Manfred Mann, it's Music Monday!
We'll start today with the first publicly available track from Marriage + Cancer. You might recognize the "pissed pop" band (their words) from their former incarnation as the band Nucular Aminals. That name—meddlesome for spelling purists—is now behind them, but the band's aptitude for crooked, anxious, punk-flecked rock is not. "No Sum" is a lengthy but exciting track with haunted funeral-parlor organ, tempo shifts, an expansive, sweeping scope and a stunning climax. Nucular Aminals are dead; long live Marriage + Cancer! The freshly renamed band performs Friday, December 20 at Club 21 with Wounds and Big Eyes, which will be awesome.
Here's Our First Brains covering the Nerves' power-pop gem "Hanging on the Telephone (made famous by Blondie, of course). It's a squealing, squalling, nervy take on the power-pop gem, and the Portland quartet blast through this excellent rendition with energy to spare. Their 2013 album Feelings and How to Destroy Them is about to be sold out forever, so jump over to their Bandcamp page and give it a listen.
Well, this is incredible. It's another cover, this time of the Velvet Underground's spoken-word piece of unsettling brilliance "The Gift," and it's done by none other than Portland's weed-lovin' love-jammers the Memories. At over eight minutes long, this is roughly five times longer than anything else the Memories have laid to tape, and the narrator (Memories singer Erik Gage, I think?) nails John Cale's clipped Welsh accent perfectly. This comes out tomorrow via cassette as part of Burger Records' new album-length tribute to VU's White Light/White Heat album. I guarantee this blows Macaulay Culkin's new pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band the Pizza Underground out of the water.
More Monday after the jump!
Sheriff Dan Staton—elected to apprehend and watch over lawbreakers—became one himself earlier this year.
The Multnomah County Sheriff's Office, perpetually in the hot seat for millions in overtime expenditures, overshot its budget last fiscal year by more than half a million dollars, a breach of Oregon law.
That overspending amounts to a sliver of the office's $120 million budget. But it also contravenes the normal process, where agencies in danger of falling short of cash ask the county's board of commissioners for an infusion from the contingency fund—giving the public a window into the expense before it occurs.
But Staton made no plea for the $508,000 outlay beyond his budget, so you never heard about it. Now, the county's in the position of having to explain to the Oregon Secretary of State's Office why it won't happen again.
On Thursday, the board of commissioners will vote on a resolution laying out the budget violation, and the steps Staton is taking to correct it.
"It's less than allowed," County Auditor Steve March said of overspending. "Now we have to go back to the public and say we screwed up."
According to Staton's office, the violation was due to an "unprecedented increase in personnel overtime costs due to suicide watch hour requirements." The sheriff says in documents his corrections officers spent 13,000 more hours watching potentially suicidal prisoners in fiscal 2013 than it budgeted for, causing roughly $1 million in overtime spending. Staton says the office has improved its financial reporting and is conducting monthly reviews.
Under ORS 294.100: "It is unlawful for any public official to expend any moneys in excess of the anounts provided by law, or for any other or different purpose than provided by law." The law says public officials who overspend can be sued for the money by the district attorney—or even taxpayers if the expenditures constitute malfeasance.
Staton's don't. They just continue to show the office's poor budgeting.
The violation, it seems, came to light in a routine external audit by the secretary of state. Oregon law states counties must outline the "measures it considers necessary to correct any deficiencies disclosed in the report."
The Secretary of State's office can then approve the plan or require further action.
It's no secret the sheriff's office has difficulties in crafting its budget. Staton routinely spends more than double the amount he budgets for overtime—a development that led county commissioners to require he make quarterly pleas for overtime money.
A call to the sheriff's office hasn't been returned today.
They were standing with a group of young people outside Union Gospel Mission. He was wearing snowpants and boots, two jackets and a hat. She was without a hat, in a jacket and gloves, and shivering as she asked me for a smoke. Which I didn't have.
Almost as soon as we started talking, a man walked by the group, the rest of them huddling on a blanket in front of a packed Fred Meyer cart, and handed over a package so precious it was immediately torn open to shouts of thank you: thick warm socks. A whole dozen of them.
"It's cold enough to get me to want to break into that place there," the man I spoke with said while pointing to the Sinnott House under forever construction across SW Couch. "We need somewhere we can go and stay there and stay warm."
The woman looked at me and said "This is like New York."
He chimed in again, "We're cuddling together in big groups."
They all looked miserable. And then they started getting their stuff together so they could head in for Union Gospel Mission's regular afternoon snack time at 2 pm.
It's been like this in a lot of places downtown and all throughout Portland over the weekend, thanks to a record cold snap unlike anything we've seen in the past decade. And for all the pain in the streets, there's been a flurry of activity among provider and government agencies in hopes of dulling it. (HIT THE JUMP FOR A LIST OF SHELTER SPACE AVAILABLE TONIGHT.)
"You're never sure that its enough," says Marc Jolin of JOIN, one of the housing and services providers helping coordinate the region's response. "You're never sure you're getting to everybody."
The Portland Housing Bureau, Commissioner Dan Saltzman's office, Multnomah County, and a panoply of providers have now spent days in "severe weather" mode, holding daily conference calls and relying on 211 to transmit information about emergency shelters and warming centers. (For those who don't know, 211 is the number you call in Oregon—24 hours a day—for information about and referrals to social services providers.)
Providers, from Right 2 Dream Too to Transition Projects to JOIN to Portland Rescue Mission have been putting out desperate calls for gear: blankets, sleeping bags, shoes, socks, everything. They were short in supplies after a cold snap around Thanksgiving. But after putting out the word for help, things have been better. And yet, they still need more.
Even the police bureau has taken a more formal role in helping out. All weekend, after midnight, 211 has been working with police dispatchers to get officers out picking up people who call in and want shelter and can't otherwise get there on their own. Until this cold snap, 211 would call social services providers at home to see if they could help someone calling after midnight. All told, the bureau says it's helped 20 people (27 others refused transport).
It's true... nobody in the bagel shop gives two shits if you just got back from Nepal:
Stop wasting everyone's time while you dig through your change and sort out the "foreign currencies," as you mumble something about how you've been abroad so long that our money looks strange. I'm not going to ask you where you've been even though you want me to. All I want is for you to pay for your bagel and get the hell out. And why do you still have non-American money in your pockets? Have you not washed your pants since you've been back from your wannabe Eat, Pray, Love journey of self-discovery?
YOUR NEPAL MONEY DOESN'T SPEND HERE, OKAY?!? Hey, do you have a rant or confession you'd like to share with the world? Send it to the I, Anonymous Blog—where bitching and moaning is the only currency we accept.
We have been through dark times, friends; we have suffered much.
For there was a time when Community was on the air, but was not overseen by Dan Harmon. Like Henry V without Shakespeare, The Thinker without Rodin, or Guernica without Picasso, this soulless abomination of a thing, this "Community," was cursed and foul, rank and hideous, intent on besmirching the gleaming legacy of what had come before it. Of what had been... beautiful.
But now Community is returning, and it is Harmon's Community, and let us rejoice.
Alex Pareene explains that the traditional political understanding of presidential politics doesn't apply to Elizabeth Warren. It's not about a clash of personalities, and it's not a recasting of 2008's Clinton vs. Obama fight. It's about the party:
The point of arguing for more “economic populism” isn’t necessarily to take down Hillary Clinton in 2016, though I’d certainly rather have a President Warren than another President Clinton. (Though — and I say this as a Warren admirer — she’s kind of a blank slate on non-finance issues, right?) Clinton isn’t quite inevitable, but aiming immediately for the presidency is in many respects reaching for a symbolic victory before achieving anything substantial. The point of “economic populism” is to fix the Democratic Party at every level.
The trick, of course, is to fix the Democratic Party without descending into a leftward version of the Republican Party's current teabaggy hell for the next decade. I think it's absolutely possible to promote economic populism in such a way that doesn't turn off independents and moderates. It's not easy, but it's possible.
Here's the launch trailer for the third season of (SQUEEEEEEEE!!!) Sherlock, set to debut in England on New Year's Day. (Is your finger already hovering above the "illegal download" button? Good.) Get ready for a non-explanation explaining Sherlock's death, and a spoon-full of Watson's feelings—which can never be unhurt.
Fashion has been making more frequent appearances on the museum circuit in recent years, but not here. I used 2013's combo of overlapping fashion centric exhibits at the Met (Impressionism, Fashion, and Modernity and Punk: Chaos to Couture) as an excuse to blow all my airline points on two round trips to New York, and plenty of Portland fashion enthusiasts have taken road trips to Seattle and/or San Francisco to experience exhibits that don't quite reach us here.
The exhibit is going to have some major pieces from legends like Pucci, Versace, Prada, Valentino, Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana... 90 garments in all. It's going to be marvelous! The only downside is that the exhibit doesn't open until February... 2015. Though as the museum Tweeted at me over the weekend, "It will be worth the wait."
Valentine's–Love Cop, Au Dunes, The Backhomes, 9 pm
Alberta Rose Theatre–Cooper & the Jam, 7 pm, $10
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall–Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 4: Oregon Symphony, Elina Vahala, 8 pm, all ages
The Elixir Lab–The Moonshine, 7 pm
Hawthorne Theatre–High on Fire, Kvelertak, Windhand, 7 pm, $18-20, all ages
Lola's Room–The Bloodtypes, Dottie Attie, 8 pm, free, all ages
Mississippi Studios–Rhett Miller, Big Haunt, 8 pm, $13-15
Early reviews are... mixed for The Hobbit: Episode XIV—The Desolation of Smaug. I've heard some people saying it's a lot better than the crummy first film; I've heard others say it's even worse; everyone seems to agree that for
better or worse, that one wizard whose beard is slathered in birdshit is most definitely back, joyously riding his sled pulled by CG rabbits all around a CG Middle-earth.
As an embarrassingly big Lord of the Rings nerd, I'd like nothing more than for this Hobbit to not suck; as someone with a functional brain who sat through the first film—twice, in fact, which now makes me question my use of "functional" earlier in this sentence—it's fair to say my expectations are... tempered.
That's not the case with the latest dweeb breed, though: They're the rabidly defensive fans of Peter Jackson's Hobbit movies, and now that reviews are coming out for The Desolation of Smaug, they are on the warpath, streaming into comments sections like the mighty Uruk-hai from Isengard to defend not just the first Hobbit movie, but also the second one (which they haven't even seen yet). Via FilmDrunk comes a rundown of the incensed comments in response to Rodrigo Perez's review at the Playlist. The complaints range from the pedantic ("You called the dwarves 'hobbits' in this review", "The ‘gemstone’ you mention is the Arkenstone, the symbol of Erebor’s kings, therefore a logical item of Thorin’s desire") to what might be the best... man. I love this comment.
This is one of the most unprofessionally written movie reviews I have ever seen. Are you even aware of the socio-political undertones of this film, between Thranduil, the elvin king, the Master of Laketown, and the miniature rebellions of Bard and Tauriel? Any and all aspects of broader commentaries brought by Peter Jackson to this film are completely lost on you. You claim there is no weight to the film but that is only because you have not the eyes to see it. Readers should not take any of your words seriously and move on.
You have proved yourself a fool.
The Hobbit: Another One comes out on Friday; we'll have our review up later this week. Now seems as good of a time as any to remind you of the world's greatest Chrome extension, Shut Up.
STORYTELLING—Oh boy, has Back Fence PDX got a story for you. The storytelling show is celebrating their 5.5-year anniversary with a special cheap-o show filled with excellent storytellers, like former mayoral candidate Jefferson Smith, funny lady Shelley McLendon, and comedian Lauren Weedman. Thanks for the anniversary present, Back Fence! CF
Gerding Theater at the Armory, 128 NW 11th, 8 pm, $5, 21+
COMEDY—Emily Heller deserves to be the patron saint of funny glasses-wearing ladies everywhere: An up-and-comer who's well on her way to being a household name (in households that know their comedy), she's whip-smart and hilarious, and tonight she headlines the reliably excellent stand-up showcase Funny Over Everything alongside top-notch local comics Shane Torres, Bri Pruett, Amy Miller, and more. AH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 8 pm, $10
Here's some good news that won't surprise you. The group angling to land a same-sex marriage initiative on the November 2014 ballot has announced it's got the signatures to do so—with seven months left until they're due.
Oregon United for Marriage began the signature gathering effort a little more than four months ago, and this weekend reported it had reached the required number: 116,284.
The group isn't stopping there. Organizers say they'll shoot for tens of thousands of extra signatures— "enough to withstand anything our opposition can throw at us," Field Director Ryan Brown said in a statement on Saturday.
Actually, Oregon United for Marriage has more than the required amount already, more than 118,000 according to another announcement today.
Signatures aren't due until July 3, and a vote on the Freedom to Marry and Religious Protection Initiative would occur on November 4.
Portland's tardy, apparently cash-strapped bike share system has "some pretty significant commitments" from potential sponsors, transportation Commissioner Steve Novick tells the Mercury, in what may be the strongest statement on the state of the project to date.
"On the money side, I feel much better about it than I did three months ago," Novick said. "I think we're going to have serious commitments from people who do have the money."
But he wouldn't go into detail on who potential sponsors are—healthcare provider Kaiser Permanente is widely rumored—or when an actual announcement might be made. He also refused to speculate on whether the city might see the necessary sponsorship money up front—an estimated $5.5 million is needed to purchase the system and operate it for five years—or whether it would trickle in over time.
According to internal documents [pdf] first reported on by Willamette Week, the Portland Bureau of Transportation has mulled fronting the start-up costs for the system, then recouping the money over time.
"I'm not gonna get into the details at all," Novick said.
The commissioner acknowledged some concern over news the Canada-based company that would supply bikes and docks for the system is experiencing serious financial hardship. The supplier, PBSC Urban Solutions, works with Portland-based Alta Bicycle Share to start systems throughout the country.
"We do have concerns about the contractor," Novick said, though he noted: "They always deliver bikes. They've never not delivered bikes."
Portland's system was initially promised this past spring, but sponsorship money's been hard to come by. That's a problem shared by other cities who want to join the bike share craze. Seattle is in nearly the same boat as Portland, though it has money in hand to institute a partial network.
While officials have said spring 2014 is the new launch date, even that's looking unlikely. Once money is identified, it takes roughly half a year to implement a system.
"Spring goes into June," Novick said. "We're not giving up on that yet.
"Hopefully within the next six weeks, I'll be able to tell you something."
Gifts for people who "have everything" seem to invite a jaunt into impermanence: exotic soap or tea, for instance; luxurious but fleeting. And while laws regarding the transport of liquid can be an aggravating roadblock, food things are an excellent place to start when you live in a food things kind of town. Season's Eatings is among the many local-vendor sales events that continue to rage this week, but theirs is exclusively about consumables.
Hosted at New Deal's tasting room (900 SE Salmon), it features local manufacturers of liquids (New Deal, obviously, as well as Pok Pok Som drinking vinegars, Water Avenue and Random Order coffee, Portland Juice Press) meats (Tails and Trotters), cheese (Briar Rose Creamery), jelly (Kelly's Jelly), pickles (Unbound Pickling), popcorn snacks (Masala Pop), cooking sauces and tapenades (River Wave Foods), and chocolate (Alma).
Enjoy snacks and cocktails as you shop, and know that proceeds benefit the Oregon Food Bank. Sat December 14, New Deal Tasting Room, 900 SE Salmon, noon-6 pm, admission w/an item of non-perishable food
You'll want to go over there for full details on how to win, and a breakdown of the many great prizes available. But here's the doozy:
In honor of our December 20 Concert at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall we've arranged a little contest. This is how it works:
• You put on your best or worst Holiday Sweater (bonus points if a cello is somehow involved).
• Or you could even put the sweater on your cello (as above).
• Or you could even put it on your cat. (I hear the Internet likes cats.)
• Then: You take a picture of your Holiday Sweater. Bonus points for creative design. Bonus points for effective composition. Bonus points for creative setting.
And we haven’t touched on the best part of this. If you are among the top three sweater winners, wear your sweater to the show, and we will give you absolutely supreme VIP seats. And you will be invited on stage, and the audience will vote on the number one grand prize winner.Head over there for the full details on how to enter, PLUS the added, inestimable bonus of the video of Dave Depper in a full elf costume joining PCP for Outkast's "Hey Ya" from the Holiday Sweater Spectacular from three years ago.
For the absolute extremely superlative best grand prize winner: We will compose a song with Adam Shearer on the spot dedicated to your sweater.
Yes. Your sweater will be immortalized in a musical composition.
(Probably on YouTube via video from your friend’s cell phone.)
Portland Cello Project also have a new EP called Winter (The Best Nine Months of the Year) coming out in time for the Spectacular; we premiered a song from it in last week's Music Monday.
It's been long rumored, and it was practically official yesterday, when the notice about a press announcement landed in media inboxes yesterday with this peculiar letterhead (which everyone immediately noticed):
And, so, this morning, Governor John Kitzhaber made it all perfectly clear: Yes, he'll be running for a fourth term—a first in Oregon. And yes, he'll be using the nice cushion of cash he's been casually amassing ($239,000) while making up his mind to start burying the hopes of an emerging field of Republican challengers, chiefly State Representative Dennis Richardson (who's raised an unshabby $182,000 of his own.)
What's Kitzhaber looking to get done in what he hopes will be his 13th, 14th, 15th, and 16th years atop the state? The Oregonian, at today's press conference at a Southeast Portland school, unsurprisingly reports, given the setting, that education spending and reform will rank high on the list. That was a priority for his current term, too. But it didn't work out like he hoped. The education reformer he hired to ride herd on the subject, Rudy Crew, was reportedly disengaged and eventually checked out for a job in New York.
Health care reform also came up, also unsurprising, given the state's spectacularly flawed enrollment website. Kitzhaber, according to the O, has acknowledged that could be a drag on his campaign—but he also tried to remind reporters that there's a lot more to Oregon's health care innovation efforts (something the national media has long recognized) than just an awful website.
As the O wrote:
Kitzhaber outlined four key goals: Adequately funding education, overseeing the implementation of the state's health care reforms, working to meet Oregon's carbon reduction goals, and boosting middle-class jobs.
Kitzhaber acknowledged that the troubled rollout of Cover Oregon, the state's health care exchange would be used against him in the coming campaign.
"I think we need to remember that the website is not the exchange," Kitzhaber said.
Update 12:30 PM: Richardson has responded with some self-congratulatory cliches, attempting to paint Kitzhaber as anti-business, despite the governor's continued zeal for the Columbia River Crossing highway-and-bridge project and the sweetheart tax breaks he's blessed for two of the state's largest employers, Nike and Intel.
The first one doesn't even really work.
“In baseball, you get three strikes and you’re out. Kitzhaber is asking for a fourth pitch. What we need is a new player to step up to the plate.”
And the second one just made me sigh and roll my eyes.
"We need to unlock Oregon’s potential by putting our natural resources to work, investing in education and mapping out a long-term plan for our state to thrive. Oregon’s prosperity engine is in front of us, and as Governor I plan to turn the key."
I hope the debates are better.
Emily Heller is a very funny, up-and-coming young standup comic—she seized victory at the Iron Comic contest at Bridgetown from the likes of Dana Gould and Guy Branum, and she does a podcast, Baby Geniuses, with the brilliant cartoonist Lisa Hanawalt—and tonight she headlines a top-notch bill of locals for the show Funny Over Everything at the Hollywood, for a mere $10 of your pocket change. (Funny Over Everything was founded by Ian Karmel; Shane Torres and Sean Jordan are steering the ship now that Ian's off making it big in Hollywood.)
I interviewed Emily for this week's paper. I asked her many things, but this is the most important.
What do you want for Christmas?
This might sound creepy but I want KNIVES. GOOD, SHARP KNIVES. I just got a new apartment and have been cooking a lot, so I want some knives. Please give them to me handle-first. OH, and I want everyone in Portland to come see me at Funny Over Everything!
And while we're on the subject of women who are hilarious, here are my three favorite quotes from Paper Magazine's new interview with Amy Poehler, taken entirely out of context (you'll have to read the article for that!):
"I dig shows where all the characters don't talk like the 28-year-old writer in the room."
"I mean, everyone under 26 seems gay to me."
"...historically, you have to come from a shitty background to succeed in comedy, but that was never really the case with the women I came up with."
She is the greatest human, full stop.
Originally published April 15, 2010:
I am a mostly straight, 22-year-old woman. I am a pretty GGG kind of gal. So I just started seeing this guy. I haven't known him for long—no serious sexual activity yet. The other night, a few drinks in, we ventured into talking about sex and porn. When I asked what type of porn he watches, he said that he likes videos of "dirty whores, rape scenarios, and gang bangs." Now mind you, I like being treated like a dirty whore. And I love porn. But for some reason, this put me off. I ended up heading home early, and I am apprehensive about seeing him again.
Was my reaction legit? I've indulged other partners in bondage, BDSM, power games, and so on (which I am very much into). So why am I judging this nice, good-looking guy as a creep?
Turned Off And Displeased
My response after jump...
So have you watched NBC's live version of The Sound of Music starring Carrie Underwood yet? OH DEAR GOD, IT WAS GLORIOUSLY TERRIBLE. In Carrie's defense, anyone pitted against the memory of Julie Andrews would have a tough go at it... lucky for her she had GOD in her corner. From her Twitter, directly following her performance:
Glory to God tonight...I couldn't be more proud. What a tough thing to pull off and we did it! I am so blessed!!!
— Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) December 6, 2013
However, when the not-so-blessed reviews began pouring in (and pouring in) she uttered a tweet that I will now have permanently embossed on a T-shirt.
Plain and simple: Mean people need Jesus. They will be in my prayers tonight... 1 Peter 2:1-25
— Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) December 7, 2013
Poor Carrie... and more importantly, POOR JESUS. (And poor Von Trapps! They escaped the Nazis for this?!?)
It's a beautiful statement, brave and necessary. I hope our Olympic athletes—and athletes from Canada and France and Germany and the UK and Australia and Norway and New Zealand and everywhere else—show similar bravery in Sochi. Thank you, Elton, for speaking out.
GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I find I spend my time, waiting on your call. How can I tell you, baby? My back's against the wall. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
American and British spies are now eavesdropping on you while you play World of Warcraft. (Apparently al-Qaida wants our nerds?)
Protestors knock over a statue of Lenin in the Ukraine, vowing that their current president is next! (The police are not pleased.)
Eight major tech companies (including Google and Microsoft) are starting a campaign blitz to ask the government to stop snooping all up in our shit.
The one-year anniversary of the Clackamas Town Center Shooting is in two days.
It's not just us freezing our nippies—the entire country is being bombarded by ICE.
A bloody riot breaks out between Brazilian soccer fans—so can we please just take a moment to appreciate our loud, but nonviolent Timbers Army?
The gay waitress who allegedly made up the story about getting a homophobic note instead of a tip has been FIRED.
Power rock band Heart joins Willie Nelson and the Barenaked Ladies in refusing to play Sea World after seeing the documentary on whale abuse, Blackfish.
Since Oklahoma legislators voted to allow a Ten Commandments monument outside the state capitol, guess who else wants one? THE SATANISTS! (Yay, Satanists!)
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: IT'S COLD, Y'ALL! And you can possibly expect snow and freezing drizzle between this afternoon and the morning. You know what to do... PANIC!!!
And finally... A TALKING BOAT?!?! Now I've seen everything!
Pro hoops' hottest franchise takes the floor for the second straight night, as Portland hosts the Dallas Mavericks in a meeting of Conference past and future. After breaking a club record for 3-point shooting in an annihilation of Utah just 24 hours ago, Portland is—as Wesley Matthews put it last night—"feeling it."
After all, the Blazers have won nine straight at home and 15 of 16 overall. Their commitment to defense and rebounding is obvious, their magnanimous ball-movement evident. And while it may seem a disadvantage to play a rare home-and-home back-to-back game against a team that's been off their feet since Thursday, the in-rhythm Blazers probably don't mind a chance to keep things going.
"Everybody's buying in with an unselfish attitude," said LaMarcus Aldridge while standing in front of his locker last night after a 20-point, 15-rebound performance. "If we keep up this fun play, anything's possible."
That likely includes victory over a Dallas side that's won four of five against Portland, including two of the last three here. Can a Blazers squad that's put history behind them all season take do it again. There's only one way to find out (that's not true, but humor me): Click past the jump and follow along, as I deftly describe all the action—on and off the floor.
Tonight, it's the return of my live talk show Late Night Action w/Alex Falcone and Bri Pruett. It's a great show (think Conan except live and focused on how great Portland is). If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself to come out tonight!
Author Monica Drake
OPB host April Baer
Comedian (and Don't Be a Dick columnist) Barbara Holm
Musical guest Fogatron!
And, of course, a bitter southern Santa.
The show's tonight at 10 pm at Action/Adventure theater (1050 SE Clinton). Buy tickets now!
You ever take comfort, in all your meandering paranoias, that even if the government wanted to watch what you were up to via your laptop camera, the little green light would let you know something was up? Not true. They're probably watching you right now.
Nelson Mandela just passed away. What better time to examine how profoundly disappointing his decedents—both political and genetic—are for the movement he championed?
The North Korean government is an alabaster monument to humanitarianism, or so they'd have everyone believe after releasing the 85-year-old American veteran they'd been holding prisoner for more than a month.
Despite the widespread, justified grumbling that the banking industry's prolific white-collar criminals aren't ever punished, one government agency actually has a decent track record of putting finance types away—just, you know, not the really malevolent Wall Street types. If you're a bank officer in Orlando with questionable scruples, though, watch out.
But, hey, there are signs the cataclysm wrought by those obscenely rich, scot-free financial titans in New York will ease up in 2014.
Guess who's still regularly using floppy discs.
Women's rights are much-debated but tenuous in Egypt. But good news today for 14 women sentenced last month to 11 years in prison for protesting the ouster of former President Mohammed Morsi. They won't have to serve time at all.
Fine, you don't like sports. I don't either, with a few exceptions, and one of those is coming up: The venerable Michigan State Spartans football team taking on the loathed, punch-throwing, proven cheaters at The Ohio State University with the Rose Bowl on the line. It's happening later today, and now you know who to root for.
So how are we to assess much-maligned rapper Drake's recent visit to Portland? He screwed up I-5 and his fans victimized a disabled Washington man. But he also, upon seeing the many destitute Portlanders sleeping in Old Town doorways, quietly donated a "substantial" amount to the Union Gospel Mission. For the record, I'm not mad about Drake.
Ugh. A young newlywed couple in Pennsylvania murdered a complete stranger just for thrills.
A Denver-area baker is told he must bake for gay couples, too. I agree with that sentiment, but I've also learned—and learned well—through the years that forced cakes are not delicious cakes.
Hijacking radioactive material: Almost universally a bad idea (the lone exception being if you are building a time machine).
Cold. Truly cold.
Almost this cold (arguably NSFW, though a vital and useful message).
We're LIVE at the RoseModaGardenCenter, where the home team has proven they're not merely a figment of this fair city's Rose-colored imagination.
Everyone is rushing to call the Blazers "for real" (or "fo reeeeeeal" when you're this pumped) now that Portland has stormed out to the best record in the Western Conference nearly 1/4 of the way through the season. And why not? They're only topping power rankings, impressing vaunted pundits (twice) and generally making this arena a fun place to watch competitive sports again.
But now that everyone's paying attention, can Rip City stay red-hot and it rollin'?
They'll have a fine chance to do so tonight against a young Utah team that already trails first-place Portland by 12.5 games out West. The Jazz have four wins this year and haven't exactly shot the lights out: They're last in the conference in scoring and worst in the Association in road point-gathering (technical term). Exposed by a rough-and-tumble schedule of late, Utah appears to be easy pickings for an upstart Portland squad that's stood up to the likes of San Antonio, Golden State, Indiana and—most recently—Oklahoma City.
Hey, the Blazers are good again! And it's too frigid to go outside! So go ahead and snuggle up to the warmth of your laptop and click past the jump for all the action—on and off the
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