Get it?

Hey there, alkie art boosters: Friendly reminder that tonight at the Lowbrow Lounge (1036 NW Hoyt) from 5 pm until close is the summer edition of Pints for PICA, at which a portion of all food and drink sales go to the Portland Institute for Contemporary Art—including 100% of the sales of Full Sail’s “PICA pint.”

I will be there early, frontloading before Avenue Q at the Keller—to which, btw, you can get rush tickets for $28, two hours before curtain, tonight through June 29th, 7:30 pm, more details here.

Okay, it’s going to be in the upper 70s to mid-90s all week long, so you know what that means—POOL PARTY! However, when you’re a “plus-sized male” it’s nearly impossible to find the appropriate pool-side fashions. Enter “Big Richardson’s T-Shirt Shop” where even the biggest boned man can find the “Calvin Peeing in a Puddle” shirt he so desperately needs.

Okay, grab a co-worker. Both of you put five dollars down on the table. Now, one of you choose “blue granny” and the other choose “red granny.” Then click play on this heee-larious video of two Russian grannies beating the crap out of each other with their purses, and may the best person win!

Hot-poop Mercury freelancer Kiala Kazebee is working on a fun article possibly titled “WHO IS PORTLAND’S BEST KJ?” (You know, the people who spin the karaoke discs at your favorite bars.) And she needs your help! In the comments below, let us know your nominations for Portland’s Best KJ—and while I know you will do your best to remain objective, I’m not expecting miracles.

Here’s Kiala’s list of her current faves in no particular order:

1. Sean - The Hutch on Holgate

2. David - The Alibi

3. Dan - Chopsticks II

4. Luke - Chopsticks III

5. The Captain - Joe’s Cellar

6. Whoever the hell at Yen Ha (no one would answer their goddamn phone).

You can also weigh in on the criteria for what makes a great KJ (or a crappy KJ)—but try to be nice! (Once again, I’m managing expectations.)

YOUR SUGGESTIONS, PLEASE!

The Bonfire* (2821 SE Stark) now has a happy hour food menu from 2-7 pm. $3.50 tacos, falafel, burger, and more.

That’s cheap. And their TVP tacos are the shit. Sit outside and eat tacos. You’re welcome.

*Also, there was a GIRL working there the other day. Is that a first, outside the lady who works in the kitchen? I can’t think of any others…

not actual “red cricket”

Holy shit! The weather is so delectable today, I can barely stand it. In fact, I feel so good about this particularly stunning atmospheric change that I am going to give you, Blogtownies, a summer cocktail recipe that I created just a few weeks ago. Its working title is “red cricket,” but if you make one for yourself this weekend, post a name suggestion and I might make it a Monday poll.

It takes a bit of time to make and I’m lazy enough that I usually only drink one before ditching the shaker and going for straight shots. But that first one is summer in a rocks glass, my friends, if I do say so myself. And HA, I do!

Behold:

“red cricket”
4 oz vodka (I prefer House Spirits Medoyeff, but I made it with Stoli last night to great effect)
3 large strawberries
2 1/2 cucumber rounds
4 large mint leaves
1 oz lemon juice
Cricket green tea cola to finish

In a shaker, muddle strawberries, cucumber rounds and mint. Add lemon juice and vodka, fill shaker with ice and shake vigorously for 15 second. Strain over ice in a rocks glass. Top off with Cricket cola. Garnish to your whim. Tilt the elbow.

The best thing about this cocktail is that it’s fizzy, fresh and most of the ingredients are easily found in Portland farmers markets right now. Cricket cola can be found at New Seasons.

Enjoy! And don’t say I never gave you nuthin! If you e-mail me your summer cocktail recipes and a photo, I’ll post any good ones. The boozy the better.

Pride Weekend is almost upon us, but unofficially it’s already started. Tonight is your last night to pre-party (don’t tell me you’re trying to save yourself)! You’ll find a schedule of queerish activities here, but my money is on Shake It!, a double dance party at Boxxes and Red Cap, with DJs Brad, Catalyst, and Jason Wann spinning ’80s music and then some. Boxxes doesn’t even open until 5, though, so tide yourself over in the meantime with this rainbow-tastic and downright soothing Wax Stag video for “Short Road,” in which fluffy dogs, owls, unicorn dolphins, and molars all peacefully coexist in a harmonious cartoon-cloud wonderland. (For some reason, trees don’t seem very welcome.) Don’t miss the pervy castle/church thing that likes to tongue on its rainbow moat.

Like a disturbingly large number of people I know, I am getting over a head cold. It is, after all, JUNE, so that makes perfect sense. (It is supposed to start warming up again later this week, fingers crossed, and hey! only 11 days until summer officially begins(?).) I’ve always been a fan of the classic hot toddy water/brandy/lemon/honey elixir in these times, although unfortunately booze can’t actually cure a cold. A far more useful bit of advice is that drinking up to 3 or 4 glasses of red wine a day can prevent colds (a scientific factoid that goes a long way in explaining why it took me nearly two years to get sick in the first place). Nonetheless, when the deal is sealed, you want something warm and alcoholic that gives you an excuse to get off the couch and find better company than season two of Meerkat Manor (which suuuuuuucks!).

My friend and cold sufferer Kim is currently swearing by an unholy mixture of whiskey and green tea. Other recommendations include mamajuana, a concoction of red wine, rum, and honey left to soak into tree bark and herbs (which is also said to be an aphrodisiac—bonus!) from the Dominican Republic, hot lemonade and rum, and a Tibetan-inspired combo of black tea, spices, fresh ginger, lime juice, honey, whiskey and (of all things) butter. Any other suggestions to break us out of the hot toddy rut?

Marc Byrne, previous owner of XV, told me today, “It was just time to move on and relax for a little bit.” The popular downtown bar was sold yesterday to Mr. Raj Patel.

Patel has no plans to change anything at the bar in the near future, “I’m going to take some time and get a feel for the business,” he said, “I want to get to know the customers.” He does not plan on any staff turnover.

This is good news for those downtown drinkers who have come to call the slick and sexy XV their regular watering hole. Hopefully the transition will be smooth and painless. In order to help the process, the sale will be celebrated with a transition party next Thursday, June 12th, at 10 pm.

If there’s one thing drinkers don’t like, besides sudden erratic movements and a poorly mixed Manhattan, it’s change. Apparently, none of these things will be happening at XV any time soon. So just relax, kick back and pretend that nothing happened.

Oh, suuuurrrre. Everybody loves to talk about how neato awesome Portland is. And I will happily agree… as long as you can point me to the nearest local water slide. OH, THAT’S RIGHT… METRO PORTLAND DOESN’T HAVE ANY WATER SLIDES. (Hey Sam Adams! The green boxes are nice. Where the EFF is my effing WATER SLIDE?!?)

Anyhoo, here is the most incredible water slide in the world, and SURPRISE! It’s not in Portland. This AquaLOOP Water Slide is located in Germany—probably because they have no human rights laws. BUT CHECK IT OUT!! You step onto a trap door, get dropped into a near vertical free-fall before shooting through a loop and then crapped out of the end. Watch for yourself, and tell me this isn’t the Auschwitz of all water slides!

Tip o’ the hat to Random Good Stuff!