I'VE GOT NOTHING.

I was going to blog this, until a coworker coldly informed me that "desperation blogging is not good blogging."

I can't do this alone. Please direct cat-related adorableosity to ahallett@portlandmercury.com for Cat Friday consideration. Thank you.

PORTLAND, OR - An Oregon improv group, The Light-Fingered Five, will perform at the Campaign for Change office in Oregon City on Friday, October 10th to help register voters and support Barack Obama's Campaign for Change.

WHO: The Light-Fingered Five

WHAT: Free Improv Performance

WHERE: Obama's Oregon City Campaign For Change Office
611 Main Street
Oregon City, OR

WHEN: Friday, October 10, 2008
8:00 pm PST

I've never seen this troupe before, but props to them for getting involved and trying to use theater to directly address our current political reality. Escapism isn't really working for me right now--the idea of prying myself away from the headlines for a night of hermetic entertainment with no bearing whatsoever on the election or the economy makes me feel a little itchy. (Same goes for books: Forget the new Roth, I'm curling up with a pile of these tonight.)

Brendan Kiley at the Stranger has a piece this week in which he breaks down the ten things he thinks theater companies need to do in order to "save themselves" (from what, he doesn't say. Presumably some combination of financial ruin and cultural obsolescence). Read it here. if you have even a passing interest in theater, and then read the comments. While I don't agree with all of Brendan's prescriptions, I can't argue that I'd like to see more companies ditch the Shakespeare and focus on premiering new work, and they need to do it fast and dirty--Artists Rep, at least, got that memo, as they're already two plays in to an all-premiere season, with another show opening next weekend. The CoHo, too, will soon be opening the Northwest premiere of Adam Bocks' The Receptionist. (Bocks wrote The Thugs, which ran at PCS last year and was beloved by everyone but me.)

And more new work is gestating tonight and tomorrow night at a benefit for Portland Theatreworks:

This fundraiser for Portland Theatre Works starts on Oct 10th, 7:30 PM at Hipbone Studios where you will watch six short plays written by local playwrights. Audience members will bid to give their own first lines and last lines to their playwright of choice. The entire audience will pick three props to be used by all the playwrights, who will create these plays overnight! The new plays will be cast, rehearsed, and performed the very next day, October 11th, at 7:30pm again at Hipbone Studios. Madness, you say? Well it's this sort of madness that keeps body and soul together at Portland Theatre Works. Come to challenge us, create with us, celebrate with us, and give to us! $12 will get you in either night, or see both for $20. Our Friday night line-up includes Ciji Guerin's "37 cents", Ellen Kesend's "The Rain, The Goddamn Rain", Ed Reid's "Happy", Fancesca Sanders' "Disgruntled Tiny Tim", Marguerite Scott's "Not Me" and Nick Zagone's "Smoke Scenes".

Complete theater listings here.

A couple of weeks ago, The Godfather: The Coppola Restoration came out on DVD and Blu-ray. It's a five-disc set, with all three films plus two discs of special materials. After watching the whole trilogy last weekend, I had a couple of realizations: The Godfather is amazing. The Godfather: Part II is mostly amazing. The Godfather: Part III is ten billion times worse than you remember it being. And, finally, Andy Garcia has a truly bewildering amount of chest hair. It's insane. You could lose a Robin Williams in there.

More thoughts after the jump, including but not limited to musings on Francis Ford Coppola's luck, how good Robert De Niro used to be, how Al Pacino Now looks less like Al Pacino Then and more like a dessicated, angry mummy who vaguely resembles what Al Pacino Then used to look like, and Sofia Coppola's crimes against humanity. Oh, and incest!

"I really can't stay..."

"But baby I got a fifth of whiskey so we can make some hot toddys and get naked and see what happens when the booze kicks in as we lounge by the fireplace and... Oh yeah, it's cold outside."

Well, the weather has turned chilly. It's that first glimpse of the cold season ahead. And though you might be depressed 'cause you keep tracking dead leaves into your living room, which frankly makes the place look like a dump, you can always turn that frown upside down with delicious booze. Let me help!

Tomorrow, from 1pm until 4pm, out at good ol' Edgefield, the fine fresh fellows from Portland's micro distillery community will be sampling their wares. If you haven't had the opportunity to enjoy a little Martin Ryan vodka or Trillium Absinthe Superieure, then this is your moment. There will be a handful of distillers hanging about pouring your booze of choice into little plastic cups. But don't get cocky! I assure you, those little shots add up and you could wind up shit-faced before you know it. If you happen to go, and you should, tell 'em I sent you. And if you want to get educated before you drink, then check out my slowly growing series of articles dedicated to this amazing local movement. Oh! And make sure to ask the folks from New Deal if they have a sample of a cocktail they refer to, loosely, as the "31". You'll love it! Unless you're allergic to pineapple like my dear wife, Kitty, in which case you'll go into anaphylactic shock and too bad for you....

Earlier this week, I posted about the Heathman throwing a chocolate dinner and Saturday tea with acclaimed San Francisco chocolatier (like mousecateer, but a bit sweeter), Michael Recchiuti. Yes, the menu looks amazing, but you might blanche at the $78 price tag (the tea event is only $35). If you're not rushing to the phone to call the Heathman and make a reservation for tonight's dinner, but would still like to have a taste of the action, I got your back.

Taste a sample of the chocolate dinner and enjoy a bonus coktail after the jump!

But I did want to share a conversation I was rampantly eavesdropping in the coffee shop just now, on my way back in for our last interview of the week.

Guy: "I'm just going to focus on raising my daughter for the next six months without a salary."
Girl: "It's just such bad timing."
Guy: "But what can you do? There's nothing else out there right now."
Girl: "You could always move back to Michigan with your folks."
Guy: "And kill myself?"
Girl: "I just wish this could have happened in our 30s, you know? When we're more established. Not in our 20s when we're just barely scraping by."

People are being fired all over the place! People with daughters, who might have to move back to Michigan! The end of the world is coming! Aghhhhhh! If you've heard similar stories, I'd be interested in hearing them. Or of course, if you've got something more uplifting to share, I'm all ears.

However, there's still time to get your tickets to what many consider to be the most entertaining night of the year. Presale tickets are only $10, and I would really advise you to get yours soon because PIZZAZZ almost always sells out! So be a smarty pants, and GET YOURS HERE, NOW! (Or at the Wonder Ballroom ticket office, if you prefer.)

See you next Friday, October 17 at PIZZAZZ! -- It's a cornucopia of fun and freakiness!

These pink and white sprinkled marvels were the snack-time item of choice during my parched, southwestern, tow-headed kidhood. I remember, after long afternoons of clambering over the lightning hot playground equipment, coming inside with dirt on my face and chowing on circus animal cookies—washed down with lukewarm milk, of course. There was something delightfully malicious about viciously biting the head off of a blush colored bear. Or drowning a vaguely lion shaped cookie beneath the froth of my milk until it softened to mush between thumb and forefinger. I don't think I have a single memory of eating these things in a polite or dignified manner. All I remember are crumbs, and trying to scrape off the frosting and sprinkles with whatever baby teeth I still had hinging around in my head.

These cookies were the fuel for playground shenanigans. They are inextricably linked to memories of a broken collarbone, a first kiss in the tree hut, and being thrown into the brambles from a madly spinning merry-go-round. Lord knows they were not healthy. I doubt that any modern pre or elementary school would dare to serve them now, for fear of some overprotective, mad-eyed mother, swooping down with foaming maw agape: "You served my child WHAT!? Don't you know he's lactoceliacautisticalifragilistic!?"

Also, you should really take a look at his video for "Molten Light," which appears on his new Soft Airplane album. Seriously, look at this:

Holy crap.

VanGaalen is also a visual artist; he did all the drawing and animation in this video. It's one of those things that I utterly do not comprehend, yet I find absolutely spellbinding.

Go here to read the full conversation.

Goddamn. Fincher's next film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, comes out on Christmas Day.

Thanks to Ezra for the heads up.

UPDATE: Never mind. Nike yanked it. Because it makes perfect sense to keep people from seeing a really great ad that makes your company look really cool, apparently.

via buzzfeed

But the point is: Over here in the USA, we may have totally wack leaders that admit to making decisions (like starting wars) based on conversations with God, but at least Jesus doesn't charge by the minute. LS

I am a wee bit obsessed with these genie-style pant from Paul & Joe Sister. Wee bit.

Be sure to hit up MOD for coverage of PFW as it happens...

Connecticut's Supreme Court ruled Friday that same-sex couples have the right to marry, making that state the third behind Massachusetts and California to legalize such unions.

The divided court ruled 4-3 that gay and lesbian couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry under the state constitution, and Connecticut's civil unions law does not provide those couples with the same rights as heterosexual couples.

Want to help keep it as three states with equal marriage rights? Donate to No on Prop 8, to help folks in California battle fear-mongering ads ("schools will teach second graders that boys can marry boys!!") and keep their fair-minded law on the books. The latest polls show Prop 8 ahead; defeating it will go a long way toward helping Oregon eventually secure full marriage equality. (Bonus: If you contribute more than $25 to No on Prop 8, Savage Love's Dan Savage promises to personally respond to your request for his advice. See here for details.)

Indeed it is.

This "Jolly Rancher green" 1996 Impala is a really something--although it sort of looks like the Incredible Hulk threw it up--and while I'm a little confused on why the gentle, if not downright goofy, Outlaw went with the whole airbrushed evil skull shooting the playing cards motif, I'm just jealous that this isn't on the trunk of my car.

The car is the work of Brian White from Big Wheels (of Ocala, Florida), who is responsible for pimping the respective rides of NBA players Larry Hughes, Zach Randolph, and the absolutely glorious ride of former Blazer Darius Miles. White informed us that he is working on a new "candy red" ride for LaMarcus Aldridge as well.

But enough about all that, Outlaw's green machine has it's own video: Enjoy!

Marino's opponent, Larry Galizio, suggested we check out this website, too. "He's a phony," says Galizio.

Harsh words.

Howard Zinn Says It: "Let's face a historical truth: we have never had a free market."

War on Drugs: With some hesitation, NATO agrees to let its troops in Afghanistan attack drug barons and maybe bomb heroin factories.

War on Palin: The Troopergate report will be released today! Palin pre-emptively clears herself of wrongdoing.

"That One" is a hooligan: A McCain rally in Wisconsin turns desperate and ugly as one man calls Obama a hooligan and socialist and the crowd chants "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

Gunning for Gators: The bloody Southern practice of legal alligator hunting sparks controversy as rivers fill with gun-wielding amateur alligator hunters with guns. Alarming case in point: "three North Carolina men who needed 18 shots from a large pistol to kill a gator that weighed as much as a Harley-Davidson motorcycle."

Heated Debate: Senate candidates Jeff Merkley and Gordon Smith swap insults ("Portland lanlord!" versus oil company puppet) in the first of only two major debates during the neck-and-neck race. Amy saw it all, including the part where Smith said Palin was the "governor of California." ha!

So, this is a bit odd. Onetime drummer for Poison Idea (and Final Warning, among other local punk acts), Steve "Thee Slayer Hippie" Hanford was arrested for allegedly being involved in a series of pharmacy robberies this summer. Police arrested Hanford, following a tip from Crime Stoppers, for allegedly robbing a series of Walgreens' pharmacies at knife point. According to the Oregonian's report "a man with a knife demanded prescription drugs" during the robberies.

From CrimeStoppers on September 8 (the above photo came from CrimeStoppers, too):

The Portland Police Bureau, in cooperation with Crime Stoppers, is asking for your help in finding an armed robbery suspect. On Wednesday, August 20, 2008, at 3:24 a.m. a lone male armed with a knife, entered the Walgreen's pharmacy, located at 940 SE 39th Avenue, demanding opiate drugs. After receiving several hundred Oxycontin pills, the suspect walked out the door onto SE Belmont Street. On Monday, September 8, 2008, at 9:32 p.m. the same suspect entered the Walgreen's located at 3909 SE Holgate Boulevard, armed with a knife and a demand note. The suspect approached an employee and was told that their pharmacy had already closed. The suspect left the store. At approximately, 9:50 p.m., the suspect walked into the Walgreen's at 940 SE 39th Avenue, approached the pharmacy counter, armed with a knife, and demanded prescription drugs. The suspect is described as a white male, late 30's, 6'0" tall, 200 pounds, with gray hair and brown eyes. The suspect walks "hunched" over and appears to be wearing a wig with a long ponytail.

Hansford will appear in court again next Wednesday.

When talking about equity among neighborhoods, he discussed his own Cully neighborhood, which Lewis says does "not receive the same share of city resources."

For example, he pointed toward the forthcoming Cully Park: "This park is kind of a favorite of mine because it's built on a landfill. And they actually are planning to close it down three hours every day to let the methane off so it doesn't explode. And I think it's great to have a park, but it's not the same resources that people throughout the city of Portland have."

Whoa--a park that potentially explodes? I had to check into that.

Commissioner Dan Saltzman oversees parks, exploding and otherwise. His staffer, Matt Grumm, filled me in on Cully Park's gassiness via email:

It is on an old landfill and this limits what we can plant and build on the site. But I know of no requirement to close the site, and obviously the agencies that regulate and "permit" construction and uses (DEQ, BDS) would not allow us to build soccer and baseball fields (the most likely development on the site with those planting and building limits) if a chance of an explosion was real.

The Cully Park project website does reference methane gas, but says it will be managed with an "on-site pipe collection system" and burned off for three hours a day. The park won't close. Furthermore, Portland's Parks Bureau notes other parks and spaces built on landfills--like Bridgeport Village, and part of Seattle's Arboretum. Ritzy examples like those seem to shoot holes in Lewis' "not the same resources" argument.

More info from the park's website after the cut!

Merkley, in fact, was in the Mercury's office this afternoon. Our endorsements aren't out until next week, but I can tell you this: He's a different candidate than he was during the primary, when Steve Novick was dogging him at every turn. In that interview, Merkley was wooden and unengaging. Not so today: With Smith his clear target, Merkley was sharp, explaining the issues in easy-to-relate-to terms. He was even funny, cracking a few well-placed jokes.

In tonight's debate, Merkley started off stiff, even in the way he gestured with his arms (he kinda looked like a robot). By the time Smith was defending his vote for last week's bailout--and insinuating that Merkley's opposition to the bill was a vote against rural Oregonians and their beloved timber payments--Merkley warmed up. "The meltdown on Wall Street is the natural consequence of Gordon Smith and George Bush's policy of deregulation, of taking away ordinary protections for our mortgages, for our families, and a deregulation of Wall Street, saying let's let the big banker boys do what they want at the expense of our families. It is outrageous."

He continued: "And the bill that Gordon Smith supported last week, it is a blank check. It doesn't address the core issues, it doesn't provide oversight of Wall Street... and because it doesn't address the core issues, it doesn't send a voice of confidence to the world that we're ready to take on these issues. I'm ready to take on these issues."

Smith, meanwhile, had the sort of blustery attitude McCain displayed during Tuesday's debate. While Smith didn't say "my friends" ad nauseum, he came across as the cornered, at-fault, out of touch Republican, the guy who's saddled with the weight of all that's gone wrong with the country in recent years, months, and weeks, and doesn't have a good explanation.

More after the cut.

Excellent. Last night's was one of the funniest South Park episodes I've seen in a while--especially with that inclusion of a Howard the Duck pinball machine. The whole episode is here.

Via FilmDrunk.