavily bitsynth-indebted production.
End Hits: Also, new Chromatics vid, too!
It seems like Portugal. The Man are well on their way to greatness, which will come as a surprise to no one. Now labelmates with both Phil Collins and Cody Simpson (eeeeeeeeee!), their Atlantic Records debut In the Mountain In the Cloud has become a constant fixture on the FM airwaves, and the band just joined ranks with Team Coco by appearing on Conan last night. The band blazed through "So American" and looked pretty damn dapper doing it—the bright lights of not-quite-network TV suit them.
The only thing that would make this performance better is an appearance by the Masturbating Bear.
Chomp down on your favorite biting block and watch this seizuretastic video from Crock. As you might recall, Crock is a collaboration between Sam Coomes (Quasi) and Spencer Seim (Hella), and their debut LP Grok will be released via Jackpot Records on September 27.
As for the video, um, well, it's the very first clip ever directed by Sam Coomes and there are bunnies in it. Just make sure you watch it with your safety buddy present, we don't want to see another Dennō Senshi Porygon.
End Hits: Paka Paka!
The latest video from Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks is for Mirror Traffic's second single "Tigers," and shockingly enough the clip features... wait for it... oh come on, you can wait for it... no, no, don't click away... TIGERS!
Sparky Anderson and Al Kaline? Um, no. This cute little clip centers around a man in a tiger suit (sorry to ruin the illusion) that gets into all sorts of adventures in the big city, much like a real tiger would if it escaped from the zoo. Or not.
End Hits: Cat noise!
Wild Flag—the superduper group composed of Mary Timony, Carrie Brownstein, Janet Weiss, and Rebecca Cole—just premiered this video for "Romance," the first single from their self-titled debut (out next Tuesday).
The Tom Scharpling-directed clip shows the Wild Flag members as hard-working corporate women who just so happen to don plastic Halloween masks and run amok in Portland—Jackpot Records, the dog park, Doug Fir, etc.—in their free time. It's like a wacky, local version of Point Break. But without the surfing, bank robbing, or that steamy Patrick Swayze/Keanu Reeves sex scene (it's after the credits, duh).
End Hits: "100% pure adrenaline!"
These three videos have nothing in common except that they're all interesting and they're all a little too long to watch during a workday. GOOD THING IT'S STILL THE WEEKEND. woop woop.
1) What's it like being gay in rural America? A 12-minute documentary about gay pride in Montana.
I'm not gonna lie, we were pretty damn excited to hear that Richmond Fontaine had returned with a new album. Due out September 20, The High Country is a conceptual recording—or, as they call it, a "song-novel concept album"—that takes full advantage of frontman Willy Vlautin's gift for writing (sad) stories about fascinating (and sad) characters. Shockingly, the album has no songs about Vlautin's other favorite topics: Reno, horses, drunk jockeys, and a drunk Reno jockey who rides a horse that has a gambling problem.
Come on Mr. Cinnamon, you always split aces! Stupid horse.
Anyway, back to the video. True to its title, this clip for "Lost in the Trees" pieces together (via hazy flashbacks) a particularly harrowing night of heavy partying deep in the woods. It's a bit creepy, so don't watch this if you are about to head into the wilderness for a weekend camping trip.
End Hits: Can someone mash this song up with Kanye's "Lost In The World"?
The Decemberists' latest video was directed by... Mose Schrute?!? Michael Schur (former writer/producer of The Office, and current mastermind behind Parks and Recreation—plus the genius responsible for the greatest sports blog ever, Fire Joe Morgan) was behind the lens for this clip to The King is Dead's "Calamity Song."
The video is a homage to David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest, which I have yet to read—Oh, why doesn't anyone make a video in tribute to my favorite book?—so I won't pretend to know what is exactly happening here. Tennis? It's about tennis, right?
End Hits: Björn Bored.
I like my metal soft—then again, perhaps not—and I like Soft Metals, the slinky keyboard duo/couple that is gaining plenty of momentum on their The Cold World Melts EP and more recent self-titled LP. Released by Captured Tracks, the LP centers around the wondrous "Vocals," which is a pleasant coincidence since that track now has a video to call its own.
The Christian Petersen-directed clip was inspired by Dario Argento and features "a kind of isolated, supernatural misfit." Jerry Only?
End Hits: But we're the Misfits/Our songs are better...
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