This Week in the Mercury
Friday, May 24, 2013
Politics T.G.I.Fluoride: The War Wages on in Seattle
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 3:14 PM
I hate to interrupt any anti-fluoride people who are still basking in Tuesday's victory over reason and clear factual evidence—BUT! Did you know there's a great fluoride discussion going on right now in Seattle about Portland's vote, and you guys are having your asses handed to you? Even poor Spindles can't stand the onslaught of laughter and derision coming from our neighbors to the north. You guys should spend the rest of your holiday weekend over there helping him out. If, of course, you actually believe that fluoride is the public menace you say it is.
As they used to say on my school playground: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Film Do Spoilers Really Matter? The Relative Importance of Storytelling in Film
Posted by Bobby Roberts on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 2:56 PM
People are still talking about Star Trek Into Darkness which is both good and bad news for Paramount. Good because it's still rattling around in people's brains after they see it, instead of sliding off their frontal lobe like a fried egg from a teflon-coated pan. Bad because some are still talking because the writer and director let their gross, oogy sides spill onto the screen just a little bit.
A lot of the discussion is happening in hushed film-geek huddles, because of the spoilers, secrets, and twists. Darkness hinges on two different "gotcha" moments; one that wasn't even mentioned at all in the marketing, and one that was the main focal point, like a tablecloth tossed over an elephant, with J.J. Abrams stopping short of wearing a candy-striped jacket and straw hat, shouting through a road-cone, "Hey, pay your $12.50 to take a guess at what this elephant-shaped thing might be!"
I did not have to play that game, because I'd had the "mystery" spoiled for me. And I wasn't all that mad about it - but the people who knew I'd been spoiled were. A similar gasping sadness occurred during a conversation about the movie Seven, a film I love, but a film I consider responsible (along with The Usual Suspects) for kicking off an era of film in which scripts lived or died by whether it contained The Twist.
(Eventually, the king of that era, M. Night Shyamalan, ineptly murdered The Twist as the most viable form of cinematic storytelling, but not before a large number of moviegoers were trained to watch movies as a competition first and foremost, a contest to see if you could outsmart the movie or vice versa. One of the more poisonous side-effects of this short-lived era was the rise of spoilerphobia as we currently know it.)
Anyway, we started talking about the phenomena of The Twist, and this guy brought up Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense after I brought up Usual Suspects. We compared how all these films were constructed, how meticulous the storytelling was - you know, all the stuff people talk about after a life of substituting legitimate emotional growth and experience for renting tapes at Videoland. I mentioned that I knew The Twist before seeing Sixth Sense. Dude seemed genuinely upset for me, gave me a sad look, and was like "Man, I'm sorry."
I was confused. It's not like knowing ruined the movie for me. There's a study from 2011 suggesting I wasn't even all that weird to feel that way. (Warning - that link has a huge spoiler for Harry Potter in it). In fact, my appreciation of the film and his were, so far as I could tell, roughly the same; I might have actually liked it a little bit better. The only difference was that I knew about the twist heading in.
So how big is that difference, for you?
News / Cops / City Hall Solidarity Against Mayor's Bid to Kill Union for Police Brass: "We Are Not Wisconsin"
Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 2:44 PM
Mayor Charlie Hales hasn't been especially cozy with the city's big three public safety unions since taking office. He's lined up political support for major cuts in the city's police and fire bureaus while, at the same time, making a play to de-certify the union representing police lieutenants, captains, and commanders.
Muttering about the budget cuts has been mostly quiet and behind the scenes. (Mostly.) But Hales' move against the Portland Police Commanding Officers Association (PPCOA)—claiming that police supervisors are, well, supervisors and shouldn't be allowed to unionize under state law—is attracting some serious heat. Never mind that the PPCOA has been in some awkward spots over the past few months.
In a rare show of solidarity (not really seen since a group of unions all got together and pointedly decided, in December 2011, not to endorse Hales or his two rivals for mayor), six union leaders sent a letter to city council urging city commissioners to publicly challenge the mayor and not let him take down the PPCOA without a fight. It helps that there are rumblings Hales might look to do the same to Portland Fire Fighters Association—which has nominally supervisory employees in its ranks.
The letter (pdf), obtained by the Mercury and signed by the fire union, the District Council of Trade Unions, AFSCME, COPPEA, and both city police unions, PPCOA and the Portland Police Association, (PPA) spares no feelings by comparing Hales directly with union-busting Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.
The decision on the PPCOA is up to the state Employment Relations Board and could easily result in a court challenge. The city also is lobbying against a bill, HB 2418, that would explicitly let police supervisors join unions.
Events It's Happening Tonight!
Posted by Alison Hallett on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 2:29 PM
MUSIC—Steven Ellison, AKA Flying Lotus, makes sounds with his laptop you'd be hard pressed to duplicate with a bottle of Adderall and limitless magical powers. It's meticulous, vaguely experimental stuff—jarring on first listen, but familiar soon enough. And Lotus' work is only going to get more familiar—he'll have his own dedicated radio station in the upcoming Grand Theft Auto V. DVH
w/Thundercat, Teebs; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 9 pm, $20, all ages
ROSE FEST—Portland's annual Rose Festival is underway, which means a ton of excitement on the waterfront in the form of CityFair. TO WIT: concerts at the terribly named RoZone stage this weekend featuring Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros (Saturday) and Fitz and the Tantrums (Sunday); tons of stomach-churning rides and elephant ears; live exotic animals (!!); and tonight, fireworks! WSH
Waterfront Park, 1020 SW Naito, Fri 5-11 pm, fireworks at dusk, $7; Edward Sharpe, Sat 6 pm, $25; Fitz, Sun 6 pm, $25; fireworks tonight at dusk
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Film / News Portlanders Are Being Sued for Stealing a Terrible Movie
Posted by Dirk VanderHart on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 2:14 PM
Heads up: If any of you have an insatiable need to see the 2012 Steven Segal, Steve Austin picture Maximum Conviction (and the enormous Stone Cold cookie jar on his desk leads me to believe our own Denis Theriault might be among your number), for the love of god get a legal copy.
Top-flight talent is not cheap, nor are compelling scripts. So it’s only logical the company that made the film—not unlike Seagal and Austin in the picture itself—isn't playing the fool on this one. Voltage Pictures in recent months has filed a barrage of lawsuits in Oregon federal courthouses (and elsewhere) targeting folks they suspect are getting their primo action for free through torrent applications.
At least one of those suits has been tossed, but Voltage is not dissuaded. In the last week or so, the company’s filed four fresh suits in the US District Court in Portland, three against as-yet unnamed defendants only identified by their IP address, one against a Portland bankruptcy attorney.
In Maximum Conviction, as best I can tell from the trailer, Seagal and Austin play a pair of hot-shot agents who must protect two comely criminals from—get this—the US government. It does not look like a "good" film, per se, but everyone has their areas of interest. And Voltage is no slouch. It made the Academy Award-winning Hurt Locker
The proposed damages for illegally watching a Steven Seagal/Steve Austin vehicle released in 2012? I'll write it out long-hand for effect: One hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
For a little context of how grossly overpriced that is, I just asked Denis (who, remember: Stone Cold Steve Austin cookie jar) how much he'd pay to see the film. His bewildered reply: "I don't know, like ten bucks? Whatever a movie costs."
And there you have it.
Comedy My Least Favorite Piece of Misogyny This Week: Florida Edition
Posted by Barbara Holm on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 1:59 PM
When the younger girl's parent's found out about the relationship, they pressed felony charges on the older girl for "lewd and lascivious battery on a child ages 12 to 16," which is ridiculous, because isn't that the point of high school? My least favorite piece of misogyny—well, sexual discrimination—this week is the prosecution of 18-year-old Kaitlyn Hunt for dating a 14 year old.
The poor girl was expelled from school just before graduation. If she is found guilty, she'll have to register as a sex offender and could serve up to 15 years in prison. This high school experience could ruin the rest of her life, and not in the way binging on Game of Thrones in bed for a day can fix. Kaitlyn's mom wrote, "Kailtyn’s girlfriend’s parents are pressing charges because they are against the same-sex relationship...(they) blamed Kailtyn for their daughter’s homosexuality."
I think the reaction to the age difference probably wouldn't be this drastic if the couple had been straight. And people wouldn't even have cared at all if they were vampires. Everyone would be like, "Oh my god, did you hear Sarah is in a relationship with a vampire 100 years older than her?" "Oh, that's awesome!"
So that's the thing I'm most outraged about in gender identity politics this week. But don't you worry, traditional misogyny is still going strong! That has been my least favorite piece of misogyny this week, tune in next week to find out if our plucky heroine can withstand the forces of darkness or if she too will turn into a fish monster!
Geek / Oh, You Kids! / Film / Sports Spider-Man Has an Okay Jump Shot
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 1:29 PM
We may not be fans the Amazing Spider-Man reboot franchise, but here's star Andrew Garfield being a good guy by playing basketball with some local kids DRESSED IN HIS SPIDER-MAN COSTUME. (He's apparently taking a break from the set of the Amazing Spider-Man sequel.) Kudos to Garfield for not hopping up on top of the rim and slamming the ball into the hoop, or webbing the kids into a coccoon, hanging them from a streetlight, and leaving a note for cops that reads, "Prosecute these drug dealers! Signed, your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man."
Music Video Vriday! Jarad Miles in Ancient Wave, the Thermals, Portugal. The Man, and More
Posted by Ned Lannamann on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 12:59 PM
It's a very, very Video Vriday, with an exclusive premiere and lots more to look at!
Premiere! Here is the new video from Jarad Miles in Ancient Wave, for the song "Ooh Child"—no, not that "Ooh Child"—a brand-new track which will appear on their upcoming eponymous album. There's a lot going on storywise in this handsome, affecting video, which was directed by local director Justin Koleszar, who also directed the fine recent feature One Foot in the Gutter. Centered around a different kind of standoff, the video stars Vin Shambry, with cinematography is by Ryan Kunkleman. Koleszar tells me that they "had a goal of avoiding a Portland feel." The video will also play as part of next week's Portland Music Video Festival, which will take place Thursday, May 30 at the Hollywood Theatre. For more on that event, go here.
The Thermals continue the overarching theme of violence from their recent Desperate Ground in this terrific video for album highlight "The Sunset," which stars Kathy Foster as a boxer in training. Directed by Jeffrey Rowles along with the Thermals, the locally shot video includes a bit with a chicken that will be the best thing you see all day. Foster's dance moves pay homage to Do the Right Thing, and this video will surely do for the Eastbank Esplanade what Rocky did for the steps at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.
Portugal. The Man have a new video for a track from their new Danger Mouse-produced album Evil Friends, which comes kicking and screaming into the world on June 4. This clip, directed by David Vincent Wolf, is a little reminiscent of those Victorian death photos, as it focuses on black-and-white closeups of the band members and toys with them in slightly disturbing ways. Following Evil Friends' release, Portugal. The Man embark on a national tour, bringing them home for a show at the Crystal Ballroom on Thursday, July 18.
Jump for more Video Vriday!
Events / Music Tonight in Music
Posted by Courtney Ferguson on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 12:29 PM
- Partydogg (Via)
East End–Rabbits, Big Black Cloud, Humours, Partydogg, 9 pm, free
4th Dimension–KPSU's Spring Fling, 8 pm, $5, all ages
Crystal Ballroom–Bloc Party, Bear Mountain, 9 pm, $25-28, all ages
Doug Fir–Holy Ghost, Classixx, 9 pm, $15-17
Hawthorne Theatre–Danny Brown, OverDoz, TxE, 7 pm, $16-20, all ages
Holocene–DJ Honey O, 5 pm, free; Damien Jurado, Tiburon, 7:30 pm, $13-15; 8 1/2 DJs: Future Club Edition: Wampire, DJ Erik Hanson, DJ Zac Eno, Tyler Tastemaker, DJ Cooky Parker, 10 pm, $3
Kelly's Olympian–Li'l Ass Boom Box Festival: Still Pigeons, Swingset Showdown, The Hague, LPS, Chloe Caldwell, Paulie Lipman, 9 pm, free
LaurelThirst Public House–The Barkers, 6 pm; Shoeshine Blue, Jarad Miles in Ancient Wave, 9:30 pm
Mississippi Studios–Blue Cranes, Billygoat, Golden Retriever, 9 pm, $10
Record Room–Hey Lover, Schwervon, Twin Rabbit, 8 pm, $3
Roseland–Flying Lotus, Thundercat, Teebs, 9 pm, $20, all ages
The Secret Society–Pete Krebs & His Portland Playboys, 6 pm, free, all ages; Trashcan Joe, 9 pm, $10
Slabtown–Pierced Arrows, The Valley, Piss Test, Sad Horse, Youngins, 8 pm, $7, all ages
Star Theater–Lewi Longmire & The Left Coast Roasters, The James Low Western Front, Michael Hurley, 9 pm, $7
Velo Cult–Keep Your Fork There's Pie, 8 pm, $8
The Waypost–Helen Chaya, The Sea & the Mother, St. Even, 8 pm, free
White Eagle–The Reverb Brothers, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Radical Face, 9:30 pm, $15
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Food / Film I Don't Think Superman Actually Eats Like This
Posted by Bobby Roberts on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 11:58 AM
As a child who grew up in the '80s, some of my fondest memories are of marketing. If that sounds sad and kind of gross, then you're starting to understand what it was like to grow up in the '80s as opposed to just fetishizing it from the safety of the 21st century.
The '80s saw tie-in merchandising really take off, thanks to Star Wars, of course. When a lot of people remember their favorite movies or tv shows, it's not so much the movie they remember, but the marketing blitz, the toys, the toy commercials, and the collectible glasses at your fast-food joint of choice.
There's always been a weird connection between food that is fucking terrible for you and superheroes. DC made sure to tell you that purchasing a couple Hostess fruit pies along with the latest issue of Superman was a great idea, even though Hostess Fruit Pies were essentially fried dough and strawberry flavored horse-hooves, refried and fried again before being coated in a thin, hardened layer of sugar and horse-hooves. They were roughly 12,000 calories each and why would you not eat one if Superman said you should pound one down your cake-hole?
That tradition has survived into the 21st century thanks to Star Wars
And now, the final piece of Warner Bros. Man of Steel marketing blitz has locked into place: The Carl's Jr. Super Bacon Burger.
The bun has been removed to reveal to you the six super-strips of super-bacon that each Super Bacon Burger comes with; just like the kind of burger Ma Kent would feed young Clark! Do you have the metabolism of an alien life form whose cells are super-energized by the rays of our yellow sun? Then you can probably pack one of these beauties down your ruddy gullet like so much paper-wrapped beefshot loaded into an esophageal blunderbuss. Wanna know what it actually tastes like? Read this review (spoilers: It tastes like salt and artificial cow flavoring, like every fast-food burger on earth.)
Wendy's didn't get the license to make and sell Superman-licensed Bacon Receptacles, but that's not stopping them from drifting in the wake of this fast-food success. Don't be sad, super-fan, if you go to a Carl's Jr. and they're all sold out of the Super Bacon Burger. Just slide on down to the Wendy's nearby, and order yourself up one of these:
The Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Burger is, according to BurgerBusiness.com (add it to your rss feed, you won't be disappointed), one of Wendy's highest testing foods of all time. Will it take the country by storm the way Baconator held the country in it's salty sway, or how the Double Down made KFC relevant for about 15 minutes, or the way McDonald's Los Beefos Beef Balls are hitting Germany in the chin with a raw sensuality not seen since Hasselhoff danced on the Berlin Wall? It's tough to say.
Wanna find out for yourself? Both sandwiches should be hitting fine Carl's Jr. and Wendy's locations near you within the next 2-3 months.
I leave you with this gratuitous shot of Henry Cavill's abs.
Artsy Crystals of Transformation: Holy Crap, You Guys, Water Can Hear You!
Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 11:29 AM
Whaaaaaaat:
The research of scientist Dr. Masaru Emoto has long been a source of inspiration and fascination for me. Dr. Emoto’s studies have proven that water molecules consistently change their structural forms to that of beautiful crystals or deformed structures depending on whether they are exposed to positive or negative thoughts and environments. Water, complex and multi-dimensional is as much a “being” as we are. As our bodies are 70%, our brains 90%, and much of our planet water, honoring this discovery would truly impact our collective health and environment if we were conscious of the water we come in contact with. The two phrases that Dr. Emoto found water strongly responded to are: “Thank-you” and “I love you”.
Such is the basis of the eerily timed Crystals of Transformation project by multimedia artist Fuchsia Lin. I first met her in a fashion show context, although she is really more of a costumer. And photographer. And sculptor. You get the idea. Anyhow, she was rewarded RACC's Professional Development Grant to develop her photography art, which she's supplementing with a Kickstarter-like fundraising campaign through USAProjects.org. Like everything I've seen her do, it's utterly fascinating:
She's only got one week left to meet her fundraising goal. Just sayin'.
Food D-Day Dinner with Boulot and Geulin
Posted by Chris Onstad on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Pop-up dinners are thrown to celebrate everything from the arrival of morels to one's desire for money, but here we have a pretty respectable generative device: two legendary Portland chefs—the cook and the patissier—both heralding from Normandy, are putting together a deeply Francophilic D-Day anniversary dinner, to be held at the MAC Club. The menu (see below) is a rare Brigadoon of all-too-rare classic Gallic cuisine. The details:
On the anniversary of D-Day, two Normandy chefs, Philippe Boulot, executive chef at Multnomah Athletic Club (MAC) and Dominique Geulin, master baker and owner at St. Honoré Boulangerie, join forces at MAC to create a special dinner event honoring the people, the place and the event that changed the course of history. Members of the public are welcome to join the celebration and enjoy four courses of dishes from Normandy. Tickets are $55 per person plus gratuity and can be purchased by calling 503-517-6601. Advance reservations are required. World War II veterans that served at the D-Day battle are encouraged to call MAC at 503-517-6601.
Le menu, after the jump...
Podcast Podcast Open Thread
Posted by Alison Hallett on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Yesterday I discovered the podcast 5 Useless Degrees and a Bottle of Scotch, on which two dudes with extensive theater backgrounds drink whisk(e)y and talk about Portland theater. As a Manhattan-partial theater critic, obviously I was thrilled; plus, their discussions of local shows are substantive, informed, and actually critical, all of which are in short supply in Portland theater coverage.
I've also been enjoying Welcome to That Whole Thing, the weekly co-production from Bobby Roberts and Cort Webbers that replaced their long-running show cortandfatboy.
Couple weeks ago I was a guest on Patioh, Patino, which is a mostly-comedy podcast whose four hosts talk dating and other funny junk on patios around town. I'm refusing to listen to my episode, but I helped the ladies with their online dating profiles, and probably said some incriminating shit that I would prefer my boyfriend not know about. (Hi honey!)
I'm also avoiding listening to my recent appearance on Happy Go Lucky, a pop-culture podcast co-hosted by Mercury contributor Ben Coleman. We talk about Enders Game and I strain to sound smart, which is much easier to do in writing, lemme tell you.
Oh yeah, and Mercury columnist Alex Falcone has a great show, did everybody know that? Read It and Weep? They talk about terrible movies and books in a hilarious way.
And finally, a few days ago Marjorie was a guest on Needmore Designs' design/music/business/culture podcast The Job, which I haven't listened to, but if they had Marjorie on, they must have good taste.
Anyone else got anything new/interesting/local on their radar?
SEX SL Letter of the Day: Not A Prude... And Not Just Not That...
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 10:29 AM
I am a 26 y.o. gay man living in Europe. Some weekends ago I went to visit a friend to another city and we went out to a party where I met a gay couple in their mid 30s. We clicked and by the end of the night they proposed me a threesome. (It was an excitement idea! They were very hot!) Unfortunately I had to decline because the friend I was visiting is a friend with benefits and we agreed on "fun together or not fun at all."
The issue is that I gave these guys my cellphone number and one of the guys—a guy that is hot as hell and way out of my league—wanted to have fun with me but without his partner. He was planning on coming to my city only for this reason and was waiting for me to confirm. I asked him if his partner agreed on this and he told me that he didn't know if his partner would have agreed and that he was not planning on telling him. (They have been together for more than 8 years!) I have been with guys in open relationships but I have always declined the cheating setup and this was clearly a cheating setup so I declined. The guy was not happy and called me a prude.
This is not true, Dan! I have a lot of fun with guys but I just don't like the idea of being the one that a guy cheated on his partner with. In a "Grindr" set up with limited information, this would have been less of a problem for me, but here I knew who his boyfriend was and their relationship status. My male hetero friends, that are all in couples, told me that I did right. My male gay friends, that are all single at the moment, thought that I should have gone for it, that I am too uptight and, yes, prudish.
Am I a prude? Enlighten me, Dan. Please.
The Gay Prude
P.S. Sorry about my English!
My response after the jump...
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TV Sunday Night TV Showdown!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Okay, guys! Your Sunday night is going to be verrrrrrrry BUSY. Why? Because of the following reasons:
1) Arrested Development (the entire new season!) returns this Sunday, May 26 on Netflix! Should you watch the entire thing in one sitting or skip around episodes? Creator Mitch Hurwitz proclaims, "NO!"
2) Behind the Candelabra—the HBO biopic about Liberace (directed by Steven Soderbergh and starring Michael Douglas and Matt Damon) debuts Sunday at 9 pm! SQUEEEEEE!! And it's getting very good reviews.
3) This Sunday's episode of Mad Men is described in TV Guide in this extremely pithy but oh-so-intriguing way: "Joan goes to the beach." WHAT THE SHIT???
It's like a ménage à Sophie's Choice! So after this video of Mad Men's Ken Cosgrove tap dancing to Daft Punk, we're gonna vote.
Religion / Media Glenn Beckwatch: CNN's Atheist Plot, Revealed!
Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 9:44 AM
Wednesday, Dan showed you the awkward footage that ensued when CNN news-idiot Wolf Blitzer accidentally asked an atheist if she thanked the Lord for delivering her from the tornado.
Today, Christian Nightmares notices that Glenn Beck thinks the whole scenario smacks of a conspiracy. He begins, "I really like Wolf Blitzer, and I think he's a good man," but "that questioning was peculiar, even for Wolf, who I think is a religious man." Beck concludes that Blitzer was set up by a producer who is "sympathetic to the atheist plight" or "just doesn't like Christians." That producer knew the woman was an atheist but hid the information and told Blitzer to ask the question about God in order to raise awareness of atheism. "That was there for a reason," Beck says, knowingly.
News Good Morning, News!
Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 9:29 AM
A bridge on Interstate 5 collapsed into the Skagit River north of Seattle, sending cars into the cold water but somehow managing not to kill anyone. The early theory is that a truck with an oversize load hit a steel beam on its way through. Is it too soon to talk about infrastructure and decay and austerity? It's apparently not too soon to stump, up in Washington, for the troubled Columbia River Crossing project much closer to home.
Crap your pants! It's okay! Researchers are pretty sure a new bird flu strain that's killed 36 people in China spreads from human to human, and through the air, not just via direct contact.
The Boy Scouts took their half-step against homophobia by voting to let in gay kids. Rick Perry, the governor of Texas, reacts with predictable contempt and uses phrases like "flavor of the month" and "political correctness."
Anthony Weiner—hoping to move past his Twitter sexting legacy with a run for New York City mayor—still isn't so good at the internet. His campaign website, until it was fixed, prominently featured a picture of Pittsburgh.
A pilot was worried enough about a passenger at a Pakistani Airlines jet over Britain that the Royal Air Force was called out to escort it on an emergency landing. Everything was fine, though.
Who's helping Congress write financial de-regulation bills these days? Bank lobbyists! Because they know better, don't they?
Citigroup’s recommendations were reflected in more than 70 lines of the House committee’s 85-line bill. Two crucial paragraphs, prepared by Citigroup in conjunction with other Wall Street banks, were copied nearly word for word. (Lawmakers changed two words to make them plural.)
China, displeased over the prospect of war at its doorstep, has gently persuaded North Korea to return to nuclear armistice talks.
China's politburo also is maybe promising to loosen its tight hold on the country's economic reins.
The Russians have done some similar persuading in civil-war-torn Syria. Technical Bashar al-Assad reportedly will join peace talks in Switzerland.
"By the way," an Israeli general says, "if all that 'peace' business goes south, our tanks are standing by."
The CIA used to be an espionage outfit. Then, after the World Trade Center fell down, it flirted with a makeover as a paramilitary agency. Maybe it's time to get back to feeling more like its old self.
Pot smoking? Who cares. But throwing a bong out the window? That's legitimately dangerous. Amanda Bynes was rapped by New York cops for both.
The sad suburban drunks who haunt TGI Fridays get what they deserve: dyed rubbing alcohol passed off as top-shelf scotch.
ONLY ONE OTHER PERSON HAS EVER VIEWED THE FOLLOWING. THAT'S OKAY. THE SENTIMENT IS SWEET AND PURE. A LONG WEEK IS OVER. AND THE END IS NEAR. SMILE.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Books My Life, The Phrase "That's Not Canon" To Lose All Meaning
Posted by Thomas Ross on Thu, May 23, 2013 at 3:44 PM
So. This is insane.
Amazon, already the place just about anybody can "publish" a "book" for "people" to "read," is about to launch a system for legally publishing fan fiction. It's called Kindle Worlds. Amazon is paying the owners of some popular material (Alloy Entertainment, so far, seems to be the only group biting) for the rights to their material, meaning the rights to the characters, settings, stories, and situations. Basically the rights to the entire world of the show. Then you, or your weird cousin who writes creepy slash fiction, or your awesome cousin who writes brilliant fan fiction, can literally get paid to write Gossip Girl stories.
So that's what a "Kindle World" is: the universe in which fan fiction takes place. So far, your options for Worlds are Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries, and Pretty Little Liars, but more are promised to be on the way. But don't shut down your private website yet, because even though you can get paid, you can't have any fun. Amazon does not allow any of the following:
Pornography: Let's face it, they're probably going to call all slash fiction porn just to be safe.
Offensive Content: This includes "racial slurs, excessively graphic or violent content, or excessive use of foul language." Not a huge problem with the Worlds in play so far, but you can presumably only get away with anything they can get away with on network TV.
Crossover: It looks like even if Amazon offers both Worlds, Stefan and Damon from Vampire Diaries can't show up at Constance Billard High School and fight over who gets to bite Serena van der Woodsen's pretty, pretty neck and ultimately be slain by Penn Badgley. (Sorry if I got some names wrong in there, I can't possibly explain how cursory my glance at these shows' Wikipedia pages was.)
And if you don't write steamy crossover cussfests where every character dies violently, then you're probably writing because you love the material and legitimately want to write new stories in those worlds. And if that's the case, as John Scalzi points out on his blog, Kindle Worlds might not be the right place to go:
...there are a number of things about the deal Amazon/Alloy are offering that raise red flags for me. Number one among these is this bit:
“We will also give the World Licensor a license to use your new elements and incorporate them into other works without further compensation to you.”
i.e., that really cool creative idea you put in your story, or that awesome new character you made? If Alloy Entertainment likes it, they can take it and use it for their own purposes without paying you.
Scalzi says over and over that this is a great deal for the rightsholders, a great deal for Amazon, and a terrible deal for the people writing the actual fan fiction. But what kind of deal is it for the fans?
I think nerds everywhere should be concerned, and not just Gossip Girl nerds or Vampire Diaries nerds or Pretty Little Liars nerds (I don't know if there are Pretty Little Liars nerds, actually), but all kinds of nerds: comic book geeks, Trekkers, Star Wars fans, Game of Thrones freaks, anime junkies, and people who run message boards about any topic that anyone has ever enjoyed. These stories are all going to be published legally, with not only the permission but the endorsement of the entities that own the original material.
Now that every possible (nonpornographic, nonviolent) iteration of every conceivable story is 100% possible in any "World" Amazon buys, flame wars will be more unwinnable than ever. Every canon is going to be as convoluted as DC comics' was in 1985, or even worse. I don't think we're ready for Gossip Girl: Crisis on Infinite Earths.
Film / Music Bob Dylan Cover Songs and a Jeff Buckley Movie
Posted by Ned Lannamann on Thu, May 23, 2013 at 3:28 PM
At Mississippi Studios tonight, a veritable armada of Portland folk and country types pay tribute to Bob Dylan, who turns 72 years old tomorrow. To do this, they are doing something unheard of: covering Bob Dylan songs. This obscure Minnesota-born songwriter has probably never been covered before, so tonight should be really something.
I kid, I kid. Yes, the history of music is lousy with Bob Dylan covers, but this gang knows what it's doing. Take a look at the lineup: Portland Country Underground, Kory Quinn, Little Sue, Marisa Anderson, Lewi Longmire, Jim Brunberg, Ezza Rose, Brad Parsons, Santi Elijah Holley, Will West, David Lipkind, Scott Law, Joe McMurrian, Simon Tucker, Michael Sheridan, Boy & Bean, Suzanne Tufan, Amanda Breese, Ashleigh Flynn, WC Beck, Hunter Paye. Oh mercy!
In my shameful youth, I used to think that Dylan was only listenable when he was being covered by someone else. Back when I was first becoming familiar with Guns N' Roses' version of "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" and Jimi Hendrix's "All Along the Watchtower," I arrived the conclusion that Dylan could write a song but he sure as hell couldn't sing it. And that may be a popular opinion, but it is a wrong one—as I later discovered when I sat down with my mom's copy of Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits and all revealed itself. (Weed may have been involved.)
So in honor of tonight's many, many musicians covering Dylan, here's a link to one of my favorite Dylan covers, "Farewell Angelina" as performed by Jeff Buckley and Gary Lucas, under the name Gods and Monsters. This beautiful, haunting version is a live track from a WFMU session in 1991, and it appeared on one of the station's fundraising compilation albums, but to my knowledge it hasn't been re-released on any of the countless posthumous Buckley albums. (I can't embed it, sorry, so you'll have to jump to Lucas' Soundcloud page to check it out, which is well worth doing.)
Speaking of Jeff Buckley, a movie about him and his father, Tim Buckley, opens tomorrow at the Hollywood. It's called Greetings from Tim Buckley, and it has some good moments—most of which center around the elder Buckley's songs—and it's also severely flawed. This is what I thought of it.
• Bob Dylan tribute tonight at Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8 pm, $8-10
• Greetings from Tim Buckley at the Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, opens Fri May 24, 9:15 pm nightly (Sat/Sun matinees at 3 pm)
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Events West End Memorial Day Weekend Block Par-tay
Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Thu, May 23, 2013 at 3:14 PM
The outlook on this holiday weekend's weather doesn't exactly scream "block party" in the sense of flippin' burgers in the street with your neighbor Roy. The businesses in the West End of downtown are doing one anyway, but luckily every single one of them has a roof. Click over for the details on three days of shenanigans.
TV TV Trailer of the Day: Hostages (Soooo Terrible, I Love it!)
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, May 23, 2013 at 2:44 PM
Here is a trailer for the new CBS show debuting this fall called Hostages—which I was SO prepared to hate, because I hate everything on CBS, and because the show comes courtesy of producer Jerry Bruckheimer. And yet? I KIND OF LOVE IT! Not because it's necessarily good, but because it is absolutely crazy and terrible—just like the crazy and terrible Scandal!
Dylan McDermott is a FBI agent/terrorist (??) who kidnaps a doctor and her family and talks like Batman. The doctor (a clearly embarrassed Toni Collette) will watch her entire family get murdered unless she botches her scheduled operation on the President of the United States (??), and assassinates him via malpractice!! (So overly complicated... I love it!) Anyway, check out this trailer and howl with glee at all the baroque machinations within. And then join me this fall on CBS to watch the shit out of this!
Science! / News "Tin-Foil Hat Parade," at City Hall Tonight, Celebrates Fluoride Defeat
Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, May 23, 2013 at 2:14 PM
Starting at 6 tonight, outside city hall, the Kernel is throwing what he's calling a "Tin-Foil Hat Parade." I received an invite on Facebook, along with a few hundred other people. And as for what the "parade" entails? It's exactly that, with a fashion show and craft party thrown in.
Here's the Kernel's rough itinerary:
6-7 design and build
7-8 foil fashion show
8-9 parade and libationsbring ideas, supplies, sharables
Drugs / Food Today in Marijuana-Infused Bacon
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, May 23, 2013 at 1:45 PM
And this is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you legalize marijuana! In this ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE report from Seattle's KOMO 4 reporter Lindsay Cohen, butcher William Von Schneidau has invented marijuana-infused bacon... and here's how he did it:
He took the leftovers from a medical marijuana grower, had it fed to pigs, and soon they were here in his shop, bringing a whole new meaning to the idea of the “pot-bellied porker.”
UGH! TV news reporters are the most horrible creatures on the planet. Anyway, here's the video for that. Skip to the :45 mark if you want to avoid typical TV news padding of an only semi-interesting story. STILL THOUGH: Feeding pigs pot—who didn't ask for it! (For some reason I bet the anti-fluorides won't be screaming about this.)
Geek / Girls Only! Star Trek Releases Deleted Scene of Benedict Cumberbatch Showering to Counter Claims of Sexism
Posted by Cienna Madrid on Thu, May 23, 2013 at 1:29 PM
The men behind Star Trek Into Darkness have thrown us ladies and boner-loving dudes a bone and released a deleted shower scene featuring a sinewy Benedict Cumberbatch in response to the completely justified criticism they've been getting over Alice Eve's gratuitous underwear scene.
Here's a screenshot of Cumberbatch showering (you can find the full clip over here):
Thanks for the pecs, but sexism doesn't work that way. Nakedness doesn't simply cancel out nakedness, and we have no context for the above shot, so we don't know where it fit into the film or why. But what any reasonable viewer who's seen Star Trek Into Darkness does know is that Eve's underwear scene doesn't make sense, even knowing its context. It was gratuitous hot naked lady flesh, pure and simple.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP.
News Mayor Hales Will Re-Tool His Proposed Entertainment District Extension
Posted by Dirk VanderHart on Thu, May 23, 2013 at 1:14 PM
Old Town's controversial "entertainment district" will likely live on past its slated termination this month, but not precisely as Mayor Charlie Hales envisioned.
The mayor is going back to the drawing board revision table on his proposal to extend the neighborhood's weekend street closures after concerns from Old Town residents and business owners—and questions from colleagues—at a city council hearing yesterday.
He’ll bring an amended version of the proposal back before council next week.
Just what alterations Hales will make aren't clear (I have a message into his office) but it's unlikely they'll be substantive enough to assuage concerned bar and restaurant owners, who argue the closures are hampering their businesses.
The issues aired at yesterday's hearing were substantially the same ones Hales’ heard at a “town hall”-style meeting on May 7. And, as at the earlier hearing, much of the public testimony was critical of the program.
"Barricades create the perception of a war zone," said Dan Lenzen, a principle at Concept Entertainment, which owns the Dixie Tavern at NW Couch and 3rd. Lenzen, like owners at several other Old Town restaurants, says the street closures intimidate potential customers who might be confused by street barricades or unwilling to park blocks away.
"Before you extend the closure, consider the majority of the community opposes the street closure as it is," said Anne Naito Campbell, a board member of the Bill Naito Company, which owns property in Old Town.
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