
Quit your job, divorce your wife, leave your kids, throw all your money in the river. It's time for you to actually DO something with your life. For a sterling example, meet Adam Winrich—the world's foremost authority on playing the harmonica and crackin' whips at the same time... LIKE A BOSS. Get up from your office chair, walk out on your job without saying a word and never come back—because topping this is your new priority.
Our new favorite website has some amazing things for sale: Tim McGraw. K.D. Lang. Roseanne Cash. Miley Cyrus! Taylor Swift! Patsy Cline—the second. Aaron Neville!
No, these are not the country singers for sale. It's something even better: Tiny donkeys!
From the front page of "Country Music Miniature Donkeys":

Yep, it's a tiny donkey farm, and all the donkeys are named after famous country singers. Take a look at who's for sale. The site provides hours of entertainment, and hopefully you'll find a little something for your wishlist.
End Hits: Of course they named the black-colored tiny donkey Aaron Neville.

Just in time for the new 3D reboot of Conan the Barbarian (which stars Khal Drogo and hits theaters August 19), this week Universal released Blu-ray discs of 1982's Conan the Barbarian and 1984's Conan the Destroyer. Based on the pulp hero created in 1932 by Robert E. Howard, and bearing little connection to the Marvel comic (which is how many, myself included, first encountered Conan), the films differ wildly from each other in tone and style—Conan the Barbarian is a dark, fucked-up, incredibly violent epic, while Conan the Destroyer is a light and relatively family-friendly fantasy. These were the movies that effectively launched Arnold Schwarzenegger's international film career, and barring The Terminator, I'd say Conan is the best role he's ever had. The Universal discs are unexceptional barebones releases without much in the way of new content, but the films look impressive and hold up surprisingly well. (Universal had the good sense not to grace 1985's lousy Red Sonja with a Blu-ray release.)

Via io9 comes the news that the script for Bill & Ted 3 is finished. Or at least that's what Alex Winter's telling people on Twitter, in between all his appointments of doing nothing (9 am-11:15 am), looking out the window and waiting for the mailman so he can see if there's anything in the mail for him today (11:15 am-4:35 pm), and doing whatever stupid chore he has to do today based on his stupid housemates' stupid chore wheel (4:35 pm-4:37 pm).
“@antmaurizio: Bill and Ted 3, less than 6 weeks away and counting? Movie is gonna kick some ass." > Just got the script. And now to read...
Y'know, if I was Alex Winter and I'd spent the better part of the last decade talking about/hoping for/praying to God about/blackmailing Keanu into appearing in a Bill and Ted sequel, I'd probably have read that script right off the bat, rather than tweeting about it, but hey, the guy's got priorities. Anyway, as much as I love the Wyld Stallyns—and believe you me, I do—and as much as I'd love a Bill & Ted's Geriatric Adventures—which believe you me, I would—this movie has about as much of a chance as happening as Ghostbusters 3. (Which isn't happening, BTW.) Keanu and Alex "There's the Mailman! I See the Mailman!" Winter are too old, the property's been dormant for far too long, George Carlin's dead (R.I.P., Rufus), and nobody ever talks about this, but Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey kind of blew. Sorry, my fellow children of the '80s and/or early '90s. At least we'll always have that fake Inception trailer.

David Faustino and Old Scratch Artists bring you Patience Price. He will be performing at his mixtape release party, Thursday April 21st at Dantes in Downtown Portland. Patience Price, born and raised in Portland Oregon has spent the last few years in Dallas Texas developing his musical style. He recently moved to Los Angeles where he was discovered by David Faustino, the child star of Fox’s hit TV show, Married…with Children. David has a legendary eye for spotting hip hop talent. In the 90’s David operated the first hip hop club on the Sunset Strip and helped create a showcase for local artists like Will I Am, that helped him be discovered and signed by Eazy-E.The press release goes onto say that Patience Price's debut mixtape Adrenaline & Vodka includes "drops" from Fred Durst, Cypress Hill, and Tom Green. If Bud Bundy's legendary eye for hiphop talent is any indication (he discovered Black Eyed Peas!), we can expect Patience Price to be playing the Super Bowl halftime show in 2013.
David Faustino presents the Patience Price Mixtape Release Party, April 21 at 9 pm, Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, $10
End Hits: Sorry, but we get all our hiphop from that blonde kid on Who's the Boss.
Are you seriously telling me that the closest Medieval Times is NINE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-EIGHT MILES from the Mercury offices?!
That's because you haven't seen this picture yet. (Taken from NWWRF's recent promotional email.)

A picture of a dreadlocked white guy inside a geodesic dome says more than words ever could.
This year's fest takes place August 12-14 in a place called Marcola, Oregon, and tickets can be purchased here.
End Hits: Is that a Tostitos shirt he's wearing?

Pop quiz!
Guess which Lynyrd Skynyrd lyrics are from the Ronnie Van Zant days, and which are from last year's Gods and Guns album. Both sets of lyrics after the jump.
The abomination that still calls itself Lynyrd Skynyrd performs tonight at the Oregon State Fair in Salem.
End Hits: Between posts about Sublime, Dave Mustaine, and now this, we have been super mean all day today.
Okay, this is the last fake Inception trailer I'm gonna post on Blogtown. Promise. Keep in mind that I wouldn't post it if it wasn't great. Trust me, jerks—strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
Via FilmDrunk.
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