Another week, another Mercury music section to read while you dream about landing a job as a porn inspector. The fake business card is a nice touch.

The Genius! GZA! The Wu! Hooray for exclamation marks!!! We talk about the mighty GZA, who is touring through town and playing his entire masterpiece, Liquid Swords, from start to finish. You can even win tickets to the show right here. We don't care what our mom said, we like giving it away.
LISTEN:

GZA - "Alphabets"

Fresh from the island of sheep and hobbits, the Mint Chicks trade success, acclaim, and health care in New Zealand for basement shows here in Portland.
LISTEN:

The Mint Chicks - "Walking Off A Cliff Again"

The freak show carnival of Man Man passes this way next week. While you watch Honus Honus do his thing, I'll be partaking in the other games of the carnival. I'll win that Motley Crue mirror if it fucking kills me.
LISTEN:

Man Man - "The Ballad Of Butter Beans"

Never a band to be accused of not being patriotic (it's the band name, plus those tiny stars and stripes lapel pins they wear) These United States capture the American experience in their rustic songs. Kind of like Toby Keith, but without the ass-kicking Ford trucks.
LISTEN:

These United States - "Burn This Bridge"

In this week's music columns: Cary Clarke talks to Blind Pilot about the logistics of touring by bicycle, while I chat with International Pop Overthrow founder David Bash.

End Hits: Thanks for the nomination Obama, but we're just not fit for the VP position. There are just too many skeletons in our closet. Sexual ones.

"Paint Your Art Out" promises to be an exciting and unique summer
event featuring: live painting exhibitions by four local
street-influenced artists, a silent auction featuring local and
national fine artists, music, and performance art.
This summer's art extravaganza promises to be the first in a long line
of events of its type, combining Portland's love for not only music,
and live performance, but for visual art as well.
Joining us for this event will be live painters: Dan Williams of
Crack la Roc Murals, Anna Todero of Core Gallery, Alter One, and Heidi
Elise Wirz of Oven Fire Studio. Plan B's spacious patio space will be
brim full of art, music and performance, and will be an evening to
remember.

Right on the cusp of TBA it is sure to be an arty good time.
It's from 7-10pm at Plan B, with a $5 entry fee. Be there.

Portland representative Leanne Marshall, meanwhile, did a fully competent job of dressing Sharon Needles in a spiky cyberpunk mini:

(By the way, this video is an excellent Sharon Needles primer:)

The winning outfit, however, went to the show's resident grumpy old man, Joe:

Stay tuned 'til next week, when the designers are judged by none other than notorious celeb stylist Rachel Zoe!

After filing this week's newslede, (deadline was on Tuesday afternoon, I'd given Leonard since Friday to call me for comment, he didn't...) I got a call from Leonard's chief of staff, Ty Kovatch, who spent half an hour explaining why Leonard's program is not a secret, why, in fact, it isn't even Leonard's program to begin with, and why the tone of the piece I was writing was way off. Too late.

I said, simply: "Show me the policy, and I'll stop asking questions."

"What policy?" he asked.

Wow. Doesn't that make you curious?

2.HALLMARKING THE OCCASION!!! The card company that invented Valentine's day and Mother's day finally comes out with a gay marriage card, so early it's practically ACTIVISM. Er...

3.TEXAS!!! Is ready to execute a man with mental illness for conspiring to murder someone he never touched.

4.FAT BLAIR!!! The Sun asks, "does stress make you scoff?"

5.ADDING UP!!! Four more ad agencies open offices in Portland.

Also, Obama may finally stop teasing and name his VP. Or not. I don't really care any more. Good day.

The agreement itself lays out a broad framework for how the site and its neighbors should communicate and the responsibilities of the site. The agreement's goals are pretty straight-forward and non-controversial.

- Initiate and maintain open communication and understanding between parties
- Develop a procedure for resolving problems
- Maintain neighborhood safety an livability
- Reduce crime and fear of crime in the neighborhood

These all reflect the main problems that led to the creation of the center: the belief that day laborers standing on street corners increases crime in the neighborhood and the trouble business owners and English-speaking neighbors have talking to the laborers about their problems. The site is supposed to be a place neighbors can turn to for help resolving problems with laborers instead of just getting frustrated or going to the police. That's why one of the most notable aspects of the agreement is the dedication resolving problems within the community rather than having to call in the police or City to negotiate every dispute. "The first line of communication will be one-on-one via in-person conversation," states the agreement, which requires the site director to give his cell phone number to everyone who signs the agreement so they can call him to discuss problems even after site hours.

The agreement also says VOZ will address the nuisances committed by labor site participants within the four block-square "impact area" and participants who look for work on street corner rather than at the site but doesn't bind VOZ to meeting any set numerical goal of reducing the number of people still on the street corners. This is important because some neighbors thought the site would get rid of the corner altogether, which wasn't VOZ's goal and doesn't seem possible. Business owners, though, are encouraged to post signs telling people about the center -- part of an education campaign that the site needs to get more employers down there hiring workers.

The agreement makes the important distinction between "participants" of the site, whom VOZ is responsible for and will monitor, and people who wait for work on the corners but don't use the site. This might be kind of difficult to parse out in practice. Some guys use the site only occasionally, what exactly should happen if they commit a crime but haven't used the center in a month? Good thing they're establishing a procedure to resolve problems!

When I first watched The Blue Lagoon as a young man, I was entranced by the beautiful Brooke Shields frolicking topless across a golden beach. I saw the film again recently and I mostly felt... well... dirty. Good thing I was in a bar and I could drink away the feelings of guilt and lechery. Also, it was censored for television, which helped.

Tonight the bar at Elephant's Delicatessen, on NW 22nd, will be screening The Blue Lagoon as part of their regular Wednesday Tiki Drink/Tropical Movie Night. They offer a selection of classic Tiki cocktails straight out of Trader Vic's (et al.) so you can taste the tropics while being transported via celluloid to a sunnier clime.

Personally, I think Tiki drinks and a movie is a fantastic idea. But this might be a bit uncomfortable. I mean, just look at the plot keywords from imdb.com

Personally, I think I'll wait for next weeks film: Rescue From Gilligan's Island.

Orientations are held in Room 201 at Pacific Northwest College of Art (PNCA): 1241 NW Johnson, Portland, Oregon 97209. Enter building on the corner of NW 13th and Johnson. The orientations include all the info one would need and the opportunity to sign-up for TBA volunteer slots. No need to RSVP just show up!

Orientation Dates:
Wed . Aug 20 . 5:00 PM

In exchange for their time, volunteers receive performance tickets and Festival passes. It's a great way to get involved! If you have any additional questions or need more information, please contact Sarah Farrell at volunteer@pica.org.

Keep your eyes peeled for our TBA guide, hitting the streets tonight--and of course, your one-stop shop for all things TBA-related, the Mercury's TBA blog launches tomorrow. (We hope. Fingers crossed.)

Yesterday, news was released that 115 campus administrators from around the country (including the presidents of Lewis & Clark and Willamette Universities) wanted to take a look at the national drinking age. These administrators released a statement, called the Amethyst Initiative, in hopes that it would spark a discussion on underage drinking. It has certainly done that.

But it's strange to me that reporting on the the issue suggests that the amethyst initiative supporters are asking for the drinking age be rolled back to 18. It ain't necessarily so. What they do ask is that we have:

...an informed and dispassionate public debate over the effects of the 21 year-old drinking age.

Plain and simple. Though, the statement does point out a double standard: while people under twenty-one are allowed to vote, serve on a jury, and kill America's enemies, they're not allowed the sweet satisfaction of a cold beer when said duties are done. Of course, all of those responsibilities are given at age 18. So, I could see why one might jump straight to the whole age rollback thing.

Never-the-less, I think the initiative needs to be seriously considered. If anyone knows the scourge of underage binge drinking, it's campus administrators. I'm sure all it takes is one 18 year old frat boy dying of alcohol poisoning to get your attention. If they're telling me the current drinking age isn't working, then I'm inclined to believe them.

Fucking crazy, right?

Emily--the woman in the above animation--was produced using a new modeling technology that enables the most minute details of a facial expression to be captured and recreated.

She is considered to be one of the first animations to have overleapt a long-standing barrier known as [the] "uncanny valley"--which refers to the perception that animation looks less realistic as it approaches human likeness.

So in other words, CG is about to get a whole lot more real, with the dead-eyed CG puppets of Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and Beowulf having just gotten their asses kicked to the curb.

Man that video's creepy--but not for the usual reasons CG people are creepy. It isn't until they break down the layers of that chick (thing?) that it starts to get really weird, right? And just to be on the safe side, I should probably say something here about how it's now perfectly obvious that computers are going to rise up and kill us all, I'd say most likely in the next six months or so. It's been nice knowing you guys, and I happily bow in servitude to our new robot rulers.

From the London Times, by way of io9.

Or I could just give birth to a child and dress it up as a Prince/Princess of All Cosmos and train it to clean up after me.

But then my offspring might grow up to be this person and then I'd feel ashamed.

Instructions for the baby hat are here.

This Week: The Supertwins

Riders: John Wagner and Molly Oakes
Bikes: Twin single-color single-speed road bikes, Frost has a princely Austro Daimler frame, Flames was scavenged from a Dumpster.
Spotted At: Half & Half on SW Oak

How'd you two wind up with Frost and Flames?
John: I built this bike and then a year later she built hers. They do kinda match. If by match you mean we should probably write a Scandinavian power metal song about it.

Why would you paint your bike gray when there's already so much gray in the landscape here?
John: Well, I'm pretty attached to the Portland landscape. I like the way it looks.

How do you think it's different riding around a gray bike than a bright red one?
John: The bright red bike would seem so flashy. I like my bike to look good, but I don't want it to way stand out or something. I used to have like a caution yellow bike and there was something about having a bike that was, like, that bright that just didn't appeal to me.

A lot of sexiness is about subtlety. Molly, your bike -- not so subtle. What are you going for here? Devil red? Tomato red?
Molly: Red of the beast. Hell red.

What's the deal with the monochromatic schemes?
Molly: Basically chance. I got a lot of this bike from my friends for free and they just happened to have tape that matched the frame. My friend Juicebox found the frame in a Dumpster and gave it to me.

You have a friend named Juicebox?
Molly: Ha, yeah.

With the handcuffs, are you going more for "policeman" or more for "kinkster"?
John: I'm going for "locks well to poles."

But that would be a kinkster.
John: Ha, well, maybe that is it and I just need to admit it to myself.

Just a reminder: A joint effort between the Mercury and the Portland Art Institute, the "My Pretty Portland" film and animation contest is up and running! Submit your Portland-centric, two-minute-long film so that you can be in the running for prizes like $1,000 cash, passes to TBA, a fancy-pants dinner at clarklewis, and other great stuff!

All the details you need can be found here and here, and you've got one week to submit your short--all entries are due no later than 5 pm on Wednesday, August 27. (For the procrastinators out there who haven't even started yet, that means you've still got time--though not much of it.) Anyway, have at! And remember: Extra points for unicorns and/or flying ponies! Or terminators.*

*Please note: McG is not allowed to enter this contest.

Want to win tickets to see GZA/The Genius at Berbati's Pan next Monday? Of course you do! Just go here and plead your case.

Cancer Cure?: Two years ago, cervical cancer inhibitor Gardasil was hailed as the must-have vaccine of the season. Now critics say the hype was unhealthy.

Hello, Goodbye: What do Guantanamo detainees say during their one phone call home a year?

Who's Dying More? U.S.A. Today compiled a list of hospital death rates so, whoa, now anyone can compare hospitals in their state.

Rental Rewrite: The city's Bureau of Housing and Community Development says rental code should be tighter to keep out the slumlords.

Tiny Slush Fund: Portland's police and fire department pension fund accidentally pays retirees $3.1 million extra, including $19 monthly into Tom Potter's pocket.

So far I've managed to ascertain that it's on NW Natural Gas property, but that's, like, boring. I've got a call into them, but in the meantime, I was thinking those who have lived here longer than I might have some local knowledge. So: help!

I'd like to hear a response plan from each agency on a Nessie-esque beast in the water reservoirs. Assume it is dangerous, eating skinny dippers, dragging dogs underwater, etc.

I upped the ante for the bloggers, challenging them to illustrate the monster in the reservoir.

Team Red Cross took it a step further, and made a video!

They also gave a play by play of how they'd respond, and pointed to the The Japanese Monster Survival Guide for further reading. "Note: While Blog-Off 2008 seems like fun and games, there's no doubt in our minds that Portland has the potential to be destroyed by a monster attack," they write, suggesting everyone get an emergency kit, "just in case you have to shelter in place or are trapped in your home. You might want to include a bottle of champagne, just in case it's your last night on earth." Excellent advice.

Finally, Red Cross Blog points out a flaw in Water Blog's entry for today: "we might add [it] is NOT a response plan, as requested by the moderators."

Indeed, the Water Blog took credit for the monster:

The bureau has purchased a Nessie-esque beast, from Scottish Water Company. The bureau wants its public to know that this is not an emergency situation, but a planned maneuver.

The beast, who has been affectionately dubbed Tabortha, was pre-treated with an animal sanitizer to ensure that her scales and body parts will not negatively affect water quality. She entered the reservoir germ neutral. She will live the remainder of her years, (estimated to be nearly 100), within the waters of Mt. Tabor, switching between reservoirs as her guard services are needed

Hmm. News writer Sarah Mirk points out, however, that this might be their response plan: Spinning a dire situation into good news for the city bureau.

Commenters on the Water Blog seem to dig it, though, calling Tabortha "the perfect environmentally friendly (non-chemical) way to protect the water system."

Weigh in on the Red Cross and Water blogs yourself; We're keeping track of those comments as we determine a winner.

I've got good news and bad news for fans of Capcom's Street Fighter games.

First, the good news: Street Fighter IV has begun to appear in American arcades (despite the ongoing death of the traditional, non-pornographic, non-booze-filled arcade). The game will eventually see release on the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and PC platforms, but purists insist an arcade cabinet is the only true way to enjoy these sort of pugilism simulators.

The bad news? According to EventHubs.com's handy cabinet locator page, none of the locations are even remotely near Portland, Oregon. The closest confirmed machine is nearly 1,000 miles south in the city of Walnut, California (though reports have trickled in of a cabinet only 314 miles north of us in Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada).

If you already had plans to travel to B.C. to smuggle prescription drugs for your grandparents, I heartily endorse the idea of stopping by and playing a few rounds on the theoretical SFIV cabinet -- the game really is that good -- but I can't recommend going to Southern California for any reason.

"What better way to show that we're people out here in need of housing who have respect for the community?" he asked. (Bishop is second from right, in blue).

"My stuff goes with me," said Donald Yates, left, who has been homeless for about 6 years. "I carry a bag of trash out with me every morning, but I always end up picking up other people's trash. There's homeless people like me who don't believe in mess."

Bishop has been out on numerous nights over the past week telling people he plans to do the clean-up. He says he wanted to be sure that if there was anything people needed, they'd have time to take it with them. "Most of this stuff was soaking wet and had been lying here for a long time," he says.

"In this progressive liberal city I've come across numerous articles that put homeless people in a bad light," says Paul De Jean, right, who has been homeless since his home was foreclosed on in January. "So when we saw this place we thought, next time they say homeless people are doing this or that, they'll be able to see we're doing something positive."

"I think this is a real good idea so we can show people that not all homeless people are trash," said Cindy, who didn't give her last name, but who has been homeless since May 2005.

When I left at 2:30, the unofficial campground was spotless.

I mean, check this out: I was going to write about Auditor Gary Blackmer's move to enshrine the city ombudsman's office into the city charter. YAWN.

But it's August. City hall is slow. Charter amendments are kinda sexy, right?

Well, this one sure got sexy. Or depressing. I'm not sure.

I spoke with Ombudsman Michael Mills this morning, and got quite an education on his role at the city. It's obvious he cares a great deal about what he does, and fully believes that the job is "an important service in accountable governance," as Blackmer wrote in a resolution supporting the charter amendment. Mills told me about the time his office discovered an issue with the Bureau of Development Services, "where people were being fined thousands of dollars for minor infractions," apparently to generate revenue for the bureau. The Commissioner in charge of the bureau at the time--Charlie Hales--didn't find out about the issue until it hit the media, after the bureau director essentially ignored Mills' recommendations to fix things.

Of course, Mills was excited about a public vote to put the ombudsman role into the charter, which "provides some permanence and stature" to the job he and deputy ombudsman Kristen Erbes do. "This is sort of the final chapter in the way that best practices dictate that an ombudsman should be set up." Man, this guy bleeds good government.

As our conversation wrapped up, I asked Mills if there was council support for putting the charter amendment on the ballot. Who could possibly object to something so innocuous?

Commissioner Dan Saltzman, that's who. Mills told me Saltzman had his concerns, and Blackmer was going to try and meet with him this afternoon to talk about it.

Mills called me back an hour later. Blackmer and Saltzman had met. And Saltzman "didn't see the need to amend the charter," says Mills.

"It wasn't supposed to be controversial," Mills added. "This is a surprise and a disappointment."

"If we're asking voters to change our what's essentially our constitution, he'd like to have a little more discussion about it," says Saltzman's policy advisor Matt Grumm. The charter amendment "kind of came out of nowhere. We just saw it Monday."

From what I learned in speaking with Mills, however, this isn't a new idea. It was originally on a list for the Charter Review Commission to consider in 2006. Since the commission was dealing with much bigger issues--like changing the city's form of government--"they never got to it," Mills explains.

Now, it might not come back up until May 2010, leaving Mills and Erbes as just another city code. (But hey! The council has a history of totally respecting the city code.) I told you this story was depressing.