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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Pickathon 2010 Announces Lineup (And it's Really Good)

Posted by Ezra Caraeff on Tue, Feb 9, 2010 at 7:13 AM

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Oldham alert! The lineup for the 12th year of the Pickathon has just been announced, and they are bringing out the big guns this year: Bonnie Prince Billy & The Cairo Gang, Heartless Bastards, Langhorne Slim, outlaw country icon Billy Joe Shaver, and plenty more. All of this goes down on a series of stages (forest, barn, etc) at Pendarvis Farm on August 6th-8th.

Check out the rest of the partial lineup (more names are coming in the following months) over at End Hits.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Free Clothes, If You've Got The Guts

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 4:40 PM

If you lack both funds and inhibitions, you're in luck, because the Red Light is gearing up for their annual Co-Ed Naked Shopping Spree on February 21, wherein four contestants (two male, two female) will be unleashed butt naked in the vintage superstore, where they have three minutes to run through the store putting on as much clothing as possible. Whoever piles on the most items wins all the clothing on their back plus a $100 GC. Feeling lucky? Join the more than 60 people so far who've spent $20 or more at the store by February 12th to be entered in the random drawing that determines who the lucky contestants will be. Alternately just come by the store to gawk and cheer them on. The nudity starts at 5 pm, but live music and door prizes and general kickin' it starts at 2.

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Harnessing the powerful combination of nakedness and speed.

Stephen Fry v. the Catholic Church

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 4:05 PM

Guess who wins?

Yo Koppa, Where You At?

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 3:38 PM

"Right here dog. I'm just sippin' on some clover."

Koppa. Sippin On Some Clover.
  • Atlus USA
  • Koppa. Purportedly Sippin' On Clover.

So I'm Not the Only One Who Has Monsters Sneaking Up on Them in the Bathroom?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 3:23 PM

God. I'm so relieved. Every morning when I step out of the shower, I walk to the bathroom mirror, wipe off the steam with my hand, open the medicine cabinet door just a touch and EEEEEEEEE!!! DISCOVER THERE'S A MONSTER/SERIAL KILLER/RAPIST STANDING BEHIND ME!!! And until now, I thought I was the only one this consistently happened to. Yet according to this video, this sort of thing happens a lot. Like, a lot, a lot.


Phew. Thanks FourFour!

Win Tickets to See the Presidents of the United States of America!

Posted by Ezra Caraeff on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 2:39 PM

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The Presidents of the United States of America—yes, the very same band that brought songs like "Lump," "Peaches," and "Kitty" into our youthful lives—will be at the Roseland Theater this Thursday night, and we want to send you and a guest. Head on over to End Hits for all the details.

It's Happening Tonight!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 2:34 PM

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RETREAT—I could talk you to death about how fucking great Wells Tower is—about how he's one of the best authors writing today, about how you should read his short-story collection Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned—but don't take my word for it. The Paris Review, the New York Times, and McSweeney's all love the dude, too. Head over to Powell's tonight to find out why. EH
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

HERE COMES THE BRIDE—Quentin Tarantino is the Girl Talk of trash cinema, mixing all his favorite bits into a delicious bouillabaisse of violence. Instead of whinging about originality, can't we just appreciate what a beautifully constructed revenge epic Kill Bill is? A beautiful epic with skintight jumpsuits? Volume 1 this week; Volume 2 next week. DB
Laurelhurst Theater, 2735 E Burnside, see Film Times for times, $3

Do it to it! My, What a Busy Week!

Walking with Dinosaurs Ticket Giveaway!!

Posted by Alison Hallett on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 2:19 PM

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Why yes, I DO have an extra pair of tickets to Walking with Dinosaurs, the ARENA SPECTACULAR opening later this month at the Rose Garden. (The show features life sized dinosaurs and is, to quote the press release, "everything a dino-phile could want.") Would you like to win them? Okay! Given the hipster-appropriated cutesiness of dinosaur representations in pop culture, a haiku contest seems appropriate, so: Best haiku in the comments by noon on Wednesday, Feb 10, wins the tickets. (The tickets are for Wednesday, February 24.)

(On a dino-related note, I'm not the biggest fan of Dinosaur Comics [I KNOW, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME], but if you haven't seen the "Japanese/English student version," where Japanese kids filled out a blank dino comic, check it out. It is great.)

Oregon House Says No to Offshore Drilling

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 1:14 PM

yeeha!
  • yeeha!
Hey! Good news, greenies.

The Oregon House just approved a bill this afternoon that will permanently ban drilling for oil and natural gas off Oregon's coast update, 1:49 for ten years. Original post: The state passed a three-year drilling ban back in 2007, but it expired on January 2nd of this year. The just-approved bill, House Bill 3613 sponsored by Portland rep Ben Cannon, was originally going to sunset the ban in 2020, but late-game revisions will make the ban permanent if the Senate approves, Update, 1:49 was originally going to be permanent, but late-game revisions will give it a ten-year sunset.

"The revisions happened because we could get a unanimous vote out of our committee," says Christy Splitt, aide to Cannon. "And in a short February session, consensus is a top priority. We could have probably gotten this out of committee without the sunset, but we wanted to show a willingness to compromise."

The bill will now to go the senate, and is expected to be debated in committee early next week. Chances of this bill actually becoming a reality after a successful senate vote and the Governor's signature are "excellent," says Splitt.

The offshore drilling ban was one of the top three special legislative session priorities of environmental coalition the Oregon Conservation Network, who say the ban will protect Oregon's fishing industry and coastal tourist economy.

Today's Burning Questionland Question!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 12:38 PM

What's a good, free way to learn/practice Spanish?

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QUESTIONLAND: Where the language of choice is knowledge.

So Is Last Thursday Worth $11,000 a Month?

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 12:00 PM

A meeting with the mayor and Commissioner Amanda Fritz tonight on NE Alberta aims to decide the future of Last Thursday. During the summer months of 2008 and 2009, the city footed the bill for expanding the monthly "alternative" arts festival. Overtime for 15 police officers, a fire engine and crew, 30-person crowd control team and 15 blocks of traffic barriers to keep the event car-free cost the city $11,000-$12,000 a month, according to Office of Neighborhood Involvement Crime Prevention Program Manager Stephanie Reynolds.

The question the city is asking tonight is: what's next? Now that an event that was once a handful a firebreathing clowns and their friends has grown to attracting tens of thousands of people to the rapidly-changing neighborhood every month, who should take the reins?

Before the city funded a car-free Last Thursday, activists shut down Alberta themselves.
  • Before the city funded a car-free Last Thursday, activists shut down Alberta themselves.
Our 100 percent unscientific poll two weeks ago showed that 63 percent of Blogtownies think Last Thursday is a fantastic, though hipster, event worth keeping open. But for some long-time Northeast residents, the event leads to gentrifcation and is responsible for more tangible nuisances. Reynolds says the city often receives complaints about "noise, urine/feces/vomit and liquor bottles in their yards, parking problems and occasionally vandalism and fights."

On the other hand, the excitement around Last Thursday has significantly contributed to growing Alberta's art culture, which has led to the kind of businesses the NYTimes showered with love: "colorful galleries and boutiques where visitors can browse for street art, shop for a handmade felt hat, [and] overhaul a bicycle."

Right now, the $11,000-12,000 bill for managing Last Thursday comes from the City Council's contingency funds, though neighborhood bar Bink's helps provide portapotties and local roustabout Magnus Johannesson's group "Team Last Thursday" volunteers to pick up trash the morning after. In the past year, the city has been diligent about shutting the main event down at precisely 10 pm, when uniformed workers march in a line down Alberta telling festival-goers to clear out.

Tonight's meeting is 6-8 pm at the Acadian Ballroom (1829 NE Alberta) will address how to continue Last Thursday or whether it should end altogether. On Facebook, 279 people have already RSVP'd, so get there early.

Contract May Signal High School Closures

Posted by Stefan "The Intern" Kamph on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 11:40 AM

Portland's Board of Education is scheduled to approve a $75,000 contract tonight to look at drawing new boundaries for the city's high schools. The move, which comes before Portland Public Schools has officially announced plans to close any schools, has led some to ask whether closures are a foregone conclusion.

For months, the school district has been talking about a "High School Redesign" that would cut the district's nine existing neighborhood schools to six or seven "core" schools. The rest would be trimmed down to smaller, more focused schools or closed altogether.

Parents are expressing concern that their kids' schools could be shuttered, and they're shocked to see the redistricting contract effectively approved before any closure plan has been announced. Here's an excerpt from a letter that Grant High School parent Frank Cappuccio sent to the board last week:

I, of course, had heard the District was planning on such an analysis, but had no idea that it would cost this much. In addition to the cost, it disturbs me to see the District request approval for this contract before the Board has even determined there will be school closures.
...
In fact, I believe I heard Director [David] Wynde say, just the other night [February 4] at the Grant Cluster Neighborhood Meeting, that it was a possibility that no schools would be closed....
Parents expected possible closures to be on the agenda at tonight's meeting. But they found out that closures would not be discussed from the PPS Facebook page, on which this little tidbit appeared late last Friday night, February 5:
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Suzanne Goddyn, whose daughter is set to attend Grant next year, is leading the movement against school closures. She calls tonight's consulting payout "a sign of absolute arrogance. It's $75,000 for a six-week period, and they haven't asked the taxpayers."

Portland Public Schools spokesman Matt Shelby says the contract is a "checkpoint along the way," and that "this is work we need done."

I asked Shelby whether the contract means closures will be on the table; he said he didn't know and will get back to me.

"We need enough information to reassure folks that we know what we're doing," says Shelby. "But if we do too much, they'll think it's a done deal, and there's always going to be that tension."

Here's the exact text on the budget item:

Conduct multivariate analysis of District student data and generate a set of high school boundary options, including maps and supporting materials appropriate for public use.

The meeting's tonight at 7 p.m., 501 N. Dixon Street. It should be interesting, because this story comes on the back of news last Thursday that teachers' contract negotiations have reached an impasse—heralding the slim possibility of teachers' strikes.

Update 4:40 p.m.: The school district just released a document about the contract with SEER Analytics LLC. It provides these details about the funding source:

This contract is funded through the US Department of Education, specifically through the Technical Assistance for School Assignment grant. This grant is intended to aid PPS in developing student assignment plans and strategies resulting in a less segregated High School system.

The Tester Makes Me Want To Die (But Not Before I Take Sony With Me)

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 10:46 AM

(Note to any readers suffering from a frail constitution: You may want to skip this post. It contains one hundred and thirty four percent of your daily recommended allowance of iron, potassium and uncensored, almond-flavored hate. At times, it could be said that I revel in my vitriol — assuming "revel" is the word you want to use for when a gentleman strips until nude then dances around a geyser of pure liquefied anger while singing eerily melodic nursery rhymes in Nordic dialects of long dead Semitic languages.)

Sony's going to debut a PlayStation Network-exclusive reality show later this month.

They call it The Tester.

I call it "Your Worst Day, Times Seven, Plus A Mouth Full of Scorpions And Mustard" (but only because I couldn't make the phrase "cunt bazooka" sound angry enough).

Continue reading »

Behind the Scenes of the "Worst Super Bowl Party Ever."

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 10:29 AM

Wondering how the Letterman/Leno/Oprah ad for The Late Show with David Letterman came about? The Times has the details.

The spot was shot last Tuesday afternoon, under the strictest of secrecy which involved both Mr. Leno and Ms. Winfrey flying in surreptitiously to New York, and arriving incognito at the theater, while Mr. Letterman was in the midst of taping his show for that night. It also involved Jay wearing a disguise: hooded sweatshirt, glasses and faux mustache. If you happened to be on Broadway between 53rd and 54th street last Tuesday about 4:15, you might have seen a man fitting that description slip into the theater by a small entrance under the marquee.

The full story is here.

Karaoke Killers Murder Song Murderers

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 10:16 AM

The NYT reports a rash of people in the Philippines getting literally murdered for singing poor karaoke renditions of Frank Sinatra's "My Way."

“I used to like ‘My Way,’ but after all the trouble, I stopped singing it,” [63-year-old Rodolfo Gregorio] said. “You can get killed.”

The authorities do not know exactly how many people have been killed warbling “My Way” in karaoke bars over the years in the Philippines, or how many fatal fights it has fueled. But the news media have recorded at least half a dozen victims in the past decade and includes them in a subcategory of crime dubbed the “My Way Killings.”
.......

Karaoke-related killings are not limited to the Philippines. In the past two years alone, a Malaysian man was fatally stabbed for hogging the microphone at a bar and a Thai man killed eight of his neighbors in a rage after they sang John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads.” Karaoke-related assaults have also occurred in the United States, including at a Seattle bar where a woman punched a man for singing Coldplay’s “Yellow” after criticizing his version.

I think we can all agree murder is almost always "wrong," correct? And while I despise violence to the core of my very being, I can also "understand"—THOUGH NOT CONDONE—someone going into a murderous rage following an especially poor rendition of a karaoke song. That being said, if it were somehow morally okay to murder people, what karaoke song would send you on a killing spree?

I'll start: "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" (because I already hate that song in the first place). Your turn!

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Rush Limbaugh Is a Big, Fat Exception

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 9:50 AM

When can you use the word "retard"? You can use it when you're being satirical. For instance, it's not okay for Rahm Emanuel to say that liberal activists are "fucking retarded" in a private meeting because 1. that's mean and 2. he's a Democrat. But it is okay for Rush Limbaugh to describe a meeting between Emanuel and advocates for the developmentally disabled as “a retard summit at the White House," and to use the word "retard" forty times on his show because, um... I'll let Sarah Palin explain it...

"[Limbaugh] was using satire... I didn’t hear Rush Limbaugh calling a group of people whom he did not agree with ‘f-ing retards’ and we did know that Rahm Emanuel has been reported, did say that. there is a big difference there."

So... it's okay to call someone a retard if you're making fun of them, if you're being satirical, but it's not okay to call someone a retard if you simply disagree with that person. Now the allowable use of "retard" could get complicated, of course, if you're using "retard" satirically to mock someone with whom you disagree. Better to play it safe and stick to leotarded.

ALSO: Rahm apologizes...

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 9:25 AM

The U.S., France, and Russia called for harsher sanctions against Iran after they told the U.N., "Eff YOU, U.N.! We're gonna start enriching uranium as soon as Tuesday!" (Those guys are dicks.)

A Connecticut power plant blows on Sunday; kills five.

Obama plans a half-day bipartisan summit on health care later this month, allowing both sides to air their grievances… and YES! It WILL be televised!

Apparently there was some sort of football game yesterday, and some team named the "Saints" (?) won it.

Sarah Palin says she might run for president—but she'll have to consult the crib notes on her palm first. (Seriously, this shit is Hilarious Clinton!)

Look out, Portland yups! Toyota plans to recall 300,000 Priuses.

Today in EWWW: The frostbitten body of a dead man is found in the wheel well of a Delta airplane.

Being "bored to death" is a real possibility, says researchers. Anyone who would like to test this theory should try watching this video. [The Mercury is not responsible for any death that may incur.]

Happy 100th birthday, Boy Scouts of America! (And thanks for providing me with my first homosexual experience.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Partly sunny today and tomorrow, mostly cloudy through the end of the week. Great biking weather!

And finally, here's a dog that really loves TURKEY CHEESE FRIES! (So much so in fact, he raps about it. Prepare for this song to be stuck in your head for the rest of the day.)

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Saints Beat Colts, 34 to 31!

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Sun, Feb 7, 2010 at 3:09 PM

Did you realize it's the year 2010 already? I know! We have shit to do!

We've gotta, like, go invent dinosaur cyborgs and spaceships that aren't in any way shaped like penises!

We do not have six hours of free time to watch dudes with names like "Peyton" and "Reggie" smash into each other while sublimating urges to smooch one another! The future is all about awkward kisses in the middle of nationally televised sporting events, and this "Super Bowl" is a relic of a bygone era.

Luckily, thanks to the finest technology of 1991, those of you who still feel culturally obligated to watch some amount of football today can still get your recommended daily allowance of Colts on Saints action in a convenient bite-sized 10 minute chunk.

Tecmo Super Bowl, do your thing:

Your Daily Blazer

Posted by Ezra Caraeff on Sun, Feb 7, 2010 at 9:32 AM

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In a game that featured no Brandon Roy and no Kobe Bryant, the Los Angeles Lakers strolled into the Rose Garden and won for the first time in nearly five years by a score of 99-82. May your deep hatred for the Kardashian family grow even stronger, as Khloe's husband (Lamar Odom) picked up more rebounds than the entire Blazers starting lineup... combined. It was that kind of night. The Blazers put up pedestrian numbers throughout the night and no single individual really stood out. Okay, maybe Patty Mills. He scored a single point in less than two minutes of play. That's efficient!

The Blazers have a few much-needed days off—they have played more games than any team in the NBA—and will be back home at Tuesday against the Oklahoma City Thunder (ex-Seattle SuperSonics).

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Blazers vs Lakers - Hot Live Blog Action

Posted by Ezra Caraeff on Sat, Feb 6, 2010 at 6:44 PM

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Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers go for 10 straight homecourt wins against the Los Angeles Lakers. Tonight would be a bit more festive if Brandon Roy wasn't—right this very second—giving a press conference to discuss his ongoing hamstring injury. While he has missed 11 of the last 12 games, Roy was supposed to dramatically return tonight and help Portland to victory number 10 against the Lakers.

Not happening.

Roy will sit until after the midseason break, which means he won't be playing in the All-Star game. The soonest he might return is the 16th against the Clippers, although it might be even later. The scales are evened out some with the news that Kobe Bryant will sit out tonight's game as well. That's because he is following the strict code of All-Star player solidarity. Or has an ankle injury. It's either one of those things.

No Kobe, No Roy, no problem.

Continue reading »

It's Happening Tonight!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Sat, Feb 6, 2010 at 12:31 PM

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HOOPS—The Los Angeles Lakers are easily the best team in the NBA, but that hasn't stopped the team from dropping nine straight at the Rose Garden. Tonight, the Portland Trail Blazers go for 10 in a row, and with any luck, we all might see Kobe cry. EAC
Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7 pm, $35-225, broadcast on KGW

SAINTS PRESERVE US—Brooklyn-based virtuoso St. Vincent lures you in with her sweet voice and girlish looks, building a tower of catchy melody... but beware! Her songs could explode at any moment into a whir of experimental cacophony, leaving you disoriented and unsure of what will happen next. She plays two shows this evening, including an all-ages early show. RN
w/Wildbirds & Peacedrums; Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside, 5 pm, (all ages) & 9 pm (21 & up), $13-17

Fun gets frenetic sometimes. My, What a Busy Week!

Sam Adams on KGW's "Straight Talk" Tonight. (Heh.)

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Sat, Feb 6, 2010 at 10:01 AM

Tonight Mayor Sam Adams will be the featured guest on KGW's "Straight Talk" at 6:30 5:30 pm, with Laurel Porter. Here are some of the topics I hope they discuss:

"Why straight people love Sandra Bullock movies."
"Why Ellen DeGeneres is okay, and Adam Lambert's not."
"Why straight people wear bluetooths in their ear... ALL THE TIME."
"Why straights love co-opting gay culture, yet hog the institution of marriage."
"Straights slumming in gay bars."
"Why straights hate homoerotica, but go nuts for the Superbowl."
"Why straights like having a gay acquaintance, so they can say, 'Hey... some of my best friends are gay.'"
"Wearing Crocs!"
"And for that matter, Columbia Sportswear!"
"Straights: Why they Love Vancouver and Toyota Tundras."
"Ultimate Frisbee: WTF?"

Feel free to add your own suggestions below!

Laurel Whats UP with straight people? Porter
  • Laurel "What's UP with straight people?" Porter

Saturday Morning Cartoon: Dungeons & Dragons

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Sat, Feb 6, 2010 at 8:25 AM

In this edition of Saturday Morning Cartoon, we travel all the way back to the year of our lord 1983 for the animated classic, Dungeons & Dragons. Based on the role playing game, D&D ran for three seasons on CBS, and is famous for its "celebrity" voices (including Willie Aames, Donny Most, Adam Rich and more), as well as being considered pretty violent for its time. Its also notable for having a baby unicorn in the cast, as well as nerdy characters you want to beat senseless. But still fun! (Hopefully this cartoon calmed down some of the hysterical moms of the time who thought the Dungeons and Dragons game was tantamount to their kids worshipping Satan while mainlining Angel Dust.)

Anyway, enjoy this hilariously awkward Dungeons & Dragons episode entitled, "The Dragon's Graveyard"! (And keep suggesting those suggestions for Saturday Morning Cartoon—we'll get to Popeye soon, promise).


Still interested? Here's part two and three.

Friday, February 5, 2010

This Is What Happens When the Boss Leaves Early

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Fri, Feb 5, 2010 at 5:33 PM

Mercury Editor-in-Chief Wm. Steven Humphrey left work a little earlier today and, as a result, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. See for yourself.

Also, it should be mentioned that three members of the Mercury editorial staff are currently drinking beers at their desks.

Here's Your Chance to Nominate Artists for The People's Biennial

Posted by Matt Stangel on Fri, Feb 5, 2010 at 4:27 PM

Tomorrow (February 6, at 4 pm) the Portland Institute for Contemporary Art will be hosting a meeting at the The Cleaners at Ace Hotel (403 SW 10th Ave) to gather community suggestions for artists to be considered for inclusion in The People's Biennial, a recently announced addition to the 2010 Time-Based Art Festival programming. "For this exhibition, five art institutions in the United States will present a biennial of contemporary art consisting of works by five artists in each of the institutions’ local communities," reads the press release, stipulating that the five communities are "in locations that lie outside mainstream art centers, but in places where art nonetheless thrives." A list of participating cities can be found here. More details about tomorrow's meeting from the press release:

[Curators Harrell Fletcher and Jens Hoffmann] ... are seeking recommendations from the public about the most interesting work being made right here and right now, specifically by artists and non-artists who are operating outside of traditional presenting institutions and systems. This could include a child who makes incredible science fair projects, a person knitting fantastic clothing, a developmentally disabled artist making engaging drawings or sculptures, a mathematician that composes visually compelling notations, or a sign painter who creates great window displays. Join the conversation and think way outside the white cube.

If you're busy tomorrow, you can email your suggestions to people@pica.org. The curators ask that you include photos of work by the artist you're nominating, and they promise to credit you if your nominee is selected for the biennial.

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