Tonight, a terrible Hollywood film has come to life in the worst of ways.
Portland Police press release sent at 8:58pm:
Portland Police Negotiating With Man on a Ledge in Downtown PortlandThis evening, Friday January 27, 2012, Portland Police officers assigned to Central Precinct responded to the report of a man on a 2nd story ledge of the Henry Building Apartments, located at 309 Southwest 4th Avenue.
Officers arrived and have been talking with the man and have called for Crisis Negotiators and a limited deployment of the Special Emergency Reaction Team (SERT) to respond.
Anyone know how that movie ends? I hope this real-life drama turns out safely.
If you've seen the Sherlock Holmes series on BBC (and you should because it's created by Steven Moffat, which is code for excellent), then you'll enjoy this music video, which perfectly syncs up shots from Sherlock with a SNL perennial favorite. And if you haven't seen the series, watch anyway. Seriously, this editing job is magical.
NSFAnywhere at top volume:
In other news, it's total bullshit that I have to wait until 2013 to see the follow-up to The Reichenbach Fall.
A sequel to the original The Wicker Man opens today at Living Room Theaters—and it's apparently so amazingly mind-blowingly great that the film's distributors absolutely refused to let any critics see it beforehand. So we don't have a review of it, but by all means go and waste your money on that. Anyway, remember how Nicolas Cage was in a Wicker Man remake? From Empire, via FilmDrunk:
I would like to hook up with one of the great Japanese filmmakers, like the master that made Ringu, and I would like to take The Wicker Man to Japan, except this time he's a ghost.
Good day.
Hot tipster Erik Henriksen sent along this link in light of the news about TriMet budget cuts.
As a new Stanford study makes clear, public transit cuts don't affect everyone equally: In fact, they hurt women more than men, because women are way more likely to rely on public transit than dudes. Here's the relevant, hideous graph:

Why do women ride public transit more than men? The Stanford study says:
• Women spend more of their time taking care of children, which involves more trips taking kids to and from places.
• Women are also more likely to run a bunch of small errands, taking multiple transit trips to do a series of things in a row, like going to the grocery store and picking up kids from school on the way home from work.
• Old women are more likely to take transit than old men, who continue driving into their elderly years.
Interesting!
A Live Dress by Martha Jane Kaufman had its first staged reading last night at the jam packed Brody Theatre as part of the Fertile Ground Festival. Director Avital Schoenberg prefaced the evening by reminding the audience that a staged reading is a process, not a product- in fact the ending of the play had been rewritten only the night before. Note taken, and I agree that this play, like a special dress, still needs to be taken in here and let out there, but with a little more tailoring, A Live Dress will be an important and intricate work of theatre.
The story of A Live Dress revolves around the 1923 production of Sholom Asch's G-d of Vengeance in NYC, a Yiddish play that was shut down by the police for obscenity for portraying the first on stage lesbian relationship. Young Jewish actress, Sabina (Kayla Lian) and her grandmother (Michele M. Mariana) get pulled in to the mysterious conflict of the condemned play as they deal with their own conflicts as Jewish immigrant women who must make room for their old ghosts in a new home.
With this play, Kaufman continues the rich tradition of Yiddish Theatre, but twists and tangles the traditionally male-dominated form by writing from a strong female and queer perspective. It's not smack-in-the-face feminist queer theory on stage; it's just that the women speak and interact like women (how extraordinary!) and gay romances may or may not be brewing under the surface of the story. Kaufman handles under-represented voices with a light touch that integrates them honestly and seamlessly into the story.
OMG... an apology! An actual I, Anonymous apology! They're as rare as a unicorn with a Bart Simpson tattoo!! Check out this submission called: "I'm Sorry I Hit Your Car and Drove Away."
I was going about 90 miles an hour somewhere in residential SE and blew through a couple stop signs, slammed on my brakes, spun into your parked car — which probably stopped me from flipping over. Amazingly, I was able to drive away. Sorry about that.
Well, that's very nice, and I appreciate... wait. There's more?
Also, sorry for being too drunk to have sex with you for, oh, several years.
Okay, ummm... I guess I forgive you, and... THERE'S MORE??
I apologize for throwing up in your yard, or stuffing beer cans and wine bottles in your bushes.
AND THERE'S EVEN MORE??? Fuck you, and fuck your apology, dude! That was my favorite bush!! Sheesh. If you've got a lot to be sorry for, why not apologize for everything all at once, right here in the I Anonymous Blog: "Where all will be forgiven, my child."


In this week's paper, I reviewed The Fault in Our Stars, the newest from popular YA author John Green. It's about two teenagers with cancer who fall in love and it's really, really good—one part sad, funny teenaged love story; two parts interrogation of why anyone should even bother getting out of bed in the morning, much less bother caring about any one or anything, since we're all gonna die and be forgotten one day anyway. It's pretty great. I also interviewed Green a couple days ago, and the transcript of our conversation just went live. We talk about what people can expect from his sold-out performance at the Bagdad on Sunday; we talk about the relationship between authors and readers; we talk about how teenagers use technology. It was a pretty interesting conversation; here's a snippet, where we talk about Tumblr (Green has a huge social media presence):
When I was researching for this interview, I kept falling into teenager Tumblr vortexes.[Tumblr] particularly fascinates me because it's the place where young people don't think there are old people and so they act in a way that they would never act if they knew we were watching, which is interesting.
Do you find yourself looking at Tumblr or other social networking sites to keep your teen references current?I don't. I think most of my critics would say I don't stay contemporary, in terms of my views or in terms of my novels. All of my pop culture references are usually from 1992. Kids in my books always like Neutral Milk Hotel. They never like what people are listening to now. Superficial pop-culture connections aren't ultimately that meaningful to readers and also they change so quickly, particularly now in the internet age where something is only cool for a few hours.
The internet wasn't so much an issue when you first started writing.Yeah, I mean, my first book had a phone booth in it. The whole plot basically hinges on a phone booth. Amazon listed it as historical fiction. Maybe that's why.
Who's getting excited to do some sweaty dancing at next Saturday's That's My Jam at the Bossanova? This girl, with the two thumbs and the spazzy dance moves. We're having a shaking good time next weekend, with DJ Beyonda and Ill Camino, and a dance crew contest. And maybe you need some inspiring dance moves to put a fire under your butt to enter that contest, so it seems like as good a time as any to continue my ongoing Blogtown series Dance Videos That I Think Are Awesome AKA Courtney's Happy Place (I need a catchier name for that series). Here:
That's My Jam!
Saturday, February 4
Bossanova Ballroom (722 E Burnside), 9 pm, $5 ($20 to enter the dance crew competition), tix
New Jersey governor Chris Christie has promised to veto any gay marriage law that crosses his desk. Remember, this guy is on every shortlist for Republican vice presidential material:
See, as part of his push to have New Jersey voters vote on gay marriage in a referendum (so that he doesn't have to be on the record vetoing or not vetoing gay marriage) Christie said: "The fact of the matter is, I think people would have been happy to have a referendum on civil rights rather than fighting and dying in the streets in the South." But would they have?Newark mayor Cory Booker, to name just one of a chorus of Christie critics, certainly didn't agree with the sentiment. "I shudder to think what would have happened if the civil rights gains, heroically established by courageous lawmakers in the 1960s, were instead conveniently left up to popular votes in our 50 states," he said.
But Christie isn't backing down...
This is a remarkable statement. Usually, when you tie gay marriage to the civil rights movement, Republicans run in the other direction, diminishing marriage into something smaller and more specific than a right. But Christie is running headlong into the argument, saying that we did civil rights wrong in the first place. (Can you imagine? They'd probably still be trying to pass a civil rights referendum in Mississippi.) It shouldn't be surprising at this point, but it is. Somehow, Christie manages to say what every Republican is thinking, and he gets away with it every time. The worst part is that Christie emboldens other Republicans to repeat what he says as a fact; I'm willing to bet that other conservatives will soon pick up this "Civil rights should have been a state's rights issue" idea and run wild with it.

They'll be doing this show every weekend until mid-February or when they get bored, so you should check it out at some point if not tonight! (Voodoo's Tres Shannon is on tap for tomorrow night's show.)
DEETS:
"Late Night Action! with Alex Falcone"
January 27th-February 18th
Fridays and Saturdays
7:30 doors/8pm show
$7
(cards or cash accepted at the door, reservations recommended)
For reservations call 503-308-8679 or email us at actionadventuretheater@gmail.com
Hey guys. I’m keeping things short today because I am busy. And aren’t you? Don’t you people have jobs? What are you doing on Blogtown all day? Sheeeeeeeeesh. (JK! Please never leave.)
30 Rock
A continuation of last week’s episode shows Jack still in Lemon’s head about her new boyfriend, Criss. Those two have a weird relationship, don’t they? Seems like on sitcoms, platonic friends have oddly close relationships because they really want to get together, but I don’t believe that is the case here. It’s just…weird. What do you people think is happening?
Jack is entangled in a mess with the gravel-voiced Devon Banks. Will Arnett gets to be on 2 Thursday night shows now! Lucky guy. Just like the iconic Jessica Hecht, who played Ross’s ex-wife’s new wife Susan on Friends, and also was on The Single Guy. (Yes, I am available to be on your '90s television trivia team, and yes, I will destroy.) Banks is ready to leak some more negative Tracy stuff if Jack doesn’t get his triplets into a top preschool. One thing leads to another, and they have to placate Kathy Geiss by making a unicorn the mascot of NBC. I am for this.
My brief recaps are still lengthy so hit the jump for my thoughts on Alec Baldwin's hair and why bowling sucks.
"In the interests of transparency, we've shopped the posters for this awards season's biggest movies so they're a little more honest about their content," says theshiznit.co.uk. The results are excellent.
More here. Thanks to Noah for the heads up.
Marquis says, "I'm pretty stoked about the performers on tap. There's some of the usual suspects (Evan Way, Mike Coykendall, solo sets from all the Denver dudes)... I'm particularly excited to have both Heatwarmer and Thousands coming down from Seattle to play, very different bands (though one is made up of a subset of the other), both among the very best at what they do." It's an all-star lineup to see some great musicians and songwriters in a small room—and for free. The series kicks off this Sunday with Marquis joined by Eric Johnson of Fruit Bats and Zach Tillman of Pearly Gate Music.
Here's the full schedule (Marquis plays on all dates, naturally):
Sun Jan 29 Eric Johnson (Fruit Bats), Zach Tillman (Pearly Gate Music)All shows start at 7 pm at Al's Den (303 SW 12th) and are FREE.
Mon Jan 30 Jenna Conrad, Corey Ravens and friends
Tues Jan 31 Eric Earley (Blitzen Trapper, Denver), Mike Elias (Denver)
Wed Feb 1 Evan Way (Parson Red Heads), Brian Koch (Blitzen Trapper)
Thurs Feb 2 Heatwarmer, Birger Olsen (Denver)
Fri Feb 3 Thousands, Tom Bevitori (Alela Diane & Wild Divine, Denver)
Sat Feb 4 Mike Coykendall, John & David Totten (The Quiet Ones)
Those changes would bump the base TriMet fare to $2.50 and only let them be used one way. I find the idea of one-way fares confusing, but TriMet spokesperson Mary Fetsch explains: "The idea is to make fares more streamlined and simple. On the MAX, it prints where you bought your ticket. So let's say you bought your ticket at the Yellow Line Interstate station and then head toward the airport. With a one-way fare, you can transfer, but the operator could see that you're heading away from where you bought your ticket."
TriMet is still uncertain how a one-way transfer system would work on the bus—it would likely involve getting rid of the current ripped-paper-scrap transfer and spending on new transfer technology for buses.
To add some honey to the bitter changes, TriMet's budget committee is recommending that while one-ticket fares increase, the cost of a $5 all-day ticket stay the same, so people who take multiple trips a day (like, to work, then to the gym, then home, then to the grocery store) could potentially buy daily tickets and be hit with less of a fare increase.
These are just some of the options TriMet is weighing to fill its $17 million budget hole. According to the incredibly depressing "Fix TriMet's Budget!" game, a move to eliminate transfers would save $3 million a year. However, it would also be terrible. Ugh.
Not on the table to cut are the some of the biggest expenses driving TriMet's budget deficit, like employee healthcare benefits and investment in light rail expansion projects. Anyway, we'll know the cuts soon enough: The budget recommendations are due out on February 8th.
Great news everyone! The state's on-time high school graduation rate has increased one percent! According to state school Superintendent Susan Castillo, a rise from 66 to 67 percent over a year is something to write home about, calling the results "encouraging."
However, head honcho (read: Governor) John Kitzhaber reacted differently to this news, calling the low rate "unacceptable." A Department of Education study also unveiled a discouraging dropout rate of public high school students, marking one out of every three attendees an eventual high school drop out. This adds up to about 11,000 high school students in this school year.
Like I said, fantastic news.
Thankfully, Kitzhaber has promised to turn these dreary statistics around. Kitzhaber hopes to push the Legislature to require every school district and community college to sign a yearly "achievement compact" spelling out key results it will try to deliver. If singed off, this compact aims to jump start schools across the state in hopes of securing more stable — and uplifting — enrollment results in the future.
I've written many times of the virtues of R.A.W. lingerie: the textiles designed and naturally hand-dyed by designer Rio Wrenn, the romantic silks, vintage laces, and crochet details. There's a rare opportunity to snag yourself a pretty little something from the collection just around the bend: R.A.W. will be hosting a sample sale during the month of February (the 2nd to the 23rd, open Thursdays and by appointment) with 30-50% off. [Insert reminder about Valentine's Day here.]


The Mercury's Ryan J. Prado reviews the EP while under the influence of the beer over on End Hits. The beer/EP combo pack sees its release tomorrow night with Wow & Flutter's show at Kelly's Olympian. It will also go on sale at your favorite grocery store or beer emporium in February.
This just in from TMZ: Apparently the show Fear Factor—yes, the same Fear Factor that was canceled back in 2006 and resuscitated with abysmal host Joe Rogan intact—almost had to kill their "Donkey Semen Drinking" stunt from the upcoming episode of the show... because it made NBC execs fucking sick.
Sources involved in the production tell us the stomach-churning stunt was shot last summer — but NBC honchos were having a tough time swallowing this one as the air date approached.We're told the challenge involved teams of twins drinking the full glass of donkey semen — with a glass of urine thrown in for good measure. Contestants had to drain both glasses in order to move on to the next round.
Luckily for YOU, America, NBC has given the go-ahead to the donkey semen drinking segment, and it will air at 9 pm this coming Monday. SO LICK IT UP.

WOODSY—Northwest music media website Into the Woods may not have quite achieved empire status, but two years in, they're well on the way. Come celebrate their birthday with new videos (plus some greatest hits), live music from Nightmoves, and the promise of other surprises. MS
w/Grandparents, 1939 Ensemble; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $5
LATE NIGHT—The recent departure of the Ed Forman Show left a gap in Portland's late-night entertainment landscape—a hole that Action/Adventure Theatre is here to plug, with the new talk show Late Night Action with Alex Falcone. Opening weekend features stand-up comic Ian Karmel and the Mercury's own Wm. Steven Humphrey. AH
Action/Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through Feb 18, $7
I've settled into a pattern with buying fall and winter clothing. I don't actually buy them when they first come to stores in early fall, since my resources basically exclusively go to fund gift buying from September through December. And because you need your sweaters, your rain coats, your wool stockings and trousers and your boots at least intermittently through the month of May (meaning we're not even halfway through it), it's perfectly reasonable to delay thinking about sprucing things up on the inclement end of your closet until after the New Year. And, it's arguably shrewder to wait, since retailers are desperately bailing out the stores of this merchandise in preparation for spring. Siljan has joined the ranks of Portland based shops that're having winter sales, announcing discounts on their Scandinavian-centric merchandise for men and women, including some excellent choices for staple items like boots and coats. Shop online, or make an appointment at the studio.

The Prisoner is one of the coolest TV shows that ever was or ever will be.
And now, via Google Maps, you can go to the Village. You should probably go there now.
(Via io9, which also points out some of the highlights of the trip.)
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall—The Music of ABBA: Oregon Symphony, 7:30 pm, $25-90, all ages
Aladdin Theater—Martin Sexton, Adam Gontier, 8 pm, $28.50-30
Crystal Ballroom—Beats Antique, 8 pm, $22-25, all ages
Doug Fir—Scars on 45, Anya Marina, 9 pm, $10-12
The Know—The Suicide Notes, Youthbitch, The Flip-Tops, 8 pm
LaurelThirst Public House—Alice Stuart, 6 pm; Joe McMurrian, Blind Bartimaeus, 9:30 pm
Lola's Room—'80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 9 pm, $5
Mississippi Studios—Into the Woods 2nd Anniversary Party: Nightmoves, Grandparents, 1939 Ensemble, 9 pm, $5-10
The Piano Fort—Ed & The Red Reds, Meridian, W.C. Beck & The Valiant Swains, Ezza Rose, 8 pm, $8, all ages
Roseland—Three 6 Mafia, Yukmouth, Luni Coleone, 8 pm, $25, all ages
The Waypost—Marisa Anderson, Lori Goldstein, 7 pm
Gothamist shares the story of the NYC screening of Martin Scorsese's Hugo that was plagued with problems, including two film-stopping projection malfunctions before the audience was made to watch the film's climactic 30 minutes overlaid with preshow advertisements. Enjoy the hilarity below.
The Gothamist report focuses on the crowd's anger, but in the video it sounds like they're having a great time enjoying the stupidity. (All attendees were given refunds and free passes to another screening.)

The letter asked Mayor Sam Adams to publicly release a draft of whatever that report looks like two weeks before the council is scheduled to vote on it, a long enough span to allow residents to pick it apart as needed. It also asked that the report be, what's the word, useful: As in, filled with nonconfidential details like how many officers have been assigned to terror cases and whether and how often they questioned if their work for the feds was violating state civil liberties laws.
In an interview with the Mercury after Wednesday's vote, Adams offered an encouraging response. At least on the first request. "Absolutely. I will try," Adams said of providing two weeks in between the release of the report and a hearing.
But as for what that report will contain? Adams wouldn't say much other than that he "wants to get it right," because the first report will set "a precedent" for what future annual reports look like. He said both he and Police Chief Mike Reese, along with the city attorney's office, have been too busy with other work to get the report done any sooner.
"I'd like as much detail as possible to ensure our legal rights have been protected," Adams said, "but not so much detail that we undermine our ability to protect ourselves from terrorism."
As you may have heard, our beloved Tony Perez is passing off his crown as the Mercury's Food Critic due to increased responsibilities at his much better paying job at Tin House. But before we place his crown on the noggin of the newest member of the Mercury team, I'd like to give a big HUZZAH! and a "tip o' the hat" to Tony who has been a simply fantastic food critic and a pure joy to work with. (Something tells me, however, this isn't the last you'll hear from Tony!)
Okay, now on to our announcement! Well over 100 people applied this time around for the Mercury food critic position, and we received a buttload of amazing resumes. That being said, we've settled on who we think is a great pick for us...
Say hello to your new Mercury Food Critic… Chris Onstad!
As many of you already know, Chris is the highly acclaimed author of the webcomic Achewood (which also ran in the Mercury for awhile), and is a consummate lover and preparer of all things delicious. He was also the topic of a feature written by former food editor Patrick Coleman (about the proper preparation of yak and buffalo testicles), and his writing has been published in such lofty journals as Saveur, The New Yorker, GQ, Vice and more. Happily he also happens to have an encyclopedic, obsessive knowledge and regard for the local food scene. But don't fret, Achewood fans! After a short hiatus, Chris is back to writing Achewood, so we're especially pleased he's taking time to join us as our newest food critic!
Though he won't actually get started writing Merc reviews for another couple-or-three weeks, I was too excited not to share. So stay tuned! Welcome Chris Onstad, and bon apetit!
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