Attention all DJs and rabid John McCain supporters:
Now is your chance to remix the verbal skills of our (possible) next Vice President, Sarah "Russia's Neighbor" Palin.

Help Sarah Make Sense offers up a full download of the audio from Palin's VP debate performance for you to rearrange, mash-up, or just take horrifically out of context. Then post your work back on the site and have your pals vote for it. That's democracy in action.

Here's a sample of a track called "Say It Ain't So, Joe."

Link courtesy of Listening Post.

And "everything" includes Trig.

Sarah Palin has not released her medical records. The circumstances of Palin's "secret" pregnancy and Trig's around-the-world birth are bizarre in the extreme. And before Palin's nomination turned pre-marital sex and teen pregnancy into virtues, the fundy governor of Alaska had a motive to pass Trig off as her own son. Now we could give Palin the benefit of the doubt here -- indeed, she would deserve it -- if everything else that's come out of Palin's mouth wasn't a lie. She lied to the American people about the bridge to nowhere, divestment from Sudan, trade missions to Russia. Why should we take Palin's word on Trig's birth or anything else?

Check this out: It's a list of babies born in April at the hospital where Sarah Palin claims Trig was born in April. Only Trig isn't on the list. And check this out: when she ran for mayor of Wasilla, Palin demanded that her opponent release his marriage certificate. She wanted him to prove that he was actually married to his wife -- because, you see, his wife used her maiden not, not her husband's last name. For all voters knew, Sarah Palin insinuated, her opponent was living in sin right there God-fearing Wasilla. And living in sin and everything that goes along with it -- premarital sex, children born out of wedlock -- is just wrong. (Or was wrong -- Bristol and Levi's appearance at the RNC was a "game-changer," as they say.)

No one has taken more of a pounding for raising questions about Palin's record -- her lies, her qualifications, and the circumstances of Trig's birth -- than Andrew Sullivan. And Sullivan says:

Why would a hospital exhaustively record all births on their premises and leave out easily the most famous baby ever born there? There were only 24 births at Mat-Su in April of this year: it's not like they could have mislaid one. So why is there no formal record of Trig's birth? This is not an "unspeakable" question. It's a simple factual one. Presumably there's an explanation. Perhaps the Palins decided that it would be an invasion of Trig's privacy to have the birth actually recorded in the hospital where he was born. But at least they should be able to tell us that. Or perhaps the hospital decided for some reason not to record that one birth. I have no idea. I do know that if Sarah Palin were running against Sarah Palin, she would demand evidence, as she did with something just as accessible with respect to John Stein's marriage license.

Release Palin's medical records.

Americans don't have a right to know every last detail of Palin's messy, sprawling family life -- we're really not interested in every last detail, frankly -- but we do have a right to know if Palin lied to us about Trig too.

Via Slog.

In other signs this county is falling apart: "'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' tops weekend box office."

It's less than a month until Election Day--speaking of which, mark your calendars for our Election Night blowout party at Doug Fir!--and Obama and McCain are at each others' throats. Over the weekend, McCain and Palin brought up Obama's association with Weatherman Bill Ayers; Today, Obama's camp releases a short documentary on McCain's involvement in the Keating 5 scandal.

Never fear: According to NBC's analysis, Obama currently has a project 100-electoral vote lead. In other words, if the election were held today, NBC predicts Obama would have "a 264-174 advantage over McCain, up from his 212-174 edge last week. The changes are all in Obama's direction: We've moved Michigan, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin from Toss-up to Lean Obama."

The Nobel Prize in medicine goes to three scientists who "discovered viruses that cause cervical cancer and AIDS."

Researchers say one in four mammals are at risk of extinction.

Speaking of climate change, will Oregon become a destination for refugees from areas wrecked by global warming?

And just in case you missed the SNL version of last week's VP debate, here it is!

Excellent. Video here. (Via Journalista.)

If that's not enough, there's always the brilliant "Spewey" episode of Get A Life.

Somebody took down the Hung Far Low sign down and boy am I pissed. That sign kept Portland weird. Now Portland is just a little more normal. This has got to stop. Please find out what happened to the sign. I'm sure I can get donations to help restore it. In fact I will make it the mission of my firm to do so. Thank you.

I took up the case and called the Hung Far Low restaurant, which moved out to 82nd Ave three years ago to be closer to where Portland's Chinese people actually live. The owner told me I should call the landlord, but the only cryptic information he provided was "she runs an antique store near the Chinese Garden." A half dozen phone calls later, I tracked down the landlord's son, Dan Hong, working the counter at Great Era antiques.

Hong quickly dampened my vanished-sign hysteria: the sign was removed for repairs both to its rusting frame and the roof itself. The historic 1928 sign was also a potential death trap, a rusty 2,000 pound humorous steel-and-neon anvil tourists love to pose under and the owners wanted to get it in the shop before the rains came. BUT, Hong says, "Everything is still up in the air." The sign took $3,000 to take down with the aid of a crane. Hong's not exactly sure where the money's coming from to repair the sign and then putting it up again... that could be thousands more. He hopes maybe the PDC will kick in some cash. (confidential to Dan Hong: Jerry's firm's phone number is 503-295-1918)

PLUS, he points out, the sign is totally out of compliance with current codes. Will the city let the iconic penis joke return?!

Clyde Nelson says yes. He's the guy who hauled the Hung Far Low sign to where it currently sits in a storage yard out in Scappoose. Nelson says that after he replaces the rusty sheet metal and refinishes the sign, the city sign inspector (awesome job) has approved it to be put back up exactly the way it was (which kind of annoys Nelson because he thinks it'd be smarter and better looking to replace the cumbersome frame with a modern one). One of the problems he can't fix due to something about sign construction I don't understand: tragic pagoda deteriorating. It's coming. Slowly.

Andy Ricker, the owner of Asian place Pok Pok and the restaurant Ping planned for the Hung Far Low building, makes a bold promise on the future of the sign: "It will be put back up one way or another," he promises, "We love the sign, the PDC loves the sign."

Side controversy: Translations of "Hung Far Low" vary amongst the "experts". Ricker says he's heard it means "some kind of flower blossom" but a Cantonese-speaking politician who asked to remain anonymous because he doubts his Mandarin skills says that's totally wrong and believes it means "golden tower of prosperity."

Already snug in the back pocket of Obama (say hello to Bruce Springsteen for me), Colin Meloy and Chris Funk from the Decemberists are now using their star power, and political smarts, to campaign for Jeff Merkley.

Running for Senate against Gordon Smith (seen here at a khaki convention with George W. Bush), Merkley's campaign will be the beneficiaries of the October 12th "Rock Against Republicans" benefit at the Doug Fir. Joining Meloy and Funk will be China Forbes and Thomas Lauderdale (from Pink Martini), plus "some speakers" as well.

I assume by "speakers" they mean people who will discuss the issues, not electroacoustical transducers that convert electrical signal to sound. Maybe they will have both.

Anyway, the event is open to the public (the door price has yet to be announced), but there will be no advance tickets available. Show up early with cash in hand and do your part to help Merkley get elected.

End Hits: We like Gordon Gano and Gordon Lightfoot, but not Gordon Smith.

1) Is that a photo of a bird cyclone in your pocket?

2) Is that a photo of a bunch 'o spooky scarecrows on poles in you pocket?

3) Is that a photo of the double rainbow from yesterday in your pocket?

...or are you just happy to see me?

Put you hand in your pocket, the show us what you pull out! Stick em all in the pool!

Priceless. You couldn't make it up. I can imagine them frantically calling around asking people, "would it be accurate to say that it was her evening? hmmmm? that she killed? hmmmm? that she was a star? hmmmm?" and just waiting for them to say "well I guess so." Now, to find a republican famous person...that's the next task.

I know that the only real judge is our Lord in Heaven, but I have to say that if you want me to judge something... I'm there. Cocktail contests, beauty pageants, cat shows, worlds best mustache competitions. I don't care what it is. Bring it on.

This last Wednesday at Bluehour, I helped pick Oregon's Unofficial Official Cocktail as part of the judging panel for Travel Oregon's "Create the Oregon Bounty Cocktail Contest." The shin-dig was a hoot. I was on the panel with Tom Bean, lead bartender from Carafe, the Oregonians bearded beer columnist, John Foyston, Michelle Godfrey, and a lovely young woman who's name I have forgotten, both from Travel Oregon, Kelly Swenson, lead bartender of Ten 01, and a lady from Kink FM (?) I didn't really meet. An impressive panel, indeed.

I enjoyed drinking with these folks. It wasn't my normal boozing crowd, but, fuck it. It's good to have acquaintances outside of your normal sphere of influence—which, for me, reaches to the end of the rail at my favorite dive bar, and encompasses a one-foot area around my desk.

I digress. As the drinks were lined up for us last Wednesday, you could see the boozy lust in our eyes. We were ready to get this done, even if we did feel slight pressure due to our immense responsibility. Personally, I drink best when I'm under pressure.

After seven rounds, and an ever increasing desire to pontificate to the smallish crowd on subjects of micro-distilling and partying, we finally chose a winner.

Potter says "I have worked with Chief Sizer and the Bureau to examine every action involving deadly force to ensure that we are accountable for our actions and can maintain the community's trust," in a statment released this afternoon. City council will vote on the settlement next week.

Potter had fired Kaer in August 2007, following the shooting, inciting union opposition, but an arbitrator overturned the decision in July this year, ordering Potter to pay Kaer his lost wages and pension.

"Sadly, this is another blow to Portland taxpayers due to police misconduct, that's not attached to any promise to change," says Dan Handelman of Portland Copwatch. "We keep getting these settlements and they don't go to court, where the court could, for example, order the city to make a truly independent oversight system that could look at shootings and deaths in custody."

"We still have concerns about the officer himself being let off the hook for all the things that we felt he did wrong," continues Handelman. "Including taking off without telling people where he was going, using his uniform in a personal dispute, and shooting and killing a human being."

Potter, meanwhile, says he hopes the settlement will provide "closure" for Young's family.

BIDEN: "So we do support, we do support making sure that committed couples [of] the same sex marriage are guaranteed the same Constitutional benefits as a -- property rights, the rights of visitation, the rights of insurance, the rights of ownership as heterosexual couples do."

....

IFILL: Governor, would you support expanding that beyond Alaska to the rest of the nation? [This question, like so many of Ifill's questions, makes no sense. But Palin got the gist of it.]

SARAH PALIN: Not if it goes closer and closer to redefining the traditional definition of marriage between one man and one woman and unfortunately that's where sometimes those steps lead. If there is any kind of suggestion from my answer that I would be anything but tolerant of adults in America choosing their partners, choosing relationships that they deem best for themselves. You know, I am tolerant and I -- I am tolerant and there are some very dear friends who don't agree with me on this issue, but in that tolerance, no I would propose to do anything to prohibit visitations in a hospital, or contracts being signed, negotiated between parties.

But I will tell Americans straight up, that I don't support defining marriage as anything but between one man and one woman. And I think through nuances we can go around about what that actually means but I am being as straight up with Americans as I can in my nonsupport for anything but a traditional definition of marriage.

IFILL: Let's try to avoid nuance. Do you support gay marriage?

BIDEN: No. Barack Obama nor I support redefining from a civil side what constitutes marriage.

We do not support that..... The bottom line, I take [Palin] at her word, that she thinks there should be no civil rights distinction, none whatsoever, between a committed gay couple and a committed heterosexual couple. If that is the case.

PALIN: My answer is the same as his and that is I do not.

Good to know.

But that moment of bipartisan concord couldn't have pleased the gay haters in the "base" so energized by Palin's selection. Conservative fundamentalists oppose any recognition of same-sex relationships; the anti-gay-marriage amendment on the ballot in Florida this November bans same-sex marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships. In Virginia "contracts being signed" is illegal for same-sex couples (no wills or powers of attorney for homos in Virginia); in Florida a lesbian from Washington state was "[prohibited] visitations in a hospital" as her partner lay dying.

It's good to know that Palin is opposed to the kind of discriminatory, mean-spirited, punitive laws aggressively backed her co-religionists. I suggest that the Democrats buy up time on right-wing Christian radio stations and alert the fundies that Palin supports Obama's position on same-sex couples, not McCain's.

Via Slog.

Well, they passed the Bailout Bill. The government would like to thank your family for the $6,500 that you donated to the cause and would like to reassure you that this is an investment. Which means that you should totally get that money back.... Definitely... Someday... Maybe...

I feel better already! I guess we can thank senators Smith and Wyden for this. If it weren't for them including tax breaks for manufacturers of "wooden arrows to be used by children," (most of whom are located in Oregon) I'm sure this thing would have never been pushed through the house.

God bless you children who use wooden arrows. You have saved us all.

Drop us an email HERE by 3 pm Monday, October 6, and write "Weezer Tix!" in the subject line. We'll pick a winner at random, you'll drop by the office to pick up your tickets, and oh, how happy you will be! (Please, only one entry per email address.) GOOD LUCK!

via BuzzFeed

Sweet mother of crap.

ZZ Top is playing on October 22 at the Schnitz. Do you know how much the top-tier tickets are? Do you have any idea?

$532.

That's for a single ticket. And that's not including the $68.80 convenience charge. That's right. A $68.80 convenience charge--a sum that alone is far more than I spent last weekend in entertainment expenses--on top of a $532 ticket.

With a UPS delivery charge of $25 and an "order processing charge" (WHAT THE FUCK?!) of $2.50, that brings the grand total for one pair of tickets to $1,230.85 for a single evening's entertainment. This is NOT including parking, dinner, babysitter, etc.

Is there anybody out there in Portland who is paying this much to see ZZ Top? If so, may I please punch you in the crotch?

End Hits: Punching richies in the crotch is what we do best.

Tips to Videogum!

No? Then don't bother downloading the worlds first multimedia all testicle cookbook, written by Ljubomir Erovic. The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls has recipes that range from barbecued testicles to battered testicles. Yes, battered testicles. Ouch.

Testicles have been enjoyed by many of the worlds peoples for centuries. Even here in the good 'ol U.S. of A., bull testicles are a backwoods mainstay. They are generally billed as Rocky mountain Oysters and from what I hear, they aint that bad.

Maybe testicles are the food of the future: cheap, easy to prepare, purported aphrodisiac. According to Mr. Erovic, ostrich testicles are the best for flavor, while stallion testicles top the charts for testosterone content and thus, Viagra-like qualities.

Here are some tips for testes preparation, as explained by Erovic in an interview with London's Daily Mail:

"Wash testicles thoroughly for 30-45 minutes," begins the recipe for testicles pie.

"Once softened, mince them in a mincer."

A "very sharp knife" is needed for traditional style testicles, which get boiled, cut up and
deep fried in hot oil.

How easy. Where do you find testicles? I bet if you gave Viande Meats & Sausages 24 hours they could come up with some pretty amazing balls. Testicle party, anyone?

Coven braided jacket at Una

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