Puppy: Blogtown, PDX, Portland Mercury

The Cross-Dress Your Pet Photo Contest: Best of the Rest

Marjorie Skinner — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 11:14:00 -0700

Alright, this is the last installment of the Blogtown acknowledgements of our best contenders in this week's Pets Issue's Cross-Dress Your Pet Photo Contest, in which we tasked readers with sending us their best pics of their pets dressed as a different kind of animal. It's a real testament to how creative/adorable the submissions were that, for instance, a miniature 10-week-old piglet named Spaz dressed as a bunny didn't win, because that is pretty frigging cute:

More previously unpublished cuties after the cut, including a pet squirrel also dressed as a bunny (how did this not win?!).

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The Winner (and First Runner Up) of the Mercury's Cross-Dress Your Pet Photo Contest!

Marjorie Skinner — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 11:14:00 -0700

As you know, in honor of the Mercury's first annual Pets Issue, we held a "Cross Dress Your Pet" photo contest, in which readers submitted photos of their pets dressed as another type of animals. And boy did you guys produce (mostly dogs in bee costumes, but still!). It was a squee-filled decision-making process, but eventually we found a winner: Herbie the Three-Toed Box Turtle Dressed as a Pterodactyl by Allyson Barlow and Drew Clark!

Pretty tits, right? However Herbie won by a razor-thin margin over our stupid-cute first runner-up, who you can and should introduce yourself to behind the cut. Oh and for those of us to whom this kind of thing never gets old, I'll be posting runners up all dang week. Squee!

AHHH, SO CUTE!

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Don't Forget! Cross-Dress Your Pet!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 13:44:41 -0700

Submissions are due TOMORROW, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 3 by 5 pm!

Send your submissions here.

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Don't Forget! Enter the "Cross-Dress Your Pet" Photo Contest!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 08:59:22 -0700

Enter here.crossdresspet@portlandmercury.com

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Don't Forget! Enter the "Cross-Dress Your Pet" Photo Contest!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 13:59:52 -0700

Enter here.

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I Demand a Cuddlebot

Erik Henriksen — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:22:56 -0800

Developed by Anna Flagg, it can sense and react to nine different kinds of gestures. By using conductive fur, Cuddlebot can tell if someone's scratching it, tickling it, or blowing on it — and, after a while, can even tell who's doing it. (Via.)

My life will feel excruciatingly empty until I get a Cuddlebot.

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Stupid, Stupid Puppies: Wake UP, You Stupid Puppy Bowl Puppies!!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:14:55 -0800

HEY! HEEEEEYYYY!!! Stupid Puppy Bowl puppies! Shouldn't you be doing something? You know, other than sleeping or perhaps just waking up long enough to momentarily chew on another puppy's ear before falling back asleep? Like... oh, I don't know... practicing for the PUPPY BOWL (Sunday, Feb 3, 3 pm)?? It's just a little over a week away, you goddamn puppy idiots!! Who's coaching this goddamn team??? WAKE UP THESE FUCKING STUPID, STUPID PUPPIES, or I'm going to be forced to watch and scream at this livestream of stupid fucking Puppy Bowl puppies all stupid fucking day!!!

Live broadcast by Ustream

WAKE UP, YOU STUPID PUPPY BOWL PUPPIES!!!

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What Will a Dog NOT Lick Peanut Butter Off Of? A Blogtown Query

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 13:29:36 -0800

So we were all at Sarah Mirk's going away party last night, and naturally, the topic came up of dogs licking peanut butter off of genitalia—and how, you know, that's gross and dogs should know better. But then I made the wise observation that dogs are so obsessed by peanut butter that it is genetically IMPOSSIBLE for them to stop themselves from licking peanut butter off of anything!

We then spent the next 20 minutes trying to come up with a single thing that a dog would NOT lick peanut butter off of—and we couldn't think of a single thing. For example, vomit. A dog would happily lick peanut butter off that. The closest we came was either a burning hot radioactive isotope, or a pile of broken glass... but the dog would still happily lick both of those things before the pain would eventually force him to stop, or die in the process.

So a query, Blogtown: WHAT WILL A DOG NOT LICK PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF? Science awaits your answer.

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Now I've Seen Everything: Two Dogs Arguing on Skype

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 10:44:53 -0800

Welcome to Blogtown's newest series "Now I've Seen Everything" in which I see something I've never seen before, proclaim "Now I've seen everything!" and then kill myself. Today in things I've never seen (but now that I have, I've seen everything), are two dogs arguing with each other over Skype. Not over the concept of Skype, but actually Skyping each other and arguing! And what's even more infuriating is that the argument that the two dogs are having isn't even all that interesting. Something about someone being promised a bone, and not receiving it? WHO CARES, DOGS?? You are the first two dogs to ever Skype!! Can't you fucking get along for two fucking seconds and make some fucking history by talking about something that fucking MATTERS? Like, I don't know... gun control... or the fiscal cliff... or how it's wrong to make fun of people with dreadlocks? GAHH! Well, on the upside I don't have to kill myself because until two dogs actually say something of merit to each other on Skype, I truly have not "seen everything." (I'll keep looking though!)

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It's A Horrible Amazing Week for Dogs

Marjorie Skinner — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 10:44:00 -0800

Yesterday the story broke about a massive rescue operation outside of Salem, in which nearly 150 animals (all dogs, plus two cats) were liberated from an ostensible "animal rescue" that had them crammed into filthy stacked travel crates without food or water. It's pretty horrible. I'm not bringing it up just to ruin your day/week/life, but to point out that the Oregon Humane Society, if you don't know, is a world-class institution that serves as a model for the entire world. They have amazing adoption rates, a teaching hospital, on-staff investigators whose entire job is to nail abusers like this, and even a freaking restored wetland area on its campus where volunteers walk the dogs two or more times a day. (And yeah, sometimes I volunteer there.)

OHS is currently housing and treating most of these rescued animals, which brings them up to double their capacity for dogs. Because it's a criminal case, the dogs are technically in protective custody as evidence, which means they won't be eligible for adoption until the legal system allows it. In the meantime, if you have been considering adopting a dog, now is the time: they are lowering the adoption fee for dogs over a year old to $50 through Friday in hopes of making more room. They also have a wish list, and maybe it's an inspiring time for you to make a monetary donation to help them stop shit like this, too. I just did.

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Blogtown's "Adopt This Terrifying Dog" Program

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 26 Dec 2012 13:14:43 -0800

Here at Blogtown, we want every dog to have a home—including the terrifying ones. Here's a dog that might be a little oversized for your home, and he might fight with your other dogs... but he is enthusiastic, and he loves chips. And he's, you know, terrifying.

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Something Good Actually Happened on the Bus Today!

Courtney Ferguson — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 14:29:45 -0800

UPDATE: TriMet just sent out a press release about Buster with pics! Read it after the jump!

Something good! On the bus! It's a Christmas miracle, guys! In stark contrast to our "True Tales of TriMet Terror" feature from this summer, I was greeted by a tail-wagging bundle of cute when I got on the #14 this morning. Buster, a graying beagle with a jangly collar, came rip-roaring off the bus to do a bit of sniffing by my feet. (Apparently all dogs named Buster end up riding the bus at some point!) The bus driver, Chera Collings, started yelling, "Buster! Come here, Buster!" and we got him back on the bus. Apparently she saw him running across the freeway near SE 94th and Foster, stopped the bus, and saved him from being hit by traffic. He was shaking and scared, and she promptly put him on the bus and called the phone number on his dog tags. But his people weren't home. So li'l Buster was delighting all the TriMet bus riders as he cruised up and down the aisle, getting pets and nice words from a group of folks who normally aren't so full of smiles and endearments. One gal got on the bus at SE Division, was told Buster's story and promptly checked him for injuries, like cuts and scrapes, and she gave him a clean bill of health. Turns out she was a vet tech. A stop later, the bus driver's supervisor was waiting in a TriMet vehicle to take Buster ~~to headquarters where he would wait for his people to come get him~~ home. He left with his tail wagging like a crazy dog.

So I think the moral of this story is that every TriMet route could really use a therapy pup. I haven't seen riders look that happy since it snowed earlier this week.

Hit the jump for the full story on how Buster got home.

Bus operator spots lost dog running in traffic;
supervisors deliver this “package” home

Buster Brown may have busted out of his yard but TriMet employees made sure he made it back home for the holidays. Line 14 bus operator Chera Collings spotted the dog in traffic on SE Foster Road near 94th just before 9 a.m. The beagle was brought onto the bus while Collings called TriMet dispatch. A dispatcher contacted the Multnomah County Animal Control, but no one was available to come get the dog. So riders fawned over the little wet dog, and a vet tech that just happened to be on board checked him over until a supervisor could catch up to the bus.

TriMet Road Supervisor Jerry Zornado met up with the bus near SE 50th and Lincoln. The dog had a collar with his name – Buster Brown – a phone number and an address on the tag. Zornado tried calling the number. No one answered so he put the dog in his vehicle and drove about three miles to the dog’s house. No one was home, but there was a note on the door asking that packages be delivered to the back. What is a more important “package” than a lost dog? So, TriMet Lead Supervisor Jim Waddington, who was nearby, met Zornado at the house and the two men lifted the dog over the fence and into his backyard.

Zornado and Waddington spotted the hole that the dog likely used for his escape and plugged it up with some flower pots and other items. With a wag to his TriMet buddies, Buster Brown was off. They saw him dart through the doggie door and into his house, happy to be home and maybe a little hungry and thirsty from his big adventure. What took TriMet employees less than a half hour, the dog’s owner Jennifer Estevez calls a huge Christmas present for both her and 12-year old Buster Brown. To the TriMet “elves” Estevez says, “Thank you so much for taking the time to not only rescue him but for making sure he got home safely. That was above and beyond the call of duty and I appreciate it so much!”

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Where is the Best Place for Dog Mooching?

Sarah Mirk — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 10:59:52 -0800

I don't have a dog. This is because I'm not a responsible human and also because I live in a house the size of a West Hills closet.

But I love dogs. I love them. I'm that person who stops in the middle of a serious conversation with a friend to point and ogle a cute dog walking down the street. It doesn't even need to be that cute. Just fuzzy.

I've gotten to the point of puppy-fever where I'm a dog mooch: I specifically patronize businesses where I know there will be dogs outside, so I can spend a few minutes petting other peoples' friendly dogs or, if they're not the petting type, just staring at them while shopping.

So, question: Where is the best place to mooch dogs in this town? Clearly the park with the best dog to area ratio is Couch Park in NW, so that's not even a contest. I'm talking about dog-mooching businesses. I put some of my dog-mooching-business picks into a poll below, but if you have any recommendations, please add 'em in the comments. Happy mooching!

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Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Final Debate!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 09:59:28 -0700

While this may not be the most hilarious Triumph the Insult Comic Dog appearance, his coverage of the final debate between Obama and Romney is still a thing of beauty... you know... for him to poop on. (If you're short on time, at least check out the John McCain cameo at 3:15 which features the best natural double-take ever. Oh, and Conan's wearing a fake tan and corn rows. So there's that.)

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Stupid, Stupid Corgi: The Hot Dog

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 10:44:28 -0700

OH SWEET JESUS, look at this stupid, stupid Corgi! Man, I have seen some STUPID, mouth-breathing dogs in my time, but this idiot Corgi takes the cake. Earth to Corgi: You are dressed as a hot dog—you're not an actual hot dog... so stop trying to eat yourself, stupid! Holy frikkin' Christ in a cup. YOU ARE ONE STUPID CORGI. (Oh, and stay in your stupid cage, Corgi.)

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Military Robot Dogs: Prepare to Evacuate Your Bowels

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 14:14:37 -0700

From NBC News:

The U.S. military-funded robot dog program—

I'm sorry to interrupt this block quote, but WHAAAAAT THAAAAA FUUUUUUCKKKKK???? Okay, continue.

The U.S. military-funded robot dog program now has two electronic canines in training to haul gear for soldiers over rugged terrain. Each member of the pack is also 10 times quieter than its predecessor robot, which should make it easier to hold a conversation or sneak up on an enemy.

Okay, so let's see this so-called "robot dog."

Ahem. WHAAAAAT THAAAAA FUUUUUUCKKKKK???? I have a few questions about this!

1) WHAAAAAT THAAAAA FUUUUUUCKKKKK????
2) Ummm... "10 times quieter than its predecessor"? Was its "predecessor" an atom bomb?
3) Why are they trying to emulate a dog? Dogs aren't pack animals! ROBOT MULES ARE PACK ANIMALS!
4) Are they trying to mesmerize/horrify the enemy to death?
5) If this thing were to come up behind me, all that would be left is a bag of my skin on the ground, and my skeleton screaming and running up the street. That's not a question—it's a STATEMENT OF FACT.
6) Why? Why? WHYYYYYYY???
And finally, 7) WHAAAAAT THAAAAA FUUUUUUCKKKKK????

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IS RYAN GOSLING IN PORTLAND?!?!?!?!11?J5$

Erik Henriksen — Wed, 22 Aug 2012 17:26:17 -0700

The always-reliable Twitter machine suggests he might be! (This is significantly more interesting than the news that Chloe Sevigny is in town, in that it is slightly interesting.)

If YOU see Ryan Gosling in town, sneak up behind him real quiet-like and then get right up to his ear and read him my Drive review in your sexiest voice. Alternately, shout "YOU WERE THE BOMB IN YOUNG HERCULES, YO!" and then run away as fast as you can.

In conclusion, here is a surprisingly thorough and detail-oriented video of Young Hercules footage set to the Glee cover of Young MC's "Bust a Move."

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The Most Adorable Shark Week Yet!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 08 Aug 2012 14:14:17 -0700

As dutifully reported in this week's I Love Television™, SHARK WEEK IS A-COMIN', Y'ALL! And while I'm sure you'll thrill to such subtly titled shows as Air Jaws Apocalypse, check out this somewhat less violent, and tons more ADORBZ parody called "Animals Acting Like Sharks Week." (If you see a kitten fin, GET OUT OF THE WATER.)

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Superdogs Have Super Needs

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 13:29:09 -0700

As it turns out, taking Krypto the Superdog for a walk is much like taking your own dog for a walk—except... okay, it's a little different. Check out a side of Krypto you've never seen before in this super-cute, and super-funny short flick called, "Superman's Best Friend" by Brett Underhill!

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Bret Michaels' Mortify Your Pet Collection

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 09:59:37 -0700

Bret Michaels—he of Poison and "Every Rose Has its Thorn" fame—is introducing his new line of "rock inspired" dog items for PetSmart clumsily called "Bret Michaels Pets Rock Collection." (HEAVY SIGH.) Here's his commercial:

And here's his "doggie do-rag."

Holocaust victims are staring into that dog's eyes and saying, "I've never seen anything more sad in my life."

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Pledge Allegiance to This Pug Dressed as a Bald Eagle

Marjorie Skinner — Mon, 21 May 2012 16:59:00 -0700

Behold, the first-place winner in yesterday's presidential-themed pug crawl costume contest:

These people told me they stayed up until 2 am fashioning a bald eagle costume for their dog. These people are great. And I think everyone will agree that the casting here really takes it to the next level. That is a proud animal who clearly takes her role as our national symbol with an appropriate level of gravitas. Her name is Izzy, and may Izzy be an inspiration to you the next time you have the opportunity to don costume. That is all.

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The 12th Annual Pug Crawl

Marjorie Skinner — Fri, 18 May 2012 11:44:00 -0700

Full disclosure: Very recently I began volunteering at the Oregon Humane Society (I'm building up dog walking hours to become an off-campus dog runner), and this Sunday I'll be lending a hand at the 12th annual Pug Crawl, dorky OHS apron and all. However we've put this event on our My What A Busy Week! page many times over the years, and it just lost by a hair this time to some dumbshit indie rock band or something, so this isn't just my bias speaking. (Besides, every time I go into that building I come out carrying a torch for a favorite underdog, and exercise great restraint in not posting their adoption pages regularly, so just let me have this.)

So anyhow, here's the drill: "Pug Nation" is a round-up of about 500 dogs (non-pugs are welcome) for a day of food, beer, live music, and the crown jewel of the day's festivities: The Parade of Pugs, a procession of 100+ costumed pugs competing for the title of "President of Pug Nation." If you haven't caught it yet, this year has a presidential election theme, which has borne out an array of puns that even I have to hold my nose before uttering, most notably "Repuglican" and "Demopug."

Ugh, ok forget I just said that. The point is, it's set to be a gorgeous day and we should be outside drinking beer, watching dogs in silly clothes (they love it), and making fun of my wildly unflattering volunteer badge photo. Meet me on Sunday at MacTarnahan's Taproom at 1 pm for a party that boasts both a pug kissing booth and pug washing. A $10 donation is requested and 100% of proceeds go to help the animals.

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Zack Galifianakis and the Imaginary Talking Dog

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:44:12 -0700

Comedy lovers are rightly hyped about IFC's new show Comedy Bang! Bang! debuting June 8, featuring Scott Aukerman of Comedy Bang! Bang! podcast fame. Here's a sneaky peek at the show, in which Aukerman interviews Zack Galifianakis about a talking imaginary dog, while band leader Reggie Watts looks on. Surprisingly, what transpires is very awkward.

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Mitt Romney Would Not Stick His Dog on the Roof Again, Because It Was So Unpopular the First Time

Paul Constant — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 09:44:00 -0700

This exchange with Mitt Romney about Seamus the dog is an interesting one:

DIANE SAWYER: As we move away from this primary campaign into the next phase — again, on Yahoo, we got two questions most often, first about Seamus — which as you know is out there forever — would you do it again?

MITT ROMNEY: Certainly not with the attention it's received.

This continues the trend of way-too-literal Romney responses to questions that provide him with an opportunity to display human emotion. (See also: "I'm running for office, for Pete's sake. I can't hire illegals.") I think both these statements suggest something more about Mitt Romney than just his opinions about pet transportation and undocumented workers. It's such interesting wording, because the implication is that Romney would do these things again if he didn't have to face the repercussions. There's no show of remorse, no consideration of the other side's perspective. I think this says a whole lot about his style as an executive.

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What the Hell Is It With Mitt Romney and Dogs?

Paul Constant — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 09:44:00 -0700

This ruined my weekend:

Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, who once strapped his dog to the roof of the family station wagon before embarking on a road trip, has again chosen to thumb his nose at the all-important dog vote by throwing a fundraising birthday party for his wife Ann at the house of Frederick Malek III. While to most people, Malek is just another rich guy who respects Romney's Reaganesque hair, to dogs, Malek is a living terror — when he was a youth, he was arrested for animal cruelty after police discovered that he and some friends had killed and barbecued a dog.

Hope that didn't ruin your week. In other animal news, Newt Gingrich was bitten by a penguin.

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