This Week in the Mercury
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Portland Alligator Versus Cops!
Posted by Sarah Mirk on Tue, Sep 16, 2008 at 1:33 PM
Bikers on the Springwater Corridor and 190th came across a surprise on Friday afternoon: a three-foot long alligator! Dumped pet? Zoo escapee? Creature spawned from river sewage? Whatever it was, it lay quite politely in the road.
The bikers did the first two things that would come to anyone's mind. First: take camera phone pictures and send them to all their friends. Second: Call the cops. That's where the story really gets good, according to biker and Blogtown tipper Jack:
A couple of cops approach - one who seemed to have a fraction of a sense of humor and the other who had absolutely none. The good cop tells his partner to grab some rope from the car. The bad cop unsmilingly points to his gun and says something about destroying it, "Sergeant's orders." Good cop says, "What? We're not going to kill it. Go grab the rope. And my camera." These guys were a couple of chuckleheads. They tied a little lasso, they snapped numerous photos, and after a couple failed attempts, ("You better get that thing. If he gets away, I'm gonna have to shoot it," says douchebag bad cop), they manage to lasso the poor creature. this whole time, as the cops are trying to get him, the alligator is hissing like crazy. Now that he's all tied up, he starts spinning, which just gets him more tangled up. It was a sad event.
Finally, one of the Gresham P.D. officers grabs the gator, one hand wrapped around his jaws and puts the beast in the back of the patrol car. A gator in the back of a cop car creates the opportunity for numerous hilarious sitcom scenarios we won't go into here. Instead, let's just quietly reflect on the facts at hand: thankfully, Gresham cops will not shoot something if it makes a sweet photo alive.
also: chuckleheads?
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That good cop/bad cop shit always works on gators. Always.
Three feet? That's nothing, but I not a whole lot of people around here grew up near a swamp, like I did.
That's the best cop story I've ever seen in the Mercury.
Damn.
Would have been better if they had tased it...
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