Busey!: Blogtown, PDX, Portland Mercury

Now THIS Is How You Win Some Goddamn Hecklevision: Point Break Tickets (GARY BUSEY EDITION)

Erik Henriksen — Wed, 23 May 2012 16:46:23 -0700

In this afternoon's Hecklevision: Point Break ticket giveaway, I informed participants that they could, if they so wished, "write a single sentence or a beautiful haiku about why Angelo Pappas is the best character in the history of cinema." And then this landed in my inbox. This person won the tickets, obviously. The words below are a fable for our troubled times; reading them will change your life. Swear to god.

Three Simple Reasons Why Angelo “Meatball Razor Blade” Pappas Is the Point Break
by Dwayne Jetsky

1. Angelo was raised without a father. But like a real man, he doesn’t talk about insecurities/shortcomings. He talks truth and bullshit. But did you know Angelo had to work himself through college? No, he didn’t have a football scholarship. No, he didn’t rob banks. He worked, like a fucking American. Where, you ask? At the zoo. What did he do? He disciplined unruly lions and fed the baby giraffes.

2. Angelo Pappas is of Greek decent. But you wouldn’t know it. Not only does he refuse to be lazy, he also refuses to identify with anything other than the land of liberty. Here’s a conversation that never made the film. “Hey Angelo, you want a gyro?” “Hey Utah, you want a punch in the dick? Do you want to piss blood out of your ass for the next three months? I want the meatballs. And I want them in a sandwich, two of them!”

3. Angelo was once touched by an angel. His mother was out late, again. And left to fend for himself and 12 siblings, Angelo went to fetch ingredients for grits. On the way, he was struck by a car. It was a hit and run. He was left to die, cold and bleeding in the unforgiving January street. Angelo later told his third girlfriend, Deb, “Next thing I know, there’s this fucking angel touching me. She’s all healing me and shit.” What he didn’t tell Deb was after the healing, the angel graced him with a handjob. Angelo, the eternal handjob pessimist, would later recall, “It was decent.”

You did alright today, Dwayne Jetsky. You did real good.

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Win Tickets to Hecklevision: Point Break! (GARY BUSEY EDITION)

Erik Henriksen — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:29:35 -0700

Gary Busey is the unsung hero of Point Break. All too frequently, when compared to the lethal charms of Bodhi and the pretty boy stylings of Johnny Utah, Busey's character—one Angelo Pappas, old, grumpy, probably insane—gets short shrift. AND YET. It's Pappas who has many of the best lines in the film; it's Pappas who helps Johnny Utah when no one else will; it's Pappas who reminds everyone how delicious meatball sandwiches can be; hell, it's Pappas who FIGURED OUT THE EX-PRESIDENTS WERE SURFERS. God bless you, Angelo Pappas.

Point Break, starring Gary Busey as Angelo Pappas, is playing this Friday in Hecklevision at the Hollywood Theatre, presented by the Mercury and featuring your text-message commentary popping up on the bottom of the screen! It's going to be great. AND I've got another pair of tickets to the show to give away! If you want 'em, email me before 4 pm today (Wednesday, May 23) and make sure the subject line of your email is "SEX WAX." If you like, you can write a single sentence or a beautiful haiku about why Angelo Pappas is the best character in the history of cinema! (Doing so may or may not help your chances of winning.) I'll pick a winner at 4 and email them to let them know they've won. Have at.

Hecklevision: Point Break! Fri May 25, 7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy). Tickets available here.

P.S. BONUS INSPIRATIONAL POSTER:

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Announcing HECKLEVISION: POINT BREAK

Erik Henriksen — Wed, 09 May 2012 09:59:53 -0700

Long before she became the first woman to win the Academy Award for Best Director, The Hurt Locker mastermind Kathryn Bigelow made an equally powerful epic: 1991's Point Break. Bearing the 100 percent accurate tagline "100 PERCENT PURE ADRENALINE," Point Break electrified audiences with surfing, shootouts, explosions, slow motion, sex, skydiving, two meatball sandwiches, and a cast that has never been and shall never be equaled:

• Keanu Reeves as "FBI Special Agent Johnny Utah"—an FBI special agent
• Patrick Swayze as "Bodhi"—surfer, Buddhist, bank robber
• Gary Busey as "Angelo Pappas"—a scholar of Calvin and Hobbes
• Lori Petty as "Tyler"—an unbelievably obnoxious human being
• Anthony Kiedis as "Tone"—a territorial surfer

"You're tryin' to tell me the FBI is gonna pay me to learn to surf?" asks an incredulous Johnny Utah early in Point Break—and yes, that's exactly what the FBI pays him to do when they assign the "young, dumb, [and] full of come" agent to take down a gang of surfing bankrobbers. But as Utah soon discovers, this assignment won't be that simple. For when he finds himself under the seductive sway of the trickster thieves' charismatic leader, Bodhi, all that Utah knows—all that he holds dear—becomes as fluid and tempestuous as the ocean herself.

Not only is Point Break one of my favorite movies ever, it's the number-one movie people have asked us to do for Hecklevision. Like past Hecklevisions, Point Break will play on the top of the movie screen, while just below—IN REAL TIME—your hilarious, adrenaline-packed text messages will pop up. In the past we've filled the Hollywood Theatre with heckle-enhanced screenings of Red Dawn and Commando... but you know what? Point Break is gonna kick those movies' asses. It's Point Break. It's Hecklevision. It's 100 percent pure adrenaline... now with an extra 15 percent of heckle.

WHAT: Hecklevision: Point Break
WHEN: Friday May 25, 7:30 pm
WHERE: Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy
HOW MUCH: ~~If you want the ultimate, you gotta be willin' to pay the ultimate price.~~ Only $7!

See you there.

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Busey Beat: Gary Busey's Tax Tips!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 13:44:41 -0700

Who better to give you some last minute tax tips on this tax day than Gary Busey? (Okay... maybe he isn't the best choice... but his advice in regards to blowing up inner tubes is unimpeachable, goddammit!!)

Via Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Gary Busey Files for "Butt-horn!"—I Mean, "Bankruptcy"

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 09:44:18 -0800

Guys! Gary Busey is filing for bankruptcy! From the AP:

The actor and reality show star does not state a reason for the filing. His manager Ron Sampson wrote in a statement the filing provides Busey "a new and clear path" to personal and career success.

The filing states the 67-year-old has less than $50,000 in assets.

I have no reason for blogging about this other than to repost this video... AND RE-POST IT I SHALL!

That scene is worth more than all the gold doubloons in the world.

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Last Night's Celebrity Wife Swap: Busey vs. Haggard!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:59:24 -0800

In case you missed it, last night marked a milestone in television history: nutbag actor Gary Busey and disgraced meth-head/male prostitute patronizer Rev. Ted Haggard participated in ABC's Celebrity Wife Swap! And while it did not reach the dizzying heights of the greatest episode ever of Trading Spouses, this episode was suitably freaky. Here's a quick clip-fest of the best/cringe-iest moments!

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BUSEY BEAT: Gary Busey Stumps for Trump!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 09:45:34 -0700

Gary Busey—who, incidentally just got kicked off of Celebrity Apprentice—is officially announcing his support for Donald Trump becoming the next president of the USA! And before you say, "Well, that's just about the worst news Donald is going to hear today," Busey does a pretty good job of holding it together in this video—that is, until the last 15 batshit crazy seconds. Nice try, though!

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Gary Busey Overacts a Bit Here...

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 15:29:27 -0700

...and yet? REMAINS HILARIOUS. This is a two-minute long commercial for VitaminWater—which doesn't even show up until the last 15 seconds, because Gary Busey will not be fucked with or patronized!! GARY... MOTHER... EFFING... BUSEY!!! OVER... ACTING!!! YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

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Vote for TriMet's Poetry in Motion Poems

Alison Hallett — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 13:48:50 -0800

(I'M DOING A POETRY POST, SUCK IT STEVE.)

Literary Arts just announced that they'll be adding thousands of new poems to TriMet buses in April, and there's a survey on their website where you can vote for the poems you'd like to see added. I find Poetry in Motion very conflicting because while I wholeheartedly agree with it in principle, in practice some of the poems drive me fucking nuts—I think because they seem selected for maximum pithiness, so even excerpts from great poems end up feeling trite and Hallmark card-y. So it's all about picking poems that seem least likely to induce bus-rage, even the 4695th time you read them.

Like "Palm Tree," by Jorge Carrera Andrade:

More than a tree, architecture
borne by sun and wind,
the palm is a column
of the sky's arched window.

That's pretty, and it'll be in Spanish, too—I'm voting a straight bilingual ticket. Take the survey here.

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The Best of the 9/11 "Truthers" Hate Mail

Ezra Ace Caraeff — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 16:05:13 -0700

Yesterday all I wanted to do was just make fun of Charlie Sheen and 9/11 "Truthers," but it turns out that both respective camps—well, at least the "Truthers"—do not take well to my lazy attempt at humor. So instead of my usual Wednesday work schedule of YouTube cat videos and fantasy baseball box scores, I've been forced to trudge through an epic pile of hate mail from grammatically challenged people who are just as devoted to uncovering what happened on September 11th, 2001 as they are to using the CAPS LOCK key.

Since none of their angry emails were able to convince me that our government is skilled enough to knock down buildings with green screens and the same soundstage they filmed the moon landing on, I've decided to comb through the crazy and present you with the best of the 9/11 "Truthers" hate mail.

Slide on your tinfoil hat and watch out for black helicopters, because the real truth is out there:

"ezra caraeff = DUSCHBAG!"

- - -

"I'm sure it was unwittingly, (much like the rest of your un-interesting, un-original existence) but your journalistic ineptitude, was displayed like a Peacock mooning a black light, in your story regarding Charlie Sheen."

- - -

"Your prose style blows." [This one really hurt because the author was writing from a journalist.com email address]

- - -

"pathetic attempt to critisize the heroic effort of sheen. you ARE A MORON EZRA CARAEFF! VERY POOR."

- - -

"Subject: Your fired
sorry but you suck so much. I think that your article on charlie sheen was a paid for smear and I hope you don't choke on the can of beans you buy with your money."

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Charlie Sheen's 9/11 Conspiracy Interview with Obama

Ezra Ace Caraeff — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 14:55:28 -0700

Everyone knows that 9/11 was a Jew-run conspiracy covered up by the government, except Barack Obama. For some reason our president doesn't agree with this FACT, so enter hooker/coke/sitcom star Charlie Sheen, who has penned a (unintentionally hilarious) fictitious interview with our president where he sets the record straight on 9/11 once and for all. Feel free to read that last sentence again, since nothing about this makes any sense. Basically, Sheen's "interview" is like the "Penthouse Forum" of 9/11 fan fiction.

Here's just a little taste of an article that very well might make your head explode.

(the President rises from his chair , I do the same).

CS — Mr. President! One more second!

(The President starts towards the door — I follow him quickly step for step).

CS — Mr. President, I implore you based on the evidence you now possess, to use your Executive Power. Prove to us all Sir, that you do, in fact, care. Create a truly comprehensive and open Congressional investigation of 9/11 and its aftermath. The families deserve the truth, the American people and the rest of the free world deserve the truth. Mr. President -

(He pauses. We shake hands).

CS — Make sure your on the right side of history.

(The President breaks the handshake).

Woah. Mr. President, you just got served by the dude from Two and a Half Men.

Link: Gawker

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Umm… Please Stop Calling Me "Butt-Horn"

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 17:51:36 -0700

Here's another nominee for our first Blogtown Meet-Up Movie Night (in which we plunk down outside somewhere with some booze, lawn chairs and a projector/screen—stay tuned for details). It's 1988's Bulletproof starring Gary Busey—in which Gary Busey is like… umm… bulletproof, I guess. And he rescues a tank! And he calls people "butt-horn," like, a lot.

Got some Blogtown Meet-Up Movie Night suggestions (including locations)? Leave 'em in the comments below!

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An Examination of Oscar-Winning Actor Nicolas Cage (Part 5 of 5)

Ned Lannamann — Fri, 08 May 2009 14:54:40 -0700

Last one. This one might be my favorite.

Annnnndddd....... scene.

(Did he just say "Dance of the Reindeer"?)

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An Examination of Oscar-Winning Actor Nicolas Cage (Part 4 of 5)

Ned Lannamann — Thu, 07 May 2009 14:49:30 -0700

And so on...

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An Examination of Oscar-Winning Actor Nicolas Cage (Part 3 of 5)

Ned Lannamann — Wed, 06 May 2009 14:09:23 -0700

Hey, does anyone remember Birdy? That movie was great. Anyway, here's this:

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An Examination of Oscar-Winning Actor Nicolas Cage (Part 2 of 5)

Ned Lannamann — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:10:13 -0700

As promised, the series continues:

I suspect that Nic was allowed to write his own scripts for these.

Yet more to come.

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An Examination of Oscar-Winning Actor Nicolas Cage (Part 1 of 5)

Ned Lannamann — Mon, 04 May 2009 17:15:09 -0700

If you've already seen these, can it. If you haven't yet... you're welcome.

There are four more of these Nicolas Cage Pachinko commercials; I'll post the rest of them over the course of this week.

I posted this under the "Busey" tab, because—well, it just feels right.

More (oh, so much more) to come!

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A Perfect Example of Why This Recession Is Lasting So Effing Long

Unpaid Arts Intern — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 15:50:42 -0700

posted by former CEO and now Arts Intern Matthew Vollono

Is there anything worse than media-types getting all weepy over the misfortunes of an ex-hedge fund manager now forced to deliver pizza because of the economy? (delivering pizza??? That’s the only job you could get?? Are you serious??)

News reports seeking out the most extreme examples of financial misfortune do nothing to instill confidence in the American public. In an economy thats 80% consumer driven, overblown, melodramatic news segments like these are exactly why people are afraid to spend money.

From ABC news service.

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Hi. I'm Nex And I'm A Peggle Addict.

Earnest "Nex" Cavalli — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:08:43 -0700

*Obligatory "Hi Nex" (and one dude questioning my dumb name)*

My story isn't all that different from yours, I suppose. I started playing Peggle when it was released on the PC in 2007. At first it was just at parties, with friends. Some guy would say "Hey man, we're gonna do some lines and play Peggle. You want in?" and I'd be up to my nose in colorful pegs and bouncing metal balls.

When Peggle Nights was released last year things started getting bad. My girlfriend kicked me out because I wouldn't screw her anymore — I couldn't! The only thing that mattered was lining up that Fireball shot just right! She just didn't get me. That bitch.

So I stole her clothes and sold them for more copies of Peggle.

They say junkies don't get clean until they hit bottom, right? Well that was last week. PopCap sent me copies of Peggle for the Xbox 360 and for the Nintendo DS on the same damn day. I stopped eating, I stopped going out — I was pissing in a fucking jug man!

And then I OD'd.

When I came to in the ER my fingers were bandaged and covered in blood, I was eating through a tube, and an IV was pumping painkillers into my arm. My family was there. My mom was crying, my dad looked a little pissed but mostly sad. "I can't do this anymore," I thought, and as soon as I was let out of the hospital, I came here.

I've been clean for 3 days, and the withdrawls are killing me, but with support I think I can make it.

(At least until Peggle comes to the iPhone later this month.)

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New Almodóvar Trailer. AND OSCARS LIVEBLOGGING.

Erik Henriksen — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:47:35 -0800

Pedro Almodóvar is probably the only dude who can get away with making a 30-second-long trailer with no hints as to dialogue, character, or plot, and still make the film being advertised look like it's going to be one of the best things to come out this year. Check it out below.

In other film-y news, REMINDER: I will be liveblogging the Oscars here on Blogtown on Sunday night, starting at 5 pm and going until whenever the motherfucking thing ends in 2012. I'm already working up some more great material about Penelope Cruz and Anne Hathaway making out (it's a possibility!), so I should really be ~~in fine form~~ drunk and angry and waiting for Busey. Come back on Sunday, won't you?

Trailer for Almodóvar's Broken Embraces via FilmDrunk.

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Summer Boozy Goodness: Great American Distillers Festival

Patrick Alan Coleman — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:47:22 -0700

I'm am incredibly excited about the 4th Annual Great American Distillers Festival, this weekend at Portland Center Stage's Gerding Theater.

Why? Well, Because:

a. I love booze
b. I love local booze
c. I love talking to people who make booze
d. I love learning about booze

Based on what I've seen from the festival's website, the weekend should requite these loves quite sufficiently. I'm certainly looking forward to a couple of the seminars. The History of the Cocktail at 1 pm on Sunday should be interesting—but I think when talking about cocktails, history should be put in quotes, considering the bleary eyes through which that "history" was documented.

Aside from the seminars and a mixologist showdown, there will be 24 participating distilleries on site offering sips of their wares. The cost is $10/day to get in and $16 for a two day pass. Admission includes 3 taster tickets.

I'll try to do some live blogging from the event, so check back here during the weekend for possible drunken ass-millinery.

Bottoms Up!

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Gary Busey... YOU'RE BRILLIANT!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:16:42 -0700

Our series of videos that proves once and for all that Gary Busey is BRILLIANT continues with these new commercials for Gotvmail, in which Busey also proves once and for all that his head contains the greatest brain God has ever placed in a noggin. BEHOLD THE BRILLIANCE!

AND THIS!

OMIGOD, and there are so many more here. I'm bathing in Busey!

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