This Week in the Mercury

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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Big Transit, Big Building, Big $$$

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 3:03 PM

In this week's paper, I reported on a fight between neighbors, the city and the developer who's building the four-story Albert Apartment building on the old N. Williams House of Sound site. Neighbors are upset about a variety of things with the project — some lament the gentrification of the area, others that the building is a different design character than the rest of the street. In the article I wanted to talk about historical importance of the site, so I didn't have space to discuss one important issue: Should this 72 unit mixed-use building qualify for a $1.12 million transit oriented tax break?

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LEED Silver Apartments - soon to be occupying an entire city block near you!

The city initially said yes. Since the design meets the city's transit oriented development guidelines, the project was officially stamped good for transit because it's over 10 units, makes 20 percent of its apartments "affordable" and is within a quarter mile of MLK Avenue (a rapid bus transit Main Street).

But that seems absurd to neighbor Tracy Olson, who wrote an appeal against the plan. "How is his development Transit Oriented? He is building a 49 car parking lot on the ground floor, something the City does not require and in fact a feature that in the City's eyes discourages mass transit usage. This parking lot will include ONE car share space - for 72 apartments, ONE car share as part of the TOD abatement qualifications, Transit Oriented?"

Olson's right - while the transit-oriented zoning means developers don't have to put in any parking spaces for residents in a project like this, the city's "transit oriented" criteria do not include a parking space maximum. The car share space isn't required for transit-oriented development either, that's just a "public benefit" a developer can putting in to qualify for the tax break. So what if Portland forced developers to build carfree housing in mass transit corridors? I wrote last year about some smart young architects who are doing density right in North Portland — their cohousing project started off with parking spaces, but ripped them out to make room for more condos.

That's an extreme. But, hey, isn't Portland looking to be the most sustainable city in the whole wide world?

The Albert Apartments design is up for appeal in July, drop the NE Coalition of Neighborhoods a line to figure out how to get involved.

A Slurpee in Review: The G.I. Joe "Liquid Ammunition" Slurpee.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 3:01 PM

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If blue raspberries actually existed, and if they could go rotten, and then if those rotten blue raspberries could be distilled into some kind of fetid, greasy syrup, then that is what "Liquid Ammunition" is like.

Also, if you touch "Liquid Ammunition" with your skin, your skin will be stained blue for several hours afterward.

Also, the phrase "Liquid Ammunition" makes me uncomfortable.

Onstage this Weekend

Posted by Alison Hallett on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 2:30 PM

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This weekend, should you require more stimulation and spectacle than explosions, hot girls in cutoffs, and the mouth-watering scent of grilled meat on a summer's evening can provide—

Wait. Let me try that again.

Should you have a philosophical objection to observing the Fourth of July, insofar as it's a nakedly nationalistic celebration of American militarism that also scares all the dogs and cats, here are a couple other options for your weekend entertainment (both of which happen to promise a fair amount of spectacle themselves):

San Francisco-based company the Carpetbag Brigade presents the Portland premier of their show You Don't Know Jack, alongside a performance of Hand2Mouth's creepy fairy tale/rockstar deconstruction Undine—that's out at Milepost 5, tonight and Saturday, 8 pm, $10.

Tomorrow night, it's the first of the Wanderlust Circus' three-show series The Endless Road, a circus show that promises dancers, acrobats, and other circus-y things, plus performances by a different band DJ for each show—this week, it's the March Fourth Marching band. That's tomorrow at the Bossonova Ballroom, $17-22.

(Storm Large is taking the weekend off.)

More theater listings here.

Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 2:13 PM

Where can I purchase some American Flag bikini briefs for this weekend?

I was about to answer, "You can purchase a pair from my underwear drawer," but... mine are currently in use. SO HELP A FELLOW PATRIOT OUT, WHY DON'TCHA? (At Questionland.)

World of Warcraft Freakout… Now with a Convenient Remix!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 1:22 PM

Remember the kid who completely lost his marbles when his mom took away his World of Warcraft privileges? Well, he's back… thanks to this HEEEEE-LARIOUS remix starring the Kirby music from Super Smash Bros.! (I'm telling you, this tune is the Benny Hill/"Yakkety Sax" of the new century!)

Please stop putting that in your butt, and hat tips to Buzzfeed.

The First Helpful Info From the OLCC All Year

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 12:58 PM

The Oregon Liquor Control Commission took some moments away from its routine business of rapidly creating paperwork for its paperwork and registering bureaucrats for its Bureau of Redundancy to send out this genuinely helpful note:

"Check ahead for July 4th liquor store hours:
The Oregon Liquor Control Commission reminds customers to check holiday hours at your local liquor store. State law provides that liquor agents have the discretion to open or close on holidays and Sundays."

Thanks, OLCC!

One is Silver, the Other Gold

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 12:45 PM

Tough news for editorial boards who want to raze Memorial Coliseum. As reported on OPB, the 49-year-old building is headed for National Historic Register designation, which will mean any group looking to demolish the Coliseum will have to jump through a difficult new set of hoops. What's not clear is whether the designation will cover the whole building or just the outside — some redevelopment ideas include scrapping the interior bowl.

Meanwhile, downtown plans are in the works for an ultra-modern building: Portland Architecture has the first full rendering I've seen of the planned Oregon Sustainability Center.

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The website for the 250-foot tall building proposed to take up the city block between SW 4th and 5th Ave at Harrison and Montgomery has a bunch of cool design ideas for how to make the structure water independent and zero energy impact.

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My Oregon Craft Beer Month

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 11:54 AM

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I’m in the Horse Brass [4534 SE Belmont] for the Oregon Craft Beer Month kick-off party, puzzling over a Double Mountain Bohemian Pilsner, when the yelling and whistling begins. It seems a table near us has had a tad too much, and in their drunkenness has lost all decorum. The folks running the event are having none of it. They quiet the table with a firm, exasperated, “Stop! Please!” I take another sip of my beer and think, there but for a high tolerance and acute sensitivity to jackassery go I.

Last night began my self-enforced exile vacation from cocktails as I travel in the mysterious lands of Oregon craft beer for the next 30 days. I plan on posting daily updates as I try to erase what is left of my beer ignorance. I’ll be discussing the finer points of tasting, brewing, and styles with any beer experts willing to sit and have a pint with me. The interviews, tips, and insights will be right here on Blogtown for your perusal.

The hope is that you, dear Blogtownies, will drink along with me. If you don’t know much about beer, we’ll learn together. If you know more than you should about beer, you can help the rest of us by dropping your righteous knowledge in the comments.

I expect that as I talk to more folks my insights into what I’m drinking will become progressively more astute. But for these first few posts I’ll ask for both your patience and your insight.

Now, let’s drink (after the jump):

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There's More Than One Way To Get Gays Out of the Military

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 10:28 AM

You can kick 'em out—like Obama is doing to Dan Choi—or you can kill 'em.

The body of Seaman August Provost of Houston, Texas, was discovered about 3:30 a.m. on the western edge of the base, said Doug Sayers, a spokesman for Navy Region Southwest.... The death has local gay activists calling for a formal investigation into whether Provost was slain because of his sexual orientation.

“While 'Don't ask, Don't tell' is in place, anybody in the military who is a homosexual has no place to go to get assistance or counseling,” said Ben Gomez of Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, an advocacy group for gays in the military.

Provost's boyfriend, Kaether Cordero, said yesterday that Provost was openly gay but kept his private life quiet for the most part.... Provost had recently complained to his family that someone was harassing and bothering him, and they advised him to tell his supervisor, said his sister, Akalia.

If You Are Not at Lloyd Center Right Now, You Are Not a True American

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 10:23 AM

Oh my God, if you're lacking in Fourth of July spirit, get over to the Lloyd Center RIGHT NOW because OLD PEOPLE are ICE SKATING in PATRIOTIC OUTFITS!

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It looks like they're just skating for fun as part of a class. Only one of them is wearing a helmet. All of them will make you jealous of their sweet red, white and blue styles.

Cankle Awareness Month

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 10:17 AM

According to Gold's Gym, July is "Cankle Awareness Month," which besides being an unsubtle ploy to scare people into their gyms, is one of the innumerable symptoms of summertime exercise mania that sweeps through our society every time the sun peeps out. I've just begun one such "bootcamp program," which will stretch over the course of the next two months, involving personalized progress-tracking as well as meal planning and charting and percent body fat-calculating—it's called Recess, and I'll be tracking my progress and sharing the useful insights I hope to gain under the "Fitness" tag over on MOD. In the meantime, back to cankles:

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Gold's actually set up a website specifically to "say no to cankles," which contains free fashion tips for the cankle-afflicted: avoid skinny jeans and ankle straps, and when all else fails, wear really bright colored sneakers and pray that they will simply distract people from staring at your cankles. Thanks, Gold's!

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 10:04 AM

It's hot. But for the love of god, put on some pants, Dave.

Thursday, July 2 weather forecast

India overturns gay sex ban! (And raises its "sexy quotient" 75 percent in the process!)

Unemployment rises to 9.5 percent, as the country loses (gulp) 467,000 jobs.

A U.S. soldier in Afghanistan is captured and SOLD to a "notorious militant clan." I know the world economy is hurting… but jeez!

Sam Adams should have taken a page from Gov. Sanford's book; overload the media with so much embarrassing TMI, that they beg you to stop!

The DEA is jumping into the investigation of Michael Jackson's death. Hmmm… I wonder if that means Michael was involved with drugs?

Actor Karl Malden is dead, you guys! Now celebrity deaths come in fives.

Are you one of those annoying people who scream a lot during sex? Here's a reason why you shouldn't do that.

And finally, here's a Dutch commercial that you'll probably never see in the U.S.: A man gives his wife a facial while his mother-in-law looks on in horror. DUDE, RELAX! It's just coffee creamer!

Mini-Reviews: Fight Night Round 4, Prototype

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 10:00 AM

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Fight Night Round 4$60 — Xbox 360, PlayStation 3

If the Madden football games are EA's bread and butter, Fight Night is the company's horrifically contused lobster.

For starters, FNR4 is a simply gorgeous game. It almost feels obscene that a game whose entire aesthetic output is devoted to the realistic depiction of blunt head trauma should suddenly be in the running for "most attractive game in existence," but, well, watch this video and tell me you aren't impressed and a bit nauseated.

More impressive though, is that the game manages to balance its role as the most intricate, detailed "boxing simulation" on the market, with being accessible to everyone. This is definitely not a fighting game, but like the best from that genre the basic tenets of gameplay are easily learned (the jabs, the uppercuts, etc), but stringing together successful combos, learning to use your chosen boxer's own physical assets (Muhammad Ali is fast, Mike Tyson can eat children, etc) and learning to duck, dodge and counter punch can take months of practice.

Add online play, a ridiculously comprehensive career mode for either custom created boxers or the game's huge roster of real pugilists and a handful of extraneous extras (downloadable ESPN highlight videos? really?) and you have a title guaranteed to win Sports Game of the Year 2009, and most likely to land a spot in the overall Game of the Year ballots.

Verdict: Buy it

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OBT Leads Big Arts Rally Today in Pioneer Square

Posted by Stephen Marc Beaudoin on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 9:08 AM

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When was the last time the Portland arts community got up a big public rally to celebrate its own bad-assness?

It hasn't happened in recent memory, but Portland's Oregon Ballet Theatre has big reason to pop a cork, of course: they succeeded in raising more than three-quarter of a million dollars in less than three weeks - through aggressive fundraising and a jaw-dropping gala performance at the Keller - which saved the company from the brink of extinction.

Now OBT's assembling a day of blowout partying - today! - to thank Portland for their generosity (although OBT admits they received donations from 25 states outside of Oregon to help boost their coffers) and spread the arts community love a little bit. The mega "thank you rally" kicks off just before noon today in Pioneer Courthouse Square, and OBT encourages you to hoist a sign sending some props to your fave Portland arts group. See you there?

Later today (7 tp 9 pm), the company's hosting a five-buck fundraiser (five bucks?!?!) at Forkfly, 332 NW 6th, featuring noshes and booze, a fashion show, and live performances from some of my personal favorite OBT company members: Steven Houser, Anne Mueller, Gavin Larsen and Adrian Fry. Go, already!

UPDATE, 10:15 am: Oops! Seems OBT forgot to request a city permit for the rally, according to company spokesman Erik Jones. Instead of a massive blowout rally with speakers and raucous music, they're changing gears: "We’re going to meet there as scheduled and then go for a little arts walk through downtown and the Pearl," Jones says. "I figure we’ll head up to PCPA [Portland Center for the Performing Arts], swing by the art museum, and then down past the symphony office, the armory, PICA, and RACC. That should be a nice little jaunt — and we can distribute the RACC material along the way."

Welcome to ICE McDONALD THURSDAY.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 9:00 AM

I hereby declare that today—and every Thursday forthwith—shall henceforth and hitherto be known as ICE McDONALD THURSDAY.

"Ice McWho?" you ask?

"ICE McDONALD," I respond.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU.

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Yes, that is a throne of ice.

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Brian Barker Quits Katu

Posted by Matt Davis on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 8:01 AM

Reports Oregon Media Central. His last day is July 12. It's a shame. Brian is one of the few TV reporters in Portland who really puts his guts into it. Brian: Since your time in TV is coming to an end, we at the Mercury are hoping you'll come over here and record a "FUCK YOU, SAN DIEGO" Youtube. Drop me a line and we can arrange the details.
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BARKER: QUITTING THE BUSINESS?

Breedlove Says Adams Lied On KGW...

Posted by Matt Davis on Thu, Jul 2, 2009 at 12:09 AM

KGW has an extraordinary interview with Beau Breedlove up on its website. He certainly tells a pretty convincing sob story ("I played piano in nursing homes for years..." "I've never been anyone's pool boy or anything like that..."), and appears to have been interviewed before his grand piano in his 850 square foot apartment. Here's the transcript of the first seven minutes:

Breedlove: "I want to take this opportunity to talk about my credibility. I think that I was, you know, given a blow that was completely unfounded as far as me not being a credible witness. A lot of the things that they noted, especially the fact that my story changed, my story never changed. When it comes down to it, what happened with the quote unquote change in the story is that in the very beginning, on January 21st, Sam called me at 10:45 at night and said that he would like me to give a deposition to his attorneys. This was before the attorney general started his investigation, any of that. He said that he would like it if I could talk to his attorneys and if they could question me. And of course I agreed. I said, when? And he said well now, they're at your house already. And so at 11 o'clock at night I was questioned by his attorneys and I told them everything. I told Sam that I was going to tell the truth, and everything came to light, except that I was hesitant about talking about the kissing, because I wasn't sure what the legal repercussions might be for Sam, and I was really hesitant because at this point I didn't know I would get roped into things, I didn't know where responsibility would fall with me. And so I gave them my statement that evening at 11 o'clock and night, and then agreed to meet them in the morning at Sam's attorney's office, to go over my statement again, and then sign my statement. The following morning, and the night of giving the statement, I bought up the hypothetical question of what would the repercussions be of kissing before I was 17 and I was very specific, I was very, I gave a lot of details, I just told them hypothetically what would this mean? And then the following morning I posed that question again, they told me that it really didn't have any significance to the investigation, and that kissing was just kissing, there wasn't any legal ramifications, so it was better left unsaid."

Interviewer: Who told you to say that?

Breedlove: I think Sam Kauffman is I think his name.

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BREEDLOVE: WAS "GIVEN A BLOW..."

Interviewer: What about Sam?

Breedlove: Well that was, as I took that, at that moment I had already decided that I wanted to tell them the truth, and as anybody who knows me, because of a past incident, I have a deep-seated fear of lying to any police officers, or anything like that, it's a true phobia of mine, I wanted to tell the whole truth, put it all out there. During the questioning by Sam's attorneys in the morning, I posed the question again, at that point in time I took a break, I told them that I was going to call Sam, and at that point in time they left the office, and I called Sam and I said your attorneys are asking these questions, this is what I remember happening, and I explicitly walked through the details of the kissing incidents before I was 18. Sam, I believe that was probably the second time we had ever talked about that since it happened. And he acknowledged that the incidents had happened, and said that it was up to me whether or not to tell the attorneys about it. At that point in time, during the discussion, we agreed that I wouldn't tell his attorneys, but I did tell him, I said if I ever get questioned about this by the attorney general, I'm telling the whole truth, I'm not leaving any of it out. And anyway as we know at that point in time it did come out.

Interviewer: Did Sam ever say 'don't talk about the kissing to my lawyers?'

Breedlove: He said that it was my decision, but you know how someone puts you in the position of saying it's your decision if you want to do this, but it's clear that this was something that he really didn't want to have happen.

Interviewer: You two had talked about the kissing incidents before?

Breedlove: Yeah I think the last time that we had talked about it was probably much closer to when it actually happened, probably the summer of 2005, maybe.

Interviewer: And what did he say?

Breedlove: At that point in time we never had much of a detailed conversation about it. Honestly it was four years ago, I don't remember.

Interviewer: Did he admit that you kissed?

Breedlove: Yes.

Interviewer: When you were under 18?

Breedlove: Yes.

Interviewer: Do you remember anything he said that sticks out?

Breedlove: No.

Interviewer: So when the attorney general's report came out and Sam said it never happened?

Breedlove: Yeah. Well he said that he didn't remember [smiles]. I was mad. Because I thought, I assumed that he would tell the truth. I assumed that he would tell the truth in the investigation, and I assumed that there would be some type of safety net to prevent people from lying. And I thought, honestly, I had never been put under oath, during the questioning, but I always treated it like I had been. I never had any reason not to. If I wanted to lie, if I wanted to exaggerate, I could have exaggerated a lot worse things than kissing. But I assumed that he would tell the truth, I had no...I literally never thought that he wouldn't tell the truth.

Interviewer: When the report came out and Sam's lawyers came out and said Beau has no credibility, what did you think about those late night phone calls, about calling Sam, did it all come together?

Breedlove: It all came together because we had had multiple phone conversations when he had said, you know...this isn't an exact quote, but essentially to mislead from what we were talking about I'm going to send you a text message after this phone call. And he would send me some random text message saying you know, I don't know, "thanks for talking to me I hope things work out with your boyfriend," or things like that. Things that had nothing to do with the actual phone conversation. And at the time I thought, oh that's fine, he's protecting himself, but now at this point in time I realize that he was doing it to cover himself, and putting me on the line.

Interviewer: How does that make you feel?

Breedlove: Angry. It makes me feel angry just for the fact that I, up until recently, I really thought I had a friendship with Sam, which means I really thought I could trust him. And that's disappointing. It's really disappointing.

Watch the whole thing at KGW. "I wouldn't have called Sam during my conversations with his attorneys to ask him advice about my relationship with my boyfriend," Breedlove quips.

The kiss in the city hall restroom before Breedlove was 18? "I know it happened. I have no questions about the timing of it at all."

Is Sam lying about this? "Yeah." Why? "To protect himself, and it really upsets me that this is just continuing to be lie after lie after lie, and it's come down to the very bottom of the bowl where the last person who can be burned in this situation is me, and he's still burned me to try to save his career."

Breedlove discusses the Hawaii shoplifting incident. "There are a hell of a lot of people who have a lot more talent at stealing clothes than I do," he says. Spent ten days in the Hawaii state pen with "two murderers, a rapist, and an identity thief," he says. "I've never done drugs in my life. I've never driven drunk. I've never done anything. This was my big mistake. This was my learning experience."

"I want to be involved, I want to do things, but I'm worried that people won't have me, now," he says.

Breedlove wouldn't discuss how much he got paid to be in Unzipped. "It's such a frivolous amount," he says, although he thought it would come out after the Attorney General's report was completed. "Bad timing," he laughs. "The money I had made for the magazine barely covered the expenses I had lost during this situation." "I know people think that I'm a gold digger, and how that judgment gets drug from this situation, I have no idea." "I've never been anyone's pool boy, or anything like that."

"How many people have been burned because of this story? I mean, going back to the first man who brought it up. Everything he was striving for was just shot." "Even up to the very end, up to me, everyone was totally burned in this situation to cover up lies." "But I think people who actually followed the details of this situation, you couldn't miss that. The attorney general may have chosen to go the way he went, but I know that regular people couldn't miss that. It's pretty blatant."

What do you think of Sam now?

"I don't know what to say."

The recall starts in earnest, next week.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Leonard and Fritz: Contretemps Part Two...

Posted by Matt Davis on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 4:51 PM

Watch out: City Commissioners Randy Leonard and Amanda Fritz are butting heads again after their last contretemps in early May.

With this morning's council session taking all of an hour (seriously, what's up with the mayor being "out of town" the day the federal transportation secretary comes to town!? Who does it take to get him to cancel his travel plans? Joe Biden?! Although oddly, it's not like the mayor to turn down a photo opportunity...), I decided to busy myself with wonkish matters: Namely, trying to assess City Commissioner Amanda Fritz's political impact at city hall.

Specifically, I was curious to ask City Commissioner Randy Leonard about his feelings on Fritz's resolution last week to freeze merit pay raises for non-union employees. You may recall that Leonard greeted the proposal with characteristic "run into a burning building" enthusiasm last week:
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Scratch that.

"The way it was presented was misleading," says Leonard, who has been doing some research on Fritz's proposal, suspecting that "this isn't going to just die," and that Fritz may bring it back in the next budget cycle.

"The most cursory research would indicate that the $2.8million savings are overrated by 40 percent," Leonard continues. He's been asking the city's Office of Management and Finance (OMF) to figure out how many of the city's 1500 non-union employees would in fact qualify for a merit increase, and it turns out, 40 percent of them are already at the top of their pay scale, and wouldn't qualify, he says.

"I'm suspecting that the actual savings are something short of $1million," says Leonard, who wants to have OMF run the numbers next week, to be sure.

It seems Leonard thinks Fritz may have been indulging in politicking by bringing forward the ordinance.

"The more cynical observers have suggested it's the great political, 'hey, any time you go after public employees'," he says. "If you read the blogs, it's like hey, they're public employees, right on, go after 'em, and I just don't like that kind of use of dedicated hard-working people in order to further a political agenda."

"It's popular to say or imply that public employees make too much money," Leonard continues. "That's always resonated well. But when you're in these positions, then it is unfair not to at minimum analyze the basics of that kind of belief if you're going to vote to do anything to curb those individuals' compensation."

"Amanda either knew what I realized after doing the most cursory research, or she didn't do the work necessary, and that by itself is troubling," says Leonard. "I do not like even the perception that we are using employees that do not have the benefit of representation as political pawns in a wider discussion."

Read the response from Fritz's office, after the jump.

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Why Does Wrong Feel So Right on the 4th?

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 3:10 PM

This week, I keep having these conversations with women I know in which we discuss what we're planning to wear for the almost-always ultra-casual 4th of July festivities. Invariably it involves red, white, and/or blues (mostly denim), but it also always seems to give people license to revel in trashy-kitsch (daisy duke cut-offs and mini jean skirts your mother would never have allowed you out of the house in, Budweiser print string bikinis, tube tops, etc.). Nobody seems act this way for Christmas, or even Valentine's Day. The only thing I can think of that's comparable is Halloween, where so many people tack a "sexy" element onto their costume theme (sexy vampire, sexy baby, sexy Harry Potter, etc). Also, what does it mean that the tackiest things (terry cloth anything, bedazzled-ass jeans, lucite heels, eating Cheetos) suddenly feel right on Independence Day? I'm not saying it's not fun, I'm just saying...

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For the record: I do plan to wear a scandalous denim skirt that my mother would have never let me leave the house in.

More patriotic fun at MOD!

Saddest YouTube Video Ever

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 3:07 PM

Far too much information.


Today's Burning Question Burning Up Questionland!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 1:11 PM

What is it about asshole drivers in luxury cars in North West PDX?

(Hey people living in the Pearl! Here's your opportunity to jump on Questionland, and tell everybody how misunderstood you all are!)

Thank You, Canada

Posted by Will "the Intern" Radik on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 12:51 PM

Today is Canada Day! Now, to most of you ignorant Americans, Canadian culture and dress may seem enigmatic and primitive, but Canada actually has a rich and powerful culture. How do I know this? Well, you see, like any of you with any culture, whatsoever, I was suckled on the nourishing teat of pure Canadian brilliance!


More cute Canadians following the jump!

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The VooDoo Burger Strikes Again

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 12:10 PM

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I’d written just about half of my post on The Original’s VooDoo Burger when I realized that I’d been duped. I had not, in fact, been eating a meal. What I had consumed was a gimmick; a press magnet; a sustained publicity stunt. The VooDoo Burger tasted exactly like what a marketing ploy should taste like: sweet, greasy, but not unpleasant. The final analysis? “It was made for publicity, and this post is its bitch.”

Well, the VooDoo Burger has struck again. But this time its bitch is the New York Times “the Moment” blog, which apparently has a style blogger “who’s spending the summer biking around Portland, Ore.”:

You take the first bite and you think, Yes, this is a glazed sugar doughnut and a cheeseburger … and yes, this is amazing … so, so wrong equaling so, so right. The only-in-Portland cost? $7.25. Tip generously.


Oh, NY Times, when will you learn from we who forge ahead of you, making honest mistakes… Warnings that you should heed from the Oregon wilds.

I will admit the NY Times photo is better than mine, if strikingly similar. Note that they're drinking soda. The glass in my photo is filled with booze. One of the many reasons I'm not writing for the Times.

Portland's Streetcar Born in the U.S. of Fuckin' A!

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 12:07 PM

Obama Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood came to Portland this morning. Standing next to the nation's largest platinum LEED building at the base of the aerial tram in the shadow of the South Waterfront manufactured high density community, LaHood announced, "Portland is the transportation capital of the our country, the green capital of our country, the streetcar capital of our country, the livable community capital of America!" Then, at the end of his speech, just before unveiling the first streetcar manufactured in American in 60 years, LaHood repeated the line verbatim AGAIN, to thunderous applause. Now there's a man who knows how to whisper sweet, sustainable nothings into Portland's ears.

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Yes, indeed, Secretary LaHood along with a host of other politicians, including Governor Kulongoski, Congressman Pete DeFazio and Congressman Earl Blumeneaur (who graced his second transit-unveiling press conference in two days), were very very proud to release the first American-made streetcar since the auto industry killed streetcars 60 years ago.

"This is a great, great accomplishment, I believe this is the dawn of a new era for transportation in the USA, a new opportunity to claim 'Made in America,'" gushed LaHood, gesturing to the red, white and blue streetcar which was built at a cost of $2.9 million (with 90 new jobs created) right in state at Oregon Iron Works.

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There was political high-fiving all around. "Thank you to the legislature for passing my Jobs and Transportation Act, the largest and greenest long-term investment in Oregon's transportation history," said Gov. Kulongoski, hilariously glazing over environmentalist's complaints that the act included only a tiny sliver of funding for bikes, ped and public transit.

The only person not engaging in the jobs-green transit-love fest was sulky Jonathan Maus, of BikePortland.org, who shook his head in disdain at the photo opp. For less than the $77 million cost of the first 3.3 mile streetcar extension, Portland could build the nation's best bikeway network, with hundreds of miles of bike lanes. "Streetcars are great, but at what cost? Where's the similar dedication to bikeways that cost nothing in comparison?" said Maus. "In politics, things that are cheap and easy don't always win - there's no money behind them."

Bollywood "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe," Ya'll!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 11:52 AM

Usually, I don't have a huge desire to visit India. There's something about their music that makes me want to drive a Phillips screwdriver into my ear. That being said, there are certain Bollywood films that are indescribably wonderful, and here's one of them! It's the Bollywood version of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe as apparently performed during the day at maybe an office park cafeteria? And what is a young Ron Jeremy doing there? I don't know, I don't care, I just wanna watch this over and over again until I die. I HAVE THE POWER!!

Hat tips to Topless Robot!

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